Sweet Valley High Super Edition #12: Aftershock

SVHSE12Read part one of this miniseries here. Read part two here.

The Big Deal: Olivia’s funeral.

Synopsis:

The Wakefields are staying at Fowler Crest while their house is being rebuilt. Sweet Valley is all fucked up. The Dairi Burger, the Beach Disco, Miller’s Point, the movie theater – pretty much everything besides the school is ruined. White Maria sets up a refugee center because the only people in town who can do things like that are sixteen-year-olds.

Liz can’t remember anything that happened during the earthquake, but she and Enid assume Devon is the one who saved their lives. I don’t know why. I thought it was an EMT guy. Either way, it wasn’t Devon and he feels like crap about it. Liz and Enid stop by his house one day to thank him, and he totally accepts their thanks. He feels kind of ashamed of himself, but Liz seems to love him again so he just keeps on lying. Unfortunately, Enid seems to love him now, too. She tells a reporter that Devon saved her life, and suddenly a gaggle of them are on his front lawn, asking him questions about his heroic act. Enid keeps throwing herself at Devon, which annoys both him and Liz.

Black Maria tells Liz she overheard her and Devon arguing the night of the earthquake, and she says Devon absolutely wasn’t the one who saved her. Liz is a stupid bitch and thinks Maria is lying to her. She gets pissed and leaves. They make up a few pages later and Maria hypnotizes Liz to help her remember. I don’t get what Liz’s deal is. It seems like she knows she was electrocuted by downed power lines, but she’s totally confused by the burn marks on her legs and doesn’t know where they came from. She turns the whole thing into a mystery she needs to solve.

Jessica is a total mess and can’t stop thinking about Alyssa, the girl whose life she failed to save. She has nightmares every night and feels totally guilty. One night, she sneaks out of Fowler Crest after a particularly bad dream and heads to the high school. She’s sitting on the bleachers in the stadium when Ken Matthews shows up and sits down next to her. They talk about their guilty feelings for a few minutes and it seems like they’re both starting to feel better, but when Jessica says she wishes she were dead, Ken freaks out. Like, out of nowhere starts yelling about how he’s way worse off than Jessica. Then he leaves. Whatever, dude. Jessica eventually talks to Alyssa’s brother, Bryan. He’s feeling the guilt, too. He and Jessica tell each other it was nobody’s fault, the fucking earthquake did it.

Ever since Lila and Todd almost kissed in the Wakefields’ bathroom, neither one of them can stop thinking about it. But for some reason, they keep bickering every time they see each other. It’s really kind of annoying.

Olivia’s funeral is held in the Davidsons’ back yard. While everyone is taking turns saying a few words about Olivia, Liz catches a glimpse of Dana’s snake-shaped arm cuff thing. Suddenly, she remembers the snake in the pool, and that memory is apparently the key to all the other memories. Now she remembers that Devon was too scared to help her, and she’s incredibly pissed off that he would pretend to be a hero.

Everyone says such nice things about Olivia, and Lila, who wants to turn over a new leaf, feels bad that she was too much of a snob to get to know her. After the service, she starts crying and then suddenly Todd is there hugging her. Lila’s fine with that, but then Todd kisses her. She is completely disgusted that he would kiss her at a funeral, so she tells him off and stomps away. She and Amy go shopping.

Liz catches up to Devon as he tries to sneak away from the funeral. She tells him she remembers him running away after the earthquake, but he denies it and insists he saved her. Liz still can’t remember who actually pulled her away from the fire, but she knows it wasn’t him. Other people are leaving the service and there’s now a crowd gathered around Liz and Devon. Ken overhears what they’re talking about and says he saw with his own eyes that some guy he didn’t recognize pulled Enid and Liz away, not Devon. Devon finally admits he lied. He leaves the funeral and thinks it’s about time to get out of Sweet Valley.

Liz and Todd talk that night. They haven’t been able to stop thinking about each other, but Todd is still too hurt to forgive and forget. They decide to take the summer away from each other and see where they stand afterward.

If Ronnie Edwards had a funeral, I didn’t hear about it and nobody attended. Aw, poor Ronnie.

Quotes:

With a big sigh, Lila gave up. She simply hadn’t had enough practice being kind and warm to make a difference in Jessica’s black mood. She wasn’t Elizabeth Wakefield, giving out advice at every opportunity.

And we are forever grateful.

Maybe this walk will help her snap out of it, Elizabeth hoped.

Jessica is feeling suicidal because a little girl died right in front of her, but a walk on the beach is sure to fix things. I think Liz is overestimating the powers of the ocean just a little.

“Enid didn’t know she was going to be on television,” she told Lila.

“There’s no excuse for a dress that bad,” Lila replied.

I love that Lila’s vow to stop being such a snob does not stop her from making fun of Enid’s ugly clothes.

[Ken is] a great friend, Elizabeth thought. No wonder I had that crush on him for a while.

I think you mean, No wonder I cheated on my boyfriend with him and then jealously tried to keep him away from my sister for a while.

The Cover: Where did all these pictures come from? I recognize the ones that are book covers, but what are the rest of them? Are they from the TV show?

16 Comments

Shannon, January 6th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #143: Party Weekend

SVH143Read part one of this miniseries here. Read part two here.

The Moral of the Story: Screw finding a moral, I barely even know what this one is supposed to be about. This is even worse than the damned werewolf books.

The Big Deal: Brunch party at Lila’s, inter-school fair, dance and talent show

Synopsis:

The morning after the prom, Jessica drags Liz over to Lila’s brunch party so they can confront her about teaming up with Courtney and trying to steal Devon. The three of them start arguing on Lila’s front lawn about who should really get Devon, but then the man himself shows up and tells them all to fuck off. Then Olivia gets there and says she has some important news.

Apparently, it’s a tradition in Sweet Valley to have an inter-school fair the day after prom. It’s a big deal. There’s some kind of contest to get the juniors excited about their senior year, but the details are kept secret until the last minute. Olivia is SVH’s leader, and she tells everyone she just heard that the contest is going to be a talent show. They have two days to put together an awesome act.

Everyone heads on over to Palisades High for the fair. Except they don’t even do any fair-type stuff because they have to work on their talent show act. As soon as they get there, Jessica and Olivia have a run-in with Erica Dixon, the El Carro team’s captain. She’s a total bitch and steals SVH’s practice space for some reason. Jessica is pissed that Olivia is content to just let Erica push her around, so she vows to get even. Then she walks outside and sees Christian Gorman leaning against a tree. And he disappears. Great, just what this series needs: ghosts.

The number SVH puts together for the show is a dance routine to the song Opposites Attract, and it will feature a “good twin, evil twin” theme. Naturally. Olivia has Liz and Devon go to the Wakefields’ house to get stuff from the twins’ rooms that they can use as set dressing to show a contrast between the twins. Things are really awkward between Liz and Devon. Meanwhile, Olivia has the worst self-esteem in the world, and she gets all bent out of shape when Ken hears about the problem with Erica and says he thinks Erica is nice. Everyone eats lunch together and Jessica spills some grape juice on Erica’s shirt. Erica freaks out and threatens to kill everyone. Later, Ken tells Olivia she should apologize to her.

This plot is a freaking mess.

