Shannon's Sweet Valley High Blog

The Moral of the Story: One week of gambling will turn you into a gambling addict.

The Big Deal: Jock kidnap

Synopsis:

Angel is supposed to hang out with Conner and Tia, and when he doesn’t show up, Conner decides to look for him at the track. And that’s where they find him crying because he lost all the money he’s been saving for when he goes to Stanford in January. Tia is horrified. When Angel tells his parents what happened, his father fires him from the garage he owns where Angel has been working. Angel’s dad is kind of an ass. Tia makes Conner and Andy brainstorm with her to figure out how Angel can get back some of his money. Conner’s mom is on a lot of charity boards, so he thinks Angel should apply for one of her scholarships or something and she can put in a good word for him. Tia goes to Angel’s to tell him about Conner’s plan, but Angel has decided he’s just not going to go to Stanford. He tries to tell Tia that all of this happened for a reason and him going to college just isn’t meant to be. Tia tells him it happened because he fucked up. They have a big fight. Angel goes to Conner for a little support, but Conner also tells him he’s an idiot if he doesn’t go to Stanford.

Jessica gets up on Saturday morning and goes to House of Java to try to get Jeremy to believe she wasn’t on a date with Will. He says he actually does believe her, but he’s breaking up with her anyway because he thinks she likes Will whether she was on a date with him or not. Jessica goes home and tries to talk to Liz, but Liz is still all messed up about Conner, so other people’s problems just don’t matter to her anymore. She makes Jessica watch Casablanca with her. She’s really annoying, but still preferable to the Elizabeth who shoulder patted everyone condescendingly all through junior year. Just barely though.

Jessica goes to work on Sunday and tries again to get Jeremy to listen. He’s adamant about staying broken up because he wants her to “prove” that she doesn’t like Will. Oh, come on, Jeremy. Jessica decides she’ll prove that by not going out with Will, but then Will calls that night and asks her to come over to his house on Tuesday to finish planning the kidnap. And Jessica agrees. At least she remembers to say she’ll bring Tia with her.

Ken is bummed about not being allowed back on the football team, but he wants to at least start working out again. He goes to the YMCA and runs into Todd. Todd says he wishes Ken could play again because there’s a team unity problem. The El Carro kids are acting like they own the team and there have been a few fights. Ken shows up to Tuesday’s practice and starts running laps with the team. Coach yells at him for a while and tries to tell him to leave, but finally says Ken can practice with them. Coach eventually tells him he can stick out the season as a second stringer. Ken is overjoyed. Hooray. I don’t care.

When Jessica gets to Will’s house on Tuesday, she immediately starts getting all fluttery and weird. I hate that she still likes this asshole. He puts on a Frank Sinatra album and they start dancing for some reason. They’re just about to kiss when Tia walks in. Things are pretty awkward after that, but they manage to plan the stupid kidnap.

Angel decides to go out and get another job. He gets hired at his first interview, but he’s upset when he finds out he’s going to be a janitor. He apparently thought he’d be an IT guy or something. Tia is totally depressed because Angel hasn’t called since their fight. Maria tells her Angel should try to be an RA when he goes to school because he’ll get free room and board and a check every month. When Tia tells Angel, he acts all sad because he thinks Tia doesn’t really love him and she’s just trying to get rid of him. Oh my god, I hate you both. Tia convinces him that’s not true and he agrees to give the RA thing a try.

Conner’s mother comes home trashed on Saturday night and says she forgot to find out about Angel’s scholarship. Conner yells at her for a while and then Mrs. Sandborn leaves in a huff. A little while later, someone from the hospital calls and says she’s been in an accident.

Sunday morning is the kidnap. This involves five people driving, and they all go around to everyone’s houses and drag people out of bed. At one of the football player’s houses, everyone tackles the guy on the bed, and Jessica and Will somehow get thrown off the pile. They land on the floor on top of each other, and since neither of them have any sort of willpower, they end up kissing. Nobody else seems to notice.

The Cover: I wonder why Angel’s back there in the shadows. Tia’s cute. This is just about the first cover that hasn’t made me want to punch the people on it.

The Moral of the Story: If you’re a handsome football player, the girl will always take you back no matter how much of a jackass you are.

