Shannon's Sweet Valley High Blog

Jessica’s boyfriend, Jack (who?), tells her he’s really in love with Elizabeth. Jessica decides she hates being a twin and she’s going to run away. As she’s packing her things, she comes across a bunch of diaries that she’s never told anyone about:

First we recap the Jessa Fields incident in #32, The New Jessica. Then the Prince Albert fiasco in #33, Starting Over. There’s a recap of #34, Forbidden Love, even though Jessica is hardly in that one. And then there was Tofu-Glo. The only thing we learn from #35, Out of Control, is that Jessica actually gets stage fright.

In #36, Last Chance, Jessica tries to break up Cara and Steve. While recapping #37, Rumors, Jessica actually uses the phrase “piss off,” which kind of has me floored. During the recap of #38, Leaving Home, Jessica confesses that she’s in love with Jeffrey. Apparently, she pretended to be Liz at one point and asked how he felt about her going to Switzerland. She briefly considered breaking up with him as Liz so she could go out with him as herself while Liz was at Interlochen. But her loyalty won out and she and Steven carried out their horrible plan to keep Liz in the States. After that, we get into #39, Secret Admirer, and hear about Lila and Jessica getting the same guy through The Oracle’s personal ads.

Then, while recapping #40, On the Edge, we learn that Jessica pretended to be Liz and went on a date with Jeffrey. They went for a walk on the beach and then started making out. After a minute, Jeffrey realized he was making out with the wrong twin, but then he pulled Jessica to him and started kissing her again. What a couple of jerkfaces. I always liked Jeffrey, dammit. Then Regina died and that’s pretty much the end of the diary. Jessica realizes she loves her sister and doesn’t really want to run away.

These diaries are super lame.

The Cover: Why are Michael and Maria stuck in there? Who cares about them?

Read part one of this miniseries here.

The Moral of the Story: It’s totally okay to ruin someone’s life. Your love life is way more important.

The Big Deal: Barbecue party at the beach, bridal shower for Sue

Synopsis:

The last book ended with Jessica and Jeremy making out at an engagement party for Jeremy and Sue. This book starts with Liz finding them and telling them Alice wants to give a toast. The twins argue, and Liz is convinced Jessica has a love addiction and needs to be stopped. Both Steve and Enid tell her that trying to control Jessica is a stupid idea. Jessica and Jeremy keep sneaking around and Liz keeps trying to stop them. Liz’s self-help books tell her Jessica’s love addiction is a disease, so she’s sure there must be some way she can help.

One day, Sue gets some test results back and finds out she has the same rare blood disease that killed her mother. The doctors say she’s got two or three years to live. She tells Liz she wants to call off the wedding. Liz tells her to reconsider. Then she tells Jessica she has to stop seeing Jeremy because it’s wrong to “deceive a dying woman.” When Jessica finds out about Sue’s disease, she feels like she caused it somehow because “Jessica had thought in the past that she had psychic powers” and she wanted Sue out of the way so badly. When Sue tells Jeremy about her disease, he promises to stay with her until the end.

Todd finally gets back from his grandmother’s house and Liz is determined to tell him about Luke. Before she can tell him, Todd says he met a girl who lived next door to his grandmother. They had a fling, but it was really nothing; Liz is the only one he cares about. Liz gets angry and breaks up with him. Then she annoys Enid and Olivia with all her self-help mumbo jumbo. She tells them she ate too much cake from the engagement party and that’s a sign that she has no self control.

Meanwhile, Lila’s been dating Jeremy’s friend, Robby. Robby pretended to be rich so Lila would like him, but finally came clean. Now Lila is worried Robby only likes her for her money. She tells him a story about her parents being servants for the Fowler family. Robby gives her a passionate kiss and Lila worries her plan will backfire and Robby will actually like her better poor. In the end, she tells him the truth and is relieved when he says he loves her no matter how much money she has.

Now that Jeremy knows about Sue’s disease, he feels like he shouldn’t see Jessica anymore. Jessica isn’t giving up, though, and she starts tagging along on all of Jeremy and Sue’s dates. Liz, trying to keep Jessica from doing something stupid, also tags along. At a cookout on the beach, Jessica gets all emo and walks away. Sue, who is amazingly oblivious through this whole thing, gets worried and sends Jeremy after her. Jessica is just about to kiss him when Liz and Enid show up to drag them back to the party.

The night before the wedding, the twins have a shower for Sue. The girls start talking about Jeremy’s bachelor party and everyone except Sue wants to crash it. They all go over to Robby’s place and Liz seems disappointed that there are no strippers for her to disapprove of. Robby’s idea of a bachelor party was to cook a gourmet meal, so all the guys are grateful when the girls show up. Steve and Todd are there for some reason, and Steve tells Liz how sorry Todd is for his fling. Liz decides to stop being so obnoxious. She makes up with Todd and tells him about Luke. Then she decides to stop trying to control Jessica.

At the wedding, Jessica can’t stand it anymore. She shouts that Jeremy can’t marry Sue because he doesn’t really love her, he loves Jessica. Sue faints, the priest leads Jeremy away and everyone is pissed at Jessica.

Quotes:

“I’m slowly rediscovering myself and learning why I let myself lose control so it doesn’t happen again. And that’s why I think you should read this book about love addiction so you don’t lose control with Jeremy.”

Argh, shut up, Liz!

It was totally out of character for her to have done something like falling in love with another guy.

Right.

The Cover: Those dresses are hideous. All of them. Jeremy looks more evil than bastardly, like he’s planning to kill Sue after the ceremony. And Sue looks like this horrible girl I used to know, so I automatically hate her.

The Moral of the Story: No man can resist a Wakefield.

The Big Deal: Party at the Wakefields’ house

Synopsis:

The twins are hanging out at the beach with Lila and Enid, telling them about London. Liz is acting all depressed about Luke, so Jessica drags Lila away to walk along the shore. They start talking about boys and just when they both declare they’re ready for serious relationships, Jessica gets hit in the head with a stray Frisbee. The guys it belongs to are, of course, the most gorgeous men alive. The slightly less attractive one introduces himself as Robby and wants to buy Jessica a soda to make up for the bump on her head, but she and the other guy are too busy staring at each other. Robby and Lila go away, leaving Jessica and her Adonis to profess their love for each other. Jessica thinks she hasn’t felt this way since Sam died. They kiss, and then the guy says this is all wrong, even though it totally feels like they’re supposed to be together. He goes away and Jessica wants to die. She doesn’t even know this guy’s name.

Jessica is heartbroken when she gets back to Liz and Enid at the beach. Liz laughs at her until Jessica says not even Sam made her feel like this. Liz and Enid are shocked, but Liz thinks she can help Jessica sort through her feelings. Ever since the guy with whom she was cheating on her boyfriend turned out to be a serial killer, Liz has been reading a self-help book about relationships to figure out where she went wrong.

