Sweet Valley High Senior Year #1: Can’t Stay Away

The Big Deal: Beginning of the school year dance.

Synopsis:

A new school year is about to start and Sweet Valley is still feeling the aftereffects of the earthquake. The Wakefields are living at Fowler Crest while their house is being rebuilt. Five hundred kids from El Carro High, which was destroyed in the quake, are going to be attending SVH. Nobody is happy about this, including me. It’s just like on Degrassi when Lakehurst burned down and all these badasses had to switch to Degrassi. The El Carro kids wear Doc Martens and black t-shirts and make Liz feel like a goody-two-shoes in her yellow sundress.

Some of the new kids are:

  • · Conner McDermott. Conner expects SVH to be painted pink and be full of airheaded bimbos. He’s a judgmental ass and I hate him.
  • · Melissa Fox. Kind of weird. She’s happy that her locker number has all her favorite integers in it. Melissa was captain of the cheerleading squad at El Carro. She’s kind of a manipulative bitch and I hate her.
  • · Will Simmons. Melissa’s football player boyfriend. Also kind of an ass. Melissa’s friends think she can do better, but they’ve been together since eighth grade and Will is always thinking of something mysterious that happened in Melissa’s past that keeps him with her.
  • · Tia Ramirez. Conner’s best friend. Tia actually appeared in Party Weekend. She was the only El Carro student who was nice to the SVH kids.

There are a few other changes as well: Penny Ayala seems to have disappeared, so Liz is now editor-in-chief of The Oracle. Mr. Collins must have run off with Penny, because this year’s faculty adviser is someone named Mrs. Halsey. The cheerleading squad now has a coach who appears to be calling the shots, and Jessica has to try out again along with everyone else. I haven’t seen a few of the usual suspects around, like Winston or white Maria.

Liz: Conner McDermott is in Liz’s creative writing class. On the first day of school, Conner makes fun of Liz and says she probably writes stupid girly poems. The first assignment is to write an essay on loss. Liz writes about Olivia. Conner is assigned to read Liz’s essay aloud to the class, and she’s assigned to read his. They realize they’re both good writers and now they have crushes on each other.

Liz hates living at Fowler Crest. She thinks it’s terribly stuffy and she hates Lila because she plays her music too loud and Liz can’t sleep. I find it hard to believe that in this ridiculously huge mansion, there’s not another bedroom Liz can move into where she won’t hear Lila’s music. Lila shows up at the first Oracle meeting of the year and says she thinks there should be a fashion editor and it should be her. Liz absolutely refuses to put Lila on the staff, but everyone convinces her to create the fashion editor position and ask interested parties to submit sample articles. Luckily, Lila’s article sucks and Liz can in good conscience appoint someone else to the position. Liz and Lila have an argument about it at dinner one night, and Mrs. Wakefield decides to let Liz move in with her new friend, Megan Sandborn, who knows Liz is unhappy with the Fowlers and has offered her the use of her family’s spare bedroom. Megan keeps talking about her brother and how much he won’t mind having Liz around and sharing a bathroom with her. And the brother, of course, turns out to be none other than Conner McDermott. He and his sister have different fathers, hence the different last names.

Jessica: Jessica has decided Will Simmons will be her boyfriend. She does all her flirty Jessica things and gets him to come over to Fowler Crest one night to study. When he gets there, they end up making out and don’t stop until Will reaches for the zipper at the back of Jessica’s dress. The next day, Will tells Jessica that Ken Matthews, still mourning Olivia’s death, has quit the football team and Will is now the big deal quarterback. He takes her out that night to celebrate, and Jessica tells everyone in the drama club all about it. Tia Ramirez tells her Will has a girlfriend. Jessica doesn’t believe it at first, but it turns out to be true. She’s beyond pissed, and she yells at Will and tells anyone who will listen what a bad kisser he is. Melissa overhears some of this, and she goes to confront Will. He says Jessica is a troublemaker who came on to him but he never kissed her. Melissa decides she doesn’t care whether or not he’s lying. She still loves him and she hates Jessica.

Melissa spreads a bunch of rumors about Jessica, and then she invites Lila and Amy to hang out with the El Carro kids before the dance on Friday. Will tells his football friends a few nasty things about Jessica, so when she shows up at the dance all alone, nobody wants to talk to her and the guys make snide remarks. She sees Will and Melissa dancing together and runs out of the room. At the end of the book, Will feels bad, but I guess not bad enough to do anything about it.

The Cover: That shirt is hideous. I don’t even know who that’s supposed to be. I’m also not sure to what the title is referring. Who can’t stay away from what?

33 Comments

Shannon, February 15th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #143: Party Weekend

SVH143Read part one of this miniseries here. Read part two here.

The Moral of the Story: Screw finding a moral, I barely even know what this one is supposed to be about. This is even worse than the damned werewolf books.

The Big Deal: Brunch party at Lila’s, inter-school fair, dance and talent show

Synopsis:

The morning after the prom, Jessica drags Liz over to Lila’s brunch party so they can confront her about teaming up with Courtney and trying to steal Devon. The three of them start arguing on Lila’s front lawn about who should really get Devon, but then the man himself shows up and tells them all to fuck off. Then Olivia gets there and says she has some important news.

Apparently, it’s a tradition in Sweet Valley to have an inter-school fair the day after prom. It’s a big deal. There’s some kind of contest to get the juniors excited about their senior year, but the details are kept secret until the last minute. Olivia is SVH’s leader, and she tells everyone she just heard that the contest is going to be a talent show. They have two days to put together an awesome act.

Everyone heads on over to Palisades High for the fair. Except they don’t even do any fair-type stuff because they have to work on their talent show act. As soon as they get there, Jessica and Olivia have a run-in with Erica Dixon, the El Carro team’s captain. She’s a total bitch and steals SVH’s practice space for some reason. Jessica is pissed that Olivia is content to just let Erica push her around, so she vows to get even. Then she walks outside and sees Christian Gorman leaning against a tree. And he disappears. Great, just what this series needs: ghosts.

The number SVH puts together for the show is a dance routine to the song Opposites Attract, and it will feature a “good twin, evil twin” theme. Naturally. Olivia has Liz and Devon go to the Wakefields’ house to get stuff from the twins’ rooms that they can use as set dressing to show a contrast between the twins. Things are really awkward between Liz and Devon. Meanwhile, Olivia has the worst self-esteem in the world, and she gets all bent out of shape when Ken hears about the problem with Erica and says he thinks Erica is nice. Everyone eats lunch together and Jessica spills some grape juice on Erica’s shirt. Erica freaks out and threatens to kill everyone. Later, Ken tells Olivia she should apologize to her.

This plot is a freaking mess.

There’s a big dance that night for all the schools. Olivia won’t go because she’s so afraid of seeing Erica. She and Ken have a fight about it and she tells him to go without her and then gets depressed when he actually does it. Jessica has managed to get a date with a Palisades guy named Josh Brighton, and he shows up at the Wakefields’ house with Christian’s ghost, who actually turns out to be Christian’s brother, Jason. After Jessica faints and wakes up, she gets Liz to join them and go to the dance. When they get there, the only nice girl from El Carro’s team, Tia, tells them they’d better go check out their practice area. It’s been totally trashed. Everything has been spray painted with El Carro’s colors. Jessica gets Lila and Maria to agree to sneaking back late that night and trashing El Carro’s stuff. She’s waiting for them to come pick her up, and then suddenly Christian is sitting on her bed. He’s come to remind her that it was a school war just like this one that caused his death. When Lila and Maria show up, Jessica tells them the plan is off.

