Shannon's Sweet Valley High Blog

The moral of the story: One week of overtime at work will ruin your marriage.

The Big Deal: Wakefield family trip to Tahoe.

Synopsis:

Maria Santelli’s father is running for mayor of Sweet Valley and the Wakefields are behind him one hundred percent. Then Mr. Santelli is accused of accepting bribes after a large sum of money is mysteriously deposited into his bank account. He and Ned Wakefield are good friends, so he asks Ned to defend him in his upcoming trial. At first Ned doesn’t think it’s a good idea because he doesn’t practice that kind of law, but the kids convince him to do it. Alice is unsupportive because it’s going to take a lot of his time and energy.

The Wakefield clan is falling apart. Ned is working long hours on Mr. Santelli’s trial and Alice’s interior decorating firm is trying to land a big project designing a new wing at the mall, so she’s working long hours as well. When Ned and Alice are together, they mostly ignore each other. Jessica has discovered a 900 number for teenagers to meet each other and she’s been spending hours talking to some kid named Charlie. Why she and Charlie don’t just exchange numbers and call each other for free, I don’t know. Liz starts doing all the grocery shopping and whatnot and then getting pissed that nobody is helping her. Jessica points out that nobody asked her to do that stuff, so she should just chill out.

Liz decides to make a great family dinner to bring everyone together again. She decides to make…spaghetti. Way to go for the gold, Liz. Ned comes home all depressed because Mr. Santelli’s trial was suspended or thrown out or something, Liz ruins the spaghetti and then Alice comes home happy because her firm got the design job. Ned snaps at her and says he guesses she’ll be home even less now than she has been lately. Ned and Alice are acting like Todd and Elizabeth. I can’t stand either of them. Like, nothing’s happening in this book except them fighting. This may end up being a short recap.

Mr. Santelli withdraws from the race and Ned blames himself for ruining the man’s career. Meanwhile, Alice has become kind of a celebrity for landing the mall project. The whole family goes to a fraternity dinner with Ned and everyone makes a fuss over Alice, which makes Ned feel sorry for himself. Ugh, I hate him. Some jerkface associate Ned works with makes a comment about Ned’s case getting thrown out. Ned storms out of the restaurant. The rest of the Wakefields follow him and Alice tries to tell him to go back inside, but Ned yells at her for making him go to the dinner. Then he gets in his car and drives off. (Don’t worry, they arrived in separate cars.) A couple days later, Henry Patman and Mr. Santelli’s financial adviser come by the Wakefields’ house and ask Ned to run for mayor. Ned tries to find Alice, but she’s just pulling out of the driveway to go to the office. So of course they have a fight about how much she’s been working and he doesn’t even mention running for mayor.

The Wakefields have been planning a trip to Tahoe for the weekend, but now Alice is acting like she won’t be able to go. Liz talks to Julia, Alice’s assistant, and asks her to help convince Alice she needs a break. Julia says she’ll do it as long as Liz gives her a phone number to get in touch with Alice in case of emergencies while she’s gone. Their cabin doesn’t have a phone, but Liz gives Julia the number to the main inn.

Once they’re all up in the mountains, everything seems to be going great. Then Jessica, who overheard Ned’s conversation with Mr. Patman, mentions something about Ned running for mayor. Alice freaks out that Ned hasn’t said anything about it to her and they have yet another fight. Then some kid rides up on a bicycle and tells Alice she has a phone call at the inn. Ned is pissed off that she gave out the number. Later, Liz tells Alice that she was the one who gave Julia the number. Alice forgives her and tells her Ned is just looking for reasons to be mad at her for some reason.

They all decide to go horseback riding the next day, but Alice gets another phone call. They all wait for her for a long time, then she comes back and says she has to go home to fix some kind of disaster at work. She and Ned fight, he says he’s going to run for mayor, she says she doesn’t care, he threatens divorce if she leaves. She leaves.

END SCENE.