When the twins get home, Alice tells them she got a letter from Sue Gibbons, who is getting married soon and wants a California wedding. Sue’s mother, Nancy, was Alice’s college roommate and best friend. Nancy has died recently, and Alice wants to invite Sue to stay with the Wakefields for a month or so while she plans her wedding. When Sue gets there, Liz spends most of her time passing judgment on Sue’s preferences about the wedding. She can’t believe Sue wants to register for expensive gifts, she thinks the ring Sue picks out is too big and she actually chastises Jessica for suggesting Paris as a honeymoon location because Sue and her fiancé, Jeremy, work for a conservation group or something and Liz thinks they should go educate people in Costa Rica on their honeymoon. I hate Liz.

It’s been a week since Jessica’s mystery man left her on the beach and she’s still just as miserable. Everyone is getting ready to meet Jeremy and Jessica is trying to put on a brave face even though she’s destined to a life of loneliness. Then Jeremy shows up, and Jessica is shocked to discover that Sue’s fiancé is her mystery man. They pretend they don’t know each other, but everything he says just proves to Jessica that he was meant for her. Jessica takes Jeremy to the mall the next day so he can buy Sue’s ring. He wants to guess which ring Sue picked, and he naturally picks the one Jessica likes. That night, Sue says Jeremy is taking her to the Carousel, Jessica’s favorite restaurant. Jessica wants to make Jeremy jealous, so she calls every guy she knows, but Bruce is the only one home. She says a friend is on a blind date and she promised to keep an eye on things. At the restaurant, Jessica is pleased to see Jeremy is jealous of Bruce.

Todd’s been out of town this whole time, visiting his grandparents. Liz is taking the opportunity to turn into one of those obnoxious feminists who talk about empowerment or whatever. Todd calls one day and Liz tells him all about how she and a bunch of other girls went to Enid’s to “really explore my own sense of womanhood” because she got so shook up in London. Todd offers to help, but Liz says it’s a girls only thing. Of course, Todd gets upset and hurt. Shut up.

Alice is supposed to take Jeremy to the caterers to meet Liz and Sue, but she has a meeting come up at the last minute and asks Jessica to take him. Jessica directs him to Miller’s Point instead, where they kiss again. Then Jeremy pulls away and says he’s marrying Sue. Jessica gives up and points him to the caterers, where Jeremy and Sue argue over whether they should serve chicken or lobster.

The twins go with Sue to pick up the dresses. They’re going to be bridesmaids, which irks Jessica to no end. On the way to the car, Sue says something about her “bridal underthings” for the wedding night. It’s too much for Jessica and she “accidentally” throws Sue’s wedding dress under a passing truck. Luckily, it’s not damaged, just dirty, and Alice tells Jessica she has to pay to have it cleaned. Liz knows Jessica is depressed that night, so she drags her to a Primal Woman seminar, where women write their own “herstory” and choose new names for themselves. Liz calls herself Runs-with-the-Wind. Jessica thinks the whole thing is stupid and says she’ll just be Jessica, like Madonna or Cher.

Jessica has the house to herself and she calls Jeremy to come over, ostensibly so he can meet Sue and go to the florist. When he gets there, he mentions trying on his tux to see if it goes with Sue’s dress. Jessica tells him to put it on, then runs upstairs to put Sue’s dress on. Then she and Jeremy have a talk. He tells her he really does love her, but he’s made a promise to Sue and he has to go through with the wedding. After he leaves, Jessica realizes the zipper on the dress is stuck. She rips it trying to take it off, but Liz is able to mend it.

The Wakefields throw an engagement party for Sue and Jeremy. Sue says Jeremy and Jessica should dance together, so they do. Jeremy just about loses his mind at how awesome Jessica looks. He says he needs to be alone with her, so she takes him behind some hedges and they start making out.

Just so you know, Jeremy is twenty-three.

To be continued…

Quotes:

“I love weddings. But isn’t eighteen awfully young to be getting married?”

Mrs. Wakefield nodded. “I imagine that, because of her mother’s illness and untimely death, Sue’s probably feeling a little lost. One way for her to feel secure again would be to get married and have her own family.”

And we’re just going to let her do that? Do we really think that’s healthy?

“People don’t make mistakes all the time. Women do. Women constantly make mistakes about men.”

“If Sue were really strong within herself, maybe Jeremy wouldn’t be attracted to other women.”

So, basically, Liz’s book has taught her that everything that goes wrong in relationships is the woman’s fault.

The Cover: I guess that’s supposed to be Sue looking for her cheating fiancé who’s kissing Jessica behind that tree, but doesn’t she kind of look like she’s trapped in the house and she’s trying to get someone’s attention? And isn’t it strange that the room she’s in appears to be totally empty?

So, it’s become painfully obvious that I am unable to keep up with daily posting. These newer books are longer than the older ones and even more convoluted and horrible. I think that for now I’m going to go with trying to post one miniseries every week, stuffing in Super Thrillers and Magnas wherever they go. So for now, I’m promising at least three posts every week. I have enough stockpiled to last us a while, but I’d rather space them out and make them last.

Synopsis: It’s spring break. It was just Christmas a minute ago. Whatever…

Elizabeth: Todd’s going to be in Yosemite for the week and his family has invited Liz to come along, but she’d rather stay home to work on an extra credit paper for English class. It’s a family biography, and Liz has chosen her mother as a subject. Unfortunately, Alice won’t be around for Liz to get the scoop because Hank Patman just hired her to design the new Patman Canning plant in Chicago.

Bruce: Bruce’s parents are separating. Judging by Bruce’s reaction, this is apparently the worst thing that’s ever happened. He and Roger overhear Marie accuse Hank of cheating on her. A few days later, Bruce overhears his father being flirty on the phone with Alice Wakefield. Bruce marches into the Dairi Burger and yells at Liz because Alice is breaking up his parents’ marriage. Liz says he’s an idiot, but when she gets home, she finds Alice rushing out the door. She’s going to meet Hank Patman at the airport and they’re going to Chicago together. Liz sets out to prove her mother’s innocence.

Liz starts spending a lot of time going through trunks and boxes in the attic, sure she’ll find something that will clear her mother’s name. I don’t understand this reasoning at all. Of course, all she finds is a picture of Alice and Hank getting married. Minus ten points for continuity, considering the only time Alice and Hank were together in their wedding clothes was when Alice was telling him she was leaving. Liz shows Bruce the picture and he immediately turns pale and worries that he’s related to the twins. Ha. The rest of the book is just Liz crying about her family woes.

This is our TBC story, so it’ll continue in the next book. Let’s talk about Jessica. She’s way more fun.