Deep breaths. Go to a zen place. It’s the only way we’re getting through this. Don’t worry, it’s almost over.

The next day, everyone trudges back to Palisades High to practice some more and to clean up the mess El Carro made. And suddenly, Jessica gets it into her head that she should use the auditorium’s rigging from their last production of Peter Pan to fly down onto the stage as a grand finale. Ken overhears some El Carro kids talking about cutting the ropes, and he finally gets that Erica is a bitch and Olivia was right all along.

That night, Sweet Valley is just about to go on when Jessica starts throwing up. I guess she’s sick and there’s no way she can go on. Everyone is about to call it quits and go home, but Jessica tells Olivia to take her place. Suddenly, Olivia knows how to dance. Erica doesn’t cut the ropes, but she does turn off the lights just as Olivia is climbing the scaffolding to get to the ropes. She falls and ends up hanging from the rafters, and Ken gets to rush in and be all heroic and save her.

A big fight breaks out on stage between El Carro and Sweet Valley. Palisades takes Sweet Valley’s side because I guess they’re allies now. Jessica is back in the projection room with Josh, and she’s sure someone is going to get hurt or killed. A well timed projection of a picture of Christian quiets everyone down. And they all lived happily ever after, except for Todd, who sees everyone hanging out at the Dairi Burger later and gives them all a “hurt look.”

Worst. Book. Ever.

Quotes:

I am not going to let Jessica Wakefield or anyone else destroy my self-confidence! [Olivia] vowed.

Not that they’d have far to go if you did.

He’s really nice – and hot! she thought. I’ll bet Josh could help keep my mind off Christian.

Right. When I start seeing my ex’s ghost, a new boyfriend is just the thing to help me get over it.

Elizabeth listened for her cue, then shimmied toward the center as her twin did the same from the other side. She and Jessica joined hands, then jumped apart, then faced forward and pumped their elbows back. Jessica executed a handspring, and Lila followed. Then Elizabeth and Maria performed perfect leaps.

This dance routine sucks ass.

The Cover: What the hell are you guys wearing?

21 Comments

Shannon, December 30th 2009 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #142: The Big Night

SVH142Read part one of this miniseries here.

The Moral of the Story: You can only fuck around on your boyfriend for so long before he finally gets sick of it. In this case, fifteen years.

The Big Deal: Junior Prom

Synopsis:

Devon corners Liz at the beach and yells at her for skipping their date to meet Todd. Then he tells her he’s the one who asked her to come to the beach because he wanted to see which guy she’d choose. Liz tells him she just wanted to return Todd’s ring. Devon immediately starts apologizing and Liz decides to forgive him.

Suddenly, it’s prom night. Devon calls and leaves a message with Jessica for Liz to meet him at some restaurant instead of at Secca Lake like they’d planned. Predictably, Jessica forgets to pass on the message and Liz ends up waiting around for an hour for Devon to show up at the lake. Why isn’t he picking her up at home? I love a good plot contrivance. Todd shows up at the lake. He wanted to go there because it’s “their” place. Liz is touched and confused and stuff, but after waiting so long for Devon, she decides to just go to the prom with Todd.

Meanwhile, Jessica’s limo pulls up at Jordan’s house. Right next to Lila’s limo. They spot each other and race to the front door. When Jordan answers the doorbell, he’s wearing boxers and eating a chili dog. He tells Lila and Jessica they’re a couple of morons for going behind each other’s backs. Then he slams the door in their faces. For some reason, this makes Jessica remember Devon’s message for Liz. She goes to the restaurant, planning to explain herself to Devon, but when she sees him looking all lonely and sad, she can’t help but pretend to be Liz. She figures they can go to Lila’s pre-prom party together, and then when they get to the dance, she and Liz can switch dresses and Devon will never know the difference.

Everything is going just great at Lila’s party except black Maria keeps giving Jessica and Devon weird looks. Enid looks absolutely miserable with Blubber Johnson and Devon keeps suggesting “Liz” go talk to her, but Jessica changes the subject. When everyone is leaving to go to the dance, Courtney Kane shows up. She stomps up the driveway and demands to know where Todd is. He apparently called her and said he decided not to go to the prom, but Courtney is sure he’s with Liz. Lila says nobody’s seen him, but Courtney is welcome to accompany her to the prom to see if he shows up. In the limo, Devon and Jessica flirt a whole bunch and Jessica decides she’s not going to give him back to Liz.

Liz and Todd go straight from the lake to the country club ballroom, reminiscing about old times the whole way. Which I imagine goes something like this: “Hey, remember that time you cheated on me with my sister?” “Which time?” They’re the first ones at the dance and they decide to have a spin around the dance floor before anyone else get there. And of course that’s when the whole crew comes in and sees them together. Courtney screams, “I can’t take this anymore!” and runs out of the room. Everyone else looks on in shock because they think it’s Jessica dancing with Todd. Liz is pretty shocked herself to see Jessica and Devon together. Jessica drags Liz away and comes up with the worst plan ever: Jessica will hang out with Devon and pretend to be Liz all night while Liz enjoys her prom night with Todd. How is this a good plan? So there are two Elizabeths and no Jessicas at this prom? Whatever. They’re not even trying anymore.

Jessica has a great time with Devon, but then Lila drags her off to the bathroom, where she threatens to tell Devon the truth. She’s miserable because she doesn’t have a date, so she wants to spread the misery around. They argue for a minute and then Lila says Jessica’s not worth the effort. After they leave the bathroom, Courtney comes out of a stall feeling like an evil genius. While Jessica talks to some of the cheerleaders, Courtney tells Devon he’s been dancing with Jessica all night. Devon is pissed. He marches over to Todd and Liz and makes a scene. Both Devon and Todd are completely disgusted with the twins. Liz runs out of the room in tears.

Jessica finally decides to come back to the ballroom, and Lila catches her and tells her Devon and Todd found out what was happening and that Liz wants to talk to her and is waiting in the golf shed. Jessica runs off that way, but she doesn’t know that Lila and Courtney are working together to bring the twins down. Liz is actually in the pool house crying to Enid and black Maria. Lila runs in and tells Liz that Jessica wants to talk in the golf shed, and she’s aggravated when Enid and Maria insist on going with her. While Courtney is locking the twins, Enid and Maria in the shed, Lila goes on to do the rest of her job. She’s supposed to convince Todd and Devon to get on the party yacht the school is renting.

Maria’s date, Tyler, and Blubber Johnson find the girls and Blubber breaks down the door. Well, that’s one upside to dating a football player. They run to the dock and get there just as the yacht starts sailing away. They get hold of a speedboat and go after it. I don’t really get what they’re going to do when they get to it, but we never get to find out because as soon as they get close, they see Courtney push Todd overboard. So she’s not just a bitch, she’s also homicidal. Liz jumps in and saves Todd. Once he’s on the speedboat, he thanks Liz for saving his life, but tells her he doesn’t ever want to see her again.

