Sweet Valley High Super Star #5: Todd’s Story

SS05The moral of the story: Remember the moral of Bruce’s Story? It can also be applied to Todd’s Story.

The Big Deal: Celebratory party at the Dairi Burger

Synopsis:

So, there are a few things wrong with this book first thing:

  • It’s summer. Again.
  • Cara is in Sweet Valley and apparently has not moved to London.
  • But this takes place after Todd has moved to Vermont and back.
  • Jessica has not met Sam.
  • But the twins’ Jeep is still referred to as “new.”

Todd’s been getting some weird hangup phone calls lately. He and Liz are at the mall one day when Todd sees a guy named Kevin Holmes and freaks out. Todd has never told anyone about this, but when he was living in Vermont, he tackled Kevin in an alley to stop him from mugging someone. After the trial, as Kevin was being led away in handcuffs, he told Todd he was going to get even with him. And now he’s in Sweet Valley. Oh, dear.

Meanwhile, Todd’s having problems with his dad. Mr. Wilkins wants Todd to follow in the old man’s footsteps and get involved in the business. Todd and Liz and a bunch of their friends have lined up two-week jobs at Secca Lake as day camp counselors, but Mr. Wilkins wants Todd to intern at his company after that. Todd doesn’t wanna, and Liz thinks he should say so, but Todd says Liz just doesn’t understand.

The first day of camp at Secca Lake, Todd is horrified to discover Kevin Holmes is going to be a counselor. Kevin, Todd and Jessica will be the sports counselors. Kevin acts like he doesn’t know Todd, and to everyone else he seems like a happy and likable guy. Todd starts to think maybe the guy has reformed, but then Kevin threateningly tells him not to tell anyone about the mugging. Todd tries to tell his parents his concerns, but they say they heard from an old co-worker in Vermont that Kevin was in Sweet Valley to start over. They even try to tell him to be friends with the guy. Jeez, no wonder these kids never want to tell the adults what’s going on.

Kevin keeps beating Todd at volleyball and basketball. Todd handles it badly and it makes him look like a sore loser. Everyone loves Kevin and can’t figure out why Todd doesn’t like him. Liz is totally idiotic and thinks Todd is so moody lately because he wants to break up with her. Kevin and Jessica have been making eyes at each other all week at camp, and one night he asks her out. Liz, who clearly hasn’t been paying attention, thinks they should make it a double date. She’s sure that if Todd just spends enough time with Kevin, he’ll warm up to him. Somehow, Todd gets talked into letting everyone meet at his house before the movie. When Kevin gets there, he starts kissing Mr. Wilkins’ ass, and Mr. Wilkins ends up offering to try to find him a job at Varitronics, his company.

In every scene at Todd’s house, his parents talk about how nicely Kevin turned out and how great it is that he turned over a new leaf. After Todd lies and says he had fun with Kevin and the twins on their date, his parents tell him to invite Kevin over for dinner that night. Instead of lying and just telling them Kevin can’t make it, Todd actually invites Kevin over. Todd catches Kevin looking through Mr. Wilkins’ desk and runs to his father to snitch. Mr. Wilkins tells Todd he asked Kevin to bring him something. Now he’s all disappointed in Todd for being so unforgiving.

On Friday, Todd puts himself between Kevin and Liz, and Liz gets all pissed off and wants to know what Todd’s problem is. He says he would just like her to stay away from Kevin. Liz wants him to explain, but Todd can’t. So Liz breaks up with him. She thinks this whole thing is about her because Todd is unable or unwilling to communicate with her.

Christ, I’m bored. This book is going on forever. We’re only halfway through.

On Monday, Kevin spends all day at camp flirting with Liz while Jessica stands off to the side with her hands on her hips. Todd is watching them when one of the kids in his group starts drowning in the lake. He jumps in, but Kevin swims faster and gets there first. Once the kid is safe, Kevin says Todd should have been paying attention. Todd finally snaps and says something about Kevin turning the rescue into a competition. So now Todd looks like an ass, like he just cares who made the rescue and not that the kid is okay.

Ever since camp started the week before, people’s stuff has gone missing: Liz’s lavaliere, Winston’s lucky hat, Cara’s keychain. And on Tuesday, Todd reads in the paper that an old man was beaten and robbed just a few blocks from the apartment Kevin is renting. At camp that day, he spends the lunch hour alone in the lodge, leaving everyone outside to talk about him. Kevin tells some lies about the way Todd was in Vermont, saying he had a reputation as a bully and had once had a problem with a girl who had jumped out of his car to get away from him. All Todd’s friends say they don’t believe it, but you can tell they totally do.