Jessica: Lila’s uncle Jimmo owns a “Club Paradise” in Jamaica, and she and Jessica will be spending spring break there. When they get there, Jessica is horrified to discover that Lila has volunteered her to be a camp counselor for the rich people’s kids. The group of kids assigned to her is the brattiest bunch of hellions she’s ever seen, but Lila’s group is well behaved and polite. Jessica is not speaking to Lila, but they’re totally competing over a super sexy windsurfing instructor named Mick Myers. Since they’re on the outs, it’s really easy for Mick to date both of them without either of them knowing it. Lila and Jessica eventually figure out they’re being two-timed and start making plans for revenge.

Mick has also been dating another counselor, Julia. Julia is overweight, so she is very unpleasant. She is apparently too fat to see how charming Jessica is, so she hates her. When Lila and Jessica come into the counselors’ cabin talking about Mick, Julia finds out Mick has been dating all the counselors. She decides to get in on Jessica and Lila’s plan, even though she doesn’t trust attractive girls. Julia is an obnoxious reminder of how Francine feels about fat people.

The counselors put on a talent show for the parents, and Jessica does a magic act. She gets Mick to come watch so he can be her volunteer. Once he’s onstage, Jessica and Lila manage to break his wristwatch, and then cut his hair and dye it purple with powdered paint that won’t wash out. I think I would have been a lot meaner.

Quotes:

Lila walked by with her nose in the air. In a straight line behind her, six obedient kindergartners waddled like baby geese, singing in unison, “Row, row, row your yacht…”

I need someone like Lila in my life.

“Do you like my picture, Jessica?” Suzy asked. “It’s a picture of you screaming at us.”

This made me laugh.

“Am I your type?” Mick asked… “Do you go for tall, attractive guys with great bodies and long, sexy hair?”

Ew. Not if they talk to me like that.

Elizabeth had amnesia and her defenses were down. Bruce had tried to take advantage of her – what guy wouldn’t? Unfortunately, she got her memory back just in time, ran right out of his house, and wrecked his plans for the evening.

Finally, the attempted rape from Bruce’s point of view. Jackass.

The Cover: The scene on the cover happens when Jessica is hanging out with Larry the Lifeguard on the beach, and they happen to run into Lila and Mick. They play a game where Lila and Jessica try to knock each other down. The cover art makes it look like a lot more fun than they really had. Anyway, how cute is Lila? What’s wrong with Jessica’s right boob?

The moral of the story: All boys are evil, even the nice ones.

The Big Deal: Costume ball at Lila’s

Synopsis:

Lila is having a costume ball in two weeks. Which is awesome. I mean, how many of your high school friends threw costume balls? Jessica, Amy and Maria are complaining that they can’t get their boyfriends to dress up the way they want them to. Then they tease Lila about her lack of a date, and then about her crush on John Pfeifer. Lila and John have been spending a lot of time together lately, though they haven’t been on a date yet. Lila likes John because he’s a serious guy, but sometimes his seriousness freaks her out a little. She’s also pretty sure his breakup with Jennifer Mitchell has left him a little damaged.

Sam and Jessica make out after a date. Surprisingly, Jessica is worried that their kissing might go too far one of these days. Without once saying the word “sex,” Jessica and Liz discuss the difficulty of keeping in control. Liz tries to tell her not to worry, that all couples go through this, but Jessica thinks it’s the biggest problem ever. She decides to make sure she and Sam are never alone together.

John finally asks Lila out. They have dinner at the Box Tree Café, and Lila thinks everything is just beautiful and awesome. She suggests they go for a drive, and they end up at Miller’s Point. They start to make out, and then John turns into the kind of sex monster you usually only see in V. C. Andrews books. He pulls her hair, unbuckles his belt and ignores her requests for him to stop. Lila takes his keys from the ignition and stabs him in the neck. She gets out of the car, throws the keys in the bushes and walks to a gas station, where she calls a cab to come take her home.

The next day, Lila is a wreck. She wants to tell someone what happened, but she’s sure she’ll be laughed at and blamed. After all, she wore a little black dress, she suggested Miller’s Point, she’s the flirt. When Jessica calls to find out how the date went, Lila changes the subject pretty fast. That isn’t like Lila, and Jessica is convinced something is wrong.

Meanwhile, all the girls are having trouble getting their boyfriends to decide on costumes for the ball. Winston wants him and Maria to be Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Sam wants to be motorcycle cops, Hugh wants to go as chickens and Todd wants to go as a horse. While all this is going on, Liz has been getting letters from Arthur Castillo, the Crown Prince of Santa Dora (he’s from a Sweet Valley Twins book). They’ve been pen pals for years, but he’s been writing a lot more lately. Todd finds out and gets jealous. Whatever, back to Lila.

Lila goes to school on Monday wearing a shapeless dress and almost no makeup. Amy and Caroline try to ask her how the date went, but she just tells them it was boring and then runs away from them. Jessica is really worried, but Lila won’t tell her what’s wrong. She gets even more worried when Lila says she’s thinking about canceling the costume ball. Jessica talks to Liz, who thinks it sounds like Lila is depressed. All of Lila’s friends are getting worried about her.

Lila decides not to cancel the party, but she does want to tell John not to come. She finds him alone in the Oracle office and tells him what she thinks of him and that he’s not welcome in her house. He kind of smiles in an insolent way and says, “If that’s the way you want it.” Lila feels a little better until John does show up at the party the next night with a cute little sophomore girl. Lila tells him to leave or she’ll have him thrown out, but John taunts her and asks her what reason she’ll give everyone. Lila tries to ignore him, but he turns to his date and loudly says they should leave. Lila tells the girl not to go with him and ends up screaming at John, “Tell her how you tried to rape me last Saturday night!” John tells everyone that something did happen, but it certainly wasn’t rape. Lila runs upstairs to her room and John leaves.

By the way, Liz and Todd go to the party as the sun and the moon, Sam and Jessica are Han Solo and Princess Leia, Enid and Hugh are the base and receiver of a telephone, and Lila is Peter Pan.

Jessica goes to Lila’s room and knocks on the door for a long time, but Lila won’t come out. The next morning, after trying to call three times, Jessica goes to Lila’s house. Lila finally tells her everything that happened and feels better about things. Jessica goes home to find Sam waiting for her. She realizes she’s lucky to have a boyfriend who respects her and who would never do anything to her like what John did to Lila.

Monday is hell for Lila. The story has spread, and while some people are nicer to her than usual, most of the school seems to believe John’s version of what happened. Tuesday is just as hellish, and Lila nearly panics when John stands in her path as she’s walking to her lunch table. She already feels like everyone is watching her and talking about her, and now she’s worried John is going to speak to her. Suddenly, Liz and Enid are on either side of her, thanking her for the party and loudly saying the only thing wrong with it was the gatecrasher. Jessica talks to Jennifer Mitchell to see if there’s anything she can do to help Lila. Jennifer says the reason she broke up with John is because he was controlling and always had to have everything his way, “but that has nothing to do with this other thing.”