Quotes:

Todd’s jaw tightened. “You heard me. I don’t want to see you anymore. I can’t let you keep playing with me the way you have been.” He closed his eyes, and when he spoke again, his voice sounded distant and harsh, not at all like Todd. “I won’t play the fool anymore, Liz.”

Todd’s breakup speech.

The Cover: Doesn’t Lila look like some kind of dominatrix back there? Or, like, a madam keeping an eye on her girls?

17 Comments

Shannon, December 29th 2009 | Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Super Edition #9: Mystery Date

SVHSE10 - OuterThe Moral of the Story: All it takes to make everyone get along is a party!

The Big Deal: Big dance, big football game, big party

Synopsis:

The book opens with a dance at which the popular students finally seem to realize that there are other kids at Sweet Valley High. A big fight breaks out over what kind of music the DJ should play. The jocks want to hear the Beach Boys so they can dance to it, Justin Belson and the burnouts want some heavy metal, Keith Wagner and the hippies want something with meaningful lyrics and Dana wants some punk. The arguments escalate until finally Tad “Blubber” Johnson punches Justin in the stomach. And this is why the Droids should always perform at school dances.

Mr. Collins says the dance is officially over, so everyone leaves. The jocks end up at Ken’s house, where Jessica has to defend her sister, who dragged Todd off to the Dairi Burger. Olivia goes home and feels sorry for herself because she’s so weird that she doesn’t even know which group she fits into. She gets online and goes to her favorite chatroom, Virtual Hangout. She feels so much more confident under her screen name, Freeverse, because she can just be herself and nobody cares how she dresses. You know, Olivia, your clothes seem to cause you an awful lot of stress. Maybe you should, you know, stop dressing that way. Olivia meets a guy whose screen name is Quarter and they start flirting. Olivia has no idea the Quarter is really Ken, who’s been feeling all sad and lonely since he broke up with Jessica.

Things at school aren’t going very well. Somebody puts a copy of Blubber’s D quality homework on a bulletin board, so the jocks get their revenge by spraypainting “Die, wimps, hippies, punks, and brains,” on the cafeteria wall. Then the hippies put little cards that say “Make Love – Not Football” in everyone’s lockers. It’s all very stupid. Then there’s a big football game. When Blubber goes out on the field, Nicky Shepard (I guess he’s back from San Francisco) starts booing him and calling him stupid. Blubber runs right into the stands and beats the crap out of him. Sweet Valley forfeits the game. Todd and the twins go to Casey’s afterward and Liz gets all bitchy and self-righteous when Jessica and Todd agree that Nicky got what he deserved for being an ass. She accuses them of sticking together just because they’re both jocks. Ken and Olivia each go home to their respective computers after the game, and I’m subjected to like ten pages of their crappy conversation. All you need to know is that they’re falling in e-love. They even have a cyber kiss that was a little uncomfortable to read about.

ist2_7588751-internet-love

Freeverse and Quarter think it’s time to meet in person. For some reason, each thinks the other goes to El Carro High, so they decide on an ice cream shop in El Carro. Ken and Olivia get to the place and wave at each other, then they’re both upset when their dates stand them up. Even though Freeverse and Quarter have both explained to each other in detail what they look like, Ken and Olivia don’t get it. They wait a while, and then they each go home and get on their computers. They finally figure it out, and Olivia is pissed that Ken never mentioned online that he played football. For some reason, this matters very much to her and she doesn’t want to talk to him anymore.

Jessica has been stringing along two football players, Danny Porter and Bryce Fisherman. She gets them to agree to a joint date because neither guy wants to leave the other alone with Jessica. The three of them decide to go over to Blubber’s house to see how he’s doing. Blubber is in big trouble. His grades have been going down the tubes, and now with all the violence he’s exhibiting, he’s been suspended from school and the football team. When Jessica, Bryce and Danny get to his house, an ambulance is wheeling him out on a stretcher. He tried to kill himself because of all this crap that’s been going on. Oh, and his parents are splitting up.

The clique war kind of takes a break for a few days while everyone digests what happened to Blubber, but Liz and Olivia are sure it’s only temporary. They decide the best way to fix everything is to have a Walk in Each Other’s Shoes party in the school gym. Everyone has to borrow clothes from someone they wouldn’t normally associate with and wear them to the party. Of course, it’s a huge success. Lila dresses in somebody’s grungy clothes and dances with Justin Belson, who is wearing one of Bruce’s tuxedos. Bruce has borrowed someone’s pocket protector and polyester pants. Keith dresses in Todd’s clothes and wins the heart of Jessica, who is dressed as Dana. Liz wears Lila’s clothes, Todd dresses as Nicky Shepard and Mr. Collins borrows Todd’s basketball uniform, all the better to confuse Liz, I imagine. Oh, Liz and Todd make up, of course.

Olivia wears Claire’s football uniform and Ken comes dressed as a hippie. Ken apologizes for not being totally honest and Olivia apologizes for being so judgmental. They dance together and, I don’t know, I guess they’re a couple now.

Quotes:

“Hi, all!” Olivia typed. “Anyone ever feel all alone in a room full of people? : (“ She ended with an emoticon, a frowning face that could be read sideways, and then hit enter to send the message.

Yes, I got to learn all about emoticons and LOL and chatrooms and flaming.

Claire had been dating the powerful linebacker since a few weeks after he’d transferred to Sweet Valley High – since just after Jessica refused to go steady with Michael [Lewis].

Oh, I guess this actually happened.

“This is so bizarre,” Enid said. “Everyone usually gets along just fine.”

I know, Enid. It’s much easier for everyone to get along when we can pretend half the students don’t actually exist.

“When [Liz and Todd] are mad at each other, the whole school feels it.”

Ugh. Why?

“And then you kiss me back, Freeverse, long and hard. And nothing has ever rocked me the way your kiss does.”

Ew.

The Cover: I hate this cover. This chick looks like she’s thirty years old and I just don’t see Olivia wearing that. And then on the inside we’ve got some denim tuxedoed guy making her laugh for some reason. Blah.

SVHSE10 - Inner

25 Comments

Shannon, December 18th 2009 | Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #123: Elizabeth’s Rival

SVH123The Moral of the Story: Your old BFF’s new BFF is probably a bitch.

The Big Deal: Jessica throws a dance to celebrate the end of the first week of camp. Nothing much happens there.

Synopsis:

The gang is off to be junior counselors at Camp Echo Mountain in Montana. This summer camp focuses on drama type stuff, so Jessica is psyched to go because she’s sure she’ll be discovered somehow, and Liz is sure she’ll be chosen to write the play the camp will put on. Liz is also excited because her friend Maria Slater (not Maria Santelli, as I misread it a few times) is going to be there. I believe Maria was in the Sweet Valley Twins books. She was a child actor and was good friends with Liz because she wanted to get out of acting and start writing. She can’t wait to see Liz again and introduce her to her new best friend, Nicole Banes. Liz arrives at camp first and decides she’ll just take the cabin’s only desk so she can work on the play. Then Nicole arrives and starts throwing Liz’s crap on her bed, saying she needs the desk to write the play. Liz, not accustomed to having competition, hates Nicole immediately.