Quotes:

Re: Ned contemplating taking on Mr. Santelli’s case:

“You’d probably have to work long hours,” [Alice] added, “and right now, right after I’ve just taken on more responsibilities at the office, I’m not really sure…”

Ten pages later, after Alice is chosen to head up her design team:

“Isn’t this going to mean awfully long hours? I’m sorry to say this, Alice, but right now—especially with my commitment to Mr. Santelli—is it really such a good idea for you to be taking on this much extra work?”

What a dick.

“If you leave now, you’re leaving me. You’re leaving our marriage.”

Yes, he says this to his wife right in front of his children. What an awesome guy.

The Cover: Aw, poor little orphan children. The twins look all sad and hungry, like they’re about to go out on the streets begging for food. Steve, naturally, looks bored.

The moral of the story: True love can cure blindness.

The Big Deal: Party at Amy’s house

Synopsis:

This book is about Terri Adams, a girl we’ve never heard of but who is apparently friends with Liz, John Pfeifer, Shelley Novak and Kristin Thompson. She’s the football team’s assistant statistician and she’s in love with Ken Matthews. After a big game, Amy Sutton invites everyone to her house for a party. As soon as Ken shows up, Amy plants a big kiss on him in front of everyone. Terri is upset and wishes she had stayed home. She asks Winston if she can get a ride with him. Winston’s car is in the shop so he and Maria plan to take the bus home from the party, but Ken wants to get away from Amy so he offers to drive them. On the way to Winston’s house, the rain is really coming down. After he drops everyone off, he gets into an accident. Because that’s the only reason it ever rains in Sweet Valley, to cause accidents. Todd is driving the twins home when they see Ken’s totaled car on the side of the road. The police tell them Ken is unconscious after being run off the road by a drunk driver. Because the rain isn’t enough to cause a crash; a drunk driver is always at fault. Todd, Liz and Jessica go back to Amy’s house and tell her the news. Amy plays the part of the grieving girlfriend, even though she and Ken have only been on a couple of dates.

When Terri gets to school on Monday, she can tell something has happened because the hallways are silent. She overhears Amy, Lila and Cara talking and she finds out about Ken’s accident. She also hears Amy say Ken never would have crashed if he hadn’t driven “that Terri girl” home. Terri runs to an empty stairwell and cries. Liz comes over and comforts her.

Ken spends the next couple days in the hospital with his entire head wrapped in bandages. I can’t figure out why, since the doctor makes a point of mentioning that he just has bruises and small cuts and he’ll look exactly the same when they heal. The doctor takes the bandages off and Ken is appalled to find he’s blind. The twins go to visit him at the hospital and at first he thinks he can get away with pretending he can see, but then they want him to read the card they brought him. He finally tells them the truth and Jessica screams, “It’s horrible!” Liz sends her to the cafeteria to get “soft drinks.” What teenager calls soda “soft drinks” during casual conversation? In the elevator, Jessica runs into Amy, who is coming to visit Ken. Jessica tells her that Ken is blind and Amy freaks out and leaves, telling Jessica not to even mention she saw her.

Amy walks up to Terri at school and says she blames her for the accident. If Terri hadn’t made Ken take her home, he wouldn’t be blind right now. And since Amy is popular and Terri isn’t, Terri believes everything she says and starts blaming herself. Once again, Liz comes out of nowhere to comfort her, and Terri asks her to talk to Ken’s parents about arranging for her to visit Ken at the rehab center where he’s learning to be a productive blind member of society. When they get there, they’re told they can only stay for ten minutes because Ken gets tired easily from all his rehabilitation. Now, I might have missed something, but as far as I can tell, the only thing wrong with him is that he can’t see. What kind of blindness rehab is going to tire him out to where he can’t even sit in a room with a visitor for more than ten minutes? He seems happy that Terri came to visit him, and when she starts berating herself for causing his accident, he tells her it was his own fault. Ugh, why do you damned kids always fight over who fucked up the most? It was the drunk driver’s fault. What’s the use of putting a drunk driver in the story if nobody ever pins the blame on him?