That night, a sophomore named Susan Wyler shows up at Lila’s house. John and Susan went on a date after John and Jennifer broke up but before he asked Lila out. Susan had to fight him off, too. The only thing that saved her was the arrival of another couple at Miller’s Point. She and Lila plan to confront John and hopefully get him into counseling.  On Wednesday morning, Lila puts a note in John’s locker asking him to meet her at the Dairi Burger that night. Then she tells Jessica about Susan Wyler and their plan.

The Dairi Burger is more crowded that night than Susan and Lila would like, and John is sitting with a large group of other guys. Lila sits down next to John and says she wants to talk privately, but John is all cocky and says she can talk in front of his friends. Lila mentions Susan Wyler. John looks worried and says he doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but then Susan Wyler is right there and they both tell him he needs help. One of the other guys at the table says Susan is his little sister’s best friend and Susan is like a part of his family. John says they’re lying, but the other guy says Susan doesn’t lie. The boys start to move away from John like he’s Arlo Guthrie on the Group W bench, and then Jessica, Liz, Sam and Todd gather around Susan and Lila and they all leave the restaurant together.

I have a problem with this book. John Pfeifer has been around since the beginning. He’s always been a nice guy. And I understand that this is the problem Lila has: John is such a nice guy that it’s hard to believe he could do something like this. But it’s just not believable in this context. It would have been one thing if John had just gotten carried away while making out with Lila, but it’s more like he’s turned into this asshole who goes out of his way to try to rape girls. When he’s at Lila’s party telling his date they should leave, he’s doing so in a way that makes it clear he’s going to try to rape her, too. It might have been better if they had created a whole new character. Using John for this story just made it ridiculous and unbelievable.

Setup for the next book: Dana Larson and Aaron Dallas are having relationship troubles. Prince Arthur is coming to Sweet Valley for a visit.

Quotes:

“Sam, could you give me a hand with this [costume]?” she asked. “I need you to pin me up.”

Sam came up from behind and put his arms around her. “I’ll pin you up any time you want,” he said in her ear.

Oh, Sam. My heart’s all aflutter.

[Elizabeth] thought about how he had acted when he was trying to get Jennifer Mitchell to break up with Rick Andover. Even though she had agreed that he was right, she hadn’t approved of his methods. “Strong-arm tactics,” she had thought of them as at the time.

Read this and tell me where John used “strong-arm tactics.”

The Cover: This is a difficult cover to look at. I hate that Lila looks all scared, but I mostly hate John’s evil face and the fact that it looks like it was designed to make you think you can tell a rapist by his ugliness.

The moral of the story: The Oracle = serious business.

The Big Deal: Will somebody throw a party around here?

Synopsis:

Olivia’s Story was clearly not canon, because today her boyfriend is not James Yates, but Rod Sullivan. And as much as I hated James, I hate Rod even more. All he can ever talk about is how great Elizabeth is and what a talented writer she is, and then acts like Olivia is just so cute with her poetry and art stuff.

Penny has been chosen for some award or something and will be in Washington, D.C. for two weeks. She needs to appoint someone as editor-in-chief while she’s gone. Liz is the obvious choice, but Olivia can’t help hoping she might get picked instead. Rod, of course, thinks she’s being ridiculous; of course Penny will choose Liz. And of course she does. Olivia is crushed at first, but she turns that emotion into a kickass edition of Visions, the literary magazine she edits. Liz says she might have some poems she can contribute, so Olivia asks her to bring them over after school. Liz reads some of Olivia’s poems and convinces her to send them to the Sweet Valley News. Olivia is feeling pretty good that night until she talks to Rod, who asks her how her afternoon was, but then won’t let Olivia get a word in after Elizabeth is mentioned.

I think the theme of this book is “honesty.” First, Jessica doesn’t want to be honest with Sam and tell him she’d rather go shopping with Lila than watch him in another dirt bike race. Then, when Lila picks her up, Jessica is shocked that Lila has straightened her hair and dyed it purple. She doesn’t want to hurt Lila’s feelings so she doesn’t say anything. When Lila realizes people at the mall are laughing at her and not admiring her, she gets mad at Jessica for not telling her she looked bad. That evening, Ned comes home with a present for Alice. It’s a sculpture of meerkats and it looks horrible. Alice hates it, but doesn’t want to hurt Ned’s feelings.

It’s only Tuesday and Liz is already totally stressed out about the paper. There’s a horrible superflu going around and a third of the school, including Mr. Collins, is out sick. The paper is shorthanded and Liz has three blank spaces that need to be filled. Olivia would be glad to help, but Liz hasn’t asked her and I guess she feels like she needs an engraved invitation. When Jenny Mitchell, who was going to write the feature article, comes down with Captain Trips, Rod offers to help, which makes Olivia mad. Liz asks Jessica if she can help out, and Jessica decides to write a story about whether or not honesty is the best policy. Now Liz has only one blank space left, and she has Todd fill it with a name-the-flu contest. When Rod turns in his article, Liz is relieved to find it’s actually good, though it’s vaguely familiar to her.

Everyone thinks Jessica’s article is great, but Lila gives her a women’s magazine with an article about how being completely honest makes you a better person. Jessica thinks about it for a while and decides she’s never going to tell a lie again. This sounds great, but Jessica doesn’t seem to understand that you don’t have to be a bitch to tell the truth. After a week of Jessica telling everyone exactly what she thinks about them, Lila organizes a Total Honesty for Jessica Day. Everyone spends the whole day criticizing her and she learns her lesson.

Liz is having trouble with an English assignment. She has to compare a poem to a painting or something, but Liz doesn’t really get art. Rod offers to help her, and they agree to talk about the essay at the Dairi Burger after school. When they get there, though, Rod just wants to talk. At one point, he takes Liz’s hand and says he likes that she doesn’t bite her nails. And it is at that minute that Olivia inevitably comes through the door. She leaves before Rod or Liz can spot her. She calls Liz later that night, and Liz explains that Rod was just helping her with an assignment and he was only holding her hand to see if she bit her nails.

Liz does finally manage to get Rod to help her with her essay, but she falls asleep that night without finishing it. The next morning, she wakes up late and panics about the essay. She knows it’s sloppy, but she decides to turn it in as is rather than not turn it in at all. That afternoon, Mr. Collins asks her why she would plagiarize art critic Archie Fox. Liz realizes Rod passed off Archie’s ideas as his own, but she’s really only mad at herself for trying to pass off Rod’s ideas as hers. Or whatever. Bottom line is, Mr. Collins kicks Liz off the newspaper for being a plagiarist. Liz asks Rod why he would do this to her, but he says she shouldn’t have just written down what he said. Liz talks to Jessica, who tells her it’s obvious that Rod has a crush on her and was only trying to impress her. Olivia comes to the same conclusion when Liz talks to her, and she gets upset and tells Liz she can’t help her.

