Shannon's Sweet Valley High Blog

The moral of the story: Wakefield twins can bring families together and save rock stars from psychopaths.

Synopsis:

Lila Fowler is going to be spending the summer in Malibu as a “mother’s helper,” so of course Jessica wants to go too. Her parents won’t let her go unless Elizabeth goes too, so Jessica convinces her to turn down her internship at the Sweet Valley News so she can go. Jessica goes to Nannies and Company for her interview and the woman is all excited to have twins working for the agency for some reason. Jessica gets a job working for the Sargents, a young couple with an infant who are related to Tony Sargent, a famous singer Jessica’s in love with. She imagines Tony will be dropping by all the time so she takes the job and sticks Liz with a nightmare of a kid, Taryn Bennet.

When it comes time to interview with the families themselves, Jessica can’t make it because of a weekend cheerleading camp so Liz does both interviews. The family she’ll be staying with lives in a huge mansion, while the Sargents live in a tiny house where Jessica will be sleeping on a cot in the baby’s room. This makes Liz think she’s been wrong about Jessica all this time and that she’s being very generous about things. Man, she’s stupid. When they get to Malibu to start their jobs, Jessica is depressed to find the Sargents’ house is as tiny as Liz described, and even more depressed when she learns Mr. Sargent hasn’t seen his cousin Tony in three years. When Jessica meets Cliff, the gorgeous guy who lives next door to the Bennets, she decides to try to convince Liz to switch jobs with her. It doesn’t work.

Cliff is having a party and has invited Lila and the twins, but the Sargents are going out and Jessica is crushed to find out she’ll have to stay with the baby. Liz offers to babysit but she still refuses to switch jobs. She’s sure she can help Taryn, who is an extremely unhappy child. Liz thinks Taryn’s parents are cold and unaffectionate. Jessica seems to actually be good with Taryn, so her new plan is to make sure Liz sees that switching jobs would be good for the kid. It still doesn’t work.

Lila goes windsurfing with some guy named Ben. She thinks he’s at least eighteen and she keeps telling Jessica that she’s over high school boys. Then she finds out Ben is only fifteen and I really don’t care. While Liz is babysitting for Jessica, an old friend of the Sargents’ shows up for a visit. His name is Jamie, he’s twenty-one and gorgeous and he falls in love with Liz.  She agrees to go out with him in a few days and then tells herself how wrong it is to go out with him because he’s so much older than she is. They have a lovely date and Jamie doesn’t tell her he is really seventeen-year-old teen idol Tony Sargent. Tony has had “professional makeup men” dye his hair and give him colored contacts so he can hide out in Malibu from some groupie chick’s boyfriend who is threatening to kill him for going out with his girl. Liz keeps going out with him. Jessica doesn’t like him because he’s too intellectual.

A big horrible storm comes along. Taryn runs away after overhearing a bad argument between her parents. Jessica and the Bennets’ housekeeper go out looking for Taryn and find her on a bridge that’s about to collapse. With help from the police, Jessica manages to save her. Taryn has to be taken to the hospital. I guess she has pneumonia or something. The doctors tell the Bennets that Taryn has to have “the will to pull through.”

Liz goes out into the storm to meet Tony/Jamie. Frankie, the guy who wants to kill Tony, shows up at the Sargents’ house pretending to be Tony’s manager and Mrs. Sargent tells him where to find him. Frankie shows up at the café where Liz and Tony are meeting. There’s a knife fight and then Liz knocks Frankie out with a vase. Liz finds out Tony’s real identity and is all upset about how dishonest he’s been (never mind the fact that he’s been hiding for his life) and now she’s all weird and thinks a huge celebrity could never really like her and convinces herself he was only using her to pass the time while he was stuck in Malibu. Tony and Liz go to the hospital so Tony can get stitches.