Ken stays in rehab for a month and then decides to go back to Sweet Valley High. That’s not normal, right? His first day back is all scary and difficult. Amy snubs him, everyone’s treating him strangely and he wonders if he should go to a school for the blind. I wonder the same thing. All morning, Ken’s having trouble adjusting so he goes to the football field at lunchtime to be alone. Then Terri sits down next to him and they have a great conversation about football and Ken starts to think about how awesome she is. Then he starts feeling sorry for himself and thinking no girl could ever like him now that he’s blind. He says he’s going inside and acts all indignant when Terri offers to help him.

That night, Terri is all aflutter about her feelings for Ken and she just has to talk to someone. She decides to call Liz, whose advice is to walk around blindfolded to find out what Ken’s been going through. Terri thinks that’s a great idea and does it. The next day, the twins throw Ken a surprise welcome back party in the cafeteria at lunch. Amy says hello to him and then blows him off. Ken’s all hurt, even though she already snubbed him yesterday and he didn’t even really like her to begin with. That night, Terri calls Ken and asks him to go to the beach with her the next day. Ken starts to say he can’t, but Terri tells him she’s never asked a boy out before and she’ll be crushed if he says no. Terri’s cute. I like her.

She takes him to North Haven beach instead of the regular Sweet Valley beach because North Haven is always deserted. They have a great time and start hanging out together every day. Ken is starting to get used to being blind because Terri’s so helpful. One day, after they take a run on the beach, they collapse next to each other. Ken wants to kiss her and starts playing with her hair, but then he pulls away because – say it with me – “What girl would be interested in him now?” Dude, she’s been spending every day with you for weeks. Do you think she’s interested in your scintillating conversational skills? Your vacant expression? No, she wants you, man. Ken realizes he’s falling in love with Terri, but after the way Amy dropped him, he apparently swore he’d never get involved with another girl again. This is the first I’m hearing about it, but whatever.

Ken starts acting really pissy toward Terri and she has no idea why. So she calls Liz again for advice. Liz tells her she should stop doing everything for Ken and let him learn to do it on his own. She also thinks Terri should tell him how she feels about him. So Terri goes to Ken’s house and makes him a milkshake and tries to summon up her courage, but when Ken asks her if she’ll read him his history homework, she says she can’t because she has her own homework to do. Ken gets all pissed off and throws his milkshake on the floor and says Terri’s tired of helping him and she should just leave. Terri says she’s been doing all these things for him because she loves him, and then she runs out the door. Ken feels like an ass, as well he should, and tries to call Terri a little while later but she’s not home. He thinks she must be at the North Haven beach and he’s determined to get there on his own. He walks to the bus stop and takes the bus there. He finds Terri and they declare their love for each other and make out a little bit. Then Ken notices that when he looks toward where the sun should be, the darkness is a little brighter. A few days later, his sight starts coming back.

Quotes:

Down in the first row of the bleachers, Sweet Valley High’s basketball star Shelley Novak exchanged high fives with her friend Kristin Thompson, who was well on her way to a professional tennis career. John Pfeifer, the sports photographer for The Oracle, was standing on his seat, snapping pictures of the celebration. His girlfriend, Jennifer Mitchell, was standing beside him.

Wow, it’s like a reunion of annoying and irrelevant main characters of books past.

She could just imagine the school giving him a special tribute as he stepped onto the field. Everyone would be watching her, too, to see Ken’s girlfriend’s reaction. Maybe their picture would be in the paper. Just thinking about it made Amy’s eyes mist over.

Ugh, I hate Amy.

“That Fatal Night”

Fatal: I don’t think that word means what you think it means. I’m guessing they were going for “That Fateful Night” and got confused.

The Cover: Oh, how I loathe Ken covers. He looks like such a moron. Terri has a Leelee Sobieski face. She’s cute.

The moral of the story: Cocaine kills, but only if you’re a good person. Dumb poor people can do it as much as they want with no ill effects.