There’s a big dance that night for all the schools. Olivia won’t go because she’s so afraid of seeing Erica. She and Ken have a fight about it and she tells him to go without her and then gets depressed when he actually does it. Jessica has managed to get a date with a Palisades guy named Josh Brighton, and he shows up at the Wakefields’ house with Christian’s ghost, who actually turns out to be Christian’s brother, Jason. After Jessica faints and wakes up, she gets Liz to join them and go to the dance. When they get there, the only nice girl from El Carro’s team, Tia, tells them they’d better go check out their practice area. It’s been totally trashed. Everything has been spray painted with El Carro’s colors. Jessica gets Lila and Maria to agree to sneaking back late that night and trashing El Carro’s stuff. She’s waiting for them to come pick her up, and then suddenly Christian is sitting on her bed. He’s come to remind her that it was a school war just like this one that caused his death. When Lila and Maria show up, Jessica tells them the plan is off.

Deep breaths. Go to a zen place. It’s the only way we’re getting through this. Don’t worry, it’s almost over.

The next day, everyone trudges back to Palisades High to practice some more and to clean up the mess El Carro made. And suddenly, Jessica gets it into her head that she should use the auditorium’s rigging from their last production of Peter Pan to fly down onto the stage as a grand finale. Ken overhears some El Carro kids talking about cutting the ropes, and he finally gets that Erica is a bitch and Olivia was right all along.

That night, Sweet Valley is just about to go on when Jessica starts throwing up. I guess she’s sick and there’s no way she can go on. Everyone is about to call it quits and go home, but Jessica tells Olivia to take her place. Suddenly, Olivia knows how to dance. Erica doesn’t cut the ropes, but she does turn off the lights just as Olivia is climbing the scaffolding to get to the ropes. She falls and ends up hanging from the rafters, and Ken gets to rush in and be all heroic and save her.

A big fight breaks out on stage between El Carro and Sweet Valley. Palisades takes Sweet Valley’s side because I guess they’re allies now. Jessica is back in the projection room with Josh, and she’s sure someone is going to get hurt or killed. A well timed projection of a picture of Christian quiets everyone down. And they all lived happily ever after, except for Todd, who sees everyone hanging out at the Dairi Burger later and gives them all a “hurt look.”

Worst. Book. Ever.

Quotes:

I am not going to let Jessica Wakefield or anyone else destroy my self-confidence! [Olivia] vowed.

Not that they’d have far to go if you did.

He’s really nice – and hot! she thought. I’ll bet Josh could help keep my mind off Christian.

Right. When I start seeing my ex’s ghost, a new boyfriend is just the thing to help me get over it.

Elizabeth listened for her cue, then shimmied toward the center as her twin did the same from the other side. She and Jessica joined hands, then jumped apart, then faced forward and pumped their elbows back. Jessica executed a handspring, and Lila followed. Then Elizabeth and Maria performed perfect leaps.

This dance routine sucks ass.

The Cover: What the hell are you guys wearing?

21 Comments

Shannon, December 30th 2009 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #128: Kiss of a Killer

SVH128Read part one of this miniseries here. Read part two here.

The Moral of the Story: Um…vampires are real? That’s all I got.

The Big Deal: Just the end of Jonathan’s party

Synopsis:

So, yeah, Katrina’s pretty dead. The cops show up and question everyone. Enid stays after everyone else has gone and cleans the house, thinking that will make Jonathan love her again. She finally goes home, and then Jessica shows up. She and Jonathan make out and Jessica has some kind of vision of them flying or something. She wakes up the next morning having no idea how she got home. When she goes down to breakfast, she’s appalled when her parents ground the twins for going to Jonathan’s party. They’re with Jonathan for throwing the party in the first place since there’s a curfew in effect. They say the twins are to have nothing to do with him, but Jessica freaks out and convinces them to have Jonathan over for Sunday dinner.

Jonathan manages to charm the socks of the twins’ parents. Liz is disappointed; she was hoping they would hate him on sight. Speaking of Liz, she’s still stringing Joey along. Todd drove her home from Jonathan’s party and was about to tell her how much he missed her when he saw Joey’s car in the Wakefields’ driveway. Liz can hardly stand Joey, so I’m not sure why she’s even still hanging out with him. Who even cares?

Katrina Sutton’s funeral is the next day. Liz and Todd find themselves holding hands. Aww. After the service, Enid sits at Katrina’s grave and spills all her troubles to the dead girl. Then “someone” attacks her. These books are written in such a way that I’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to know Jonathan is the killer, but they totally fail at being tricky and suspenseful. Anyway, after Enid is attacked, Jonathan takes her to the hospital. I don’t really get what’s supposed to be wrong with her, but she’s in critical condition for the next week.

Enid’s attack, combined with the recent murders, has got the Sweet Valley gang in an uproar. They turn into vigilantes at lunch one day, shouting about how the murderer needs to be found and the police need to learn to do their jobs. They all start chanting, “Kill the killer! Kill the killer!” It’s a little weird.

Liz is at the hospital when Enid wakes up for a second, mumbles Jonathan’s name and then passes out again. For some reason, even though she knows Enid has been in love with Jonathan since he showed up, Liz thinks this means that Jonathan is the one that attacked her. The worst part is that she’s right, dammit. Liz can’t get anyone to believe her, but she does somehow get black Maria to go with her to search Jonathan’s house. She finds some books about vampires and takes them home. After reading them, she’s positive Jonathan is a vampire. She puts the book down when she hears something outside. She goes out the front door just in time to see Jonathan and Jessica riding away on Jonathan’s motorcycle. It’s way after midnight and Liz doesn’t know what to do. She calls Joey, who pretty much laughs at her and tells her to stop worrying. Liz doesn’t like that, so she calls Todd, who validates her fears and tells her to wake her parents. That’s what she does. Alice calls the police.

Jonathan takes Jessica to a cave on the beach. He starts to tell her his life story, but they’re interrupted when the police show up. They lecture Jessica and Jonathan for a while about how dangerous it is for them to be out so late, especially in this area, as the cave is quite possibly the killer’s lair. *facepalm* Ned and Alice ground Jessica indefinitely and tell her Jonathan Cain is off limits forever.

On Saturday night, Bruce has a meeting at his house to discuss what the kids are going to do about the murderer. Liz comes by to tell everyone she suspects Jonathan is a vampire. They believe her. Seriously. They work themselves into a frenzy and start chanting, “Kill the killer!” again. Liz gets a phone call from Enid’s mother, who tells her Enid finally woke up and said Jonathan was the one who saved her and brought her to the hospital. Now Liz is all confused. When she hangs up the phone, she finds everyone has left, including black Maria, her ride. She calls Joey and tells him she needs him to help her out. He’s pissed because she stood him up that night, so he tells her to fuck off. A round of applause for Joey, everyone. Todd didn’t leave with everyone else and is eavesdropping on Liz’s conversation. He’s more than happy to offer his assistance and Liz is more than happy to boss him around.

Todd and Liz find Jonathan’s cave. When they go inside, they find Jessica and Jonathan sitting around with weird, blank expressions on their faces. The angry mob is right behind them, and Todd tells Jonathan to get out while he can. Jonathan runs down the beach and disappears. A minute later, a big black bird swoops down over Jessica and then flies away before the angry mob of teenagers gets there, all disappointed that there’s no bad guy for them to kill.

Just so we’re clear, this isn’t like the crazy guy who thought he was a werewolf. Jonathan is actually a vampire.

Quotes:

Some party! Enid raged to herself. Katrina Sutton dropped dead, and Jessica stole Jonathan away from me. The night was a total bust.

Enid’s really gone off the deep end.