Jessica is assigned to the youngest kids and she’s a little worried since she’s not very good with kids. She can’t believe it when the girls love her and listen to everything she says. They’re actually a little creepy. One of them tries to bleach her hair blond so she can look just like Jessica. Another girl, Maggie, carries a video camera with her everywhere and records everything Jessica does. Jessica still isn’t over Christian or Ken, so she’s decided to make her summer boy-free. This works out well until she meets the teenage brother of one of her campers. His name is Paul and he of course falls in love with Jessica the second he lays eyes on her.

Lila is in love with Bo, one of the male counselors. Bo is an adventure seeker and is always telling stories about the mountains he’s climbed and rivers he’s rafted. Lila tries to make herself seem braver and more adventurous than she really is and it’s clear to us that Bo is a phony, but Lila has no idea and gets upset when Bo won’t sneak over to the girls’ cabin after dark to see her. He finally comes clean and tells Lila he’s really a coward and the son of a millionaire. Lila tells Bo the truth about herself and they make out for a while. Hey, whatever happened to Robby?

Liz is having a rough time at camp. She’s been staying up really late every night to write her play, her campers hate her, Nicole is horrible and Joey, the drama counselor Liz has fallen in love with (Todd’s not around, so you know Liz is about to cheat), seems to like Nicole better than her. Liz finishes writing her play, but the disk disappears before she can show it to Joey. Then she finds out Nicole has stolen it and is passing off the work as her own. She makes a scene, but nobody believes her and she ends up looking like an ass. Neither Maria nor Joey wants anything to do with her and Nicole just gloats about it.

Jessica is pining for Paul. She remembers that Maggie caught them on tape when he came up to the camp one day to pick up his sister. She finds Maggie’s tape and watches that scene over and over again. Then she watches the rest of the tape and sees Nicole taunting Liz about the stolen play. Jessica calls everyone to the main lodge and shows them the tape. Liz is vindicated, Maria is her friend again and Joey goes ahead and falls in love with her. He’s heard about Todd so he asks Liz what the deal is. She lies and says they’re free to date other people. Then Todd shows up just as Liz and Joey are walking around holding hands and laughing. Liz immediately drops Joey’s hand and starts to panic.

Quotes:

“I’ve always felt like something’s been missing from my life since she moved away,” Elizabeth continued in a pensive tone, gazing out of the car’s windshield at the night sky.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be more like Maria,” Todd said in a flat voice.

That’s right, folks. Todd is jealous of Maria. This is such a dysfunctional couple.

Jessica watched her sister lie down and close her eyes. The world’s most faithful girlfriend, Elizabeth usually wasn’t so easily flustered by another guy.

Yeah, right.

The Cover: Ooh, look at those bitchfaces on Nicole and Liz as they stare each other down over Maria. I recognize Jessica and her fucked up looking kids, but I don’t know who those boys are and I don’t care.

27 Comments

Shannon, November 9th 2009 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #120: In Love with the Enemy

SVH120The Moral of the Story: On no account should boys be allowed to hang out by themselves.

The Big Deal: SVH/Palisades football game, masquerade ball

Synopsis:

At what is apparently the most important football game of all time, Liz and Enid meet two girls from Palisades High. Marla and Caitlin work on the Palisades newspaper, so the four girls immediately become friends. They all lament that there’s nothing for their papers to write about and decide to make their own news. After talking for a while, they decide the two schools should hold a fundraiser dance. They’ll make it a competition: the school that sells the most tickets can donate all the proceeds to the charity of its choice. None of the girls notice that the Palisades Pumas are playing dirty on the field and really banging up the SVH players.

Sweet Valley loses the game and Ken is all emo and pissy about it. He’s hanging out with Todd and Aaron in the parking lot afterward when a couple Pumas come up and punch him in the stomach. Ken tries to fight back, but Todd and Aaron restrain him and drag him to Todd’s car. After that, the guys start having GNOs (Guys’ Night Out). Egged on by Bruce, they start to get all crazed about getting revenge on Palisades High. They get a bunch of paint and write on the Palisades football field, “Palisades Pumas Purr Like Kittens.” Oh, Bruce. You almost got it right, but you’re off by just one word. In retaliation, the Palisades guys egg cars and TP houses. Blah, blah, everyone hates each other. The funniest part about this whole thing is that the SVH guys are suddenly walking around wearing jean jackets and sunglasses all the time. They’ve all been brainwashed, including Ken and Todd. Liz isn’t happy and wants to cancel the dance. Jessica doesn’t really care what’s going on because she’s all wrapped up in her latest infidelity.

There’s a surfing competition coming up and the grand prize is a trip to Hawaii. Jessica is determined to win even though she can’t surf. She wakes up early one morning to go to the beach and teach herself the basics. That’s where she meets Christian Gorman, the most gorgeous man she’s ever seen and a champion surfer. Over the next week, Christian teaches Jessica to surf and they fall in love. They decide they don’t want to know too much about each other, so neither of them even knows where the other goes to school. Jessica sort of feels bad about the fact that Ken’s going through a thing and she’s not there for him, so she gives a half-assed attempt at talking to him about the Palisades thing. He tells her there’s going to be trouble at the upcoming dance. Jessica says maybe they should just cancel it, but Ken says the guys will all show up anyway. Jessica tells Liz canceling the dance would be a bad idea because at least if there are other people around, maybe the guys won’t get too crazy.

Liz and Olivia get together with Marla and Caitlin and decide each school should do an edition of their paper dedicated to the other school. Liz and Olivia go to Palisades High to interview some students, but nobody will talk to them, partly because Liz is wearing an SVH sweatshirt. Even after she turns it inside out, though, nobody wants anything to do with her. When Liz and Olivia get back to SVH, they find Marla and Caitlin have had similar luck. Liz writes her feature article about Palisades High’s past record in sports and shit, which is really boring but at least it’s not inflammatory. Then John Pfeifer decides he just has to put in the stuff about the Palisades guys playing dirty on the football field. There’s also a bit about Tom McKay getting hit in the head with a tennis ball (*must resist urge to make a Clueless reference about Tom and balls flying at his face*). After reading John’s articles, the guys at SVH are even angrier than before.

The dance is being held at an old warehouse on Phantom Lane, halfway between Palisades and Sweet Valley. ‘Cause that’s not creepy or anything. As soon as the dance starts, all the guys disappear. Jessica goes outside to find them and walks right into a rumble. Ken is on the ground covered in blood. Jessica looks up at his attacker and is shocked to see Christian. Jessica slumps to the ground, and “Then nothing. Blackness.” So I guess she passes out or something.

To be continued.

Quotes:

Using her mouse, she clicked open her dance file.

Reading about people in the early to mid nineties using computers never fails to make me giggle.

They must have used a dozen roles [sic] of toilet paper, Ken thought. What a waste. Don’t they know anything about conservation?

Yes, that’s Ken’s mental comeback to having toilet paper thrown all over his house. Conservation.

Elizabeth turned angrily, shaking off the hand. It was Bruce and he was scowling. Aaron and Ronnie were standing by his side. They were all wearing their jean jackets and dark glasses.

I guess that’s how you know when a guy has been brainwashed into Bruce’s club. He gets himself a jean jacket and a pair of sunglasses.