A few days later, Olivia is on top of the world. Now that Liz is off the paper, Olivia is helping Mr. Collins with editing. Then Rod takes her out and they have the best date they’ve ever had. She feels guilty about Liz, though. On Saturday, the Sweet Valley News prints one of Olivia’s poems, and she realizes she really has Liz to thank, but she still just doesn’t know what to do. Then Jessica shows up at her house and tells her Liz would never just sit around doing nothing if the roles were reversed, so Olivia needs to get off her ass.

Olivia knows Jessica is right. She realizes a few things, like Rod really did have a crush on Liz. She also remembers that there was something odd about the article he wrote for The Oracle. She fishes it out of her trashcan and rereads it. It turns out he plagiarized the whole thing. Olivia calls Penny, who has just returned from D.C., and they go to Mr. Collins first thing in the morning. Rod gets in trouble, Olivia breaks up with him, Liz is back on the paper and is friends with Olivia again.

Setup for the next book: John Pfeifer and Jennifer Mitchell have broken up, and Lila is showing a little interest in John. Don’t go home with him, Lila! He’s no good!

Quotes:

Olivia was thrilled when she saw the look on Rod’s face. “Wow!” He gave a low whistle. “You look fantastic, Liv.”

“Do you really think so?” she asked, trying not to sound too pleased with herself.

“Yeah.” He tilted his head to one side. “Doesn’t Elizabeth have a dress like that?”

Yep, that’s Rod.

DeeDee had rolled her eyes. “Elizabeth Wakefield was sitting in the Dairi Burger holding hands with someone else’s boyfriend? Have you lost your mind?”

She’s not that perfect. I direct you to the Cheats on Boyfriend tag.

The Cover: Why is Penny on this cover giving Liz the bitchface? She’s hardly even in the book. Olivia looks kind of cute, but I don’t know why she’s wearing pearls. Liz looks confused and sleepy. And I hate her.

The moral of the story: You are not allowed to do anything your boyfriend doesn’t know about. If you refuse to tell him what you’re doing all the time, he is totally within his rights to cheat on you.

The Big Deal: Nothing. Things sure are getting boring around here.

Synopsis:

Jessica needs money, as usual. Her current moneymaking scheme is a letter writing service. She got the idea from Lila and Amy, who both have to actually leave a party to go home and write letters to relatives they don’t like. Of course, Jessica doesn’t really want to write letters, either, but that’s where Liz comes in. Liz thinks it’s a great idea because she wants to make some money to buy a present for Todd since she’s been neglecting him lately while writing for The Oracle. The twins agree to remain anonymous and use a post office box.

Something is going on between Shelley Novak and Jim Roberts lately and Liz is concerned about their relationship. She asks Todd to talk to her after basketball practice. Shelley tells Todd that Jim has been so obsessed with photography lately that he doesn’t have any time for her. Todd smiles at her with those warm brown eyes of his and tells her boys are dumb sometimes and he’s sure Jim still loves her. A few days later, Shelley goes to the photography club room to meet Jim, but Liz tells her he had to go retake some pictures for the yearbook. Shelley is all upset and tells Liz she wishes Jim was more like Todd. Liz says Todd has his bad moments, too, but Shelley is strangely insistent that Todd is perfect.

Letters R Us (if my company’s sole duty was to write, I would probably not use a cutesy name using stupid abbreviations) is doing well, but one day Jessica picks up the letter requests and finds one from Shelley Novak. She tells Letters R Us that she’s in love with the boyfriend of one of her friends and, though she feels bad, she can’t deny her feelings and wants them to write him a letter for her. She describes the boy, and Jessica realizes it’s Todd. She changes some of the details when she tells Liz about it so she won’t know what’s going on.

Speaking of Todd, Liz has been neglecting him again while she works on the letters. She cancels a date with him one night. He’s understanding, but tells her to make sure she keeps Saturday free because he has something special planned for her. But Saturday morning brings a ton of new letters to write, so Liz cancels on him again. Todd starts talking before Liz can say anything, telling her he rented her favorite movie and bought her favorite cheesecake from Howard’s Deli. Liz sucks and goes ahead and breaks the date. She tells him she’s working on a surprise for him, but Todd doesn’t care and they have a big fight. That afternoon, Shelley goes over to Todd’s and says she was just in the neighborhood. Todd invites her in to watch a movie and eat cheesecake.

A few days later, Letters R Us gets a letter from Todd. He’s gotten a letter from a girl who likes him and he wants to give her a chance since his girlfriend has been so negligent lately. He wants two letters – one to his girlfriend to explain that he wants to take a break, and one to the new girl to ask her out for Friday night.

Jessica rewrites Todd’s request and disguises her handwriting so Liz won’t know who it’s from. She plans to let Liz write the letters, but Jessica will remove them from the outgoing mail and replace them with a note to Todd telling him to be more patient with his girlfriend. When Liz goes to write the letters, she thinks the letter requestor seems like a nice guy and his girlfriend must be an idiot for ignoring him. She writes the girlfriend a nasty letter, and then writes a really nice one to the other girl.

Jessica drops the ball, of course, and after a few days, Liz gets her own nasty letter in the mail from Todd. She yells at Jessica and demands to know what the hell happened. Jessica explains everything. Liz goes to Todd’s and yells at him for a while, and he acts like Liz being so busy means he had no choice but to get involved with someone else.

Todd and Shelley go out, but it doesn’t take long for them to realize they really just want to be friends. They both confess to using Letters R Us, and are embarrassed about the whole thing. Since Letters R Us posters are hanging all over school, they figure a student is behind it. They decide to stake out the post office after school for a few days and see if they can figure out who it is, then ask that person to make sure their situation is kept confidential.

Todd pounces on Jessica at the post office, and she tells him everything. He wants to make up with Liz, and Jessica tells her so, but Liz still refuses to answer his calls. Todd writes a cheesy request to Letters R Us to write a letter to his amazing girlfriend apologizing and blah blah blah. Liz wraps the present she got him, a warmup jacket, and goes over to Todd’s, where they make up. Again. Todd is so touched by the present that he buys Liz a matching one so everyone will know they’re meant to be together.

In other news, Jessica is tired of her bedroom being Hershey bar brown. She paints everything purple.

Quotes:

Like the time Elizabeth had chosen to boycott the Miss Teen Sweet Valley pageant on the grounds that it was degrading to women.

Jesus Christ, they talk about this in every.single.book. Get over it, already.

“And Jennifer Mitchell was complaining about John Pfeifer the other day in gym. She said he was getting way too bossy with her.”

Oh, John.

And hadn’t [Elizabeth] been instrumental in getting Sam and Jessica back together after the Brandon Hunter episode?

Um, no. You actually had nothing to do with getting them back together.

When Elizabeth and Todd walked into the Oracle office a week later wearing matching blue-and-gold warmup jackets, they caused quite a stir.