Elizabeth sat down on a lawn chair and closed her eyes. “It’s just that…I’m grounded.” Her face grew hot with embarrassment.

“Grounded!” Joey shrieked. “That’s so…high school!”

Joey’s kind of a douche. Except…

“Let me get this straight, Elizabeth. You and I supposedly had a date today, but you stood me up. Now you expect me to come running to Sweet Valley because you’re worried about your sister?”

…“This isn’t the time for games, Joey. I’m begging. Either you come and help me now, or it’s over between us.”

“OK,” he said. “If that’s the way you want it, then I guess it’s over.”

Dammit, the one guy who seems to be able to stand up to St. Liz is taking off.

The Cover: Well, that’s dramatic. I love the angry mob with their flashlights and implements of destruction.

21 Comments

Shannon, November 20th 2009 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #110: Death Threat

SVH110Read the rest of this miniseries: Part one, part two, part three.

The Moral of the Story: Sweet Valley is a town full of morons.

The Big Deal: Another celebratory post-kidnapping party

Synopsis:

When Jeremy shows up at the Wakefields’ house and says Sue has disappeared, Liz is the only one who seems to think they should go look for her. Jeremy gives Jessica some lame excuse about why he was making out with Sue (“She threw herself at me! Honest!”), so Jessica is all ready to forgive him and leave Sue to her fate. Liz convinces them they need to go back to the cabin to try to find her.

When they get to the cabin where the party took place, Jeremy sends Liz and Jessica into the woods. Then he goes up to the attic of the cabin where Sue is waiting for him and tells her to just hold on for a few more hours and the inheritance is theirs. Then he rips off her necklace and goes outside. When the twins come back, he tells them he found the necklace in the woods.

Jeremy goes to the Wakefields’ house the next morning to tell Ned and Alice that Sue has disappeared. He stalls them until the phone rings. Ned puts it on speaker, and they all hear a voice demand half a million dollars (which is the same amount Sue is supposed to inherit) in exchange for Sue’s return, and then it says Sue will die if anyone calls the police. Jessica thinks the voice is familiar, and it’s clear to us that it’s a message Jeremy recorded. Ned wants to call the police regardless of what the kidnapper said, but Jeremy convinces him not to. He can’t, however, convince Ned not to call his detective buddy, Sam Diamond. Then everyone sits down for a delicious blueberry pancake breakfast. Jessica is overjoyed when Alice says the twins won’t be going to school, and she’s annoyed that Jeremy won’t make out with her because he’s so worried about Sue.

Jeremy goes back to the cabin and is furious to find Sue downstairs and not in the attic where he left her. He hollers at her because what if someone came searching for her? He takes her back upstairs and ties her up – just to keep up appearances, you know. Sue starts to wonder if this is really the best way to get her inheritance. And I don’t get this at all. Sue’s mother’s will stated that if Sue stayed away from Jeremy for two months, she’d inherit the money. So why couldn’t they just stay away from each other for two months? Why all this rigmarole? It’s so convoluted.

Sam Diamond shows up and it turns out it’s really Samantha Diamond. This affords the twins the opportunity to argue about women and careers and stuff, and Liz can’t believe Jessica doesn’t have a shred of feminism in her. I think Jessica sees how obnoxious Feminist Liz can be and is running in the other direction. Anyway, this is not the time or place for such a discussion. Everyone tells Sam what’s been going on. When “the kidnapper” calls again, Sam traces the call and is horrified when it comes back as unavailable. Ah, the advent of the cellular phone. The voice on the phone says that because the Wakefields contacted a detective, he now wants an extra thousand dollars added to the ransom and he wants the twins to be the ones to bring it to him.

Sam tells Jeremy and the Wakefields this whole thing must be kept top secret, so of course Jessica tries to tell Lila. She tells her Sue’s been kidnapped and is being held hostage, but she says it with her hand over the phone for some reason. Lila, of course, misunderstands and thinks the whole Wakefield family is being held hostage. And now it’s turned into another episode of Saved by the Bell.

Lila calls Robby and Todd and they decide they need to get into the house somehow and, I don’t know, overtake the kidnappers or something. Instead of just ringing the doorbell, they decide they need a disguise. Robby’s cousin works for Sweet Valley Power, so Robby says he can get uniforms and maybe a sweet truck. Meanwhile, Jeremy and the Wakefields are just hanging out at home. Jessica is getting pissed that Jeremy isn’t paying enough attention to her, so she goes to Steven’s room and steals the ring Steve was going to wear when he married Cara. Jessica gives it to Jeremy and finally gets his attention.

Ned comes back from the bank with the money, and Sam wires up the twins with microphones and sends them off to make the drop, planning to follow behind them. On the way out of the house, Jessica picks up a camcorder, thinking it might come in handy. After they leave, Jeremy tells Ned and Alice he wants to go to the cabin for some reason. He runs out of the house, pulling a ski mask on as he goes. Just then, Lila, Todd, Robby and Robby’s cousin, Sidney, pull up in a Sweet Valley Power truck. They see a man in a ski mask running across the lawn and figure he must be the kidnapper, so they all hop out of the truck and jump him. When they tear off the mask and see it’s Jeremy, they’re all, “Sorry, man,” and let him go. When someone wonders why he’s wearing a ski mask, someone else says it’s probably a Halloween thing. You people are idiots.

Jeremy goes to the cabin and gets Sue, who’s been tied to a chair in the attic for quite a while now. She doesn’t want to go through with the plan anymore but Jeremy yells at her and forces her into the car. When they get to the dropoff point, Jeremy tells Sue he’ll pick her up later at the Wakefields’ house. Sue gets out of the car and Liz puts the briefcase full of money in a phone booth before running back to the Jeep. Jeremy, wearing a long trenchcoat and a big hat, gets the money from the phone booth and takes off. Sam shows up and tells the girls the money was fake.

Sam, Sue and the twins go back to the Wakefields’ house, where they join Ned, Alice, Todd, Lila, Robby and Sidney for cake and ice cream. Ned proposes a toast to the twins and their bravery, and Liz sympathizes with Sue’s being tied to a chair for two days. Then everyone watches the tape Jessica made during the dropoff. Nobody can see anything identifiable about the kidnapper, except Jessica, who notices the man wearing the ring she gave Jeremy.

Quotes:

“Now, Alice,” said Mr. Wakefield, his voice optimistic, “don’t give up hope. Remember when Elizabeth was kidnapped? We were all so worried, and it all turned out fine in the end.”

Yeah, good times, good times.

“He gave me some bread in the morning and some water during the day.”

Mrs. Wakefield gasped. “But that’s torture!” she exclaimed, slicing another piece of cake and putting it on her plate.

I’m starting to think Mrs. Wakefield is a little “special.”

The Cover: So, to go along with the SBTB-esque quality of the plot, we’ve got a Zack Morris lookalike here on the cover, complete with Zack Morris hair and button-down shirt. Poor Sue is still wearing her witch costume from the Halloween party, and we’ve got great big kidnapper hands playing with the totally awesome cell phone. Jessica’s making a total bitchface.

26 Comments

Shannon, September 30th 2009 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #107: Jessica’s Secret Love

SVH107The Moral of the Story: No man can resist a Wakefield.

