Sweet Valley High Senior Year #48: Sweet 18

The Moral of the Story: Who cares? I’m done! Last book of the series!

The Big Deal: Graduation! Birthday party! Woohoo!

Synopsis:

Monday: Maria is freaking out about her valedictorian speech. She hasn’t even started it yet. She wants to be there for Ken, who is clearly upset about the upcoming anniversary of Olivia’s death, but she can’t focus on him while she still has this speech to write.

Liz tells her parents she got into Oxford, and Alice tells Jessica. Jessica freaks out and tells Liz she doesn’t want anything to do with her on their birthday, which is Thursday. Jessica calls Jeremy and gets pissed when he says his parents planned a graduation party for him on Thursday night. Jessica somehow turns this around to mean that Jeremy doesn’t care about her anymore. Oh, boy.

Tuesday: Liz decides to make things better with Jessica by planning a surprise party for their birthday. Again? Didn’t we try this last year? I recall it ending in tragedy. Liz talks to Conner and Tia and they decide to have it at the Riot. Maria sits around feeling sorry for herself all day because she needs help with her speech, and she’s annoyed when Liz says she needs to work on the party plans and can’t help her. Jessica decides she’s going to throw a party and not invite Liz, but Tia tells her Liz is already throwing one and the entire senior class is going. Jessica is pissed that Liz is having a party and not inviting her. Oh, Jessica.

Tia, Andy and Conner are all excited about their post-graduation road trip. It’s supposed to be just the three of them, but Tia has told Trent he can come along. She tells Andy, and he says that in that case, Dave is coming, too. Before Andy can tell Conner, Conner says he appreciates Tia and Andy leaving Trent and Dave behind for three weeks so the three of them can have their special best friend alone time.

Jessica’s home ec teacher tells Liz that Jessica never made up her risotto assignment, and she won’t be able to graduate unless she makes it up the next day. Liz knows Jessica has plans with Jeremy the next afternoon, so she decides to pull a twin switch and do it herself.

Wednesday: Liz has a meeting with a rep from Oxford. She kind of hopes the meeting will suck so she’ll have an excuse not to go, but the rep tells her all the wonderful things about Oxford and makes Liz want to go there more than ever.

Conner overhears Tia talking about how excited Trent is about the road trip, and he loses his shit. He tells Tia and Andy to uninvite their boyfriends, but they don’t want to. So Conner says they can all go together and he’ll just stay home.

Liz is the salutatorian, so she and Maria meet in the library to work on their speeches together. Liz says she hasn’t even started hers yet, and Maria flies off the handle because Liz isn’t taking it seriously enough. Then Liz gets really stupid and says she should have been valedictorian. So now Liz and Maria are in a fight. Liz heads to the home ec room to make a risotto.

Jessica goes to dinner with Jeremy and his family, who are all in town for graduation. As the family catches up on stuff, Jessica keeps thinking of how awful it’s going to be next year when she’s separated from both Liz and Jeremy. She gets up and leaves the table, and Jeremy follows her. He asks her what’s wrong, and she decides she’s pissed at him for not inviting her to his graduation party the next night. He says he figured she’d want to do something else since it’s her birthday, but Jessica is beyond reasoning. She runs to the parking lot in tears.

Evan gets off Berkeley’s waiting list. Thanks, Tia.

Thursday: Jessica wakes up in a terrible mood. Liz tries to make up over breakfast, and she tells Jessica she saved her from having to make a risotto. Jessica accuses Liz of thinking she’s so flaky that she can’t even do her own schoolwork. An argument ensues and Jessica takes the Jeep and goes to school.

Today is for graduation practice, but neither Liz nor Maria have their speeches prepared. Liz tells Maria not to worry about it, and subtly points out Conner, who is backstage cutting the wires to the microphone. Principal Chrome Dome suddenly can’t be heard, and Maria is worried Conner will be caught. Liz tells her not to worry, and at that moment, Jade stands up in the middle of the seated seniors and yells that Evan can’t stop her if she wants to go commando under her graduation robe. She starts a “Naked!” chant, and in all the confusion, Conner manages to get back to his seat before anyone notices he’s gone. Maria and Liz apologize to each other for their fight, and then Maria takes off for the library to work on her speech.

The twins run into each other in the line for yearbooks, and Liz apologizes. It seems like Jessica is just about to lighten up and talk to her, but then the home ec teacher comes running down the hall. She says the risotto was horrible and Jessica will have to try again that afternoon. Jessica is pissed and hates Liz all over again.

Tia, Trent, Andy and Dave go to the Riot to start setting things up, and Trent and Dave say they’ve been looking over the itinerary and have some changes they’d like to make. Tia and Andy get irritated and decide they’ll just have to tell their boyfriends they can’t come. They don’t have to, though. After listening to Tia, Andy and Conner tell stories about each other for a while, they announce the three of them should go alone.

In really sickening news, Jade’s mother has written a book and a publisher has offered her a lot of money to turn it into a series. That’s not the sickening part. The sickening part is this: “It’s about a pair of twins who have very different personalities…But they’re still closer to each other than to anyone else in the world…” Barf.

While she’s cooking, Jessica says something about the dress she wore yesterday, and Ms. Goldberg realizes it was Elizabeth who made the awful risotto. Jessica explains that she and Liz have been fighting, and Ms. Goldberg actually makes her feel better about things. Jessica goes to Jeremy’s graduation that night, and they make up afterward. Then she goes home and gets ready to go to the Riot and make up with Liz. She falls asleep instead.

Liz is at the party, feeling miserable about Oxford. She decides she’ll miss Jessica too much if she goes. She goes home to tell her so. The twins make up and talk about how much fun they’ll have at Sweet Valley University next year.

Friday: Graduation day. At the ceremony, the twins sit next to Todd because of stupid alphabetical order, and Todd asks Liz to go out with him after graduation. She accepts. Dammit, we just got rid of one codependency, and now you’re going back to an old one? UGH.

Liz never actually got around to working on a speech and all she has is a bunch of note cards. She’s nervous about making a fool of herself, so Jessica takes her notes and pulls another twin switch. Two in one book! Jessica, as Elizabeth, gives an awesome speech and everyone applauds.

THE FREAKING END!!!!!