Synopsis:

Jessica is really pissed off when she finds out Will is her secret admirer. She screams at him about all the crap he and Melissa put her through and says she can’t believe he’d expect her to go out with him. Then she, Liz and Tia get into the Jeep and drive off, splashing mud on Will as they go. Serves him right. On the way home, Liz starts telling Jessica she’s being too harsh, and then Jessica starts remembering how good a kisser Will is. Oh, here we go. She’s going to end up with him, isn’t she? Dammit. Jessica  decides to focus on her anger and go see Jeremy as soon as she drops off Liz and Tia. Jeremy can tell something is bothering her, but she’s decided not to tell him anything because that always works out so well. On Monday morning, Will comes up to Jessica and tries to apologize again. Jessica tells him she has a boyfriend and Will needs to just leave her the hell alone. Will says he’s not giving up, and then he turns around and sees Melissa standing there looking like she’s going to cry.

Angel has a couple of hours to kill between jobs, so he decides to head over to the racetrack. He wants to press his luck a little more since he made so much money there the other night. His anniversary with Tia is the next day and he wants to be able to afford something super special. He wins two hundred bucks and tells Tia to be ready the next night at seven and to be wearing her best dress. You know this isn’t going to end well.

Todd tells Will about a Sweet Valley High tradition that we’ve never heard of: every year, the captain of the football team gets together with the head cheerleader and they organize a kidnap. Every football player and cheerleader gets dragged out of bed one morning and everyone goes to breakfast in their pajamas. Todd says Jessica and Ken organized it last year, so Will thinks this is the perfect opportunity to get Jessica to talk to him; he’ll ask to get together with her on Friday, and the whole thing can “blur into a date” after they talk about the kidnapping thing. I cannot possibly hate this guy more than I already do. Melissa goes to Will’s house that night and kisses him, saying she’s giving him a chance to get back together with her before throwing himself at Jessica. She says Jessica would never go out with him again, but Will says he has a date with her on Friday.

Maria and Ken are working on another project together, and Ken lets Maria slowly drag him into the real world, which, to Maria, means the world of schoolwork. She teaches him how to take notes and takes him shopping for a planner so he can write down his assignments. Fun times. After they leave the office supply store, Ken bites the bullet and asks Maria to have dinner with him. After they eat, they go for a walk on the beach and start having fun chasing each other around. Just when they’re about to kiss, Ken thinks about Olivia and remembers he promised himself he would never get close to anyone ever again. Sigh. Maria talks to him the next day about how unhappy he is, and he realizes it’s because he’s not playing football anymore. He decides to talk to the coach about it, but unfortunately, the coach doesn’t want to let a quitter like Ken back on the team.

Liz has been ridiculously depressed since Conner kicked her out. All she wants to do is hang out with Jessica, but Jessica has to work Tuesday night. Jessica says they can hang out Wednesday, but at dinner Alice announces that the Wakefield house will be ready to move back into in two weeks. Jessica leaves the dinner table and immediately starts packing. She calls Jeremy and invites him over to help her, and Liz gets all sad and angry about Jessica breaking their plans to hang out.

Angel and Tia go out to an incredibly expensive restaurant, and by the end of the night, Angel is pretty much freaking out about how much money he’s spent. Then when he gets home, his father tells him how proud he is to have such a responsible kid, and Angel feels guilty. Who cares? I mean, that was all his gambling winnings anyway, wasn’t it? Anyway, Angel keeps going to the track every night and he ends up losing every cent of his savings. Of course he does.

While Jeremy is helping Jessica clean her room, he finds the necklace from Will and the note that went along with it that says, “A kiss is still a kiss.” Even though the necklace and note have been shoved unceremoniously under the bed, Jeremy decides there’s something going on and he acts all weird the rest of the night. Naturally, he does not say anything to Jessica. That would be too easy. Jessica is walking to class the next morning when the jocks start catcalling her like they always do. Will comes out of nowhere and pins one of them against the wall. He finally announces that all the rumors he and Melissa spread about Jessica were untrue. All right, so maybe that gives him some points, but I still hate him.

Melissa goes to House of Java and tells Jeremy that Jessica is cheating on him and has a date with Will Simmons on Friday. Jeremy, despite recognizing Melissa as one of the bitches who insulted Jessica at that party, freaks out and starts thinking maybe the necklace he found was from Will. When Jessica comes in later, he asks her about the necklace. She tells him the truth, that it was from Will. Jeremy gets pissed and says he heard she has a date with him for Friday. Jessica gets upset and leaves.