The Big Deal: Party at the Wakefields’ house

Synopsis:

The twins are hanging out at the beach with Lila and Enid, telling them about London. Liz is acting all depressed about Luke, so Jessica drags Lila away to walk along the shore. They start talking about boys and just when they both declare they’re ready for serious relationships, Jessica gets hit in the head with a stray Frisbee. The guys it belongs to are, of course, the most gorgeous men alive. The slightly less attractive one introduces himself as Robby and wants to buy Jessica a soda to make up for the bump on her head, but she and the other guy are too busy staring at each other. Robby and Lila go away, leaving Jessica and her Adonis to profess their love for each other. Jessica thinks she hasn’t felt this way since Sam died. They kiss, and then the guy says this is all wrong, even though it totally feels like they’re supposed to be together. He goes away and Jessica wants to die. She doesn’t even know this guy’s name.

Jessica is heartbroken when she gets back to Liz and Enid at the beach. Liz laughs at her until Jessica says not even Sam made her feel like this. Liz and Enid are shocked, but Liz thinks she can help Jessica sort through her feelings. Ever since the guy with whom she was cheating on her boyfriend turned out to be a serial killer, Liz has been reading a self-help book about relationships to figure out where she went wrong.

When the twins get home, Alice tells them she got a letter from Sue Gibbons, who is getting married soon and wants a California wedding. Sue’s mother, Nancy, was Alice’s college roommate and best friend. Nancy has died recently, and Alice wants to invite Sue to stay with the Wakefields for a month or so while she plans her wedding. When Sue gets there, Liz spends most of her time passing judgment on Sue’s preferences about the wedding. She can’t believe Sue wants to register for expensive gifts, she thinks the ring Sue picks out is too big and she actually chastises Jessica for suggesting Paris as a honeymoon location because Sue and her fiancé, Jeremy, work for a conservation group or something and Liz thinks they should go educate people in Costa Rica on their honeymoon. I hate Liz.

It’s been a week since Jessica’s mystery man left her on the beach and she’s still just as miserable. Everyone is getting ready to meet Jeremy and Jessica is trying to put on a brave face even though she’s destined to a life of loneliness. Then Jeremy shows up, and Jessica is shocked to discover that Sue’s fiancé is her mystery man. They pretend they don’t know each other, but everything he says just proves to Jessica that he was meant for her. Jessica takes Jeremy to the mall the next day so he can buy Sue’s ring. He wants to guess which ring Sue picked, and he naturally picks the one Jessica likes. That night, Sue says Jeremy is taking her to the Carousel, Jessica’s favorite restaurant. Jessica wants to make Jeremy jealous, so she calls every guy she knows, but Bruce is the only one home. She says a friend is on a blind date and she promised to keep an eye on things. At the restaurant, Jessica is pleased to see Jeremy is jealous of Bruce.

Todd’s been out of town this whole time, visiting his grandparents. Liz is taking the opportunity to turn into one of those obnoxious feminists who talk about empowerment or whatever. Todd calls one day and Liz tells him all about how she and a bunch of other girls went to Enid’s to “really explore my own sense of womanhood” because she got so shook up in London. Todd offers to help, but Liz says it’s a girls only thing. Of course, Todd gets upset and hurt. Shut up.

Alice is supposed to take Jeremy to the caterers to meet Liz and Sue, but she has a meeting come up at the last minute and asks Jessica to take him. Jessica directs him to Miller’s Point instead, where they kiss again. Then Jeremy pulls away and says he’s marrying Sue. Jessica gives up and points him to the caterers, where Jeremy and Sue argue over whether they should serve chicken or lobster.

The twins go with Sue to pick up the dresses. They’re going to be bridesmaids, which irks Jessica to no end. On the way to the car, Sue says something about her “bridal underthings” for the wedding night. It’s too much for Jessica and she “accidentally” throws Sue’s wedding dress under a passing truck. Luckily, it’s not damaged, just dirty, and Alice tells Jessica she has to pay to have it cleaned. Liz knows Jessica is depressed that night, so she drags her to a Primal Woman seminar, where women write their own “herstory” and choose new names for themselves. Liz calls herself Runs-with-the-Wind. Jessica thinks the whole thing is stupid and says she’ll just be Jessica, like Madonna or Cher.

Jessica has the house to herself and she calls Jeremy to come over, ostensibly so he can meet Sue and go to the florist. When he gets there, he mentions trying on his tux to see if it goes with Sue’s dress. Jessica tells him to put it on, then runs upstairs to put Sue’s dress on. Then she and Jeremy have a talk. He tells her he really does love her, but he’s made a promise to Sue and he has to go through with the wedding. After he leaves, Jessica realizes the zipper on the dress is stuck. She rips it trying to take it off, but Liz is able to mend it.

The Wakefields throw an engagement party for Sue and Jeremy. Sue says Jeremy and Jessica should dance together, so they do. Jeremy just about loses his mind at how awesome Jessica looks. He says he needs to be alone with her, so she takes him behind some hedges and they start making out.

Just so you know, Jeremy is twenty-three.

To be continued…

Quotes:

“I love weddings. But isn’t eighteen awfully young to be getting married?”

Mrs. Wakefield nodded. “I imagine that, because of her mother’s illness and untimely death, Sue’s probably feeling a little lost. One way for her to feel secure again would be to get married and have her own family.”

And we’re just going to let her do that? Do we really think that’s healthy?

  • “People don’t make mistakes all the time. Women do. Women constantly make mistakes about men.”
  • “If Sue were really strong within herself, maybe Jeremy wouldn’t be attracted to other women.”

So, basically, Liz’s book has taught her that everything that goes wrong in relationships is the woman’s fault.

The Cover: I guess that’s supposed to be Sue looking for her cheating fiancé who’s kissing Jessica behind that tree, but doesn’t she kind of look like she’s trapped in the house and she’s trying to get someone’s attention? And isn’t it strange that the room she’s in appears to be totally empty?

So, it’s become painfully obvious that I am unable to keep up with daily posting. These newer books are longer than the older ones and even more convoluted and horrible. I think that for now I’m going to go with trying to post one miniseries every week, stuffing in Super Thrillers and Magnas wherever they go. So for now, I’m promising at least three posts every week. I have enough stockpiled to last us a while, but I’d rather space them out and make them last.

22 Comments

Shannon, September 21st 2009 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #97: The Verdict

SVH097Synopsis:

Elizabeth: Liz’s trial is starting, and Alice Wakefield is losing her marbles, running around offering snacks and washing windows while Liz and Ned go over their defense. A defense, by the way, that sucks ass because Liz cannot remember anything, no matter how many times the jerkface prosecutor asks her what happened the night of the prom.

Jessica: Jessica is still hanging all over Todd and ending most family scenes by running out of the room. She knows Todd feels bad about Liz, but she tells him he has to choose where his loyalties lie. The night before Liz’s trial starts, Todd and Jessica go to the Beach Disco and make out during a slow dance. A few days later, Jessica finds a letter Todd has written to Liz, and she snaps when she realizes she doesn’t really want Todd anyway. All she wants is Sam. This doesn’t make her give up, though. If anything, she hangs on to Todd more tightly, telling him Liz read his letter and threw it away. For some reason, she goes to the courthouse for the last day of Liz’s trial.

Todd: Todd sucks. He goes to Liz’s trial and it makes him feel guilty for what he’s been doing with Jessica. He tells Jessica it feels wrong to be with her, but keeps making out with her. He’s all torn up, so he goes to visit Steve, of all people, who is not happy to hear that Todd has been cheating on one little sister with the other. That night, Todd writes Liz a letter and asks her to give him a sign. He’ll go to her trial every day, and when she wears the bracelet he gave her, he’ll know it’s okay for him to talk to her.