Quotes:

A few of our old friends make cameo appearances in this book, even Robin Wilson, who came all the way back from Denver. It’s like graduation day on Boy Meets World. I wonder if they’ve been hanging out with Minkus in the other hallway?

When Enid turned into the classroom, her shirt slipped down, exposing a little skull tattoo on her back. Elizabeth shot Maria a look. She didn’t know if Enid’s tattoo was real, but if there was a yearbook award for most changed, Enid would definitely win. She’d gone from geeky to goth in less than a year.

Winston Egbert handed Elizabeth her test paper and flashed her a quick thumbs-up for luck.

Robin Wilson grimaced and held her gown up to her slim body. Her soft brown hair tumbled down over her face as she looked down at the shiny fabric. “Please, Liz. I mean, you spend all this time and effort dropping weight, and then they make you wear a muumuu to graduation.”

Bruce Patman, of all people, walked in – someone she hadn’t seen since he left for college and hadn’t liked much before then. He was all prepped out in a light blue button-down and khakis, and the second he saw Ken Matthews and Aaron Dallas, he dove into the crowd and started shaking hands like a politician.

And there is actually some mention of the more bizarre happenings from junior year:

Almost every single good memory Jessica cherished had occurred inside the sprawling building. And some bad ones, of course – kidnappings, bomb threats, gang wars, that crazy Margot [sic] chick who had come to town and tried to pretend she was Elizabeth. Junior year had definitely been tumultuous.

Definitely.

[Elizabeth] turned her full attention to Maria, whose expression made her look almost exactly the same as she had when she’d broken the news to Elizabeth and Jessica that their dog, Prince Albert, had run away during the earthquake last year – very uncomfortable.

So that’s what happened to the dog. I wonder why Maria had to be the one to break the news.

“We’ve lost many friends – Olivia Davidson, Roger Patman, Ronnie Edwards, Regina Morrow, to name a few.”

I don’t remember Roger Patman dying.

The Cover: Sorry about the terrible image. This book is all shiny and metallic and didn’t scan well. I went to The Closet, but theirs is the same.

This cover is totally lame. I have no idea which twin is which. I’d guess the one on the right is Jessica, but after 180+ books in the original series telling me Liz always wears her hair in a ponytail, I don’t quite believe it. Also, I think the one on the right looks kind of stoned.

18 Comments

Shannon, June 4th 2010 | Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in 2. Senior Year

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #28: Meant to Be

The Moral of the Story: Will Simmons is no match for his crazy ex’s perfume.

The Big Deal: Party for Conner

Synopsis:

Andy and Tia sit around watching some horrible dating show called Test Your Love because they’re pathetic losers with no boyfriends. They find out the show is doing a teen week and they decide to pretend to be a couple and audition for it. If they win, they’ll get a trip to New York out of it. They get through the first interview and move on to the next waiting area, where Tia starts flirting with some hot assistant guy. She needs Andy to point out to her that it might be a dumb idea to try to score a date when she’s supposed to be pretending to be Andy’s girlfriend. Tia’s kind of dumb sometimes. She hopes they don’t make it to the next round because she wants to ask the guy out, and she’s disappointed when they actually do make it.

Ken feels bad for dumping Melissa the way he did on Friday, but he knows it was the right thing to do. He’s realized that he was never the guy for Melissa and that she and Will totally belong together. He calls her and tells her so, not knowing she’s already tried to get Will back and he wasn’t interested. Melissa hangs up on him. Ken, who is for some reason determined to get them back together, decides he’ll just talk to Will.

Tia calls Liz and says she heard from Conner. He’s back from rehab and will be at school the next day. Liz doesn’t sleep at all that night and she’s a mess the next morning. Evan asks her if she’s going to tell Conner about their little mini-relationship, and Liz says she thinks he should know and she’d like to be the one to tell him. Evan gives her a hug and then Liz takes off when she sees Conner come around the corner. Conner seems genuinely happy to see Evan, so Evan feels guilty for having gone after Liz in the first place.

There’s a pep rally coming up and it’s supposed to be planned by the head cheerleader and the captain of the football team. Since Will is out, Coach Riley puts Ken in charge. And Coach Laufeld puts Melissa in charge because Tia is pretending to be sick so she can audition for the game show. Melissa sees Ken talking to Maria in the hallway and it pisses her off that he’s already trying to get back together with his ex, even though she’s been trying unsuccessfully to get back with Will this whole time. She goes up to Ken all smiley and says they have things to do. Maria scuttles off, thinking Ken and Melissa are still together. Ken realizes there’s no freaking way he can plan a pep rally with his psycho ex-girlfriend, so he decides to make Will do it. He tells Will the team really wants him to plan the thing and he should go to House of Java the next night to start planning. He fails to mention that Melissa is taking Tia’s place.

Conner is having dinner with his mom and sister one night and thinking about how he can never get back together with Liz because of “what happened in rehab.” Then some chick named Alanna calls and asks for him. Conner tells Megan to say he isn’t home. Very mysterious. And I don’t care.

Andy and Tia actually get to be on Test Your Love, and they end up winning. After the show’s taping, Tia starts to go over to the cute crew guy to ask him out, but Andy reminds her one more time that they’re supposed to be a couple and maybe she can wait until after the trip to New York to ask the guy out. Tia goes to the bathroom, and the crew guy comes up to Andy and says it’s a shame he has a girlfriend because otherwise he’d love to hang out with Andy sometimes. Andy tells Tia the guy’s been flirting with him this whole time. Ha.

Will is pissed when he gets to House of Java and finds Melissa there instead of Tia. He decides to just help her organize the thing because the team’s counting on him or whatever, and of course during the course of the evening he notices Melissa’s perfume and how pretty her eyes are. He keeps trying to tell himself that she’s a horrible person, but when he goes to leave, one of his crutches slips and he almost falls. Melissa grabs him and keeps him upright and I guess Will is in love again.

Tia throws a surprise welcome home party for Conner. After much internal debate, Liz decides to go. Conner thanks her for telling him he needed help, and they start to kiss. Then the mysterious Alanna shows up and yells Conner’s name. She doesn’t seem too happy.

The Cover and Title: Is that supposed to be Liz and Conner? I don’t get it. Out of everyone in this book, Liz and Conner were probably in it the least, and they were only in the same room with each other for like one page.

22 Comments

Shannon, April 19th 2010 | Tags: ,
Posted in 2. Senior Year

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #21: The It Guy

The Moral of the Story: Smart chicks don’t date quarterbacks.