On Wednesday morning, everyone is talking about the second mugging that took place the night before. Kevin joins in the conversation and acts all concerned. Todd can’t believe a person could mug someone at night and be so calm about it the next morning. So now he thinks Kevin must be innocent. Someone interrupts Todd’s thought process to ask him what he thinks about the muggings. Todd doesn’t know what to say and gets all weird and walks off. That afternoon, Kevin asks Liz out to dinner. At that moment, Todd is walking by and Liz thinks that if she can catch Todd’s eye and if he looks hurt or upset, she’ll turn Kevin down. When Todd just looks at Kevin all angry and bitter, Liz thinks he doesn’t care about her, so she tells Kevin she’ll go out with him. On their date, Liz realizes Kevin is kind of a jerk who only wants to talk about himself and keeps talking about how “things are falling into place.” And he gets angry when she doesn’t want to kiss him goodnight.

Later that night, Todd is restless so he drives out to Secca Lake to hang out. While there, he sees Kevin mug Melissa, one of the other camp counselors. Todd is too shocked and stupid to do anything about it, so he goes home. The next day after work, Todd decides he has to get some of this off his chest, so he tells Winston and Aaron about his history with Kevin. He’s decided he’ll go to the police in the morning. He goes to the lake early Friday morning to tell the ranger he’ll need to take part of the morning off, but the cops are there and they arrest him. A pen with his initials on it was found in the “precise location” where Melissa got robbed. And no, this isn’t enough to arrest a man, but when asked, Todd says, “I wasn’t carrying the pen, it was in my car, and I didn’t go on the beach, I stayed in the grass.” So stupid.

That afternoon, the counselors are having a barbecue to celebrate the last day of camp. Everyone is all sad about Todd getting arrested. Everyone except Kevin, who suggests a game. He says he has a Frisbee in his car and Jessica offers to get it. She finds Liz’s lavaliere in the backseat, then gathers Winston, Aaron, Enid and Cara around her. They decide that if Kevin stole the necklace, he could have stolen all the other stuff, too. And if he did that, then maybe Todd was telling the truth about what happened in Vermont. And if that’s true, then maybe the wrong man is behind bars!

Todd’s father picks him up. Todd is a minor so he’s being released to his parents until the hearing. He has his father drop him off at the lake so he can pick up his car. At the same time, Liz and Kevin are taking a walk. As soon as they’re in the woods and away from everyone else, Kevin gets all weird and starts telling Liz she shouldn’t care so much about Todd. He starts to get really angry and Liz gets scared. Todd gets to the lake and asks Jessica and the others where Kevin is. They realize both Kevin and Liz are gone. In the woods, Kevin starts babbling about a car accident that killed his brother and about how he never meant to hurt anyone. Then he tells Liz he wants Todd to know what it’s like to lose everything. He starts strangling Liz, and then Todd comes out of the woods to save the day.

At the police station, Kevin’s big confession is that he killed his brother in a car accident a few years ago. Kevin’s parents have never gotten over it and have always treated Kevin as if they wished he was the one who died. So that’s why he’s a lunatic.

Everyone goes to the Dairi Burger that night to celebrate Todd’s heroism.

Quotes:

“You could’ve let things slide and lived with the fact that Todd wasn’t giving his share to your relationship. Instead you took a positive step to change things.”

I love that Enid thinks it was so good and right of Liz to break up with Todd for having a few bad days. I mean, seriously, call him moody or whatever, but she broke up with him after only five days of him acting that way.

Kevin was asking her for a date. Her first instinct was to turn him down. With her heart aching over Todd, Elizabeth knew she couldn’t enjoy herself with another boy, particularly a boy her own sister was very interested in. At the same time, it seemed cruel to reject Kevin outright.

It’s not cruel to turn down a date with someone you don’t want to go out with. It’s okay to say no!

The Cover: Ew, look at this guy. First of all, his shoulders are way too big. Second, he looks like he’s at least thirty. Third, he looks like he thinks he’s really awesome.

16 Comments

Shannon, August 5th 2009 | Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in 1. Original Series

Sweet Valley High Super Star #4: Olivia’s Story

SS04The moral of the story: You don’t need money as long as you have love and oil paint.

The Big Deal: Party with Robert’s country club friends, a party at Lila’s is mentioned

Synopsis:

Olivia is looking at some paintings on display at the Forester Art School where she takes a painting class. One painting in particular catches her eye, and a handsome young man asks her what she thinks about it. Then he tells her he painted it and is glad he got her unbiased opinion. His name is James Yates and I think he’s a pretentious know-it-all art snob, but Olivia is fascinated and takes him out to dinner because he focuses so much on art that little things like money and carrying a wallet escape him. The next morning, Olivia wakes up thinking of James and his “I don’t care what people think” attitude, and decides she will continue to dress the way she wants, haters be damned. She puts her hair up in a ponytail and holds it in place with an Elvis record. Because she is just that awesome. Her conservative parents don’t really approve, but they don’t try to change her.

Jessica decides she and Liz need to get jobs to make money for Christmas presents (this book starts just after Thanksgiving). They apply at a department store called Simpson’s, which, incidentally, is where Olivia’s mother works as a manager. One of the upsides to the job is Robert Simpson, the owner’s son. Jessica has heard Robert is gorgeous and not much older than she is. She intends to meet him, but gets assigned to the completely boring and isolated children’s department stockroom. Liz will be in gift-wrapping.