Jessica has to blow off Liz again because she gets called in to work. Liz freaks out and yells at her. Oh, get a hobby, Liz. Then Lila comes to Jessica’s room and asks if Will’s outburst means he and Jessica are together now. Jessica is disgusted by Lila’s obvious digging for gossip and starts to leave for work. Will drives up just as she gets out the front door. Will asks her to get together with him on Friday to talk about the kidnapping thing. No fool, Jessica suggests Tia come along as well. They agree to meet at First and Ten.

Friday night rolls around and of course Tia can’t make it and of course Liz tells Jeremy where Jessica is and of course he sees her with Will. He thinks she lied to him so he breaks up with her and leaves the restaurant.

Quotes:

He filled the coffee filter, tamped it down, and twisted it into the locked position. With his other hand he stuck the metal pitcher of milk into position. Then he twisted the knob, sending hot steam surging into the milk. The steamed milk foamed and gurgled as he raised and lowered the pitcher. At the exact moment the espresso machine dribbled to a stop, he grabbed a tall glass, poured in the coffee and some chocolate syrup, and topped it off with steamed milk. He spooned some foam onto the top, dusted it with cocoa, and slid it across the counter.

This book suddenly turned into an instruction manual for making coffee drinks at House of Java. Why?

The Cover: This cover is kind of creepy, what with that big giant Jessica head there.

The Moral of the Story: Maria Slater is socially retarded.

The Big Deal: School play

Synopsis:

Maria is sitting around at home feeling sorry for herself on Saturday when her drama teacher calls and asks her to be the lead in the school play. The girl who was supposed to do it has gotten sick and the teacher offers the part to Maria instead of giving it to one of the other girls who cared enough to actually audition. Maria can’t possibly make this decision on her own, so she calls Ken Matthews of all people and asks him what he thinks. He says she should do it. Maria kisses him on the cheek and leaves for her first practice. Ken isn’t sure what to make of the kiss and he spends some time fretting about it.

When Maria gets home, she tells her parents all about the play and how Ms. Delaney thought so much of her acting talent that she didn’t even require an audition. Mr. and Mrs. Slater are very proud of her and say it’s so nice that even though Maria’s older sister Nina got all the academic ability, Maria still has talents. Damn, that’s cold. Maria is pretty pissed, especially since she’s a candidate for valedictorian and she’s beloved by all her teachers. But, as per the Sweet Valley Girl Rulebook, she doesn’t say anything to her parents about how hurt she is.

Jessica gets home from rehearsal and the housekeeper hands her a package that had been dropped on the front step. It has Jessica’s name on it in cutout magazine letters and it contains a blank journal. Jessica assumes it’s from Jeremy and she plans to write in it that night. She has clearly never read Harry Potter. You don’t just start writing in strange diaries that appear out of nowhere. Liz has been staying at Fowler Crest and Jessica tries to get her to go to a movie, but Liz is still too depressed about her fight with Conner.

Tia’s boyfriend, Angel, gets a job bartending at the Riot, and Tia’s all upset because he won’t have as much time for her as he used to. She gets Andy to go with her on Angel’s first night, and she can’t believe Angel isn’t spending any time with her. When Angel does steal a minute to say hi to Tia and Andy, his boss yells at him while throwing a little sexual harassment Tia’s way for good measure. Tia is shocked that Angel isn’t punching the guy. I’m guessing Tia’s never had a job.

Jessica goes to work on Sunday morning and mentions the journal to Jeremy. He doesn’t know anything about it. When she gets to her car after work, there’s a note taped on her windshield with a poem about what “might have been.” She mentions it to Maria and Tia later, and they think her secret admirer might be Will. Ugh, I’ll just bet it is. I want so much for him to just go away. After rehearsal on Monday, Jessica finds a silver necklace on top of her bag. That makes Tia and Maria think it’s from Charlie, the boy Jessica has to kiss in the play. Jessica decides she’ll return all the stuff to him the next day. Under no circumstances does she want to tell Jeremy what’s going on (that’s also in the Sweet Valley Girl Rulebook: always keep your boyfriend in the dark).

Liz is still feeling pretty bad at school on Monday, so Jessica and Tia convince Maria to go talk to her. Maria goes to the Oracle office the next day and says hello to Liz, which gives Liz the opportunity to apologize and explain herself. Again. Maria says she was also an idiot, and they hug each other and they’re well on their way to being best friends again when Maria leaves. Oh, Maria, I was so proud of you for hating Liz.