The Big Deal: Football party, intervention

Synopsis:

It’s the day after Ken’s big football comeback, and Maria is all upset because when she calls Ken’s house, his dad tells her he hasn’t seen Ken since some cheerleaders brought him a spirit basket. Ken’s dad is just being an ass; the cheerleaders came over and dropped off their basket (this is some kind of football tradition) and then Ken went to the library. Mr. Matthews just wants to piss off Maria for some reason. Meanwhile, Ken is irritated that his own girlfriend hasn’t congratulated him on what a super awesome football player he is.

After dropping off the basket, Jessica, Lila and the other two cheerleaders who went with them go to House of Java and Jessica’s boss tells her she told Jade to come by during Jessica’s shift later so she can fire her. Jade doesn’t take the news well; Jessica has to admit she was the one who told Ally about Jade calling in sick and then showing up with Jeremy. She threatens Jessica by saying, “I won’t forget this.” Scary.

Conner’s mother comes to Liz’s house and tells her Conner is an alcoholic and she wants to have an intervention. Liz thinks that’s a bad idea because Conner isn’t exactly the kind of guy who’s just going to sit around and listen to all his friends tell him what’s wrong with him, but she figures Mrs. Sandborn knows more about this than she does so she agrees to talk to the rest of Conner’s friends and get it set up.

Jade goes to Big Mesa High to meet Jeremy after football practice. He’s surprised to see her, but he’s a nice guy so he chats with her a bit, telling her he’s sorry she lost her job. Jade lies and tells him she was breaking up with Josh when Jeremy showed up the other night and she’s really, really sorry. Jeremy forgives her and asks her to hang out the next night. Oh, Jeremy. She can’t possibly be that good-looking.

Todd tells Ken that all the football players are going to visit Will in the hospital and he should go with them to show his support. When Will sees him, he gets all upset and tells everyone to leave. Ken runs out of there and goes home, and only then does he call Maria to tell her he won’t be able to make it to her house to have dinner with her parents like he’d planned. The next morning, Ken sees Melissa at school looking really rough. He tries to say hello, but she can’t believe he would speak to her after going to see Will. She says, “Maybe if you’d never shown up there in the first place –” and then she walks away, overcome with emotion like the drama queen she is. Ken’s worried, so he waits for Melissa at her locker after school. She tells him Will is totally depressed and doesn’t want anyone, including her, to come visit him anymore. She starts crying and Ken gives her a hug.

A couple of guys come up to Maria and ask her if she’s going to the party in Ken’s honor the next night. Ken hasn’t mentioned anything about it, and of course Maria gets all worked up about that, wondering if he has some reason for keeping her in the dark. Then she turns a corner and sees Ken and Melissa hugging. She runs away in tears and thinks he didn’t tell her about the party because he plans to bring Melissa instead. Maria goes to Ken’s house that night to yell at him, and he explains the whole thing with Melissa. Maria calms down and says she’ll go to the party with him, but Ken still feels like something’s not right.

Conner is hanging out in his room thinking about how nobody understands him because he’s such a complicated guy and all. He’s mad at Liz and his mom for accusing him of having a drinking problem. Then a guy from The Shack calls and says the management liked Conner so much when he played on Friday that they want him to come back. Conner is pleased with himself and thinks that proves everyone wrong; how could he be such an amazing guitarist if he had a drinking problem? After he hangs up the phone, he has a few drinks to celebrate.

Jessica and Jeremy work together one night and flirt the entire shift away. Jessica is sure Jeremy is going to ask her out, but when he leaves he tells her he has a date with Jade. The date is just hanging out at home with his sisters and Jeremy thinks this will turn Jade off, but she happens to love kids. She has a fun time watching Jeremy with the girls, and she has to remind herself that all guys are just temporary. Jade makes sure to tell Jeremy it was Jessica who fired her, and Jeremy is appropriately shocked. The next morning at school, Jade thanks Jessica for firing her because it’s really helped with her relationship with Jeremy.

Ken’s big party happens to be on the same night as the intervention, but Maria doesn’t get a chance to tell him because she’s suddenly really mad at him for not being totally okay with Andy being gay. This kind of just came out of nowhere, but whatever. When Ken shows up to take her to the party, Maria says they have to get over to Conner’s to help him quit drinking. Ken barely knows Conner and doesn’t hardly even like him, and he’s pissed that Maria told Liz he would go. He says he’s going to his party, and he and Maria say, “Fine,” at each other, and then Ken leaves.

Conner gets home and sees all his friends’ cars on his street. He knows what’s up. He plans to go in there, tell them all to leave him alone and then go up to his room. He’s all set to do just that, but when he walks in he sees Megan sitting with everyone. He’s livid that they would bring his little sister into this, and he starts to leave. Liz stands up and says, “We’re here because we love you.” She immediately regrets using such a stupid cliché of a phrase.

The Cover: There’s something about this cover that makes me uncomfortable.

17 Comments

Shannon, April 2nd 2010 | Tags: ,
Posted in 2. Senior Year

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #13: All About Love

The Moral of the Story: Will Simmons is a douche.

The Big Deal: Big Mesa party

Synopsis:

Liz is pretty much going to be grounded for the rest of her life for sneaking out and going to that party, and she goes to school the next day worried that she acted like an idiot in front of Conner. But surprisingly, Conner is nice. He asks her how she’s doing and then gives her a kiss before going off to class. So I guess they’re a couple now. FINALLY.

Will and Jessica are together, but Jessica really doesn’t like showing it at school. They have an argument at lunch because Will wants to hang out that night but Jessica promised Tia they’d go shopping. Don’t forget, Will’s kind of an ass. Melissa comes out to the courtyard, so Jessica gets up and leaves in a hurry. After school that day, Jessica works her first shift with Jeremy since the breakup. She feels pretty awkward. The phone rings and Jeremy answers it. Of course it’s Will, so Jeremy gets irritated. Jessica tells Will he probably shouldn’t come see her at work tonight.