Olivia hangs out with James again. They meet in a crappy coffee shop and then go to his crappy apartment, which is a one room deal located above a television repair shop. It has a kitchenette and a fire escape and probably came out of the ghostwriter’s imagination after she watched Fame or Rent or something. Olivia tells James she likes him, but he says he can’t get involved in a relationship because his art is too important. Olivia says she’s content to just be friends.

Olivia’s aunt June and cousin Emily are coming from Connecticut for a visit so Emily can look at schools in California. When they arrive, Olivia has been working so she’s covered in paint. June and Emily are nonplussed. They are super conservative, and Emily already has her whole life planned out. Mrs. Davidson convinces Olivia to take Emily with her when she goes to meet James. Emily and James have nothing to say to each other. Olivia and James act like Emily’s an idiot for not understanding anything about art, and James is offended when he says he’s dedicated to his work and Emily says, “Oh, you have a job, too?” On the way home, Emily expresses her concern, saying it’s not very practical for James to be living the way he does. Olivia sort of agrees and starts to worry about her own future. She eventually asks her mother to get her a job at Simpson’s. Olivia is easily influenced, remember.

Olivia meets Robert Simpson on her first day, and he lets her redo the Christmas display. He observes that she’s very artistic and she says he can come see some of her paintings over the weekend. When he shows up, he totally doesn’t get her abstract style, but really digs her cabinet of “rejects,” which is mostly crappy landscapes and still lifes. Olivia is depressed that nobody understands her art, and she puts the half-finished painting she’s been working on so passionately in the cabinet with all the other rejects. Nobody “normal” would ever like it anyway. A few days later, Robert asks Olivia to a party, but she has plans with James to go see a foreign film or something.

Emily gets lost while driving around one day and finally recognizes the coffee shop where she and Olivia met James. She sees James, so she sits down with him and tries to talk with him, but he just makes her feel stupid. She decides she really likes him, though, so a few days later, she dresses in Olivia’s clothes and goes back to the coffee shop. He doesn’t notice her clothes, but he does take her back to his apartment to show off his paintings, none of which she understands.

Olivia calls James to make sure they’re still going to see that film, but he says he’s much too busy with his painting right now and can’t make it. So Olivia calls Robert to see if she can still go to that party with him. He’s happy to take her with him, but warns her that it’s being given by one of his country club friends, and sort of asks her to dress “normal.” Olivia decides to go ahead and change her whole image. At work the next day, she asks Robert to help her pick something out for the party, and he comes up with some horrible dark green velvet thing. Olivia buys it.

The party goes pretty much as expected. Olivia feels out of place with a bunch of preppy types who have all figured out what their whole lives are going to be about. She looks around the house and mentally compares it to James’ crappy apartment. She asks herself if she really wants to live like James does, and the answer is no. The next morning, she sits down and reads the business section in the paper, then asks to look at Emily’s college brochures. She decides to ask Robert to help her pick out some more clothes, then she cuts all her hair off because wearing it long made her look like a hippie. Oh, Olivia. I can only imagine what her “springy” curls look like short. The next day, she doesn’t have anything to wear to work, so she puts on one of Emily’s suits. Robert says he told his father about Olivia’s still life and landscape paintings, and Mr. Simpson has said she can display and sell them in the store.

Jessica finally meets Robert Simpson, but it’s pretty clear he’s not interested. He blows her off so he can continue his conversation with Olivia. But Jessica is determined, and finds him again one day and invites him to a party at Lila’s house. Robert says he has plans with Olivia. Jessica has noticed that Olivia has changed recently, but she’s sure it’s only temporary. When Olivia goes back to being the kind of girl Robert wouldn’t look at twice, Jessica will be ready to swoop in. Nothing ever actually comes of this and, truthfully, the twins could have been kept out of this book entirely without anyone being the wiser.

James calls and invites Olivia over. She hasn’t really thought about James lately, what with being so busy becoming a proper lady and all, and she isn’t sure she wants to go to his apartment, but agrees anyway. He doesn’t like her new clothes and he really doesn’t like hearing that she’ll be selling her still lifes at Simpson’s. Olivia tries to give him his Christmas present, a paperweight in the shape of a J, and he gives it back to her, saying it’s the “emptiest, most meaningless present” he’s ever received. Olivia has finally had enough and walks out.

Olivia’s mother is worried about her and finally takes her up to the attic to show Olivia the paintings she did as a teenager. Mrs. Davidson had a real talent, but she gave it up for the security of a business degree. Now Olivia is more confused than ever. James calls a few days later and apologizes. He’d like to see her again and give her a Christmas present.

Emily has decided to go to school in California, and she’d like to carry on a relationship with James. She’s sure she can convince him to live in a better house in a better part of town, and maybe get him to shave every once in a while. She wants to solidify things, so she goes to his apartment and tells him she’d like to be “friends.” He tells her they’re already friends, and from this, Emily somehow understands that James is in love with Olivia.