Lila: Lila’s mother tells her the story of why she left Sweet Valley to go live in Paris: Grace wanted a separation from George, but George didn’t. When Grace took Lila and went to her parents’ house, George filed for divorce and sued for custody. Lila decides she’s going to get her parents back together.

Steven: Steve has a crush on his roommate, Billie, and she’s a really good listener when he talks about his family. When a classmate says there’s a rumor that Steve’s mom is in a nuthatch or something, Steve accuses Billie of blabbing. Billie is hurt and says she’s moving out. Then Steve finds out that Jessica told Amy and Lila that Alice was losing it. He apologizes to Billie and they make up.

Bruce: Pamela Robertson has transferred to Sweet Valley High in the hopes of getting away from her reputation as a slut at Big Mesa. Bruce still won’t give her the time of day, and Cousin Roger thinks it’s his fault because he was one of the many people who tried to warn Bruce about Pamela’s sluttiness. Poor Pamela doesn’t have any friends because everyone at Sweet Valley already knows about her, and Roger feels bad. He decides to befriend her himself, but Pamela doesn’t trust his motives. When Lila and Amy ask her to have a soda with them, she decides to give them a try. The three of them become friends, and Amy has a talk with Bruce about the way he’s judged Pamela. Bruce realizes Amy is right and feels bad. Then one day, Bruce sees a Big Mesa asshole trying to get Pamela to take a ride with him. Pamela is scared and crying, so Bruce just runs up and punches the guy in the face. Then he kisses Pamela.

Margo: Margo rides the Big Grey Dog all the way from Houston to Los Angeles, where she buys a train ticket to Sweet Valley. While waiting for her train, she sees Josh, the older brother of the boy she killed in Cleveland. Margo makes a scene, acting like Josh is bothering her, and then runs out of the restaurant. She exchanges her ticket and hops on the train currently leaving for San Diego instead. When she finally gets to Sweet Valley, the first place she goes is the mall to buy a blond wig.

The outcome: On the last day of Liz’s trial, a kid named Gilbert is called as a surprise witness. He was out driving drunk the night of the prom, and he caused Liz to crash. Jessica is all happy for a minute because that means her spiking Liz’s drink didn’t cause Sam’s death, Gilbert did. Then she notices that her whole family is rallied around Liz, hugging her and whatnot. She gets all sad and leaves with Todd. Liz tries to talk to her a few nights later, but Jessica ignores her and leaves the room.

Quotes:

But Mom’s only in Sweet Valley temporarily, Lila reminded herself. Nothing lasts forever. If I can’t count on the stability of the Wakefields, what can I count on?

If this mess hasn’t taught you that the Wakefields are even more fucked up than most families, nothing will.

Roger heaved a discouraged sigh. This was a repeat of many conversations he’d had with Bruce since he came to live in Sweet Valley after his mother’s death.

The continuity is even worse in these books than in the first ninety-four. Roger already lived in Sweet Valley when his mother died. Remember? He was poor, Lila had a crush on him, blah blah blah.

Laughing at his own wit, Bruce climbed into the Porsche and started the engine. He didn’t give Pamela another glance – that was part of her punishment…

I will kill Bruce Patman. Her punishment?

The Cover: Okay, Margo is freaking me out. She looks really scary. And the Sweet Valley courthouse is pretty imposing, too. Liz’s shirt is horrible.

14 Comments

Shannon, August 26th 2009 | Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #96: The Arrest

SVH096Synopsis:

Liz has been charged with involuntary manslaughter. The detectives keep asking her questions, but she has no recollection of drinking the night of the prom, or of leaving the school. She’s put in a holding cell with a prostitute. I can’t believe there’s even one prostitute in Sweet Valley. Ned calls Steve, who almost faints when he hears Liz will be spending the night in the police station’s holding cell. Jessica is still feeling as depressed as ever, but she’s decided to pretend to be her old self again. She’s also decided that the only thing that will really make her feel better is if Liz goes down for murdering Sam.

Her first day back at school after being released, everyone avoids Liz except Enid. Enid sets her bag down next to Liz at lunch and then goes to get her food. While she’s gone, Liz sees a newspaper sticking out of Enid’s bag. She grabs it and sees her own picture on the front page and an article about how she’s going to stand trial. Liz gets it into her head that Enid meant for her to find the newspaper and embarrass her, so she runs out of the cafeteria. What she doesn’t know is that Jessica stuck that paper in Enid’s bag when Enid walked past her. Phase two of Jessica’s revenge involves Todd. She calls him crying about how much she misses Sam, and manipulates Todd into offering to hang out with her the next night.

Lila seems to think her mother’s visit is going to solve all her problems, and Amy is worried. Jessica is annoyed because Lila never shuts up about her mom. Pamela calls Bruce and he agrees to listen to her explanation for staying out all night with some guy. Olivia, who is suddenly referred to as Nicholas Morrow’s best friend, has entered Nicholas to be on a dating show called Hunks. He’s a good sport about it, but gets set up with a weird biker chick named Jakki.

There’s a weird chapter here that’s very Lost. Lila is going to meet her mother for the first time. She pulls out of her driveway and almost hits a chick on a motorcycle. The chick is Jakki, on her way to pick up Nicholas. Nicholas waves to Bruce from the back of Jakki’s bike. Bruce is on his way to meet Pamela. He has a red rose, but decides he’ll look weak if he gives it to her. He tosses it out the window, then pulls up next to Steve Wakefield at a light. Steve is lost in thought and almost hits a girl crossing the street. The girl is Pamela, on her way to meet Bruce. Mrs. Wakefield takes Liz to the mall to try to make her feel better. Liz is miserable and goes outside. She sees Todd drive by (he’s on his way to meet Jessica at the movie theater) and starts crying. She cries even harder when she sees a red rose on the hood of her mother’s car.

Jakki takes Nicholas to some biker bar called Club Mud. Nicholas calls Olivia to come pick him up. Lila meets her mother, but also her mother’s boyfriend, Pierre. He’s kind of a douchebag.

Pamela wants to tell Bruce her story, which is that she had dated some asshole named Jake Jacoby who wanted her to “go all the way” with him. When she wouldn’t, he dumped her, but told everyone he’d gotten laid. After that, all the boys started asking her out, then dumping her when she wouldn’t have sex with them, either. But all of them lied and said she did because nobody wanted to be known as the guy she wouldn’t sleep with. So now everyone thinks Pamela is a total whore. She went out with Jake to try to get him to tell people the truth about her, but he just got pissed and kept her out all night just to be mean. It was him Bruce saw bringing Pamela home that day. Pamela doesn’t get a chance to say any of this because as soon as she sits down with Bruce, Jake and two other guys come up to their table and start taunting them. Bruce leaves the restaurant.

Todd and Jessica both have a horrible time at the movie, but Jessica says she doesn’t want to go home yet. She suggests a walk on the beach, so off they go, past the Dairi Burger where everyone can see them together. On the beach, Todd mentions Sam, and Jessica starts crying. Todd hugs her and says he knows how she feels because he misses Liz so much. This pisses Jessica right off, but she pretends it doesn’t and holds Todd closer.

Liz has a meeting with the lawyer Ned found for her, Alan Rose. Mr. Rose is kind of a jerkface and alternately talks about how much alcohol was in Liz’s system and how uncooperative she’s being by saying she doesn’t remember anything about the crash. Hello, you’re the one sitting there talking about how drunk she was, and you’re surprised she can’t remember anything? Ned fires Mr. Rose and decides to represent Liz himself.