At lunch the next day, Jessica asks Liz and Conner to double date with her and Will. Nobody actually knows they’re together at this point, so the whole table stares at them and Conner looks like he’s going to pass out. These fucking kids. Liz reminds Jessica that she’s grounded, but Jessica is sure she can talk their parents into letting Liz go. After lunch, Conner tells Liz he doesn’t like Will and isn’t interested in going, but he ends up saying he will if Liz’s parents say it’s okay. It turns out Will isn’t too happy about the idea either, but he tells Jessica it’s fine and if a double date with Liz and Conner is inevitable, they might as well “get it over with.” What a prince. Ned and Alice have a talk with Jessica, and then tell Liz they will unground her if she agrees to get a job, pull up her grades and spend more time on the Oracle. Since Liz has already decided to do all of that, she readily agrees and she and Jessica go upstairs to get ready for their double date.

The date is pretty horrible. Will talks about football all night and then gets annoyed when Jessica asks Conner about his guitar playing. Will doesn’t seem to notice that Jessica is still eating when he says he wants to leave and be alone with her somewhere. Jessica says it would be rude to leave Conner and Liz, but really she’s just sick of Will trying to decide everything about what they do. She tells him she’s not Melissa and she’s not just going to give in to everything he says. Will gets pissed and leaves. When he gets home, his mother tells him Melissa came by and dropped off a box full of stuff he gave her while they were together, including a sweater he gave her as a gift. Will’s a little bummed.

Jessica calls Will on Saturday morning to apologize for the night before and ask him to get together later. He kind of says, “Yeah, sure.” Jessica can tell he’s still upset about her bringing up Melissa, so she’s determined to make their date totally awesome. After talking to Jessica, Will goes to Melissa’s with the sweater. Melissa is outside sunbathing in a string bikini (you know she planned that shit). Will can’t stop staring at her, and he’s depressed when she thanks him for the sweater and then gets up and goes inside. So now, of course, Will can’t stop thinking about Melissa, just like he couldn’t stop thinking about Jessica when Melissa was his girlfriend. I hate this guy. Hate him, hate him, hate him.

So, Will takes Jessica to some Italian restaurant and starts talking about colleges. He says she should apply to a small school because she’ll be happier there, says he’ll sign her up for an SAT prep course (she’s already taken her SATs) and then he orders for her when the waitress comes. She gets upset and tells him to stop doing that, and he says, “Chill out, Melissa!” Smooth. Jessica tells him to take her home.

Conner’s friend, Evan, asks him to go to a Big Mesa party Saturday night. Conner thinks it could be the perfect thing to make him forget about Liz. Ugh, why does he want to forget about her now? I thought they were doing so well. Liz calls and Conner invites her to the party before he can stop himself. He worries he’s turning into a “boyfriend” guy. He’s really annoyed when he gets to Liz’s house and she says her parents want him to come in and say hello. But he deals with it and they go off to the party, taking Jessica with them because Liz didn’t want her sitting around at home all night.

Will wants to apologize to Jessica, but she’s not home. He finds out about the Big Mesa party and drives all the way out there. When he finds Jessica talking to Jeremy, he tries to get her to leave with him. Jessica says she doesn’t want to and this starts a whole thing with Jeremy and his friends. Will invites them all outside where I guess he’s going to beat them all up, but Jessica pleads with him not to fight them. He finally just leaves.

Conner and Liz go into a bedroom to make out for a minute. When they leave, another couple slips in. It’s some tall, good-looking black guy and Tia. Jessica and Jeremy dance together and she realizes how much she misses him and also how mad Will would be if he found out she was dancing with Jeremy. Meanwhile, Will goes to Melissa’s house. Well, that didn’t take long.

The Cover: At no point in this book do Will and Jessica look that happy.

This book apparently used to belong to some girl named Holly (her name is written in sparkly green ink on more than one page). Holly seems confused about someone named Alice. I wonder if White Rabbit was playing while she was reading this book.

Well, Holly, if you’re listening to the song this brings to my mind, the answer is “Jefferson Airplane.”

(As Sarah points out in the comments below, Holly is actually probably looking for Smokie – Living Next Door to Alice. Thanks, Sarah!)

15 Comments

Shannon, March 15th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 2. Senior Year

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #12: Bad Girl

The Moral of the Story: If you ground your kids, they’ll sneak out and try to drunkenly skinny-dip at a party.

The Big Deal: Party at Cherie’s

Synopsis:

Liz gets called to the office on Monday morning and is told to go see the guidance counselor, Mr. Valasquez. He says a lot of her teachers have expressed concern because she’s been getting bad grades, skipping Oracle meetings and daydreaming in class. Liz doesn’t want to tell Mr. Valasquez that it’s all because she’s so depressed over Conner (a fact that makes me absolutely sick, by the way), so she tells him it’s all because of the earthquake and living at Fowler Crest and stuff. She actually feels better once she gets it all out and she doesn’t understand why Mr. Valasquez wants her to come back next week. When Liz gets home that night, her parents say Mr. Valasquez called them and they want to know why she didn’t just tell them she’s been having such a hard time. Alice gets really upset for some reason and starts yelling. She says she scheduled a meeting with Mr. Valasquez for all three of them for the next day. Alice is doing some actual parenting? I might die from the shock of it.

Megan Sandborn seems to be under the impression that her parents are going to get back together when her mom gets out of rehab. Conner tries to tell her that’s not going to happen because Gary, her father, isn’t going to want to stick around. Megan and Conner have a big fight and Conner realizes she’ll never listen to him about Gary. He thinks the only person Megan will listen to is Liz. He finds her at school and tells her what’s going on, and of course the whole time he’s talking to her he can’t think of anything but kissing her. But as soon as Liz says she’ll talk to Megan, Conner just turns around and walks away. What the hell is wrong with these people?

With Maria’s help, Ken turns in an excellent English paper and gets complimented by his teacher. To celebrate, he and Maria decide to go see a movie. When Ken takes her home, all he wants to do is kiss her, but he can’t seem to work up the nerve. They go to a street fair the next day and Ken wins Maria a teddy bear, which she promptly gives away to a five-year-old who comes up to her screaming that she wants a stuffed animal. Ken feels like an ass.

Liz is in a really great mood after Conner’s plea for help, and she decides to take Megan out after school. They go to Casey’s for ice cream, and after just a few minutes, Liz remembers she’s supposed to be meeting her parents at Mr. Valasquez’s office. She drives Megan home and then goes straight home because it’s too late to try to meet her parents at the school. When she gets home, Ned hollers at her because Alice is worried sick and driving around looking for her. Ned tells Liz she’s grounded for the next two weeks. Wow, now Ned is getting in on the parenting stuff. This is insane.