That’s because you look like morons.

The Cover: I don’t really get what’s happening here. Liz looks super ugly and Jessica’s turtleneck is out of control.

The moral of the story: Remember the moral of Bruce’s Story? It can also be applied to Todd’s Story.

The Big Deal: Celebratory party at the Dairi Burger

Synopsis:

So, there are a few things wrong with this book first thing:

• It’s summer. Again.
• Cara is in Sweet Valley and apparently has not moved to London.
• But this takes place after Todd has moved to Vermont and back.
• Jessica has not met Sam.
• But the twins’ Jeep is still referred to as “new.”

Todd’s been getting some weird hangup phone calls lately. He and Liz are at the mall one day when Todd sees a guy named Kevin Holmes and freaks out. Todd has never told anyone about this, but when he was living in Vermont, he tackled Kevin in an alley to stop him from mugging someone. After the trial, as Kevin was being led away in handcuffs, he told Todd he was going to get even with him. And now he’s in Sweet Valley. Oh, dear.

Meanwhile, Todd’s having problems with his dad. Mr. Wilkins wants Todd to follow in the old man’s footsteps and get involved in the business. Todd and Liz and a bunch of their friends have lined up two-week jobs at Secca Lake as day camp counselors, but Mr. Wilkins wants Todd to intern at his company after that. Todd doesn’t wanna, and Liz thinks he should say so, but Todd says Liz just doesn’t understand.

The first day of camp at Secca Lake, Todd is horrified to discover Kevin Holmes is going to be a counselor. Kevin, Todd and Jessica will be the sports counselors. Kevin acts like he doesn’t know Todd, and to everyone else he seems like a happy and likable guy. Todd starts to think maybe the guy has reformed, but then Kevin threateningly tells him not to tell anyone about the mugging. Todd tries to tell his parents his concerns, but they say they heard from an old co-worker in Vermont that Kevin was in Sweet Valley to start over. They even try to tell him to be friends with the guy. Jeez, no wonder these kids never want to tell the adults what’s going on.

Kevin keeps beating Todd at volleyball and basketball. Todd handles it badly and it makes him look like a sore loser. Everyone loves Kevin and can’t figure out why Todd doesn’t like him. Liz is totally idiotic and thinks Todd is so moody lately because he wants to break up with her. Kevin and Jessica have been making eyes at each other all week at camp, and one night he asks her out. Liz, who clearly hasn’t been paying attention, thinks they should make it a double date. She’s sure that if Todd just spends enough time with Kevin, he’ll warm up to him. Somehow, Todd gets talked into letting everyone meet at his house before the movie. When Kevin gets there, he starts kissing Mr. Wilkins’ ass, and Mr. Wilkins ends up offering to try to find him a job at Varitronics, his company.

In every scene at Todd’s house, his parents talk about how nicely Kevin turned out and how great it is that he turned over a new leaf. After Todd lies and says he had fun with Kevin and the twins on their date, his parents tell him to invite Kevin over for dinner that night. Instead of lying and just telling them Kevin can’t make it, Todd actually invites Kevin over. Todd catches Kevin looking through Mr. Wilkins’ desk and runs to his father to snitch. Mr. Wilkins tells Todd he asked Kevin to bring him something. Now he’s all disappointed in Todd for being so unforgiving.

On Friday, Todd puts himself between Kevin and Liz, and Liz gets all pissed off and wants to know what Todd’s problem is. He says he would just like her to stay away from Kevin. Liz wants him to explain, but Todd can’t. So Liz breaks up with him. She thinks this whole thing is about her because Todd is unable or unwilling to communicate with her.

Christ, I’m bored. This book is going on forever. We’re only halfway through.

On Monday, Kevin spends all day at camp flirting with Liz while Jessica stands off to the side with her hands on her hips. Todd is watching them when one of the kids in his group starts drowning in the lake. He jumps in, but Kevin swims faster and gets there first. Once the kid is safe, Kevin says Todd should have been paying attention. Todd finally snaps and says something about Kevin turning the rescue into a competition. So now Todd looks like an ass, like he just cares who made the rescue and not that the kid is okay.

Ever since camp started the week before, people’s stuff has gone missing: Liz’s lavaliere, Winston’s lucky hat, Cara’s keychain. And on Tuesday, Todd reads in the paper that an old man was beaten and robbed just a few blocks from the apartment Kevin is renting. At camp that day, he spends the lunch hour alone in the lodge, leaving everyone outside to talk about him. Kevin tells some lies about the way Todd was in Vermont, saying he had a reputation as a bully and had once had a problem with a girl who had jumped out of his car to get away from him. All Todd’s friends say they don’t believe it, but you can tell they totally do.

On Wednesday morning, everyone is talking about the second mugging that took place the night before. Kevin joins in the conversation and acts all concerned. Todd can’t believe a person could mug someone at night and be so calm about it the next morning. So now he thinks Kevin must be innocent. Someone interrupts Todd’s thought process to ask him what he thinks about the muggings. Todd doesn’t know what to say and gets all weird and walks off. That afternoon, Kevin asks Liz out to dinner. At that moment, Todd is walking by and Liz thinks that if she can catch Todd’s eye and if he looks hurt or upset, she’ll turn Kevin down. When Todd just looks at Kevin all angry and bitter, Liz thinks he doesn’t care about her, so she tells Kevin she’ll go out with him. On their date, Liz realizes Kevin is kind of a jerk who only wants to talk about himself and keeps talking about how “things are falling into place.” And he gets angry when she doesn’t want to kiss him goodnight.

Later that night, Todd is restless so he drives out to Secca Lake to hang out. While there, he sees Kevin mug Melissa, one of the other camp counselors. Todd is too shocked and stupid to do anything about it, so he goes home. The next day after work, Todd decides he has to get some of this off his chest, so he tells Winston and Aaron about his history with Kevin. He’s decided he’ll go to the police in the morning. He goes to the lake early Friday morning to tell the ranger he’ll need to take part of the morning off, but the cops are there and they arrest him. A pen with his initials on it was found in the “precise location” where Melissa got robbed. And no, this isn’t enough to arrest a man, but when asked, Todd says, “I wasn’t carrying the pen, it was in my car, and I didn’t go on the beach, I stayed in the grass.” So stupid.

That afternoon, the counselors are having a barbecue to celebrate the last day of camp. Everyone is all sad about Todd getting arrested. Everyone except Kevin, who suggests a game. He says he has a Frisbee in his car and Jessica offers to get it. She finds Liz’s lavaliere in the backseat, then gathers Winston, Aaron, Enid and Cara around her. They decide that if Kevin stole the necklace, he could have stolen all the other stuff, too. And if he did that, then maybe Todd was telling the truth about what happened in Vermont. And if that’s true, then maybe the wrong man is behind bars!