That same afternoon, Olivia goes to Robert’s house. She gives him one of her still life paintings and he gives her an address book. After she opens it, she knows exactly how James must have felt when she gave him the paperweight. She leaves Robert’s and gets home at the same time as Emily. They look at each other’s clothes and both decide to stop trying to be something they aren’t. Olivia finishes her abstract masterpiece and brings it to James and tells him it’s his real present. He says they have to go out for hers, and he takes her to the alley behind the coffee shop, where he’s painted two portraits of Olivia on the shop’s back wall. She’s free and artistic in one portrait, and closed and restrained in the other. James asks her which one she wants to be. Of course she picks the artist, and James tells her he loves her.

Quotes:

“I have a job interview.”

“A what?” Lila gasped.

Gotta love the Lila.

She knew she was becoming much more the kind of girl he liked to be with, and she appreciated that. It meant that she was becoming more adult, more in charge of her life.

How does changing your image to please someone else make you more mature?

The Cover: Now, this is Olivia. I don’t know what they were thinking on her other cover, but I always thought she looked great on this one. I, um, kind of wanted to be her. Oh, and sorry for the quality of this cover. I really should have taken that sticker off, and it already looked like a dog tried to eat it when I received it.

5 Comments

Shannon, July 24th 2009 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in 1. Original Series

Sweet Valley High Super Star #3: Enid’s Story

SS03The moral of the story: If you stop hanging out with Elizabeth Wakefield, your life will suck.

The Big Deal: Ice skating party, Christmas Eve party at George’s house, New Year’s Eve party at Lila’s

Synopsis:

It’s Christmas again. Todd is visiting family in Utah over the school break and Liz is feeling lonely. After the last day of school, Enid and Liz join what appears to be their entire class at the Dairi Burger. Liz goes back to the car for her jacket and ends up walking in with Jeffrey French. There’s mistletoe in the doorway and everyone starts screaming for them to kiss, so Jeffrey is all dashing and bends Liz back over his arm and kisses her. Liz is completely rattled by this, but tells herself it’s just because she misses Todd already. What? Then Jessica comes in and really outwhores herself. She stands under the mistletoe with her “twinkling” eyes and says, “Well?” Bruce Patman comes up and acts like he’s doing a favor by kissing her, then Jessica walks around giving out candy canes and flirting with all the boys. She realizes the only boy she hasn’t dated is Jeffrey, so she decides she must have him. She pulls the mistletoe down and holds it over her head while she stands next to him. He kisses her as quickly as he can. Then Jessica tries to flirt with him, but is unsuccessful.

Yeah, so far Enid’s Story seems to be pretty Enid-less.

Liz gets up to go talk to Penny, and Jeffrey sits down in her place to say hi to Enid. They start talking about how it’s too bad they don’t really talk anymore now that Jeffrey and Liz have broken up. There’s an ice skating party the next day, and they decide to go together. As friends. Yeah, right. Enid is relieved when Liz says she doesn’t feel like going to the party, because that means Enid doesn’t have to say anything about going with Jeffrey. Liz decides to go after all and gets totally pissed when she sees Enid and Jeffrey together. Enid calms her down by saying they’re just friends and hey, Liz, he’s not your boyfriend anymore. Then Enid feels a little guilty because she thinks maybe she is starting to like Jeffrey as more than a friend. She decides to deal with it later.

Jessica sees some hot guy and, even though she’s an expert skater (because there’s not a thing in the world she can’t do perfectly), she acts like a clumsy beginner as she skates past him so she has an excuse to grab onto him. She tries to flirt with him, but then Enid, who is a terrible skater, crashes into them and Jessica falls down. She sits there waiting for Brian to help her up, but he doesn’t. He asks Enid if she remembers him. Enid says she does, apologizes for her clumsiness and then skates away. Jessica is pissed. Enid’s always cock-blocking the evil witches of Sweet Valley, and I love it. Almost this same thing happens when Amy is trying to hook up with Lila’s cousin Christopher, but he wants to hang out with Enid because they knew each other already. Where does Enid meet all these guys? And when is Jessica going to realize that Enid is formidable competition? Enid’s dated more college guys than she has.

Jeffrey and Enid have such a good time skating that they decide to go see a movie later. On the way to the theater, they talk about Liz, which makes Enid think Jeffrey’s not interested in her. But she thinks he might become interested in her and that makes her happy. I guess the guilt and confusion she felt earlier have disappeared. She decides to go for it.

Meanwhile, Enid’s having trouble at home. Her father is going to be in town, so she’s asked her mother to cancel some trip they’d planned. Her mom’s giving her all kinds of grief just because she wants to spend the holiday with her father. Adele has apparently been telling Enid that her father has a drinking problem, but Enid thinks her mom is lying. Dave Rollins is supposed to get into town the day before Christmas Eve, but calls and says he’ll have to meet Enid the next day for lunch. Enid’s mom freaks out and gets mad because she had tickets to the Nutcracker. She was going to surprise Enid with them, and now her ex-husband has ruined everything.