Will and Jessica are totally together now and everyone knows it, including Melissa. Cherie is having a big deal party and everyone besides Jessica is going to be there, so Melissa thinks it should be a good opportunity to steal Will back. Sadly for her, Will isn’t interested in going any place Jessica isn’t welcome. How sweet. You’re still a jackass.

Conner is all angry because he overheard Gary telling his girlfriend she could come stay at the Sandborn house while he’s there, so Conner calmly tells him he doesn’t think that’s a good idea because it would upset Megan. Gary says he won’t ask his girlfriend to move in, just as long as Conner behaves himself. Then the next night, the girlfriend – Alicia – shows up for dinner and Gary announces she’s moving in. Megan flips out and runs upstairs to her room. Conner goes to her room later that night and finds a note saying she can’t live with Gary and Alicia. Conner has no idea how long she’s been gone or where she might be. As you can probably guess, Megan is at Liz’s. She rode there on her bike and is now crying on Liz’s shoulder. Liz gets to do some shoulder-patting, so that’s pretty cool. Conner finally thinks to go to Liz’s, and when he gets there and rings the doorbell, Mrs. Wakefield acts like a bitch and says he can’t come in. Then Liz and Megan come downstairs and Alice tells Liz to meet her in the other room when her friends are gone. Conner yells at Liz for not forcing Megan to call home, and then Alice yells at her for having a friend over when she’s supposed to be grounded. She adds another week to Liz’s sentence. Liz decides she’s not cool with that, so she sneaks out to go to Cherie’s party.

Ken and Maria go out to dinner, and Maria starts to panic a little when she realizes they’re at a very romantic restaurant. Apparently, she’s an idiot and hasn’t noticed that Ken is interested in her. When he tries to feed her a bite of his pasta, she asks him if he thinks they’re on a date. He asks her what she thinks they’ve been doing all week. They don’t know how to proceed, so they just leave and go to Cherie’s party.

At the party, Ken gets roped into a conversation with Gina, and that makes Maria jealous so she dances with Aaron. That makes Ken jealous, so he dances with Cherie. Maria cuts in and says they have to talk, but they end up kissing instead. Meanwhile, Liz decides to get drunk. Tia and Andy try to take her home, but she gives them the slip when she says she has to go to the bathroom. She’s just about to take off her clothes and jump into the pool when everyone starts running away because there are police sirens coming closer. Conner is just pulling up when he sees Liz stumbling down the driveway. He can tell she’s drunk and he wants to get to her before the police do. He grabs her arm and shoves her in the car. After he drives her a little way down the street, he stops the car and apologizes for being a jerk earlier. Then he kisses her.

Quotes:

Mr. Collins glanced up from the paper, his warm brown eyes looking surprised.

What happened to Mr. Collins’ crinkly blue eyes?

The Cover: Hello, extreme close-up.

12 Comments

Shannon, March 12th 2010 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in 2. Senior Year

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #11: Take Me On

The Moral of the Story: All stepfathers are evil.

The Big Deal: Party at Aaron’s

Synopsis:

The Wakefields are packing up and moving out of Fowler Crest. Will shows up and tells Jessica he had fun at the kidnap breakfast that morning. Jessica knows he’s referring to their kiss and she’s all aflutter, but Lila’s lurking nearby so Jessica tries to get Will to leave. Unfortunately, he offers to help with the move and brother Steve (in his first appearance of the series) is happy to let him. Will insists on hanging around even after all the boxes have been unloaded, but when he tries to kiss Jessica she tells him it’s not going to happen and he needs to leave. Liz is really annoying and pesters Jessica to give Will a second chance. She says Aaron Dallas is having a party on Tuesday night (why Tuesday?) and Jessica should go and talk to Will there. I don’t get what Liz’s deal is or why she’d want her sister to date a guy who told the whole school she was a slut. Is she so miserable over Conner that she wants Jessica to be equally miserable? Whatever the case, she’s a bitch and I hate her.

Conner’s mom is in the hospital after her car accident. She’s physically fine, but she seems to have absolutely no remorse about what happened. She says that because she was drunk when she crashed, she’s going to have to go to court, and her lawyer thinks it would be best if Conner and Megan went along. Conner doesn’t want to help his mother in any way, but he knows that if she goes to jail, he and Megan would end up in Seattle with Megan’s dad. The judge doesn’t end up sending her to jail, but Mrs. Sandborn does get her license suspended for a year and she has to check herself into rehab. When Conner goes to get into the driver’s seat when they’re leaving the courthouse, Mrs. Sandborn wants to know what the hell he’s doing. She doesn’t seem to think having a suspended license is any big deal and she wants to drive her own car. Conner tells that bitch to get in the passenger seat and then make him a sammich.

Mrs. Sandborn finds out the only rehab clinic her insurance will approve is in Minnesota and she has to leave Tuesday. She insists she’s not an alcoholic and the only reason she’s going is because she has to, not because she needs help. She gets Megan’s dad, Gary, to come down and stay with the kids for the month, which pisses Conner right off. He and Gary manage to get into an argument the first night, and Conner leaves the dinner table in a huff.

Jessica goes to Aaron’s party, but she starts to panic when all her friends see Will coming toward her and leave her alone to fend for herself. Lila has told everyone about Will helping the Wakefields move, so now they’re all curious to see what’s going on between them. Will comes up to her and says she looks great. Jessica freaks out and tells Will she doesn’t want him. Then she locks herself in Aaron’s bedroom. Liz finds her later and says she invited Will over for dinner the next night. It was Alice’s idea. She wanted to thank him for helping them move. Jessica is livid about Liz inviting him. So am I. Jesus Christ, Liz. What the hell is wrong with you?

Angel tells Tia he got an interview for the RA thing, but if he’s accepted he’ll have to go early for training and stuff. So instead of going off to college in January like he’d planned, he’d be leaving this Friday. Tia is nervous about losing him, so she thinks maybe it’s time to give Angel her virginity. She tells him what she’s thinking, but he says he wants to wait. Tia assumes he isn’t attracted to her, so she gets upset and leaves. These books are just one stupid assumption after another and it makes me want to stab someone.