The Cover: Ooh, look at those bad boys in that parking lot with that rebellious knocked over trashcan. Aw, but look at Christian and Jessica falling in love. How sweet.

30 Comments

Shannon, November 3rd 2009 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #111: A Deadly Christmas

SVH111 - OuterRead the rest of this miniseries: Part one, part two, part three, part four.

The Moral of the Story: If he’ll cheat on you, he’ll also steal your money.

The Big Deal: There’s a Mistletoe Madness dance (because it’s Christmas now) but nobody goes.

Synopsis:

So, Jessica doesn’t tell anyone that she just saw Jeremy on the video of the ransom dropoff, and after a few minutes she manages to convince herself it couldn’t possibly have been him anyway. When Jeremy finally shows up around midnight, Jessica gives him a big kiss and they go off to make out somewhere. Later, Liz goes downstairs and finds Jeremy in the kitchen. He asks her why she doesn’t like him and they end up having an argument because the guy is a total jackass.

The next night, Jeremy and Jessica are making out. Jeremy says he doesn’t think he can wait until they’re married to “belong to each other, body and soul.” He says they’ll “go all the way” Friday night, and he’ll scout around for a romantic place for the occasion. While Jessica lays awake that night wondering if she’s ready for that, Jeremy makes out with Sue. She tells him the inheritance money will be in her bank account in ten days. Jeremy figures he can hack into the bank’s computers or something and get his hands on the money, and then he can disappear for good. In the mean time, I guess he’s going to have fun trying to get Jessica to sleep with him.

When Sue overhears a conversation and finds out what Jeremy and Jessica are planning, she realizes Jeremy is doing more than just keeping up appearances with Jessica. She goes to Jessica one night and tells her the truth about everything, including the kidnapping. Jessica is really pissed off at Sue and wants to believe she’s lying, but in the end she cancels her date with Jeremy and tells Liz everything Sue told her. The twins decide to tell detective Sam Diamond the whole story. They can’t get Sam on the phone and don’t want to ask Ned for her home number (because then they’d have to tell him what they know), so they actually for once in their lives decide to go to the police. And you know what happens? The bitch lady cop tells them to stop wasting her time and get the fuck out. And this is how it comes to pass that the Super Twins have to bring Jeremy to justice themselves.

Sue goes to Jeremy’s room at the boardinghouse and for some reason Jeremy decides it’s time to take a shower. While he’s in there, Sue starts kind of going through his stuff. She finds a plane ticket for a flight to Hawaii the following Saturday, which is the same day Jeremy and Sue were supposed to fly to New York together. Then she finds a newspaper clipping. It’s a wedding announcement. It’s a few years old and the groom’s name is Matt Thorn, but it’s clearly a picture of Jeremy. I guess he just carries this proof of his secret identities around with him everywhere? Sue goes home and tells the twins she needs their help taking Jeremy down.

You guys, I can’t tell you how sick I am of Jeremy and Sue. I’m going to finish this book if it kills me.

The Oracle office now has the internet, but it’s just hooked up to some kind of newspaper database. Sue and the twins go up to the school and do a search for Matt Thorn. The only thing that comes up is the wedding announcement. Because I’m sure there’s only ever been one newspaper article about someone named Matt Thorn. They call the woman in the wedding announcement and find out “Matt” stole all her money and disappeared. Liz tells Jessica and Sue that they have to keep up the charade that they both still love Jeremy. I don’t know why they don’t just go to the police now that they have Sue to actually give testimony, but whatever.

Sue’s money is not in her account on the day it’s supposed to be deposited, so she’s sure Jeremy has already stolen it. She and the twins come up with an awesome plan. On Friday, Jessica calls Jeremy and tells him she knows everything but wants to be with him anyway. He tells her he’ll pick her up at eight and they’ll go to the cabin. The twins call Sam Diamond and tell her their plan. Sam shows up in time to wire Jessica and get everyone into her car. They all follow Jeremy and Jessica to the cabin. Oh, and it’s raining. You know, like it does whenever something really momentous is about to happen.

By the time Jeremy and Jessica get to the cabin, the rain has turned to snow. I didn’t realize the cabin was that far away. Sam, Liz, Sue and Todd get lost and then crash Sam’s car, so they’re no longer on Jeremy’s trail. Useless people. At the cabin, Jessica gets Jeremy to confess to all his crimes. He leaves the room for a minute, and when he comes back he catches Jessica trying to use the phone. He assumes she’s going to turn him in, so they have a little scuffle that results in the Christmas tree being knocked into the fireplace and the whole place going up in flames while Jessica lies unconscious on the floor. The funniest part of this is that this apparently abandoned cabin is all decorated for Christmas. Liz and the others finally show up and save Jessica, but Jeremy manages to get away. Not to worry, though. The cops find him and he confesses. I hope we’re done with Sue and Jeremy now.

While all this has been going on, there’s also been a subplot involving Lila and her artist boyfriend. Robby has an art show coming up but hasn’t done any paintings for it yet. Lila is worried so she does a bunch of horrible paintings and hangs them up at the gallery. When Robby shows up with his real paintings, he gets mad but realizes Lila was just being Lila.

Also, Ken Matthews has recently broken up with Terri Adams and has lately been showing a lot of interest in Jessica.

Quotes:

Elizabeth slapped her textbook shut. “Sorry, but I just can’t seem to stop thinking about Sue and Jeremy and the kidnapping.”

Argh, you don’t have to solve every mystery in Sweet Valley.

Jogging over to the house next door, she leaned hard on the bell. Mrs. Beckwith answered the door.

I seem to remember the Beckwiths moving away and the Whitman/Thomas family moving in.

The Cover: Looking at Jeremy running away makes me crack up every time. He looks like he’s doing some kind of traveling version of the Elaine dance. And what the hell is Jessica wearing?

SVH111 - Inner

28 Comments

Shannon, October 2nd 2009 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Magna Edition: A Night to Remember

MAGNA-NightToRemember-Outer

This is where the whole thing goes sideways, folks. Get ready.

The moral of the story: Prom is just not worth it.

The Big Deal: Party at the beach, horrible Jungle Prom

Synopsis:

At a totally awesome beach party, Bruce dares Jessica to swim out to the buoy. Liz begs Jessica not to do it, but Jessica laughs and jumps in the water (after stripping down to her bikini “striptease-style”). Liz runs around freaking out, telling Todd, Sam and Enid that Jessica’s in the water. Everyone tells Liz to chill, but she can’t. Jessica comes back to shore and Liz is all, “Jessica! You’re all right!” Jessica laughs and says of course she’s all right. Liz gets upset and decides she’s not going to worry about Jessica anymore; Liz is only going to worry about herself from now on.

Lila is having a terrible time with her date, Tony Alimenti. He’s a nice guy, but Lila isn’t ready for dating yet and only agreed to come to the party because Jessica and Amy wouldn’t leave her alone. Lila watches her friends dancing and wonders if they’re ever scared that their boyfriends will overpower them. Then Tony tries to put his arm around her and she jumps.