At the hospital, Liz and Jessica tell each other their stories about the day. Jessica is totally pissed at herself for being such a jerk to Tony Sargent all this time. Taryn is still doing bad and her parents are all worried about her. Jessica gives them some advice and…just…ugh. Because of Jessica, the Bennets become a real family and now I think I’m going to be sick.

Now that Tony’s not in hiding anymore, he’s putting on a concert in Malibu and he gives the twins and their gang free tickets. Liz is depressed but goes anyway and he sings a song he wrote for her. Aww.

Quotes:

“This probably isn’t any of my business,” Lila said when Jessica was out of earshot, “but don’t you think you’re being kind of selfish, Liz?”

Elizabeth stared at her. “What do you mean?”

“Just that Jessica has her heart set on going to Malibu, that’s all. And your parents won’t let her go unless you go, too. Don’t you think you could forget about the News for Jessica’s sake?”

Elizabeth put down her book. “You really think Jessica wants to go that badly?” she asked, her mouth dry.

Anyone else would have said, “Don’t you think Jessica is being selfish, wanting me to pass up an internship that could further my career so she can hang out in Malibu?” But you know Liz. She’s such a doormat.

“My parents would never approve…I feel terrible doing something I know they’d consider wrong.”

Liz is just so bad at being a teenager!

The Cover: Can someone tell Liz she’s sixteen and she should be showing off her perfect size six figure in a slutty bikini like her sister? She really is bad at being a teenager.

The moral of the story: 1.) A Wakefield twin can change even the most racist jackass’s opinion about Americans. 2.) It’s okay to steal your sister’s boyfriend as long as you really love him. 3.) Just because two people look the same doesn’t mean they are the same. (This lesson has to be taught to Steven, the dumbass brother of identical twins who are like night and day.)

Best Outfit: Jessica – “a pair of velour jogging pants and a loose, man-tailored shirt.” She also wears a pair of stirrup pants later.

Synopsis:

Well, the twins are off to France for a ten day student exchange organized by Ms. Dalton. On the plane, Liz looks at a picture of the family they’ll be staying with and Jessica teases her for having a crush on the seventeen-year-old in the picture. He’s wearing very tight jeans, but Liz insists she’s not interested. Then for some reason they start talking about Cara and Steven’s new relationship and how Enid can’t go to France because she has to stay home and babysit.

When they arrive in France, Avery Glize and her son René – he of the tight jeans – pick them up at the airport and it soon becomes clear that René is a big ol’ jerkface who hates Americans. Liz decides she finds him “as attractive as an algebra exam.” He says some mean things and his mother scolds him and they have a big argument in front of the twins.

Meanwhile, in Sweet Valley, Steven is getting along swimmingly with René’s sister Ferney. This is because Ferney looks exactly like Tricia Martin. Not only that, but she likes science, just like Tricia did. Ah, jeez. He feels a strong attraction to Ferney and feels bad for Cara, but then rationalizes his feelings with all kinds of thoughts about how Cara would understand and he’s only attracted to Ferney because she looks so much like Tricia and really there’s nothing to worry about. Yeah, right. We’ll see. Ned and Alice are worried about Steve, but they decide the best course of action is to do nothing and let Steve come to them when he needs to. Man, they are really excellent parents. Steve starts ignoring Cara’s calls and spending all his time with Ferney.

Liz and Jessica go jogging, but Jessica turns back after a while because she’s tired. She meets a boy named Marc. He’s kind of funny looking, but Jessica thinks he’ll do. They agree to meet in an hour for him to take her to the beach. It ends up being a nude beach and Jessica is all excited about not having tan lines. Back at the house, Liz overhears an argument between Avery and René. René doesn’t want to take the twins out and show them around. He says some things about selfish Americans and something about his father leaving and Liz doesn’t put two and two together and figure out that René’s father was an American who left the family at some point. Let’s see if I’m right. Oh, it only takes her ten pages to deduce that! Well done, Liz. René reluctantly takes Liz out to meet his friends at a café, and while he’s in the bathroom, his friends confirm her suspicions about his father. They also stick up for Liz when René humiliates and makes fun of her. He kind of freaks out when Liz asks if they can go to the beach. He’s a real jackass.