Jeffrey calls Enid and wants her to come over so he can ask her something. She gets all excited, but when she gets there, Jeffrey says Liz brought him a present that morning and he wants Enid to tell him what it means. Enid realizes Jeffrey only likes her as a friend and goes home all dejected. She wants nothing more than to talk to her best friend, but she can’t since Liz is part of her problem. Then Brian, from the ice rink, calls and wants to hang out. Enid isn’t sure she should because Brian is from her partyin’ days. But he assures her that he’s changed and tells Enid he had a crush on her back in the day. I figure Enid was thirteen during her difficult phase, and if this guy is in college now, he had to be about sixteen or seventeen back then. Crushing on a thirteen-year-old. Anyway, Enid is flattered and decides to go out with Brian.

Brian takes her to dinner and they have a nice time. Enid doesn’t mind when he orders a beer (so how old is this guy, really?) because she understands that people can drink responsibly. After dinner, though, he takes her so a big party where everyone is getting drunk and high. Enid loses Brian for a few minutes, and he’s already drunk by the time she finds him again. So she calls a cab and goes home totally disappointed with her life.

Enid goes to meet her father for lunch the next day and finds him drunk when she gets to the restaurant. She leaves, disgusted, and goes home to blame her mother for everything. Adele tells her there’s nothing anyone can do, but Enid thinks her father would quit drinking if he loved her more.

Two days without Liz and your life turns to total crap. See what happens?

Jeffrey calls and invites Enid to a party at George Warren’s house and she accepts. At the party, Liz and Jeffrey have a private talk. She tells him she really loves Todd and asks if Jeffrey likes Enid. He says he does and he plans to talk to her that night. They go back to the party, but end up under some mistletoe. Liz is glad when she doesn’t feel anything from kissing him this time. Enid sees them kissing and goes outside to sit on the deck and feel sorry for herself.

Jessica is wandering around the party looking for a new guy to flirt with when she sees Brian. She tries to flirt with him, but he just asks her if she’s seen Enid. Jessica gives up on him, then sees Jeffrey and starts trying to flirt with him. He asks if she knows where Enid is. She says no and tries to talk to Liz, but Liz just wants to know if she’s seen Enid anywhere. Jessica is annoyed.

Brian finds Enid first and apologizes for the way he acted the night before. She’s all ready to tell him to fuck off, but then Liz comes up to her with an earnest expression on her face and says she wants to talk. Enid is mad at Liz about Jeffrey, so she pretends to be in a deep and flirtatious conversation with Brian. She tells Liz to get lost. Enid and Brian are dancing when Jeffrey interrupts. Enid just tells him where he can find Liz and keeps dancing. She leaves with Brian and he takes her up to Miller’s Point and manages to convince her to smoke some weed with him and drink some bourbon. Oh, Enid.

At the party, Jessica finally meets a guy who doesn’t know Enid and starts flirting. After a few minutes, they decide to head up to Miller’s Point. That Jessica, she moves fast. There’s another car next to them at the Point, and just as Jessica and Michael are about to start making out, the people in the other car turn their radio up really loud. Jessica gets out and knocks on the window. When nothing happens, she opens the door and sees Enid and Brian with an empty bottle between them. Jessica gets back into Michael’s car and tells him to take her back to the party.

Adele Rollins is sitting around waiting for Enid to come home. Liz calls for Enid, then tells Mrs. Rollins that Enid left the party an hour ago with Brian. Now Adele is freaking out because she knows Brian was one of Enid’s druggie friends. Then Enid’s dad shows up and Adele tells him what’s going on. Dave thinks it’s his fault that Enid is upset enough to go back to hanging with her old crowd. He goes to Kelly’s Roadhouse to see if she’s there. The sight of the old boozers hanging out at the bar kind of freaks him out and he realizes he’s well on his way to being one of them. He takes the flask of gin he has in his glove compartment and throws it out the window. And that, my friends, is the swiftest alcoholism recovery I’ve ever seen.

Dave goes to George’s house to see if Enid is there. A crowd gathers around him and Jessica sees it as the perfect time to tell everyone she just saw Enid drunk at Miller’s Point. Instead of hating Enid the way she’d hoped, everyone is mad at Jessica for just leaving her up there. Which is kind of bullshit, if you ask me, but Jessica starts to feel bad and leaves with Jeffrey, Liz, Lila and Dave to go find her.

Enid wants Brian to take her home, but he’s not done partying yet. He drives through town like a maniac, Enid screaming the whole time. They finally crash through a guardrail and the car flips. Enid wakes up to see her father tapping on the window and telling her to unlock her door. Dave carries her up the bank, then goes back to the car to get Brian out. Then the car explodes.

Enid wakes up in the hospital and is told her father and Brian are in the burn unit. Adele, Liz, Jeffrey, Jessica and Lila spend Christmas morning with Enid in her hospital room. Enid goes to see her father and he tells her he’s going to check himself into a clinic and stop drinking. Brian also decides to quit drinking and partying.