The Big Deal: Barbecue at the Wakefields’, fatal drug party

Synopsis:

Amy Sutton is convinced Bruce Patman is in love with her. They’ve been working together on an essay about drugs in Sweet Valley (what?) and Amy knows it won’t be long before Bruce succumbs to her completely and ditches Regina Morrow. Jessica thinks it’s great gossip and Liz is appalled that Amy would try to break up such a strong relationship. One day, while working with Bruce on their essay, Amy turns the charm on full force and Bruce kisses her. Suddenly all the changes he’s gone through since meeting Regina mean nothing and he’s back to thinking he should be able to have whatever he wants when he wants it. And no wonder I was always such a jealous and possessive girlfriend if a boy can’t even do homework with another girl without cheating. Bruce tells Amy he’ll break up with Regina soon. He stands Regina up for lunch and she ends up eating with Justin Belson. She doesn’t know him at all, but Jessica sees them together and worries because Justin hangs with a bad crowd.

The twins are having a barbecue and both Regina and Amy are invited. Liz wants to warn Regina that something is going on between Amy and Bruce, but Jessica convinces her not to. Jeffrey also thinks Liz should let it stay between Bruce and Regina, so Liz actually keeps her yap shut. The night of the barbecue, Justin Belson calls Regina to ask her to a movie, but she declines. Nicholas does the big brother thing and tells Regina she shouldn’t be hanging out with Justin because he’s bad news and Nicholas knows this because his friend’s girlfriend was friends with him. Whatever, dude.

At the barbecue, Regina feels like everyone knows something she doesn’t. After it gets dark, Liz and Jeffrey see Amy and Bruce making out behind a tree. Liz goes to distract Regina while Jeffrey separates Bruce and Amy. Regina spots them and yells at Liz, asking why she didn’t tell her what was going on. Then she goes to Bruce and demands his car keys because she’s going to drive herself home. She screams at Amy that she hates her and everyone else and then goes home and cries. I feel really bad for Regina.

Regina calls Justin and they go out the next day. He takes her to Kelly’s and Regina is extremely uncomfortable because, you know, they serve beer there. Justin tells her all about how he became a loser. His father owned a liquor store on Putnam Avenue, “which isn’t the greatest part of town,” and one day some kids killed him when they came in to rob the place for drug money. Justin says the only thing that got him through the tough times was his girlfriend Molly, but they haven’t talked much since Molly started hanging out with Jan, a hardcore druggie. Regina listens to his story and realizes he’s as lonely as she is. She vows to try to make a difference in Justin’s life since she couldn’t make a difference in Bruce’s. They start spending more time together and one day at lunch, Regina finally meets Molly. Molly says she’s having an “anything goes” sort of party on Saturday and she hopes Justin brings Regina. Justin tells Molly not to let someone named Buzz show up. I’m guessing Buzz is trouble.

Liz can’t stand to see Regina hanging out with the wrong sort of people and she’s sure that if Regina knows her real friends are behind her she’ll come back to the light. She tries to talk to her and apologize for what happened at the barbecue, but she just can’t help throwing in a few warnings about Justin and his friends. Regina gets defensive and tells Liz to leave her alone.

Amy’s cousin Mimi is at Sweet Valley College studying to be a social worker and she works at a clinic. What kind of clinic? Doesn’t say, but apparently it means she knows a lot about the drug scene in Sweet Valley. So Amy and Bruce talk to her to get information for their project. Mimi tells them about the party Molly Hecht is having and that a cocaine dealer named Buzz will be there. The people Mimi works for have been working with private detectives to get Buzz locked up. Mimi wants Bruce and Amy to tell anyone they know who might go to the party to stay away from Buzz because he’s been known to corrupt a few innocents in his time. Bruce calls Regina and tells her not to go to the party. He explains about Buzz and says he doesn’t want Regina to get hurt. Regina is pissed that Bruce acts like he’s got a right to care if she gets hurt. She’s determined not to take his advice. On Saturday morning, Jessica tells Liz everything Amy told her about Molly’s party and Liz freaks out. She immediately jumps up and calls Regina to tell her not to go. Regina has pretty much the same reaction as when Bruce called her.