The next day, Steve takes Liz to the park and they see Todd and Jessica holding hands. The day after that, Enid and Liz are driving by Todd’s house and they see the twins’ Jeep in his driveway. Steve is worried about both his sisters, but pushes everything aside for a minute to find himself a roommate for his new off-campus apartment. He answers an ad by a Billie Winkler, who shocks him by turning out to be a girl. Steve’s an idiot.

Nicholas’ second date, Susan, is just as bad as his first, but the third girl is awesome. Ann is everything the first two weren’t, and Nicholas somehow manages to turn the date into a nightmare. He’s late picking her up, he gets a flat tire and he throws up. It’s pretty bad. The next day, he goes back to the Hunks studio, where each girl gets to tell the world how their dates went. Jakki and Susan are pretty mean, but Ann says she had a wonderful time. They agree to go out again.

A bunch of Nicholas’ friends are at the Hunks taping, and Jessica and Todd are among them. After the show, the guys all want to go to a nearby burrito stand and Todd asks Jessica to join them. Jessica says Sam loved burritos so she couldn’t possibly go with them. She’ll just go home. Todd offers to go with her, and they end up on the beach again. Jessica is wearing one of Liz’s sweaters and Todd is all confused and weirded out. When Jessica starts making out with him, he kisses her back while thinking about Liz.

Crazy Margo kills the little boy she’s been babysitting, steals a bunch of money from his parents’ house and leaves Cleveland. She’s on her way to California, where she thinks she’ll find her real family. For some reason, the voice in her head tells her to get off the bus in Houston. She hangs out at the Houston bus station for sixteen hours, and then an old woman sits down next to her with a newspaper. There’s a picture on the front page that Margo thinks is a picture of herself at first, but then sees the girl has blond hair and a dimple and is going to be going to trial on manslaughter charges.

Quotes:

“I’ve been a fool,” [Pamela] mumbled through her sobs. “I’ve been a stupid, stupid fool.”

Show of hands: who actually talked like this at sixteen years old?

The Cover: That must be the Wakefields’ house. Isn’t it quaint? Liz is looking at me and I don’t like it. There’s way too much denim going on over there with Todd and Jessica on the beach.

29 Comments

Shannon, August 25th 2009 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #82: Kidnapped by the Cult!

SVH082The moral of the story: You better not ground your kids. They might join a cult.

The Big Deal: Nothing, really.

Synopsis:

Poor Jessica has been grounded for three weeks because of a failing math grade. Her friends have been doing fun things without her the whole time and Sam has been too into dirt biking to come over much. On her very first day of freedom, Jessica wants to spend the whole day with Sam. They go out to breakfast, and then Sam mentions that day’s race. Jessica is appalled that he actually plans to race that day, and he says he’s told her all about it and has been preparing for it all week. Jessica is super pissed. She storms out of the restaurant and drives to the mall, thinking she’ll feel better if she does some shopping. She sees a boy who looks like Sam and a group of girls who remind her of her friends who have “abandoned” her, and she starts to cry. A ginger kid sits down next to her. He introduces himself as Ted and says he knows exactly how Jessica feels. He used to be down in the dumps all the time, too. He even ran away from home, but then he met Adam Marvel. Adam befriended Ted and introduced him to a group of people who never criticize or judge. They call themselves the Good Friends. Ted lives with them now, and he invites Jessica over for dinner.

The address Ted gives her is in the bad part of town, the part where nobody Jessica has ever talked to has ever set foot, except Tricia Martin. She stops the car in front of the crappiest house ever and is dismayed when Ted runs out of the house and tells her everyone is dying to meet her. Ted introduces her to everyone, and over dinner, Jessica tells the Good Friends her whole sad story. When she’s finished talking, one of the other kids says she’s never met a cheerleader, and another says he didn’t think cheerleaders actually had problems like regular people. I can’t make this stuff up, folks. With the exception of a sulky girl named Susan, everyone is in awe of Jessica and they want to know when she’ll be moving in. Jessica is taken aback and says thanks, but no thanks. For the rest of dinner, the Good Friends lament that Adam isn’t home yet and talk about how awesome he is. Just as Jessica is leaving later, Adam Marvel comes home. He’s about thirty and gorgeous, so of course Jessica stays longer to talk to him. She’s fascinated with the man, so when he asks her to come back the next day to help the group with yard work, Jessica agrees.

When she goes back the next day, Adam personally asks her to help him clean out the garage. Jessica is totally excited that she’ll spend the whole day alone with him. Susan comes into the garage and says she thought Adam wanted her to help him. Adam tells her he changed his mind. Susan gets pissed and stalks off. Adam explains to Jessica that Susan is new to the group and hasn’t quite learned how to be a Good Friend yet. She’s still hanging on to her old selfish ways. Jessica deduces that Susan has a crush on him. Adam is delighted at Jessica’s intelligence and gives her a hug.

Jessica starts spending all her time with the Good Friends. Adam doesn’t like flashy clothes, so Jessica starts wearing weird shit like tweed skirts with white blouses. One of the things the group does is collect money for charities, and the first time Jessica goes with them, she collects more than anyone else. On the way back, Adam stops the van at the grocery store and takes some of the collected money to buy food. Jessica says he can’t use the charity money for that, but Adam assures her it’s okay.

After a few weeks of Jessica brushing him off, Sam gets fed up and shows up at her house. He demands to know what her problem is and what she’s been doing lately. Adam has told her to keep the Good Friends a secret, so Jessica avoids the question and accuses Sam of checking up on her. She really wants him to leave so she can daydream about Adam, so she tells him to go home and watch television with his bike, then goes inside.

If you’re wondering why Liz hasn’t noticed what’s been going on with Jessica, it’s because she’s having a problem of her own. She and Todd have joined the new bowling club. Justin Silver, the kid coaching the team, has a crush on Liz and she doesn’t know what to do about it. She thinks he’s handsome and funny and all that jazz, but she loves Todd. When Justin asks her out, she says he only likes her because she’s pretty, but Todd knows her well and they love each other. She wants to tell Todd Justin asked her out, but the opportunity doesn’t present itself and she feels guilty. Anyway…

One night at dinner, Ned tells Alice and Liz about the Good Friends, a new group in town that claims to raise money for charities. Unfortunately, some of the charities the group says it works for don’t exist, and others say they’ve never heard of Good Friends. And apparently, Adam Marvel, the group’s leader, may be setting up groups like this all over the country. Maybe he’s starting a cult! When Alice, Ned and Liz have finished talking about Adam Marvel, they all gossip about Jessica for a while and make fun of her clothes.

Sam tells Liz he’s worried about Jessica and that she’s been lying about going to the library every night. Liz realizes she needs to try to talk to Jessica, and she decides a good, neutral subject would be Ned’s news about the Good Friends. Jessica is furious when Liz accuses them of being a cult. She throws Liz out of her room. Liz thinks about Jessica’s reaction and puts it together with Sam’s complaints and Todd’s assertion that he saw someone who looked like Jessica collecting money at the mall. Liz is sure it all fits together somehow, but she just can’t…quite…figure…it…out.