Lila has a big New Year’s Eve party. Todd is back in town, so he and Liz go together. Jeffrey wants to go with Enid, but she says she’d prefer to meet him there. In the end, they both realize they aren’t ready for a relationship, but agree to share a New Year’s kiss.

Quotes:

Just about the worst event that had ever happened to Elizabeth was Todd’s family moving to Vermont earlier that school year.

a.) If that, out of all the other things that have happened to Liz, is the worst thing ever, then she really needs to get her priorities straight. I mean, even forgetting all the crap that happens in Specials, because that stuff doesn’t really count. Just in the regular series her parents have split up, she’s been stuffed in some crazy stalker’s trunk, she nearly drowned…the list goes on and on.

b.) More evidence that the SVH timeline is severely screwed up. It’s Christmas right now. Todd moved, fell in love with Suzanne Devlin and came back to break up with Liz at Christmas. This is insane.

Just to be mischievous, Jessica had once said that Bruce kissed like a jellyfish. The truth was that Bruce was really a pretty good kisser.

Well, there’s that mystery cleared up.

Even though she had changed her life, it was not really any better. Maybe it would never be any better.

Oh, quit your whining, Enid. You’ve had two crappy days. That’s not exactly a horrible life.

The Cover: There she is, the chick who snags all the college boys. She’s not so bad, though I’m ashamed to say I did my bangs like that for years when I was younger.

13 Comments

Shannon, July 9th 2009 | Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in 1. Original Series

Sweet Valley High Super Star #2: Bruce’s Story

SS02The moral of the story: Writing a whole book about Bruce Patman does not make him any more likeable. In fact, it achieves the opposite effect.

The Big Deal: Two parties at the Patmans’ house

Synopsis:

Alexander Patman (or, as Bruce calls him, “Grandfather Patman”) is in town for six long weeks to celebrate his seventieth birthday. He immediately creates tension between Bruce and Roger by constantly comparing them to one another. Bruce’s parents announce they’re going to Tokyo for a month right after Grandfather’s birthday party, leaving Grandfather with Bruce and Roger.

A girl named Tracy Atkins has a new haircut and Bruce is suddenly infatuated with her. Tracy is friends with Roger’s friend Lisa, so Bruce asks Roger to invite Lisa and Tracy to Grandfather’s party. Roger doesn’t get a chance to ask her, so Bruce gets all pissed off at him and asks her himself. Tracy’s brother has a “rare muscular disease” and goes to the Nicholson School for special needs kids. Nicholson School is having financial problems and is facing being closed down, so some community leaders came up with the SAVE program to raise money for it. No word on what SAVE stands for. Representatives from each grade will come up with and organize fundraising events. The reps are Liz, Lisa, Tracy and some freshman we don’t know.

After the birthday party, Grandfather announces that he wants Bruce and Roger to compete for who will get controlling share of the family business after Bruce’s dad retires. He’s going to take away their checkbooks and credit cards, then give each of them two thousand dollars to invest over the next month. Whoever has the most money when Bruce’s parents get back from Tokyo will be the winner. The next morning, the first thing Bruce does is get in a fender bender. The repairs will cost four hundred fifty dollars. Then he decides to take Tracy to a concert in L.A., so he spends a hundred dollars on tickets. He stops by Tracy’s house to tell her about the concert, but she turns him down because she has to babysit. So Bruce goes to the country club to try to sell the tickets. Nobody wants them, but he’s invited to play in a poker game in a few days. He accepts, thinking it will be the best way to earn money. Roger decides to invest in the stock market with the help of Lisa’s dad, a stockbroker.

Bruce loses eight hundred dollars playing poker. Lisa’s dad calls Roger and tells him he’s made five hundred dollars, but he thinks Roger should sell because there’s a rumor going around that the company he’s invested in is going to collapse. Roger thinks that’s a horrible idea and wants to hang on to the stock. Lisa’s dad finally convinces him to sell a few days later after the stock drops. Roger’s lost seven hundred dollars. The SAVE team has decided to have something called Harbor Days, where people can set up booths and sell stuff, then give fifty percent of their earnings to the fund. Bruce tells Tracy he wants to help and comes up with selling the names and addresses of girls he’s gone out with. He’s confused when Tracy gets angry. Then Tracy suggests “The Bruce Patman Guide to Dating.” Bruce thinks it’s a great idea and asks Tracy to help him put it together. Roger decides to get in on Harbor Days, too. He’s going to buy a bunch of white ball caps and visors and paint them however people want. When Bruce finds out, he’s determined to ruin Roger’s plan. He replaces Roger’s waterproof paint with water soluble paint and then cackles maniacally as he pays a kid to start a water balloon fight near Roger’s booth. Ronnie Edwards’ cap gets drenched and the paint starts running down his face. Then everyone wants refunds. Bruce is such a douchebag.