That night Regina is getting ready for the party and thinking about how she really doesn’t feel like going. She’s been confused and upset since the barbecue and she feels bad for the way she treated Liz on the phone. She writes a mysterious letter and then she feels better about things. She and Justin go to Casey’s on the way to Molly’s and Regina tries to convince Justin they should just not go to the party, but he wants to go. He keeps talking about Molly and Regina realizes he’s still in love with her. She tells him to give Molly another chance and Justin thanks her for being a good friend.

Meanwhile, Liz is totally freaking out, pacing back and forth and wailing to Jessica about what she should do about Regina. Jessica says she should call Nicholas and make him deal with it. Liz thinks that’s a great idea and tells Nicholas everything. He decides he’s going to go to Molly’s and bring home his sister. Liz breathes a sigh of relief and goes on with her life. Nicholas, however, runs into some trouble on the way to Molly’s. He ran out of the house without his wallet so of course he gets pulled over. Since he doesn’t have his license, the cop takes him to the station. I didn’t start driving until the nineties, but that sounds a little extreme, doesn’t it?

At the party, Regina is having a terrible time. Someone has handed her a beer and she’s drinking it because she doesn’t want to call attention to herself. Molly’s friend Jan is a total weirdo bitch to her and apparently hates her for being rich and for stealing Justin from Molly. Molly and Justin have some kind of fight and then Buzz shows up. There’s a hush as someone turns down the music and announces Buzz’s arrival. Buzz is like some kind of punk Santa Claus, showing up with drugs for all the boys and girls. Regina tries to slip out, but Justin notices her and makes her sit with him for a while. Buzz starts cutting up the cocaine and Regina asks Justin what he’s doing. Everyone hears her and looks at her scornfully for never having seen cocaine before. They make fun of her and Regina gets mad and decides she’ll show them. She’s gonna try it. Yeah, Regina, that’ll learn ‘em.

Regina does two lines of coke and then passes out just as Nicholas shows up with the cops. She wakes up for a minute and asks to see Bruce and Liz and then passes out again. Nicholas calls Bruce and tells him to get Liz and meet him at the hospital. Liz, Jessica, Bruce and the gang are all at Lila’s house so everyone hears the news and wants to know what Justin and his friends did to Regina. Nicholas wanted to know the same thing. Because it couldn’t possibly have been her own choice. They get to the hospital and Nicholas tells them Regina had a heart attack from the cocaine.

Regina dies. The doctor tells them she had a rare complication from the cocaine: an accelerated heartbeat. Now, I’ve never done cocaine, but I get an accelerated heartbeat just from going up a flight of stairs. I can’t imagine it’s an “extremely rare” side effect of cocaine. Anyway, at school on Monday, everyone is all upset with Molly and Justin and want revenge, but they’re not at school. The next day, Liz gets a letter from Regina. It’s the mysterious letter she wrote before going to Molly’s party. In the letter, she tells Liz she forgives her and hopes they’ll be friends forever. Aw, that’s really sad. There’s a really sad memorial service for Regina.

Setup for the next book: Nobody likes Molly Hecht anymore.

Quotes:

She could barely think straight. Some drug dealer named Buzz was going to show up at Molly’s party! She couldn’t believe it. She just had to convince Regina not to go.

Everyone who’s been to a party where a drug dealer may have also been present and didn’t die from it, raise your hand.

“Speaking of pale,” Buzz said, taking a small packet of white powder out of his bag, “would you all just take a look at this!”

The group in the circle was quiet for a minute as they stared at the packet.

This party is ludicrous.

“Regina took a lethal amount of cocaine tonight and experienced an extremely rare reaction—rapid acceleration of the heartbeat, which brought on sudden cardiac failure.

That’s not rare! UGH.

The Cover: Poor Regina, left to stare forlornly at Bruce’s headshot.