The next day, Sam comes over to the Wakefields’ house and drags Liz and Todd to his car, saying he followed Jessica that morning and he knows where she’s been going. They drive to the worst part of town and see the twins’ Fiat parked outside a house with a sign hanging on the door that says “The Good Friends.” Liz explains to Sam that she thinks Jessica has joined the cult, all while Todd sits there telling her she’s jumping to conclusions. Liz waits until Jessica gets home that night and tells her she knows where she’s been going. Jessica is mad at first, but then she tells Liz all about Adam and the things he does to help others. She promises she’ll leave the group immediately if it turns out there is any truth to Ned’s claims.

Liz is still worried, so she decides to be Jessica and infiltrate the cult. She forces Jessica to go to a movie with Sam, then she and Todd go to the house, where Todd will wait outside just in case Liz needs help. The Friends are having a “discussion night,” which basically consists of everyone saying they agree with Adam. Liz thinks Adam is totally creepy. A group of Friends comes in all worked up about something. They were collecting at the mall when one of them, Brian, disappeared. Adam sends everyone to the mall to look for him, except Liz and Susan, the sulky girl. Adam sees the other kids out, and while he’s gone, Susan whispers to Liz to get out while she can. Liz is confused, and then Adam comes back so they can’t talk any more. Liz talks to Todd that night and tells him how scared she was. Todd tries to convince her to tell her parents what’s going on, but Liz is sure that’s a bad idea.

That Justin guy keeps bothering Liz, so she finally agrees to go out with them. They go to the mall, where they see one of the cult members collecting money. Liz freaks out and pulls Justin in the other direction. She doesn’t feel like she can tell him what’s going on, and this makes her really wish she was with Todd instead of him. Blargh.

At dinner one night, Ned starts talking about the Good Friends investigation. Liz and Jessica find out Brian’s parents snatched him back, and once he’s had time to recover, he’ll testify against Adam Marvel. Liz and Jessica argue later, and Jessica finally lies and says she’ll stay away from the group. She goes to the house the next night and tells Adam everything. They talk about Brian, and Adam says it was horrible of his parents to kidnap their own son. He’s upset that he has no way of contacting Brian, and manipulates Jessica into thinking it’s her idea to get Brian’s address and phone number from Ned’s files.

She meets Adam the next day and gives him Brian’s address. Jessica asks him what’s to stop Brian’s parents from taking him back again, and Adam says they’re going to move on and set up house in another town. He tells Jessica the group needs her more than ever, especially now that Susan has gone home. The next night, she packs a bag and heads for the house. She hesitates when Adam tells her to get into the van, and then Liz, Sam and Todd show up. Sam runs inside while Liz pleads with Jessica to come home with her. Jessica is torn, but keeps defending Adam. Then Sam comes out of the house carrying Susan in his arms. He found her bound and gagged upstairs.

Todd has called the police, and they arrest Adam, Susan explains that she’s a reporter, and everything is back to normal by the next page. Sam apologizes to Jessica for not realizing how depressed she was from being grounded. Steve says he’s upset that Cara is going to London for a week, and then the book ends.

Quotes:

There was only one blonde in the room, and she didn’t even have a tan.

This pretty much sums up Jessica’s first impression of the Good Friends.

Sam knew she didn’t like popcorn, but did he care? No. He liked popcorn, so every time they went to a movie, he bought popcorn. And every time, he ate it himself!

That’s because he likes it, Jessica.

“A cult!” Elizabeth gasped. “Here? In Sweet Valley? But that’s impossible!”

I love that Liz’s reaction to stuff like this is never “That’s awful!” or “That’s scary!” Her first reaction is always to say it’s impossible.

The Cover: She really must be brainwashed if she left the house looking like that. The cover art is really bad lately. She looks about twelve. Sam is pretty cute. Ted looks dirty somehow.

19 Comments

Shannon, July 28th 2009 | Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #81: Rosa’s Lie

SVH081The moral of the story: Only American girls can join sororities.

The Big Deal: Party at Rosa’s house, PBA picnic at Secca Lake, induction dance/party at Lila’s

Synopsis:

Rose Jameson is new at Sweet Valley High. She’s super popular already, but she has a deep dark secret: her real name is Rosa Jiminez, and she is a Mexican. Her parents changed their last name to Jameson when they came to America, but Rosa was still made fun of all the time at her old school in Texas. When the Jamesons moved to Sweet Valley, Rosa decided to be Rose. The Jamesons have light enough skin for Rose to get away with this.

Rose has been invited to be a pledge in Pi Beta Alpha’s pledge rush. She’s happy and excited, but part of the process is an interview given by Lila. When asked, she says Jameson is an English name and that her family came over on the Mayflower. She says she’s from Boston instead of Texas. She tells a lot of big lies: she’s related to Queen Elizabeth, her family traveled to England, she met Princess Di and Fergie. The Pi Betas are totally impressed.

Rose is doing well in her pledge tasks, but Jessica, Lila and Amy show up at her house one day. She starts to panic, but manages to stay cool. The girls don’t stay very long, and after they leave, Rose realizes she had nothing to worry about and she should invite them over all the time. That very evening, she calls the other pledges and invites them over for the next afternoon. Then her parents tell her that Nana Jiminez will arrive tomorrow for a two week visit.

While Nana is in town, Rose has to keep coming up with excuses about why she can’t have anybody over to her house. She goes home every day right after school to spend time with Nana. Nana disapproves of Rose’s short hair and short skirts, and doesn’t like that Rose’s mother can’t cook very well. She shows Rose an old family recipe one night, and after that, Rose is no longer ashamed of her heritage. That came about suddenly, didn’t it? Even though she is no longer ashamed, there’s no way she can go back on the lies she told the Pi Betas.

Annoyed at Rose’s recent anti-social behavior, Lila tells Rose her third pledge task is to have a party Saturday night at her house. Rose is in a panic because Nana will be there and everyone will know she lied. By a stroke of luck, Nana’s favorite singer will be giving a concert on Saturday night about an hour away from Sweet Valley. Rose buys three tickets and convinces her parents to take Nana out of the house. After all the guests arrive, Nana comes back to tell Rose she baked her a cake for the party, then she leaves again. When asked, Rose tells her friends that Nana was the cleaning lady. Oh, you bitch. Then Rose looks at the cake and sees it says, “To Rosa and all her friends. With love from Nana.” Rose dumps the whole thing in the trash. Oh, now I really hate her.

Nana goes home and Rose is free to hang out with her Pi Beta friends. They have a picnic at Secca Lake as a celebration for the pledges’ tasks being finished. While they’re hanging out at the lake, a little girl wanders over and somehow falls in an old well. The PBAs gather ’round the well and freak out when the girl starts trying to climb up using a rotten piece of wood. The girl starts crying and speaking in Spanish. Rose knows she’s the only one who can help her, but she’s so worried about what the other girls will think if she starts speaking fluent Spanish. YOU BITCH! Help the kid! After a few minutes, she realizes she really does have to help, so she starts talking to the girl. She keeps her calm until the park ranger and the girl’s parents are located. When the girl is out of the well and safely with her parents, Rose finally tells everyone she’s Mexican and then she runs away.

Rose is at home crying when the Pi Betas come over. They tell her they still want her in the club, especially now that she’s a hero. Lila says it’s okay that she’s Mexican, and that the Pi Betas will keep it a secret for her. So now Rose is suddenly all about being a Mexican and she’s upset that the Pi Betas would ignore her heritage like that. She thinks she has to choose between being a Mexican and being in Pi Beta Alpha.