Meanwhile, Bruce is making out with Andrea Slade. He knows Andrea likes him a lot, but he’s just not interested because she doesn’t present a challenge. She tries to get him to commit to a picnic next weekend, but Bruce is an ass and tells her he doesn’t do commitment and if she doesn’t like it she can take a hike.

A ton of kids run onto the beach wearing Big Mesa’s school colors. They knock over the food table, spray shaving cream on everything and pick up the girls and carry them for a few feet and then drop them in the sand (Lila screams at the top of her lungs). The whole thing only lasts five minutes, but the mess is horrible. Sweet Valley wants revenge.

At the Dairi Burger afterward, the twins argue over whether or not Sweet Valley should retaliate while Bruce and some other former Club X members are in the parking lot discussing how they can get revenge on Big Mesa. Tony takes Lila home and she freaks out when he tries to kiss her goodnight. Liz and Todd go to Miller’s Point and talk. They decide everyone will calm down and nothing else will come of the raid on the beach.

While getting ready for the beach party, the twins came up with an awesome idea for a jungle themed school dance. At school on Tuesday, Liz tells her friends she’s gotten the go ahead from Principal Cooper on the Jungle Prom. They talk about whether or not there should be a king and queen, and Liz wonders if she should go for it. Later, Todd convinces her she would be a great queen. After school, Jessica goes out with her friends and declares that she intends to be prom queen.

Jungle Queen

Jungle Queen

Lila has a session that afternoon with Nathan Pritchard, her counselor. She’s really upset about Saturday night and tells Nathan what happened with Tony. Nathan does his best to convince her that maybe Tony wasn’t trying to hurt her and that Lila’s just oversensitive right now. Lila concedes that he’s probably right and says she doesn’t want to be scared of every boy in the world.

Environmental Alert, the organization Liz found to fund the prom, calls Liz and says they’ve put together a prize package for whoever is elected prom queen. The queen will win a trip to Brazil and the opportunity to be an honorary spokesperson for Environmental Alert. Liz runs out to the pool to tell Jessica and Lila the news. When she goes back inside, Jessica starts gushing to Lila about how awesome it will be when she’s prom queen. Lila pretends to fall asleep so Jessica will shut up. A few minutes later, Alice comes home. Lila watches Alice and Jessica talk to each other. She wishes she had a mother to talk to. Damn, Lila makes me so sad in this book.

Jessica misses a meeting of the prom committee, so Liz goes ahead without her. The committee decides on formal dress for the prom, which Liz knows is going to upset Jessica, who wanted everyone to dress all Tarzan and Jane. When Liz tells everyone about the prize package for the queen, everyone on the committee tells her she’s the logical choice. Jessica is pissed that Liz let the committee vote on the dress code issue without her, but doesn’t mind when she realizes that if it weren’t for Liz, Jessica wouldn’t be going to Brazil. She’s sure she doesn’t have any competition for the title of queen.

Andrea finds Bruce after school on Friday and asks him what he’s doing the next day. Bruce says something rude and is sure she’ll tell him off, but she just looks sad and tells him to call her sometime. Bruce thinks it’s kind of fun to string her along and see how much abuse she’ll take. He goes outside to the parking lot to find that his car, along with everyone else’s, is a mess. The damned Big Mesa jerks have come back with their shaving cream and they’ve drawn bulls (their mascot) all over everyone’s cars. The same afternoon, Liz gets a copy of Big Mesa’s newspaper in her Oracle inbox. There’s an article about how crappy Sweet Valley’s basketball team is.

A few days later, Liz is looking over The Oracle before it goes to the printer and notices the story she asked Caroline to write is a little weird. She wanted an article promoting the prom and asked Caroline to leave names out of it, including Liz’s. Caroline has written a piece of crap that makes it sound like the whole prom was Jessica’s idea. Liz is pissed, but decides to get over it. That night, Jessica says something about “when I go to Brazil,” and Liz gets angry again. She asks Jessica if it ever occurred to her that Liz might like to go to Brazil. Jessica says no, being prom queen isn’t really Liz’s thing. Liz gets all weird and asks how Jessica knows what her kind of thing is, as if Jessica hasn’t been living with her for sixteen years. They have a big argument. Afterward, Jessica goes to Sam’s to study and tells him how strange Liz has been acting. Sam makes her forget about it and they talk about maybe spending the night together after the prom.

There’s a big pep rally for all the sporting events that are coming up. Jessica outshines the rest of the cheerleaders and then makes a big speech about the prom. Liz knows it’s all part of her campaign to be voted queen.

Jessica and Lila are shopping at Lisette’s a few days later and talking about Liz. Lila tells Jessica to stop being so cocky about being voted queen because a lot of people think Liz is going to win. Jessica is all “Yeah, whatever.” She finds a dress she likes and goes to try it on. Just then, Liz and Enid come in. Liz finds a dress she likes and goes to try it on. Jessica and Liz come out of their fitting rooms at the same time wearing the same dress. Lila thinks it’s pretty funny.

Bruce goes to the marina to take his father’s boat out. He runs into Nicholas Morrow, who mentions Regina. Bruce doesn’t know how Nicholas can talk about her without getting upset. Bruce goes home that night, takes a picture of Regina out of his nightstand drawer and cries.

On Friday, Liz gets another delivery from Big Mesa. It’s another article from the Bull’s Eye, and this one is full of accusations that Sweet Valley cheated to win the track meet the day before. Todd convinces Liz not to retaliate and they go to lunch. In the cafeteria, Jessica is handing out buttons that say “Save the Rainforest—Come to the Jungle Prom,” and telling people she used her own money to have them made. Liz is outraged at Jessica’s campaigning. Liz, you’re allowed to campaign, too, if you want. Todd tries to tell her to calm down, and she gets even more angry.

On Monday morning, Lila is getting ready for school and wondering if she should go to the prom. She starts thinking about Nathan realizes he’s really cute, and Lila is grateful to him for helping her so much in counseling. She decides she’ll go to the prom even though she doesn’t have a date. Nathan will be chaperoning and she can just hang out with him. Lila goes into her counseling session that afternoon a new woman. She flirts with Nathan a little and tells him she’s back to her old self.

Jessica drags Amy, Robin and Lila to a prom committee meeting and pisses Liz off by acting like she wants to be involved. Before the meeting is over, she brings up the real reason she came to the meeting: she doesn’t think any Big Mesa kids should be allowed to come to the prom. The committee is split, so Liz arranges for the whole school to vote. She’s happy when the school votes against Jessica’s idea.

Later, Penny tells the twins that she was contacted by Sweet Sixteen magazine. They heard about the prom and want to do an interview with whoever came up with the idea. I’m so sure. Liz and Jessica are scheduled for an interview and photo shoot the next day. Jessica doesn’t show up and the Sweet Sixteen people are tired of waiting. Against her better judgment, Liz agrees to do the interview alone. When Jessica shows up forty-five minutes late and finds out they left without her, she’s convinced Liz set it all up somehow.

On Wednesday, Liz writes an editorial for The Oracle. It’s an attack on Big Mesa. Liz gets mad when Todd tells her she’s being mean. Friday night is the big basketball game against Big Mesa, and Liz says some mean things to Enid about Hugh not having the guts to show up and support his school. Damn, she’s crabby. Sweet Valley wins the game, and the Big Mesa kids hightail it out of there.