Back at the house, Liz goes outside to write in her diary and finds a lost puppy. She figures out where he lives and takes him to his owner, who turns out to be a countess. She invites Liz in and they have a marvelous chat. She goes back the next day and meets the countess’s grandson, Jean-Claude, who is, of course, gorgeous. Jean-Claude tells Liz that René’s best friend died a couple years ago while René was swimming with him. So now Liz understands why he was all pissed off about the beach and she’s all torn about him. Is he an asshole or is he just a tortured soul? Either way, he’s treating you like crap, Liz, so just leave him alone.

Liz has plans to go out with Jean-Claude again, but Avery calls and asks her to run an errand for her. When Jean-Claude gets to the house, Jessica falls in love with him on sight and pretends to be Liz to go out with him. Liz gets home and has an argument with René because he’s a jackass, but then she feels bad for him and tries to reach out. He rejects her efforts because he’s a jackass. The next day, she tries to get him to read a letter from his father and is just starting to get through to him when Jessica flounces in and says something really mean about René being afraid of water. The moment’s over and René leaves the room in a huff.

Back in Sweet Valley, Steven finally introduces Ferney to his friend David, a French student. When David starts translating for them, Steve is shocked to learn that Ferney is more interested in lipstick and fashion magazines than science and books. He wises up and realizes Cara’s soul is more like Tricia’s, even though she doesn’t look like her. Steve hasn’t really learned anything here if he thinks he needs his new girlfriend to have Tricia’s soul. I hate Steven.

Funny-looking Marc shows up to ask Jessica to go to an art exhibit, but Jessica is out so Liz goes with him instead. Of course, she handles it correctly, explaining to Marc that she’s not Jessica but that she’d like to accompany him. At the exhibit they meet a girl named Veronique and the three of them hit it off. When Liz gets back to the Glizes’ house around five, she’s concerned that Jessica isn’t back yet. She said she’d be home at three-thirty. At seven Liz is starting to get panicky when René comes home and says Jessica is with Jean-Claude. Liz calls the countess and finds out Jean-Claude took Jessica sailing. There’s a horrible storm raging outside, so Liz is all freaked out. She asks René for his help and he drives her to the beach where he puts aside his hydrophobia and jumps into the water with Liz to help her save Jessica and Jean-Claude. When Jessica comes to, Liz can see the love on her face when she looks at Jean-Claude (gag) so she introduces herself to Jean-Claude as Jessica, thereby letting Jessica get away with pretending to be her to steal her boyfriend. I HATE when Liz is a doormat. UGH.

Jessica ends up coming clean to Jean-Claude and he still loves her. René apologizes to Liz for acting like a piece of crap and they make a date for the next day. Steven apologizes to Cara and she takes him back and everything is just terrific.

Quotes:

His tightly fitting jeans were unmistakably French.

What the hell do French jeans look like and how does Liz know?

If only Jean-Claude would quit calling her Elizabeth. It was the one dark cloud in an otherwise flawless day. But she couldn’t tell him the truth. Not now, at least. It was still too soon. She would have to wait until he was so much in love that he wouldn’t care who she was.

I hate Jessica.

“I know you think I’m like that, the kind of person to meddle in other people’s business, but that’s not true.”

Since when, Liz?

He kept anticipating Tricia’s wit, intelligence, and maturity in Ferney’s answers, and he was getting none of that. Perhaps he was asking the wrong questions.

Perhaps. Or perhaps she’s not Tricia, you psycho.

Jessica and the Number 137:

“Look, I’ve thanked you a hundred and thirty-seven times for pulling me out of there, and I appreciate your concern, but I’m absolutely fine.”

The Cover: Jessica looks like she’s doing some kind of evil villain laugh and Liz looks like she’s found something shocking in her little France booklet there. And why is she dressed like an old woman?