Todd’s father picks him up. Todd is a minor so he’s being released to his parents until the hearing. He has his father drop him off at the lake so he can pick up his car. At the same time, Liz and Kevin are taking a walk. As soon as they’re in the woods and away from everyone else, Kevin gets all weird and starts telling Liz she shouldn’t care so much about Todd. He starts to get really angry and Liz gets scared. Todd gets to the lake and asks Jessica and the others where Kevin is. They realize both Kevin and Liz are gone. In the woods, Kevin starts babbling about a car accident that killed his brother and about how he never meant to hurt anyone. Then he tells Liz he wants Todd to know what it’s like to lose everything. He starts strangling Liz, and then Todd comes out of the woods to save the day.

At the police station, Kevin’s big confession is that he killed his brother in a car accident a few years ago. Kevin’s parents have never gotten over it and have always treated Kevin as if they wished he was the one who died. So that’s why he’s a lunatic.

Everyone goes to the Dairi Burger that night to celebrate Todd’s heroism.

Quotes:

“You could’ve let things slide and lived with the fact that Todd wasn’t giving his share to your relationship. Instead you took a positive step to change things.”

I love that Enid thinks it was so good and right of Liz to break up with Todd for having a few bad days. I mean, seriously, call him moody or whatever, but she broke up with him after only five days of him acting that way.

Kevin was asking her for a date. Her first instinct was to turn him down. With her heart aching over Todd, Elizabeth knew she couldn’t enjoy herself with another boy, particularly a boy her own sister was very interested in. At the same time, it seemed cruel to reject Kevin outright.

It’s not cruel to turn down a date with someone you don’t want to go out with. It’s okay to say no!

The Cover: Ew, look at this guy. First of all, his shoulders are way too big. Second, he looks like he’s at least thirty. Third, he looks like he thinks he’s really awesome.

The moral of the story: If you’re hot and blond, you’re automatically good at acting.

The Big Deal: Lots of Hollywood parties, a party at Amy’s and a surprise party at the Wakefields’ house for the twins

Synopsis:

Jessica’s favorite soap opera, The Young and the Beautiful, is holding a casting call in Los Angeles. And guess what they’re looking for? That’s right, twins! They want a pair of twins with classic California looks to be on their show for a week. Too bad Liz isn’t at all interested. Jessica tells Liz she’ll be able to afford the word processor she wants and the twins can get a new Jeep, but nothing Jessica says can convince her to do it. At a party at Amy’s house, Jessica convinces all their friends it would be a great idea, so everyone starts bothering Liz about auditioning, but Liz is still not interested. Lila comes up with a great plan. Jessica will fake a letter from a research company inviting Liz to a discussion group about twins. Liz won’t be able to resist, and when they get in the car, Jessica will take them to the audition instead. She knows Liz will “give in gracefully” once they’re there.

Everything goes according to plan until the twins are in the waiting room. The casting director, Natasha, comes in and starts telling all the sets of twins how the auditions will go. Liz figures out what’s happened, and she’s not standing for it. She starts going off on Jessica and they have an argument right there in front of everyone. Liz walks out and slams the door behind her. Natasha starts clapping. She thinks that was their audition, and she offers them the part.

Filming doesn’t start for a week, but Natasha wants the girls to get involved beforehand so she invites them to a cast luncheon the next day. That night, Jessica and Sam have a fight because Jessica is too excited about being a soap star to listen to Sam’s mundane stories about dirt bike racing. Liz is still saying she’s not going to participate, but Jessica is going on the assumption that Liz will come around eventually.

The next morning, Lila, Amy and Jessica drive out to L.A., where they’ll be staying at a classy hotel owned by one of George Fowler’s associates. Lila and Amy drop Jessica off at the luncheon, where she meets Brandon Hunter, the heartthrob of The Young and the Beautiful. He flirts with Jessica during lunch and then asks her to go out with him that night. He’s twenty-two, in case you were wondering.

Brandon takes Jessica to a party at a famous singer’s house, then a movie premiere the next day. On Monday morning, people are coming up to Jessica at school and telling her they saw her picture in the paper. Sam gets all upset and jealous. Liz still won’t do the show and Jessica is starting to panic, but she comes up with another plan. She puts together a bunch of Liz’s newspaper articles and a writes a letter to the editor of the Los Angeles Times, telling him she and her sister will be starring on The Young and the Beautiful and asking if he’d be interested in a series of articles about the experience.

Ned and Alice finally decide to seriously consider letting the twins get a Jeep since the Fiat is falling apart. Liz and Todd meet Ned at the dealership, and there are like two whole pages dedicated to Liz handling the salesman. There’s also a bit about how “the girls take care of all their own oil changing, points, plugs, et cetera,” and then Liz looking under the hood like she knows what’s under there. But just last week, didn’t she need Steve to show her how to change a tire? Anyway, they trade in the Fiat and drive the Jeep home. Jessica is ecstatic.

That night, Liz gets a call from Rodney Grant, Lifestyle editor at the L.A. Times. He congratulates Liz on getting the soap opera role and says he would be interested in the articles Liz proposed. Liz figures out what’s happened, but lets the man speak. When he tells her how much she’ll be paid for her articles, Liz finally agrees to be on the damned show. She and Jessica go to the set to check things out. Liz does some interviews with the camera and light guys, then Jessica introduces her to Brandon, whom she immediately dislikes. When they start filming on Monday, Liz dislikes him even more. He can’t remember any of his lines and blames his crappy acting on the twins.

Jessica hasn’t talked to Sam in a week. One night, the doorbell rings and Jessica answers it to find a guy dressed as Batman. He hands her a bouquet of flowers and a note from Sam asking if Jessica will see him. Jessica says that of course she’ll see Sam. Batman rips off his mask and whoops with joy. It’s Sam! He whisks her away to the beach, where they have a fight and Sam tells her to choose between him and Brandon Hunter, but you can tell what he’s really saying is he wants her to choose between him and acting. Well, nobody gives Jessica an ultimatum, so of course she chooses Brandon and her career.

I don’t understand the Batman thing at all.

How did we end up in Sweet Valley, Robin?

The next day after filming, Jessica goes to knock on Brandon’s dressing room door, but hears him talking to someone else. He says things like “great publicity stunt,” “she really fell for it,” “I’ll be glad when she goes back to high school,” and “I think I’ll start pursuing Sandi Starr.” Jessica runs back toward her own dressing room in tears, but then calms down when she realizes Brandon couldn’t possibly have been talking about her. Or could he? She goes out with him the next night and pays close attention to how he acts. And he acts like a jackass – only putting his arm around her for pictures, constantly trying to leave her alone while he talks to other people. Jessica can’t believe she’s never noticed before how much Brandon sucks. When she gets home, she and Liz come up with ways to get even with him.