Will comes to dinner and charms the socks off Ned and Alice. At the end of the night, everyone leaves Will and Jessica alone in the living room, and Will tells Jessica he wants to go out on a date with her. He’s leaning in all close and sexy, so Jessica has no choice but to say yes. God, this whole thing sickens me. No guy is so good-looking that I’d forgive him for that shit. This is like the “Bruce tried to rape Liz but it’s all good” stuff from the original series.

Conner’s a little jealous that Megan is having so much fun with her dad, and when Megan says Gary is thinking about moving back to Sweet Valley because he misses her and her mom, Conner freaks out. He starts yelling at Gary and telling him to stay away, and Gary says something about when he divorced Mrs. Sandborn, she made threats. Conner wants to know what kind of threats, but Gary won’t say. Conner finds his mother’s files from the divorce and starts reading. He finds out Gary fought for custody of Megan. This doesn’t jibe with the things his mother told him, that Gary had only married her for her family’s money and didn’t care about any of them at all. Conner goes to apologize for being such an ass, but he overhears Gary talking on the phone to his girlfriend, telling her the Sandborns will be out of his hair soon enough and then they won’t bother him ever again.

Angel goes to Tia’s on Thursday night and asks her why she’s been avoiding him. She starts accusing him of wanting to sleep with college girls, and Angel gets pissed. He says he got the job and he’s leaving tomorrow. Tia spends all night crying, and when she gets up in the morning, she races over to Angel’s house. She gets there just in time to apologize and give him a big hug, and then he drives off to Stanford.

The Cover: I don’t understand why they picked this guy to be Conner. He’s entirely too preppy to be the brooding soul that is Conner McDermott. Also, I hope that offer for a free Christina Aguilera cassette is still good.

16 Comments

Shannon, March 10th 2010 | Tags: ,
Posted in 2. Senior Year

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #6: Your Basic Nightmare

The Big Deal: Football game

Synopsis:

Jessica wakes up totally depressed on Saturday morning because Jeremy never came after her when she ran out of the party last night. Meanwhile, poor Jeremy is at the hospital. His father is awake, but he still looks like crap. There’s a football game that afternoon and Jeremy’s dad is for some reason adamant that Jeremy get out of the hospital and play in the game. Jeremy has no intention of playing that afternoon, but he tells his dad he will.

Liz calls Maria and asks her to go to brunch. Maria picks her up and says she wants to ask Liz something about Conner. Liz is sure Maria found out about the kiss, but Maria just says she saw Liz’s crappy love poem about him. Liz makes something up and somehow gets Maria to believe the poem wasn’t about Conner and that she still doesn’t like him. When Maria drops her off, Liz tries to tell Conner they should stay away from each other because she doesn’t want to hurt Maria. Then they make out a little.

When Melissa wakes up and goes downstairs on Saturday, Will is sitting in her kitchen. She assumes he’s there to apologize for leaving her at the party, but he instead tells her he’s breaking up with her. Will leaves, and Melissa puts on her cheerleading uniform and gets ready for the game. By the time she gets to the school, she’s convinced herself that everyone is going to know she was dumped and they’ll all be laughing at her. During the game, it becomes clear that nobody knows. She finds Will after the game and says she assumes he didn’t tell anyone because he’s having second thoughts. Will says sorry, but no. He just wanted her to be able to tell her friends in her own time. Melissa is appalled. She makes Will promise not to tell anyone until she’s told her friends.

Liz goes to Riot with Tia, Andy, Angel and Maria, and she gets all freaked out when Conner shows up and sits down next to her. When he asks her to dance, she says she needs something to drink. She goes to the bar and Maria goes with her, ranting the whole time about how Conner is such a jerk to ask Liz to dance when he knows she doesn’t like him. While Maria is at the bar with her back turned, Conner comes up to Liz and takes her upstairs to the makeout room. After they kiss for a while, Liz says they need to go back downstairs because Maria, Maria, Maria. Conner gets annoyed and storms off.

Melissa goes to a victory party and tries to avoid Will most of the night. Suddenly, her stupid friend Cherie comes up to her, dragging Will along behind her. Cherie says she’s noticed Will and Melissa haven’t spoken all night and she wants them to make up and dance. Melissa asks Will to dance with her just once to keep up appearances, and in his protests he makes it clear he’s been planning to break up with Melissa for a while. She starts shouting and making a scene, so now everyone knows Will dumped her. She leaves the party, humiliated.

Jeremy and his mother go home to get a few hours of sleep, and then they have dinner together. Mrs. Aames mentions that Jeremy’s father needs to get a job because she thinks the not working and not providing is what stressed him out and made him sick. Jeremy freaks out because he thinks everyone should be taking care of his father and not trying to force him to work. He’s incredibly childish as he runs out the door and drives to the hospital to spend the night in a chair in his father’s room.

At two in the morning, Conner goes to Tia’s house and taps on her window to tell her he’s been messing around with Elizabeth and to ask her advice about it. Tia tells him to let Liz handle the Maria situation in her own way. At the same time, Liz goes to Fowler Crest and wakes up Jessica to do the same thing. Jessica tells her to tell Maria what’s going on.

When Jessica goes to work on Sunday morning and finds out Jeremy called in sick, she gets all upset because she thinks he’s just avoiding her. Wow, such ego. When she gets off work, Jessica finds Jeremy’s address and drives out to his house. He opens the door and she yells at him. When she’s finished, Jeremy takes her inside and shows her his big empty house from which most of the furniture has been sold and tells her everything that’s been going on with his family. Then they make out a little bit. After that, Jessica’s confidence makes a stunning comeback and she decides to go to Melissa’s and tell her off. But when she gets there, Will comes running out of the house looking distressed. He says Jessica can’t talk to Melissa because she’s at the hospital. She’s tried to commit suicide. Again. Apparently, the big mysterious thing in Melissa’s past that has been alluded to this whole time is that she tried to overdose back in eighth grade.

Maria insists on coming over to Liz’s because she’s decided not to let Conner’s presence keep her from hanging out with her best friend. Naturally, she gets there just in time to see Conner and Liz kissing in the kitchen.

The Cover: I hate Melissa’s face. She looks like such a bitch.

17 Comments

Shannon, February 26th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 2. Senior Year

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #5: If You Only Knew

The Big Deal: Big Mesa party

Synopsis:

To sum up the last book: Melissa is furious because she assumes Tia and Jessica tattled on her to Coach Laufeld and that’s why Tia was named captain. Jessica is heartbroken because she assumes the other cheerleaders told Jeremy about her reputation and now he’ll never want to talk to her again.