The moral of the story: An incurable disease will make even the devil turn into a nice person and wipe away all trace of evilness.

The Big Deal: Christmas party at school, dance at Bruce’s house, welcome-back party for Todd at the Beach Disco. Sweet Valleyites really know how to do Christmas up right.

Synopsis:

Christmas vacation seems to be shaping up nicely for the Wakefields. Jessica has a crush on the German exchange student, Hans, and is sure he’s drawn her name for Secret Santa. Liz is excited because Todd will be visiting from Vermont. Everything is wonderful until they get the bad news that Suzanne Devlin is coming to town. Ned and Alice tell Steve and the twins that they know how much trouble Suzanne caused before, but she really wants to come back and make it up to everyone so their hands are tied. Because apparently they are no match for a sixteen-year-old. Liz, Jessica and Steven plan to be mean to Suzanne so she won’t want to stay the whole two weeks.

The Pi Beta Alphas send one member to the mall every year to dress as an elf and hand out presents with Santa. Cara is supposed to do it, but Lila has her call Jessica and pretend to be sick. Jessica thinks she’ll only be there for an hour or two, but it turns out she’s stuck there all day and she misses the pageant to determine who is crowned Miss Christmastime and gets the honor of riding on a float in the Christmas parade. Instead, Jessica will have to be an elf on Santa’s float. Lila wins the pageant. Jessica’s plan for revenge is to steal Lila’s gown the day of the parade and replace it with her elf costume. It will be too late to do anything about it and Jessica will get to be Miss Christmastime. Very devious, Jess.

Alice tells Jessica to clean her room because that’s where Suzanne will be sleeping. First of all, Liz’s room is already clean. Second, I seem to remember Betsy Martin living in Ned’s study when she was staying with the Wakefields, so why can’t Suzanne just stay in there? No idea.

Liz and Jessica meet everyone at the Dairi Burger. Aaron Dallas is dating Patsy Webber, who is apparently notorious for being jealous, and Enid’s date is a college freshman named Chip Ettelson. The college boys just love them some Enid. The twins tell their friends Suzanne is coming back and everyone is upset.

Alice picks Suzanne up from the airport and thinks about how sick the girl is. She knows something but has been sworn to secrecy. Ugh, this family and their secret keeping. Suzanne tries to apologize to Liz for her behavior the last time she visited, but Liz shuts her out. Jessica and Liz notice Suzanne’s pills and assume she’s a drug addict. Todd comes over. Suzanne freaks out and drops a vase when she sees him. Turns out Todd and Suzanne ran into each other about a month ago at a ski lodge in Vermont. Todd realized he liked her and now he’s acting all weird around her. No reason given for why she freaked out if he’s the one with the crush. Jessica later overhears Todd asking Suzanne not to tell Liz about the ski lodge. She assumes they’re in love, which makes her furious on Liz’s behalf. She talks to Winston and Aaron and they agree to be “Secret Santas in reverse,” and send Suzanne really mean stuff and hopefully run her out of town.

Suzanne gets a note that says, “Suzy Devlin, go home. From your Secret Santas.” She and Liz both act like this is the worst thing ever. Liz feels bad for her and they have a heart to heart. Suzanne tells her she was going through a rough time with her parents before and that’s why she was so awful during her first visit. At this point, Jessica is the only Wakefield still interested in being horrible to Suzanne.

Jessica calls Aaron to tell him “the most perfect revenge scheme in the world!” Suzanne had called Aaron to ask him to lunch to apologize to him. Jessica instructs him to tell her he can’t make it, but he’d like to take her to a pre-party before the dance at Bruce’s house next week. Then, before the fake pre-party, he’ll call and say he can’t pick her up and she needs to meet him there. He’ll give her a fake address and she’ll get there and realize she’s been tricked and want to go home. Aaron does as he’s told and Suzanne has tears of happiness in her eyes when she accepts his invitation and that is the only time a Sweet Valley High book has really gotten to me and made me sad. Ironically, Suzanne thinks that if Aaron had refused her invitation to lunch, she would have given up and left Sweet Valley.