For their last day of shooting, Liz and Jessica do everything they can to mess Brandon up and make him flub his lines. That afternoon, the director calls to tell them Brandon wasn’t happy with the way the scene turned out so they’ll have to do it live. Jessica has an idea. She calls Sam and leaves a message for him to watch the show that evening.

During the final scene, Jessica’s character is supposed to swoon and declare her love for Brandon’s character. Instead, Jessica stands up and says she can’t be with him because she still loves Sam, “the boy [she] left behind.” Then she tells Brandon he’s a jerk and throws a glass of water in his face.  When the twins get home, they find a surprise party waiting for them. Sam forgives Jessica and everything is wonderful again. The soap opera people call and offer the twins a permanent contract, and Jessica turns it down.

Quotes:

He’s interested, too. I can tell. Other boys have looked at me with that look, and I know it means that they want to get to know me.

Jessica doesn’t know just how much they want to “get to know” her.

“But here she goes again, Mom!” Elizabeth cried. “Have you ever heard the dialogue the women characters on the soaps are given? They never use their brains! They misunderstand everything that everyone tells them, and they jump to absurd conclusions about the very people that they should know they can trust. It makes me sick to watch them.”

I don’t get it. Is this supposed to be ironic?

The Cover: Doesn’t Jessica kind of look like a bird somehow? I don’t really know how to describe it, but there’s something very birdlike about her appearance. I’m so sick of her stupid hair. And I guess that’s Brandon. He just looks like a smarmy bastard.

The moral of the story: Don’t go out with eccentric guys who spend all their time drawing. They’re all evil.

The Big Deal: School dance, party at Maria’s

Synopsis:

Todd breaks up with Liz. We know it’s because of this girl named Peggy Abbott who’s been hanging all over him lately, but Liz is under the impression that it’s just a “trial separation” and that Todd isn’t interested in anyone else. Jessica finds out about Peggy and tries to tell Liz, but Liz is in denial.

Meanwhile, Enid is lonely and missing her old boyfriend, Hugh. She and Liz take a drive up to Big Mesa to see if they can find him. They see him in front of a café and have a soda with him. At Liz’s insistence, Enid calls him a few days later and says she lost an earring at the café and wants Hugh to look for it next time he’s there. Interestingly, he finds Enid’s nonexistent lost earring. They make a date to meet up again, but Enid’s mother needs the car. Liz lets her borrow the Fiat, but it’s been acting up lately and it dies. Enid gets stuck and misses her date with Hugh. This is a dumb story line, so I’ll just tell you they get together in the end.

Liz survives her first week without Todd. She’s sure they’ll get back together and that he’ll end up asking her to go with him to the upcoming dance. He runs up to her at lunch one day, saying he needs to talk to her. She’s all ready to accept his invitation to the dance, but he says he’s going with Peggy and didn’t want Liz to hear it from someone else. Liz is upset, but keeps her cool and tells Todd she’s going with someone else, too. There’s this weird senior, Kris Lynch, who’s been following Liz around and he asked her to the dance. She told him she’d have to think about it, but now she’s decided she’ll go with him.

Kris picks Liz up for the dance in a pink Cadillac limo. He comes to the door with candy and flowers. It’s all really nice, but Liz just isn’t into it. She spends the whole night watching Todd and Peggy and hardly pays any attention to Kris. She feels bad, though, and agrees to go to a movie with him the following week. After that, people start thinking they’re a couple, including Kris, who accepts an invitation to a party on Liz’s behalf. Liz realizes she has to break things off and for some reason thinks Maria’s party is the perfect place to do it.

Liz spends most of Maria’s party trying to get Kris alone, but people keep interrupting them. She takes his hand and leads him to Mr. Santelli’s study, but when she opens the door, she sees Todd and Peggy on the couch. She closes the door and turns around. Kris seems to think she’s upset because they can’t find any place to be alone. He starts kissing her right there in front of everyone. Liz tells him she wants to leave, but he misunderstands and, once they’re in the car, suggests Miller’s Point. Liz says she wants to go home. Kris again misunderstands and thinks Liz means that her parents aren’t home and they’ll have the place to themselves. Liz finally says she wants to go home and she doesn’t want to see Kris anymore. Kris loses his shit. He starts driving really fast and yelling really loud, accusing Liz of leading him on. She tells him to stop the car, which he does, surprisingly. She starts to get out, but Kris grabs her arm and starts trying to kiss her. Liz’s purse falls on the floor, and she scoops everything up as quickly as she can and gets out of the car.

Monday morning, Kris gives Liz a white rose and apologizes for being such a dick on Saturday night. Liz forgives him. That afternoon, Todd tells Liz he was breaking up with Peggy in Mr. Santelli’s study. He really wants to be with Liz. Liz couldn’t be happier, and they go for a walk on the beach. When she gets home, Jessica tells her the latest gossip is that Kris and Liz went to Miller’s Point after they left Maria’s party and had a really wild time. Liz laughs it off, saying anybody who knows her would know that isn’t true.

Todd hears the rumors and confronts Kris. Kris says Liz really loves him and that she’s told him all about Todd. He starts listing all the most intimate details about Todd’s relationship with Liz. Todd can’t believe Liz would betray him like that. (By the way, throughout the book, Liz’s journal has gone missing quite a few times.) Kris does the same thing to Enid later. Now Jessica is Liz’s only friend. She asks Enid what her problem is, and Enid tells her Liz betrayed her trust to Kris. Jessica says Liz would never tell Kris anything, she doesn’t even like the guy, but Enid says it’s the only way he could know what he knows. (I refer you to the plot of #2: Secrets.) Jessica talks to Todd, who tells her the same thing, then she decides it’s time to talk to Kris.

When Jessica confronts him, Kris tries to get to her by talking about things like Jessica joining a cult. Jessica is unimpressed and tells him she’s going to figure out how he knows all these things. That night, she realizes Kris must have read Liz’s journal. She goes to his house the next day after school and tells him she knows everything. He breaks down and confesses to reading the journal. He’s really sorry and wishes he could do something to fix things. Jessica says there is, then takes him to the Dairi Burger to meet Todd and Enid. He tells them everything, and they feel appropriately ashamed for bailing on Liz. Everyone apologizes to her and everything goes back to normal.

Quotes:

“I’m sorry,” [Lila] said, “but I just can’t believe this. Kris Lynch is eccentric. Everybody knows that. He’s always drawing in his sketchbook and he’s never played any sports. The only normal thing about him is that his father belongs to the country club.”

I love the black and white world Lila lives in.

Now that the worst was over, [Jessica] was feeling a little annoyed with Todd and Enid.

Me, too. Except I’m always annoyed with them.

The Cover: I guess that’s Jessica, but at no point does Jessica ever read Liz’s journal, except for catching a glimpse of one line when Liz fell asleep with it open in front of her. Anyway, I don’t get what kind of shirt Jessica is wearing. Or the dead-doll look in her eyes.