A few days later, Rose is shopping with Jessica, Lila and Amy for dresses to wear to the induction party. All four of them try on dresses and check each other out in the mirror, and Rose doesn’t like that she looks just like the rest of them, just one more American girl. Nana made her a dress before she went home, and Rosa decides to wear it to the party. At the party, when Lila gives her the sorority pin, Rosa turns down membership and says she’s proud to be Mexican so she can’t join. I’m not lying. Then she says she wants to remain friends with everyone. Instead of telling her to take a hike, all the girls are relieved Rosa still wants to hang out with them.

Whatever. Here’s the B story:

Jessica is going out with Sam Woodruff. She’s totally in love with him, but he’s always hanging out with this Lana chick from his own school. Jessica is failing math, but she wants to keep an eye on Sam, so she keeps going out with him instead of studying. She fails a math test, then throws away the warning slip her teacher sends home, sure she’ll pass the next test. She fails the next test, too, so the teacher calls Alice. Jessica is grounded and can’t go to the PBA induction party. She feels like this is completely unfair, and she accuses Alice and Liz of trying to ruin her life and sabotage her relationship with Sam. For real.

Quotes:

…In the back by the pool, there are a dozen fairy-tale princesses, Rose thought, and they’re going to make me a fairy-tale princess, too….

They’re just a crappy high school sorority, Rosa.

“’Bye,” Elizabeth added softly, hoping Todd wasn’t really offended by what she said. After all, she and Todd had always spoken their minds with one another.

Yeah, and how many times have you broken up so far? It might be worth it to soften your punches every now and then.

The Pi Betas had accepted the fact that Rose was Mexican, but it was obvious they would just as soon ignore it. And they seemed to assume Rose wanted to do that, too. The other girls might not be overtly disturbed by the fact that Rose was a chicana, but they certainly were not going to encourage her to explore her heritage. No, if Rose joined the Pi Betas, she would have to deny the biggest part of herself. She would have to become completely American.

What the hell are you talking about? You’re the one who wanted to deny your heritage. The Pi Betas are just going along with what you started, dumbass.

The Cover: Awesome mom jeans! And that purple blazer over that purple t-shirt looks great! And I guess Rosa’s dress is supposed to look Mexican, but I have one very much like it in my closet and I’m not even a little Mexican.

30 Comments

Shannon, July 27th 2009 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #21: Runaway

The moral of the story: If you feel your family doesn’t appreciate you, try running away from home. You will be welcomed back with open arms and may even get a new sweater out of the deal.

The Big Deal: Party at Cara’s

Synopsis:

The twins have an unexplained week off school. Steven is taking the rest of the term off from college because he’s having problems dealing with Tricia’s death (remember that, from six books ago?). Jessica asks him if he wants to come to Cara’s party and the whole family gives her grief about how insensitive she is. At the party, Jessica gets sick of hearing everyone talk about how awesome Liz is and goes out to the pool house to be alone. She runs into Nicky Shepard there. He’s a Sensitive Bad Boy. His parents don’t have time for him because his little brother has asthma, which I guess is a really big deal or something and requires a lot of attention. My brother has asthma and we just went ahead and got him an inhaler, but whatever. Nicky and Jessica make out and spend the rest of the night dancing. Liz disapproves. Jessica gets mad.

Liz and Steven go to Casey’s for ice cream and discover Ricky Capaldo working there. We find out later that Ricky’s dad has stopped paying child support and Ricky’s working to help his mother. I seem to remember that being a big scandal when it was happening to Roger Barrett, but I guess Ricky’s cooler than him or something so it doesn’t matter. Ned Wakefield is Ricky’s grandparents’ lawyer. Mrs. Capaldo won’t let them see her kids. Over dinner one night, Liz gives Ned some suggestions about the case. Ned takes them into consideration and ignores Jessica’s comments. Jessica leaves the house and runs into Nicky. He tells her he’s running away to San Francisco in a few weeks.

Liz tries to talk to her parents about how depressed Jessica seems, but they don’t see a problem. She tries to convince Ned to ask Jessica to come along with them to the Capaldos’ court hearing, but he refuses. He makes a good point, that he doesn’t want to give in to Jessica’s every whim, but it seems like now, when she’s feeling so crappy, is a bad time to suddenly grow a backbone about it. At the courthouse, Ricky asks Liz not to write the article she’s working on about the case. ‘Cause you know the Sweet Valley News wants a sixteen-year-old’s article for their paper.

Nicky and Jessica go to a party and he asks her to come with him to San Francisco. He’s leaving in a couple days now instead of a couple weeks. She declines because she can’t bear to leave her family, even if they don’t seem to like her anymore. They leave the party and get into a car accident because Nicky’s been drinking. His parents come to pick them up and we learn they’re big pieces of crap who care more about the car than they do about Nicky.

Jessica tries to talk to her family about how she’s been feeling, but Alice runs off to work, Ned keeps interrupting her, Steven would rather go jogging and Liz has to get to the newspaper office to talk about her article. Jessica decides to join Nicky in San Francisco. She packs up her stuff and leaves a note for Liz, but when she closes her bedroom door the draft blows the note behind her dresser.

At the courthouse, Liz has a talk with Ricky and solves everything because that’s how she rolls.  At Ricky’s insistence, his mom decides her ex’s parents can go ahead and see her kids and the case is dropped. Yeah, after everyone has paid god knows how much money for lawyers and everything else, a heart to heart with Liz saves the day. When Liz and Ned get home, Liz discovers Jessica’s room is spotless and her clothes are gone. She and Ned go to Nicky’s house to see if he knows anything and Nicky’s mom tells them he ran off and they haven’t cared to try to find him. At the bus station, Jessica waits until the last minute to get on the bus because she’s hoping her note will make her family rush to the station and tell her how much they love her. They don’t come (take that, bitch) and she finally gets on the bus.

Steven finds out from a mutual friend that Nicky’s gone to San Francisco. He and Liz get to the bus station too late and follow the bus to its next stop. They find Jessica and bring her back home. They all have a long talk and everything is great. Jessica asks for a new sweater and Ned says she can have it. Because he’s just glad she’s home. Man, do you know what would have happened to me if I’d have pulled something like that when I was a kid? I for sure would not have gotten a new sweater.

Quotes:

“It’s so hard with school being out next week. There aren’t any dances or games or anything.”

“Cara’s having a party tomorrow night,” Jessica offered.

It must be devastating to not have any dances or games or parties at Lila’s house. I guess a party at Cara’s is the next best thing.

In one corner a group of people were playing Trivial Pursuit.

This is why we like Lila’s parties better. Seriously? Trivial Pursuit at a high school party? I mean, my friends and I would have done that in high school, but we were nerds, not popular and awesome like this crowd.

Elizabeth introduced the couple to Steven. “Bill’s a champion surfer,” Elizabeth said. “And DeeDee is a terrific artist.”

And that’s all they’ll ever be…

She could see herself coming back to Sweet Valley a few years in the future. She would be independent, sure of herself, someone who had made it on her own without anybody’s help. Then her family would see. Then they’d be sorry they had liked Elizabeth.

Now people aren’t even allowed to like Elizabeth? I think you’re asking a little much, Jess.

“Please, Your Honor.” He paused. “Think of the children. The children,” he repeated quietly.

Oh, sweet melodrama.

Jessica and the Number 137:

“I have a date with Neil, and he’s seen everything in my closet at least a hundred and thirty-seven times.”

The Cover: Oh, what a great cover. I don’t think I even have to say anything about it.

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Shannon, April 6th 2009 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature
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