Suzanne collapses while helping the Wakefields decorate the Christmas tree. Steven and the twins are worried, but Ned and Alice still won’t admit they know anything about what might be wrong with her so Jessica assumes it’s all an act so everyone will feel bad and forgive her. Aaron puts his plan in motion and calls Suzanne and asks her to meet him at the fake address. Before she goes, she takes a pill – a new medication – and then has some champagne with Steven and the twins. See where this is going? She’s driving along when she gets dizzy and passes out, crashing the Fiat.

Ned freaks out when he finds out Suzanne had some champagne because her doctor just called and said she shouldn’t mix her medication with alcohol. Jessica does her “I didn’t mean to…” act and tells him where Suzanne was going. Everyone hops in the car and goes looking for her. Ned finally tells the kids that Suzanne has multiple sclerosis. They head for the hospital. On the way there, Todd realizes he’s in love with Suzanne. Suzanne just has a concussion and she’s fine. Steven, Todd and the twins go to Bruce’s party to tell everyone what happened and suggest they send her flowers or something.

Liz and Todd have a friendly breakup. Jessica’s Secret Santa was Winston. Jessica’s plan for Lila works and she gets to be Miss Christmastime after all. Suzanne’s doctor realizes he made a terrible mistake and Suzanne has mono, not MS. I’m not kidding.

Quotes:

The best Christmas ever was ruined.

We have kind of a running joke in our family that has someone always ruining Christmas or Thanksgiving, so maybe that’s why this line cracked me up.

Already that year they’d had a record amount of snow, and [Todd had] been out on the slopes most weekends since October.

I don’t even want to think about how this craziness affects the timeline. He moved in spring. Head hurts.

The Droids, Sweet Valley High’s own rock band, had even written a song for Todd and Elizabeth!

Because they’re the most awesome and terrific couple in town!

“I still think he’s incredibly cute and everything.”

This is Liz explaining to Enid that the spark is gone between her and Todd. I’m glad she still thinks he’s cute.

“The thing is, I’ve never really been the jealous type.”

This is Liz talking. No, really, it is.

Jessica and the Number 137:

“She must have a hundred and thirty-seven kinds of them in that little makeup case she’s keeping under the sink in the bathroom.”

“She must carry about a hundred and thirty-seven pounds of them around all the time.”

The Cover: Aw, what’s in the box?!

Well, it looks like this is the next book, even though the book after this seems to pick back up right after the events of #21.

The moral of the story: If you save a Wakefield twin from a bear you can overcome your nerd status even if you are pudgy and awkward. Also, if you smoke you’ll start a forest fire.

Synopsis:

The twins are going on a month long bicycle trip with Annie, Todd, Bruce, Roger, Olivia, Lila, Charlie Markus (a friend of Bruce’s we’ve never heard of), Mr. Collins, Ms. Dalton and Chrome Dome’s nephew Barry Cooper. For some reason everyone expects Barry to be gorgeous and they’re disappointed when he’s a “pudgy, pale-faced boy.”

Things you need to know for this book:

• Ms. Dalton and Mr. Collins have broken up.
• Ms. Dalton is back with Lila’s dad.
• Lila hates Ms. Dalton.
• Bruce is being mean to Roger.
• Liz mentions that Annie and Ricky have broken up recently.
• Charlie has a crush on Annie.
• Barry Cooper has a crush on Jessica. Of course. I love that all the nerdy guys are in love with Jessica, but when she wants someone hot and popular she has to resort to trickery and lies and still usually doesn’t end up snagging him.