Finally, it’s prom night. Everyone lavishes Liz with praise and Jessica is mad that they’re all acting like Liz did all the work. When Sam points out that Liz actually did do all the work, Jessica stomps off and tells him to ask someone else to dance. He asks Liz. Todd is elected prom king, and in one hour, the queen will be announced. Jessica knows she needs to do something fast if she’s going to take Liz out of the running, which she’s even more determined to do when she sees Liz and Sam dancing together. A Big Mesa guy starts flirting with Jessica and she notices he’s drunk. She flirts back to get some of his alcohol and then pours a ton of it into Liz’s punch cup.

Drunk and happy, Liz tells Sam she doesn’t care about being queen. She yells to Andrea and Patty that she’s withdrawing her name so Jessica can win. Jessica does win, but as soon as the crown is on her head, she feels guilty.

Suddenly, twenty or thirty Big Mesa kids come in and start running through the gym, punching people on their way through to the football field. Bruce rounds up a bunch of guys to follow them. Jessica, suddenly worried about Liz, jumps off the stage to try to find her. She sees Liz and Sam wobbling out the door, but by the time she makes her way through the crowd and into the parking lot, Liz is in the driver’s seat of the Jeep. Before Jessica can get to them, Liz drives off. Jessica finds Todd and tells him they need to go after them.

Lila is stuck in the gym. No matter what exit she tries to use, there are people blocking her way. Finally, Nathan takes her arm and leads her out of the gymnasium. The hallway isn’t much better, so Nathan pulls her into an empty classroom. Once they’re alone, Lila has a flashback to John’s attack on her and she’s suddenly sure that Nathan was only pretending to be nice so he could get her alone and take advantage of her. She screams. The cops have made it to the school, and at the sound of Lila’s scream, they burst into the classroom. Lila says Nathan attacked her, and the cops haul him off.

There’s a massive brawl out on the football field and Bruce is right in the middle of it. A Big Mesa kid hits him with a bat and knocks him down. Just as the other guy is going to hit him again, a beautiful girl tells the guy to stop. She reaches out to help Bruce up, but he gets kicked in the head and blacks out.

Todd and Jessica hop in Todd’s car and go off in the direction Liz and Sam went. Jessica tells Todd that Liz and Sam are drunk, but says she doesn’t know where they got the alcohol. They see a crashed Jeep on the side of the road and pull over. There are cops on the scene already, and they say both the driver and passenger are dead.

To be continued…

Quotes:

In [Bruce’s] opinion, the only fun in dating was the sport of it. The more it was like a tennis match, where he had to wear down his opponent through expertise and sheer force of will, the better he liked it.

Jeez. What a freak.

The Cover: God, the twins are so ugly! Is it really possible that neither one of them did anything special with her hair for the biggest social event of the year?

MAGNA-NightToRemember-Inner

25 Comments

Shannon, August 21st 2009 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #84: The Stolen Diary

SVH084The moral of the story: Don’t go out with eccentric guys who spend all their time drawing. They’re all evil.

The Big Deal: School dance, party at Maria’s

Synopsis:

Todd breaks up with Liz. We know it’s because of this girl named Peggy Abbott who’s been hanging all over him lately, but Liz is under the impression that it’s just a “trial separation” and that Todd isn’t interested in anyone else. Jessica finds out about Peggy and tries to tell Liz, but Liz is in denial.

Meanwhile, Enid is lonely and missing her old boyfriend, Hugh. She and Liz take a drive up to Big Mesa to see if they can find him. They see him in front of a café and have a soda with him. At Liz’s insistence, Enid calls him a few days later and says she lost an earring at the café and wants Hugh to look for it next time he’s there. Interestingly, he finds Enid’s nonexistent lost earring. They make a date to meet up again, but Enid’s mother needs the car. Liz lets her borrow the Fiat, but it’s been acting up lately and it dies. Enid gets stuck and misses her date with Hugh. This is a dumb story line, so I’ll just tell you they get together in the end.

Liz survives her first week without Todd. She’s sure they’ll get back together and that he’ll end up asking her to go with him to the upcoming dance. He runs up to her at lunch one day, saying he needs to talk to her. She’s all ready to accept his invitation to the dance, but he says he’s going with Peggy and didn’t want Liz to hear it from someone else. Liz is upset, but keeps her cool and tells Todd she’s going with someone else, too. There’s this weird senior, Kris Lynch, who’s been following Liz around and he asked her to the dance. She told him she’d have to think about it, but now she’s decided she’ll go with him.

Kris picks Liz up for the dance in a pink Cadillac limo. He comes to the door with candy and flowers. It’s all really nice, but Liz just isn’t into it. She spends the whole night watching Todd and Peggy and hardly pays any attention to Kris. She feels bad, though, and agrees to go to a movie with him the following week. After that, people start thinking they’re a couple, including Kris, who accepts an invitation to a party on Liz’s behalf. Liz realizes she has to break things off and for some reason thinks Maria’s party is the perfect place to do it.

Liz spends most of Maria’s party trying to get Kris alone, but people keep interrupting them. She takes his hand and leads him to Mr. Santelli’s study, but when she opens the door, she sees Todd and Peggy on the couch. She closes the door and turns around. Kris seems to think she’s upset because they can’t find any place to be alone. He starts kissing her right there in front of everyone. Liz tells him she wants to leave, but he misunderstands and, once they’re in the car, suggests Miller’s Point. Liz says she wants to go home. Kris again misunderstands and thinks Liz means that her parents aren’t home and they’ll have the place to themselves. Liz finally says she wants to go home and she doesn’t want to see Kris anymore. Kris loses his shit. He starts driving really fast and yelling really loud, accusing Liz of leading him on. She tells him to stop the car, which he does, surprisingly. She starts to get out, but Kris grabs her arm and starts trying to kiss her. Liz’s purse falls on the floor, and she scoops everything up as quickly as she can and gets out of the car.

Monday morning, Kris gives Liz a white rose and apologizes for being such a dick on Saturday night. Liz forgives him. That afternoon, Todd tells Liz he was breaking up with Peggy in Mr. Santelli’s study. He really wants to be with Liz. Liz couldn’t be happier, and they go for a walk on the beach. When she gets home, Jessica tells her the latest gossip is that Kris and Liz went to Miller’s Point after they left Maria’s party and had a really wild time. Liz laughs it off, saying anybody who knows her would know that isn’t true.

Todd hears the rumors and confronts Kris. Kris says Liz really loves him and that she’s told him all about Todd. He starts listing all the most intimate details about Todd’s relationship with Liz. Todd can’t believe Liz would betray him like that. (By the way, throughout the book, Liz’s journal has gone missing quite a few times.) Kris does the same thing to Enid later. Now Jessica is Liz’s only friend. She asks Enid what her problem is, and Enid tells her Liz betrayed her trust to Kris. Jessica says Liz would never tell Kris anything, she doesn’t even like the guy, but Enid says it’s the only way he could know what he knows. (I refer you to the plot of #2: Secrets.) Jessica talks to Todd, who tells her the same thing, then she decides it’s time to talk to Kris.