When Jessica tries to give the necklace to Charlie and let him know she has a boyfriend, Charlie says he doesn’t actually like her, he’s just acting in the play. Ha. Then Jessica finds two concert tickets in her locker. She’s worried about the whole thing, but Tia volunteers Liz and herself to go with her to the concert so she doesn’t have to meet her stalker alone.

Maria takes it upon herself to rearrange the makeup table one day before rehearsal, and then she doesn’t get why one of the other girls, Sarah, is mad at her for moving everyone’s stuff around and giving herself the biggest prep area. Maria is sure Sarah’s just jealous because she was hoping to get the lead when Renee had to drop out. Then at lunch the next day, Maria doesn’t notice that Tia and Jessica are getting annoyed when she offers to give them tips about how to be better actresses.

After rehearsal, Maria is totally excited about something I can’t figure out, and she goes home all ready to tell her parents her good news. But when she gets there, her parents say her sister Nina is being presented with some kind of award at Brown, so they’re flying out this weekend to see her accept it. Sorry about your play, Maria. Her parents tell her not to be jealous, and Maria flies off the handle and tells them she’s just as smart and talented as Nina and she’s sick of her parents acting like Nina’s so awesome. At rehearsal the next day, she messes up all her lines, gets into a fight with Tia and Jessica, and then she yells at Ken on her way to the dressing room. Jessica and Tia are pissed, but Ken tells them to back off because Maria’s having a hard time. Seems to me Maria’s created her own hard time (that sounds totally dirty).

Conner thinks it’s time for a guy’s night out, so he gets Angel and Andy to clear their schedules for Friday night. Since Ken has been hanging around Maria, he’s gotten to know Andy, and Andy asks him to join. Ken accepts. He clearly didn’t learn anything from previous guys’ nights out. The boys end up going to the racetrack for some dumb reason, and Angel (the only one old enough to bet) wins three hundred dollars.

Before the play on Saturday, Jessica and Tia wish Maria luck, and she apologizes for being so obnoxious all week. All is forgiven and they go put on a great performance. After the show, Maria’s dad comes backstage with Ken to congratulate her. Maria’s surprised to see her father, and he tells her he and her mother decided to split up for the weekend. Mrs. Slater is at Brown videotaping Nina’s thing, and Mr. Slater is taking a videotape home of the play.

Jessica goes to the concert on Sunday and seems pretty horrified when her secret admirer turns out to be Will. That jackass.

The Cover: Wow, that is one super shiny shirt.

The moral of the story: High school soccer: serious business.

The Big Deal: A big soccer game.

Synopsis:

The Sweet Valley soccer team wins some super important soccer game and everyone goes to the Dairi Burger to celebrate. Ronnie Edwards comes in wearing designer clothes, bragging about his new Mustang and offering to buy everyone whatever they want. Liz sees three guys sitting at the counter, and we know they’re bad news because they have beard stubble and leather jackets. One of them asks Ronnie about his car, so Ronnie takes him outside to show it off. A few minutes later, the other two ruffians follow them. Liz decides to make it her problem, and by that I mean Jeffrey’s problem. She tells him a few bad guys just followed Ronnie outside. Jeffrey goes after them.

Outside, Ronnie is all excited about showing his car off. Except it’s not really his car, it belongs to Big Al, a bookie. Ronnie’s been placing bets on high school teams and he thinks Big Al has become “like an uncle” to him, letting him bet on credit and lending him the Mustang. Anyway, one of the guys, Bruno (that’s another clue that he’s a bad guy, his name is Bruno), says he wants to show Ronnie his car around back. So they go behind the restaurant and Bruno and his buddies try to rob Ronnie. Then Jeffrey shows up and talks really tough and scares the guys away. Ronnie is grateful and offers him money as repayment, but Jeffrey doesn’t want it. He knows Ronnie’s been gambling and “just the thought of high school gambling made Jeffrey’s stomach turn.” He feels sorry for Ronnie though, and thinks he’s trying to buy people’s friendship because his abrasive attitude makes it hard for him to make friends.