Liz writes a three page letter to Enid after only one night on the road. The group stays in Los Angeles at the home of Steve Thomas, a friend of the Patmans’, where they set up their tents in the front yard rather than stay inside the huge mansion. I’d be pissed. Steve’s daughter Courtney is a bitch. Well, actually, she’s a lot like Jessica and Lila, but I guess we’re not supposed to realize that. She has a delinquent punk of a boyfriend and he’s turning her into a disobedient brat. Steve begs Mr. Collins and Ms. Dalton to take Courtney with them for the rest of the trip and they agree. What kind of trip is this, anyway? Just anyone can join? Both Steve and Courtney keep calling the Sweet Valley group “you people” and no one seems to mind. Courtney flirts with Todd and Liz gets jealous. In a letter to her boyfriend, Courtney outlines her plot to make Todd fall for her so she can bring him home to her father and make him think she’s turned over a new leaf. Right.

Lila meets a couple guys who tell her Ms. Dalton looks exactly like a teacher from their school named Ms. Curtis who disappeared a year and a half ago. Hmm, that’s around the time Ms. Dalton showed up in Sweet Valley. Lila drops the name in front of Ms. Dalton, effectively blackmailing her. Lila tells Jessica that Ms. Dalton used to live in Arizona, where she was married to some guy but left him. The guy killed himself a few days later.

Jessica falls in love with Robbie October, a guy who’s cycling up the coast on the same path as the Sweet Valley group. She strikes out with him at first because she has to help Bruce make hamburgers for the group and Robbie doesn’t like people who play by the rules. He’s such a badass. Bruce is actually kind of funny in this book and I might warm up to him if he weren’t a rapist. Jessica finally manages to get Robbie interested in her again and she sneaks off one night to be with Robbie. They get stuck hiding from a bear in a cave. When the group realizes Jessica has been gone all night, they go searching for her. Liz, Todd and Courtney take one path while another group takes the other. Courtney starts acting like she needs to go back and Todd goes with her. ‘Cause he’s an idiot. Anyway, they find Jessica and Barry saves the day ’cause he knows about bears and he becomes everyone’s new best friend.

Todd, predictably, can’t figure out why Liz is so upset about Courtney and they break up. Courtney puts the last part of her plan into action and asks Todd to come back to Beverly Hills with her. He agrees. That night a forest fire breaks out because of Courtney’s carelessly discarded cigarette. Liz doesn’t know about the cigarette so she blames herself because she was the one who was supposed to put out the campfire. Bruce is kind of valiant and won’t let Roger risk his life to put out the fire. It’s kind of sweet, but not really relevant to anything else, so… Anyway, Liz later tells Mr. Collins the fire was her fault and also that Todd is leaving the trip to help Courtney with her father (Courtney has told Todd her father is a drunk to gain his sympathy). Mr. Collins tells Liz the real reason Courtney came on the trip, and Liz outs her to the entire group. She and Todd get back together, Mr. Collins and Ms. Dalton get back together, Annie and Charlie are together, Olivia and Roger are still together. It’s a big ol’ love fest.

Quotes:

Annie told her all about the town of Sweet Valley, and Courtney appeared to be properly captivated.

I guess that’s the test. If you’re not properly captivated with stories about Sweet Valley, you’re not welcome.

“You’ve never minded it before when I had friends who were girls. Just like I’ve never had problems with your male friends. No jealousy.”

I will direct your attention to the tags at the bottom of this post, where you can click on Liz-Todd: Jealousy and find many examples of Todd and Liz minding each other’s friends of the opposite sex.

[Mr. Collins] told Elizabeth about John Curtis and his family and everything Nora Dalton had tried to leave behind.

Mr. Collins is really inappropriate on this whole trip. He wears nothing but shorts while he sleeps in a tent with male students. He tells Liz he considers her not just as a student, but also a friend. He dances with Liz at one of their rest stops. All that had me wondering about him, but this bothers me a lot. I guess it shouldn’t, since right after this Ms. Dalton tells the rest of the group everything anyway.

The Cover: What can I even say about those outfits? Liz does look kind of hot, but Jessica looks like she’s wearing pajamas and they both need to be introduced to low rider jeans.

It’s nice to actually have some background scenery instead of the usual gray oblivion everyone’s always standing in front of.