When Jessica confronts him, Kris tries to get to her by talking about things like Jessica joining a cult. Jessica is unimpressed and tells him she’s going to figure out how he knows all these things. That night, she realizes Kris must have read Liz’s journal. She goes to his house the next day after school and tells him she knows everything. He breaks down and confesses to reading the journal. He’s really sorry and wishes he could do something to fix things. Jessica says there is, then takes him to the Dairi Burger to meet Todd and Enid. He tells them everything, and they feel appropriately ashamed for bailing on Liz. Everyone apologizes to her and everything goes back to normal.

Quotes:

“I’m sorry,” [Lila] said, “but I just can’t believe this. Kris Lynch is eccentric. Everybody knows that. He’s always drawing in his sketchbook and he’s never played any sports. The only normal thing about him is that his father belongs to the country club.”

I love the black and white world Lila lives in.

Now that the worst was over, [Jessica] was feeling a little annoyed with Todd and Enid.

Me, too. Except I’m always annoyed with them.

The Cover: I guess that’s Jessica, but at no point does Jessica ever read Liz’s journal, except for catching a glimpse of one line when Liz fell asleep with it open in front of her. Anyway, I don’t get what kind of shirt Jessica is wearing. Or the dead-doll look in her eyes.

14 Comments

Shannon, July 30th 2009 | Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #81: Rosa’s Lie

SVH081The moral of the story: Only American girls can join sororities.

The Big Deal: Party at Rosa’s house, PBA picnic at Secca Lake, induction dance/party at Lila’s

Synopsis:

Rose Jameson is new at Sweet Valley High. She’s super popular already, but she has a deep dark secret: her real name is Rosa Jiminez, and she is a Mexican. Her parents changed their last name to Jameson when they came to America, but Rosa was still made fun of all the time at her old school in Texas. When the Jamesons moved to Sweet Valley, Rosa decided to be Rose. The Jamesons have light enough skin for Rose to get away with this.

Rose has been invited to be a pledge in Pi Beta Alpha’s pledge rush. She’s happy and excited, but part of the process is an interview given by Lila. When asked, she says Jameson is an English name and that her family came over on the Mayflower. She says she’s from Boston instead of Texas. She tells a lot of big lies: she’s related to Queen Elizabeth, her family traveled to England, she met Princess Di and Fergie. The Pi Betas are totally impressed.

Rose is doing well in her pledge tasks, but Jessica, Lila and Amy show up at her house one day. She starts to panic, but manages to stay cool. The girls don’t stay very long, and after they leave, Rose realizes she had nothing to worry about and she should invite them over all the time. That very evening, she calls the other pledges and invites them over for the next afternoon. Then her parents tell her that Nana Jiminez will arrive tomorrow for a two week visit.

While Nana is in town, Rose has to keep coming up with excuses about why she can’t have anybody over to her house. She goes home every day right after school to spend time with Nana. Nana disapproves of Rose’s short hair and short skirts, and doesn’t like that Rose’s mother can’t cook very well. She shows Rose an old family recipe one night, and after that, Rose is no longer ashamed of her heritage. That came about suddenly, didn’t it? Even though she is no longer ashamed, there’s no way she can go back on the lies she told the Pi Betas.

Annoyed at Rose’s recent anti-social behavior, Lila tells Rose her third pledge task is to have a party Saturday night at her house. Rose is in a panic because Nana will be there and everyone will know she lied. By a stroke of luck, Nana’s favorite singer will be giving a concert on Saturday night about an hour away from Sweet Valley. Rose buys three tickets and convinces her parents to take Nana out of the house. After all the guests arrive, Nana comes back to tell Rose she baked her a cake for the party, then she leaves again. When asked, Rose tells her friends that Nana was the cleaning lady. Oh, you bitch. Then Rose looks at the cake and sees it says, “To Rosa and all her friends. With love from Nana.” Rose dumps the whole thing in the trash. Oh, now I really hate her.

Nana goes home and Rose is free to hang out with her Pi Beta friends. They have a picnic at Secca Lake as a celebration for the pledges’ tasks being finished. While they’re hanging out at the lake, a little girl wanders over and somehow falls in an old well. The PBAs gather ’round the well and freak out when the girl starts trying to climb up using a rotten piece of wood. The girl starts crying and speaking in Spanish. Rose knows she’s the only one who can help her, but she’s so worried about what the other girls will think if she starts speaking fluent Spanish. YOU BITCH! Help the kid! After a few minutes, she realizes she really does have to help, so she starts talking to the girl. She keeps her calm until the park ranger and the girl’s parents are located. When the girl is out of the well and safely with her parents, Rose finally tells everyone she’s Mexican and then she runs away.

Rose is at home crying when the Pi Betas come over. They tell her they still want her in the club, especially now that she’s a hero. Lila says it’s okay that she’s Mexican, and that the Pi Betas will keep it a secret for her. So now Rose is suddenly all about being a Mexican and she’s upset that the Pi Betas would ignore her heritage like that. She thinks she has to choose between being a Mexican and being in Pi Beta Alpha.

A few days later, Rose is shopping with Jessica, Lila and Amy for dresses to wear to the induction party. All four of them try on dresses and check each other out in the mirror, and Rose doesn’t like that she looks just like the rest of them, just one more American girl. Nana made her a dress before she went home, and Rosa decides to wear it to the party. At the party, when Lila gives her the sorority pin, Rosa turns down membership and says she’s proud to be Mexican so she can’t join. I’m not lying. Then she says she wants to remain friends with everyone. Instead of telling her to take a hike, all the girls are relieved Rosa still wants to hang out with them.

Whatever. Here’s the B story:

Jessica is going out with Sam Woodruff. She’s totally in love with him, but he’s always hanging out with this Lana chick from his own school. Jessica is failing math, but she wants to keep an eye on Sam, so she keeps going out with him instead of studying. She fails a math test, then throws away the warning slip her teacher sends home, sure she’ll pass the next test. She fails the next test, too, so the teacher calls Alice. Jessica is grounded and can’t go to the PBA induction party. She feels like this is completely unfair, and she accuses Alice and Liz of trying to ruin her life and sabotage her relationship with Sam. For real.

Quotes:

…In the back by the pool, there are a dozen fairy-tale princesses, Rose thought, and they’re going to make me a fairy-tale princess, too….

They’re just a crappy high school sorority, Rosa.

“’Bye,” Elizabeth added softly, hoping Todd wasn’t really offended by what she said. After all, she and Todd had always spoken their minds with one another.

Yeah, and how many times have you broken up so far? It might be worth it to soften your punches every now and then.

The Pi Betas had accepted the fact that Rose was Mexican, but it was obvious they would just as soon ignore it. And they seemed to assume Rose wanted to do that, too. The other girls might not be overtly disturbed by the fact that Rose was a chicana, but they certainly were not going to encourage her to explore her heritage. No, if Rose joined the Pi Betas, she would have to deny the biggest part of herself. She would have to become completely American.

What the hell are you talking about? You’re the one who wanted to deny your heritage. The Pi Betas are just going along with what you started, dumbass.

The Cover: Awesome mom jeans! And that purple blazer over that purple t-shirt looks great! And I guess Rosa’s dress is supposed to look Mexican, but I have one very much like it in my closet and I’m not even a little Mexican.

30 Comments

Shannon, July 27th 2009 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature
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