On Monday, Liz is worried when Jeffrey is really late to lunch, but he finally shows up with Ronnie, who has been acting like Jeffrey’s his best friend ever since he saved him from Bruno and the boys. Jessica has been designing earrings and wants to market them, but she’d need a lot of money to get started. She starts talking about it as soon as Ronnie sits down, and he offers to give her a thousand dollars if she needs it. After school, Ronnie asks Jeffrey if he can borrow fifty dollars ‘cause there’s these guys in L.A., see, and they need their cash by tomorrow. Jeffrey gives him twenty-five dollars and tells Ronnie to think about giving up gambling. Ronnie goes to a Phi Epsilon meeting and asks his frat brothers for some money, but nobody will give him any. He calls Big Al to tell him he doesn’t have it and Big Al tells him a way he can make good.

Ronnie talks to Jeffrey the next day and asks him to make sure the soccer team wins the next game by exactly two points. Jeffrey is outraged and tells Ronnie to back off, but then Ronnie tells him he “might not make it to Saturday,” and Jeffrey says he’ll think about it. Liz overhears some of this and asks Jeffrey all about it all the way home. She does that thing where she won’t shut up until she’s pissed Jeffrey off enough to snap at her. He’s still thinking about the whole thing at soccer practice, but when he starts playing badly he decides Ronnie’s just going to have to fend for himself because Jeffrey refuses to be a douchebag and betray his team.

Jessica has managed to get a jewelry store interested in her designs. She goes to order materials to make more earrings and the total comes to over nine hundred dollars. She thinks about putting the whole thing on the skids, but then she remembers Ronnie’s offer. She tells the warehouse she’ll be by the next day with cash.

Ronnie is followed on his way to school the next day. He gets nervous and hops on the freeway, but he goes west, which, as we all know, is where the ocean is. The freeway ends and he has to exit, and the other car catches up to him. Ronnie gets out and tries to make a run for it, but a guy grabs him and roughs him up as a “friendly reminder” from Big Al. Ronnie goes to school and begs Jeffrey to help him. Jeffrey finally agrees to do it. Dammit, Jeffrey.

Jessica finds Ronnie after school and asks for that loan he promised, but he tells her he doesn’t have any money. It’s all good, though. Alice gives her the credit card. Ugh. Jessica spends Friday night and Saturday morning making jewelry, and then the woman from the store calls to tell her the management has decided to change the store’s image so they won’t be able to sell her creations after all. Ned and Alice make her get a job at the store so she can pay back the credit card bill.

Liz watches Jeffrey’s soccer practice after school and is worried because he’s playing badly. John Pfeiffer says a scout will be at the game and maybe that’s why Jeffrey’s nervous. They see a guy talking to Ronnie and John tells her it’s Big Al, the bookie. After practice, Jeffrey tells Liz everything that’s been going on, and she’s appalled that he’s agreed to guarantee the point spread. Then she tells him there’s a scout coming to the game specifically to see Jeffrey. Poor Jeffrey is more confused than ever.

When Liz gets to the soccer stadium for the game she sees Ronnie and some creepy guy drive off. She gets back in her car and follows them through a crappy section of town to a warehouse. The bad guy – Ronnie is calling him Max – drags Ronnie inside and Liz watches through a window as he threatens Ronnie with a noose. Really? Couldn’t afford a gun? Liz runs to a payphone to call 911, but Max comes up behind her and puts a hand over her mouth. Meanwhile, on the soccer field, just before the game, Jeffrey gets a note from Big Al telling him that if he ever wants to see Ronnie again, he’ll make sure to not play his best.

In the warehouse, Max ties Liz up and does an Evil Villain speech about what he might do to Ronnie and Jeffrey if the game doesn’t go Al’s way. He hasn’t tied Ronnie up yet, so Ronnie sneaks up behind him and hits him over the head with a beer bottle, knocking him out. Liz and Ronnie drive back into town and stop at a pay phone to call the police, then go on to the soccer game. Liz makes the coach call a time out and she tells Jeffrey everything is okay. Big Al is being led away in handcuffs as she speaks. With a whoop of joy, Jeffrey goes back out to win the Big Game.

Quotes:

“Well, I’m more concerned about you,” Jeffrey said, running his hands through her hair. “I feel so bad about getting you mixed up in this.”

Jeffrey, you should know by now that Liz does not need an invitation to get mixed up in other people’s business. And besides, if it weren’t for her, you wouldn’t be mixed up in it, either.

The Cover: Check out Jessica’s earring. It’s so totally hip.