Bruce talks Tracy into finding out what Roger’s idea is for next week’s Harbor Days by telling her he wants to help make sure he does well. Tracy tells him Roger has teamed up with Jim Roberts, the photographer, and they’re going to enlarge some photos and sell them. Then Tracy starts to get suspicious of Bruce after he fails to turn in his earnings from his dating book. She follows him after school one day to a camera store, where he asks the clerk about photo paper and learns about overexposure. Then Tracy follows him home and out to the shed where Roger’s keeping his supplies. She sees Bruce look at the photo paper, and instead of trying to stop him or anything, she runs away in tears, feeling sorry for herself for being taken in by his charm. Stupid girl. That night, Bruce is spending the night in the basement to keep an eye on the ice cream he’s made for Harbor Days. He sees Roger come downstairs and look in the freezer, but then Roger goes back upstairs without touching anything. Bruce thinks Roger’s an idiot for not taking his chance.

Sorry, guys, I’m really phoning this in. This book is awful.

In the end, neither Bruce nor Roger messes with the other’s stuff, and at Harbor Days, they call a truce. Tracy tells Bruce that even though he didn’t end up ruining Roger’s photo paper, the fact that he was going to do so has ruined his chances with her. She still wants to be friends, though. A couple days later, the SAVE reps are lamenting the fact that they haven’t raised as much money as they’d hoped, but when they go to leave the classroom they find an envelope with just over a thousand dollars in it. Then the SAVE fund administrator or whatever finds on his doorstep a similar envelope with just under a thousand dollars in it. The Nicholson School is saved.

Grandfather Patman decides to have a surprise party for Mr. and Mrs. Patman’s return, and he’s decided that Roger and Bruce will reveal their earnings in front of everyone. Turns out they both decided to give all their money to SAVE, hence the two anonymous donations. Grandfather Patman is pissed, but Bruce’s dad (Grandfather calls him George, even though earlier in the book he was correctly called Henry) thinks Bruce and Roger learned an important lesson and did the right thing. Grandfather Patman comes around and expresses his hope that the boys will always cooperate and share with each other. I guess that means they’ll share ownership of the Patman Corporation, but it’s unclear. Henry Patman decides to become the Nicholson School’s permanent benefactor.

And the book is over. Thank goodness.

Quotes:

Filled with contentment, Bruce settled back in his chair. For just a minute, he was reminded that there was nothing better in the whole world than being Bruce Patman.

Yeah, this book is full of crap like this. I can’t believe I made it through the whole thing.

“Wake up, Bruce. Sleeping all day isn’t going to get you anywhere. When I was your age, I’d already run three miles by this time on a Sunday morning.”

Grandfather Patman sounds an awful lot like my buddy Don.

Elizabeth and her boyfriend, Todd Wilkins, were considered the perfect couple at Sweet Valley High. They were both good-looking, smart, and well-liked by everyone.

Being hot, smart and likeable must make up for the fact that they constantly fight and break up.

The Cover: My husband saw this one on my table and said, “Whoa, look at this guy!” Seriously, look at him. I think he practices that pose in the mirror every day, sometimes trying it with different jackets, sometimes looking the other way to decide which is his good side. Oh, I hate him.

6 Comments

Shannon, June 22nd 2009 | Tags: ,
Posted in 1. Original Series

Sweet Valley High Super Star #1: Lila’s Story

SS01The moral of the story: If you don’t like your potential stepmother, you can expose her as a phony and get a party out of it.

The Big Deal: A party to celebrate Lila

Synopsis:

It’s summer vacation and Lila’s father has been seeing a woman named Joan Borden. Lila hates her. She doesn’t like vying for Daddy’s attention, especially since he’s hardly ever home anyway. He’s been acting funny lately, too, asking her to watch her spending. She gets home from the beach one day and her father asks her about a six hundred dollar charge on the credit card. Lila lies and says she never spent that much money. George says he doesn’t have time to straighten it out now because he’s on his way out the door to go see Joan. Lila gets pissed and doesn’t feel so bad for lying about the credit card charge. The next morning, George tells Lila he’s invited Joan and her daughter, Jacqueline, over for lunch. When they get there, Lila instantly hates Joan and thinks her daughter is sickeningly sweet and obnoxious. After they leave, George tells Lila he likes Joan a lot and he wants Lila to make them feel welcome whenever they come over.

Jessica, Lila, Liz and some others go to a concert. Lila meets a really hot guy and falls in love with him, but Jessica tells her the guy is Evan Armstrong, who’s been going out with Sonia Bentley for ages. Lila is all depressed until Jessica also tells her that Sonia used to have a major crush on Bruce Patman and Evan was jealous of him. Lila decides to try to get Sonia and Bruce together, so she asks Bruce to help her out and hit on Sonia. Bruce wants to know what he gets in return, but neither he nor Lila can think of anything she can give him. They decide she’ll owe him one. This is going to end in tears. Later that day, Lila and Jessica meet George, Joan and Jacqueline for lunch and Lila reflects on what a conniving phony Joan is. Ironic, eh?