Tia and the gang go to a movie on Saturday night and Maria invites herself along in the hopes that Conner will join them. Sadly for her, Conner decides to stay home and have pizza and play Monopoly with Liz and Megan. Maria talks about Conner all night and Tia and Andy finally tell her they know she’s not over him and the chances of her getting him back are slim. Meanwhile, Liz and Conner almost share a moment, but Liz gets nervous and makes things awkward.

Jeremy gets home Saturday night and finds a For Sale sign in front of the house. He’s pissed at his father for failing to get a job and at his mother for putting the house up for sale. Everything sucks until he goes to work the next morning and finds Jessica there. Liz felt bad about getting her fired from Healthy, so she talked to the manager of House of Java and got them to let Jessica work there in her place from now on. Jeremy and Jessica flirt for a while and she realizes the other cheerleaders must not have said anything to him. Jeremy asks Jessica to go to a party with him on Friday, but Jessica gets shy and says she can’t.

Maria is paired up with Ken Matthews on a history project, which kind of sucks for her because Ken has been a zombie since Olivia died. He’s quit the football team and stopped hanging out with people. He doesn’t show up for their study date in the library on Monday afternoon, and Maria finally decides to bail and head over to Andy’s house. He’s having people over and Maria wants to see Conner. When she gets to the school parking lot, she finds one of her tires flat. Conner comes out of nowhere and gives her a ride to Andy’s, but then he just drops her off and goes home. The next morning, Ken tells her to do whatever she wants on the project, but he won’t be helping.

Jeremy asks Jessica again if she wants to go to the party with him, and she says she can’t because she has to finish a project for her drama class. She’s supposed to cut out pictures from magazines and make a collage that shows who she really is. She tells Jeremy she’s having a lot of trouble with it. Later that night, Jeremy sees a bunch of his mom’s magazines and gets inspired. He makes a collage for Jessica and when he gives it to her, she starts crying and asks if he really sees her as beautiful, delicate, perfect and whatever else the collage says. He says he does and she says she’ll go to the party with him.

Jessica goes to the Sandborns’ house Thursday morning and has breakfast with Liz. They get to talking about Conner and Jessica realizes Liz likes him. That day at lunch, Maria opens Liz’s notebook to find that day’s English assignment. She sees Conner’s name written all over the place, right alongside some horrible love poetry. She doesn’t say anything, but seethes about it all afternoon. By the time she gets to the library to meet Ken, she’s livid. Ken asks her what her problem is, and she goes off on him, screeching about Elizabeth and what a bad friend she is. Ken, grateful that someone else is having a problem and not trying to get him to snap out of his misery, takes an interest and tells Maria to just talk to Liz.

Liz has to read her crappy love poem out loud in creative writing class. It’s obviously about Conner, and he stops her after class so they can talk about it. They end up kissing. Maria has chosen this moment to confront Liz. She and Ken come upon them right after the kiss, while they’re standing really close together. Maria can tell there’s something going on between them, but Ken says he doesn’t see anything.

Jessica is having a great time at the party Friday night, but then, of course, Will and Melissa show up with Melissa’s bitchy friends. Cherie calls Jessica a slut and starts to make a scene. Will tells Melissa to make them stop or he’s leaving. Melissa doesn’t do anything, so Will takes off. Jessica has been a big hit all night with the Big Mesa kids, and they surround Melissa, Cherie and Gina and tell them to get lost. When Jeremy turns around, Jessica is gone. He searches the whole house but can’t find her. He goes outside and thinks he sees her, but just then his mother comes driving up. She says Jeremy’s father has had a heart attack.

The Cover: So this is Jeremy. He’s much cuter than either Conner or Will.

26 Comments

Shannon, February 24th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 2. Senior Year

Sweet Valley High Super Edition #10: Last Wish

SVHSE10 - OuterThe Moral of the Story: If your birthday party is too awesome, the universe will retaliate with an earthquake.

The Big Deal: Birthday party for the twins

Synopsis:

The school year is about to end. For real this time. The twins’ seventeenth birthday is on June 13, and Liz wants to plan a surprise party for Jessica. She decides to rent the Beach Disco for the night. At the same time, Jessica is trying to plan a party for Liz. She decides on an elegant dinner party on the beach. So while Liz is spending her life savings on a deposit and guaranteeing the Beach Disco guys at least a hundred guests, Jessica is borrowing money from Steve to hire a jazz quartet for the beach party. Way to go, twins. When Lila and Amy find out there are going to be two parties, they get Enid and black Maria involved in some kind of scheme, the details of which are being withheld from me in an attempt to create suspense.

As for the rest of Sweet Valley: White Maria breaks up with Winston because he blabs that she sleeps with a teddy bear, Ken breaks up with Olivia because she paints a nude portrait of him and insists on entering it in a school art show, Bruce has been telling everyone he’s going to Harvard next year but hasn’t actually gotten an acceptance letter yet, and Todd and Devon are both moping around pretending they’re over Liz.

Whatever Lila’s plan is, she’s calling it The Plan and it seems to involve everyone bailing on the twins and not helping them plan their respective parties. When Friday the thirteenth rolls around, the twins wake up early and have breakfast with Steve and Billie before school. After school, Jessica and Lila go to the beach and start trying to set up their rented tent, but a couple of beach patrol guys come along and tell them they can’t have a party without a permit. At the same time, Liz and Enid go to the Beach Disco to set up, but the manager tells them he has no record of a Wakefield party. Both twins are devastated, and Lila and Enid take them home. They arrive at the same time, and when they go inside they find a surprise party waiting for them. Hooray! But wait, I still have seventy pages left, so I guess some more drama has to happen.

At the party: The twins get a brand new Jeep. Bruce announces to everyone that he’s turned Harvard down so he can attend Sweet Valley University. Winston and white Maria make up. Ken and Olivia make up. Billie leaves in Steve’s car to get ice, but the car dies. Steve and Jessica take the new Jeep to go get her. Todd drops by to tell Liz that he’ll be spending the summer at a basketball camp and he thinks they shouldn’t try to contact each other during that time. Then he tries to go to the bathroom, but Lila’s taking too long doing her makeup. Todd opens the door and gets ready to throw her out. Devon saw Liz and Todd talking together and it pissed him off, so he picks a fight with Liz. Ken, Olivia, Annie and white Maria are hanging out in the kitchen.

Then there’s an earthquake.

Olivia is crushed by a beam falling from the kitchen ceiling. I’m pretty sure she’s dead. Then the whole Wakefield house pretty much falls to the ground. Out on the road, Jessica crashes the Jeep and hits the windshield. And that’s where the book ends.

Quotes:

“After holding the preprom party and the postprom brunch here, my parents have put me on party probation.”

My goodness, that’s a lot of alliteration. Try saying “postprom brunch” five times fast. And hey, since when do Lila’s parents care how many parties she throws?

Ken Matthews…watched Bruce Patman pull his monogrammed pool cue from the stand. The engraved brass plaque on the handle read 1BRUCE1, the same as the custom license plates on Bruce’s black Porsche.

I love that his pool cue says 1BRUCE1. That is fabulous.

“It’s more than a chance to show my work!” Olivia explained. “What’s at stake is my integrity as an artist. I can’t let anyone else’s notions of propriety compromise my artistic vision!”

1. You are a sixteen-year-old high school kid who likes to paint. You don’t have artistic integrity. 2. There must be some kind of rules about showing another sixteen-year-old’s naked likeness in a school art show.

“I’ve been hoping you’d come to your senses and apologize.”

It seems like Ken’s always saying shit like this and then getting all surprised when whatever chick he’s talking to gets pissed off.

The Cover: This cover is lame. Why are the twins black and white while their cake is in the foreground looking all creepily festive? And what’s with the back cover picture?

SVHSE10 - Inner

SVHSE10 - Back

27 Comments

Shannon, January 4th 2010 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in 1. Original Series

Sweet Valley High #138: What Jessica Wants…

SVH138The Moral of the Story: Sometimes being the hot twin just isn’t enough.

The Big Deal: Party at Bruce’s house

Synopsis:

Devon has registered for classes and is starting school at Sweet Valley High. His first class is chemistry, and he’s excited that Liz will be his lab partner. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her since he saw her at the football game last week. Even the school blowing up after the game didn’t make him forget about her. Liz doesn’t know that Devon has tested at genius level in chemistry, so she’s surprised and delighted when he starts mixing solutions that match the color of her eyes. Liz thinks he’s so cute and smart and dreamy, she has to keep reminding herself that she already has a super hunky boyfriend.

capture_25112009_222906

For the next few books, the part of Elizabeth Wakefield will be played by Rory Gilmore. Dean Forrester will play Todd.

Jessica has also noticed Devon and has decided he should be her boyfriend. She prances up to him at lunchtime and declares herself his tour guide, but Devon is staring past her at Liz and doesn’t pay much attention. Jessica figures that just means she’ll have to try harder. The next day in chemistry class, Devon writes Liz a message in invisible ink and challenges her to figure out how to reveal it. To nobody’s surprise except Liz’s, the message is a request for a date. Liz actually does the right thing and tells Devon she has a boyfriend. Devon’s not ready to give up, so the next day, he gives Liz a bunch of paper flowers. Liz is flattered and really wishes she could be with Devon, but she’s promised Jessica she would put in a good word for her. However, it’s clear Devon has no interest in Jessica and she’s starting to get pissed.

If you’re wondering where Todd is while all this is going on, he’s preparing a super awesome surprise for Liz to celebrate the one year anniversary of the first time she had an article printed in the Oracle. This surprise involves wacky antics as Todd attempts to make a raspberry truffle cake and gets cake batter all over the kitchen. He has to call Enid for help. He decides he’d better stay home on Friday night to prepare for the big day, so when Liz calls and asks him to hang out, he has to turn her down. Then Devon calls Liz on the other line and asks her if she’ll study with him. Liz accepts. As a friend, of course.

Jessica invites Devon to a party at Bruce’s house Friday night, saying all the best people will be there, strictly A-list. Devon doesn’t care, and instead of going to the party he puts on a fireworks show for Liz at the softball field. Then he tells her she doesn’t belong with Todd anymore, she belongs with him. He tells her he’ll be at the Box Tree Café the next night at eight and he hopes she’ll meet him there.

Jessica comes home from Bruce’s party totally pissed off that Devon never showed and all her friends made fun of her for getting stood up. She asks Liz if she ever got a chance to talk to Devon about her, and for some reason Liz tells Jessica that Devon will be waiting for her the next night at the Box Tree Café. Then she gets all emo about giving up her chance to be with Devon. I totally don’t get what she’s thinking. Jessica is confused when Devon calls her Elizabeth, but she doesn’t want to show it. She starts kissing him and he somehow realizes he has the wrong twin and tells her he’s not interested. Jessica is pissed. She can’t believe Devon would turn her down and she can’t believe Liz would set her up this way. When she gets home, she rubs the date in Liz’s face, telling her it was fabulous.

Jessica is supposed to get Liz to the beach on Monday after school so Todd can surprise her with his ridiculous Oracle anniversary celebration. He’s got food and music and sparkling cider and presents. I think he’s lost his mind, for real. Liz never shows up at Jessica’s locker because she’s so depressed about Devon and doesn’t want to hear Jessica talk about him anymore. She wanders out to the softball field. Devon finds her, and after she apologizes for Saturday night, they start making out. Jessica finds them and is furious. She goes to the beach and tells Todd that Liz is cheating on him with Devon.

gilmore_rory_jess

Jess Mariano will play Devon.

Quotes:

“Next Monday will be the one-year anniversary of the day that Liz had her first article published in the Oracle. I can’t believe she hasn’t said anything to you about it.”

Yeah, Todd. I can’t believe it either…Weirdo.

She had given up her chance to be with Devon, the most exciting and wonderful guy she had ever met. But she had no other choice, did she?

UGH, Liz, you are not married. You are sixteen. You always have a choice!

“I could easily use you, Jessica, and then throw you away,” [Devon] said bitterly. He gave his words a moment to sink in. “But that’s not the way I work.”

What are you even talking about? I really didn’t mind Devon until this little nugget of smug.

The Cover: I hate these photo covers! This scene never happens in the book. What is this?

24 Comments

Shannon, December 21st 2009 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 1. Original Series
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