Aaron and Winston throw a party at the Beach Disco the next night, so Lila and Bruce decide that will be when they put the first part of their plan in action. Bruce shows up at the party and immediately cuts in on Sonia and Evan and asks Sonia to dance. Then he sits down with them and flirts with Sonia until Evan gets pissed and goes outside. Lila follows him and puts her wiles to work and eventually Evan gets her number and asks her to come to some drag race with him the next day. At the races, Lila does her best to pretend she cares about it, and then she and Evan go out to dinner. She knows she shouldn’t because her father wanted her to have dinner with him, Joan and Jackie, but Lila can’t think of anything but Evan. They have a lovely time and hold hands at the restaurant and stuff. When Lila gets home, she finds Jackie wearing her bathrobe and Joan and George having brandy in the living room. They’re spending the night and Lila is horrified. The next day, Lila goes out with Evan again and they end up making out at Miller’s Point. They start spending a lot of time together and Evan finally tells Sonia things are over between them because he’s found someone new.

George makes Lila introduce Jackie to her friends, so the two of them meet Amy, Jessica and Liz at the beach. Lila’s sure they’ll all hate Jackie, but they get along with her just fine and tell Lila to lighten up. Lila calls Evan that night to bitch about Jackie, but he doesn’t get what her problem is. Evan takes Lila out one night and apologizes for being distracted lately. There’s a race he wants to be in, but it would cost him five hundred dollars and his parents won’t give it to him because they think drag racing is dangerous. Lila wants to loan him the money but doesn’t know how she’s going to get her hands on five hundred dollars. Then she remembers her father’s emergency stash and decides to take the money and blame Jackie. She hides the safe key and one of her own necklaces in Jackie’s room to make it look like she’s been stealing more than just money. Later that night, though, the key is back on George’s desk and the necklace on Lila’s dresser. The next morning, Lila finds out Jackie neglected to give her a message that Jessica had called and invited her to some show or something. Lila’s pissed, but Jackie claims she wrote down the message and put it on Lila’s dresser next to her gold necklace. Ooh, well played, Jackie. George and Joan depart for Hawaii the next day and leave Jackie and Lila alone at Fowler Crest. As soon as they’re gone, Jackie reveals herself to be the conniving, manipulative Jessica Wakefield clone Lila always suspected her of being.

Bruce calls one night to remind Lila she owes him a favor and he finally knows what she can do for him. Lila tells him to meet her at the Box Tree Café, but when she goes to get her keys, she discovers Jackie has taken her car. Bitch! Nobody drives the Triumph but Lila! She takes the bus to the café and Bruce makes fun of her ‘cause he’s a douchebag. He tells Lila he has a bet riding on the drag race and he needs Evan to cancel. Lila’s now ready to kill someone. When she gets home, her father and Joan have come home from Hawaii early to announce their engagement. Oh, just shoot her now.

Lila decides she needs to hurry up and come up with a plan to get the Bordens out of her life. First, she starts acting really happy about the engagement. Then she suggests a joint party for the engagement and for Jackie’s birthday. She pretends to be all excited about planning it. This throws Jackie off guard. Lila makes sure the party will be the same day as Evan’s race, then cries at him about how she needs him with her. He agrees to bag the race. So that’s that taken care of. Lila overhears Joan and Jackie talking one day and finds out they don’t have a cent to their name and Joan is planning to file for divorce and get alimony payments as soon as she and George are married. Lila tries to tell her father all this, but he thinks she’s lying, of course.

At the party that night, Jackie spends a lot of time talking to Evan. Lila gets pissed and Evan says she’s overreacting, but since he cradles her face all seductively when he says it, Lila’s totally okay. The wedding is going to be in three weeks and Lila offers to help plan it, figuring that somewhere in there is a way to expose the Bordens as the fakes they really are. Evan starts coming over every day, but it’s not the same. He seems distracted and annoyed. Then Lila finds him making out with Jackie. Asshole! Aw, Lila, you should have known. If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you. Poor Lila runs off to her room in tears.

Okay, wedding day. Lila still has no idea how she’s going to stop the wedding until she talks to the planner, who shows her all the tiny microphones set up around the lawn so that everyone will hear the vows. Lila sneaks a few of them into the sunroom from which she, Jackie and Joan will be walking. As the ceremony is starting, Lila tells Joan that Jackie outed herself weeks ago and she knows they aren’t who they say they are. Joan freaks out and starts bitching at Jackie about how close they are to being rich. When they walk out, it’s clear the entire audience heard everything. George tells Joan to pack her bags and get the hell out. He then announces that since the food and guests are already there, the event will now be an impromptu party for Lila for being so brave and resourceful. Bruce introduces Lila to Toby, the guy who won the race Evan backed out of for her. To get back at Evan, Lila dances with Toby all night. Ha.

Quotes:

“Lila, your father just said the most flattering thing to me at the bar. He said I don’t look old enough to have a daughter Jackie’s age. Isn’t that silly of him?”

“It certainly is,” Lila said.

I love Lila. How could you not?

The Cover: I love Lila’s hair. And I love how she’s all purple. She’s so much prettier than Jessica.

16 Comments

Shannon, June 12th 2009 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 1. Original Series



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