Sweet Valley High Senior Year #1: Can’t Stay Away

The Big Deal: Beginning of the school year dance.

Synopsis:

A new school year is about to start and Sweet Valley is still feeling the aftereffects of the earthquake. The Wakefields are living at Fowler Crest while their house is being rebuilt. Five hundred kids from El Carro High, which was destroyed in the quake, are going to be attending SVH. Nobody is happy about this, including me. It’s just like on Degrassi when Lakehurst burned down and all these badasses had to switch to Degrassi. The El Carro kids wear Doc Martens and black t-shirts and make Liz feel like a goody-two-shoes in her yellow sundress.

Some of the new kids are:

  • · Conner McDermott. Conner expects SVH to be painted pink and be full of airheaded bimbos. He’s a judgmental ass and I hate him.
  • · Melissa Fox. Kind of weird. She’s happy that her locker number has all her favorite integers in it. Melissa was captain of the cheerleading squad at El Carro. She’s kind of a manipulative bitch and I hate her.
  • · Will Simmons. Melissa’s football player boyfriend. Also kind of an ass. Melissa’s friends think she can do better, but they’ve been together since eighth grade and Will is always thinking of something mysterious that happened in Melissa’s past that keeps him with her.
  • · Tia Ramirez. Conner’s best friend. Tia actually appeared in Party Weekend. She was the only El Carro student who was nice to the SVH kids.

There are a few other changes as well: Penny Ayala seems to have disappeared, so Liz is now editor-in-chief of The Oracle. Mr. Collins must have run off with Penny, because this year’s faculty adviser is someone named Mrs. Halsey. The cheerleading squad now has a coach who appears to be calling the shots, and Jessica has to try out again along with everyone else. I haven’t seen a few of the usual suspects around, like Winston or white Maria.

Liz: Conner McDermott is in Liz’s creative writing class. On the first day of school, Conner makes fun of Liz and says she probably writes stupid girly poems. The first assignment is to write an essay on loss. Liz writes about Olivia. Conner is assigned to read Liz’s essay aloud to the class, and she’s assigned to read his. They realize they’re both good writers and now they have crushes on each other.

Liz hates living at Fowler Crest. She thinks it’s terribly stuffy and she hates Lila because she plays her music too loud and Liz can’t sleep. I find it hard to believe that in this ridiculously huge mansion, there’s not another bedroom Liz can move into where she won’t hear Lila’s music. Lila shows up at the first Oracle meeting of the year and says she thinks there should be a fashion editor and it should be her. Liz absolutely refuses to put Lila on the staff, but everyone convinces her to create the fashion editor position and ask interested parties to submit sample articles. Luckily, Lila’s article sucks and Liz can in good conscience appoint someone else to the position. Liz and Lila have an argument about it at dinner one night, and Mrs. Wakefield decides to let Liz move in with her new friend, Megan Sandborn, who knows Liz is unhappy with the Fowlers and has offered her the use of her family’s spare bedroom. Megan keeps talking about her brother and how much he won’t mind having Liz around and sharing a bathroom with her. And the brother, of course, turns out to be none other than Conner McDermott. He and his sister have different fathers, hence the different last names.

Jessica: Jessica has decided Will Simmons will be her boyfriend. She does all her flirty Jessica things and gets him to come over to Fowler Crest one night to study. When he gets there, they end up making out and don’t stop until Will reaches for the zipper at the back of Jessica’s dress. The next day, Will tells Jessica that Ken Matthews, still mourning Olivia’s death, has quit the football team and Will is now the big deal quarterback. He takes her out that night to celebrate, and Jessica tells everyone in the drama club all about it. Tia Ramirez tells her Will has a girlfriend. Jessica doesn’t believe it at first, but it turns out to be true. She’s beyond pissed, and she yells at Will and tells anyone who will listen what a bad kisser he is. Melissa overhears some of this, and she goes to confront Will. He says Jessica is a troublemaker who came on to him but he never kissed her. Melissa decides she doesn’t care whether or not he’s lying. She still loves him and she hates Jessica.

Melissa spreads a bunch of rumors about Jessica, and then she invites Lila and Amy to hang out with the El Carro kids before the dance on Friday. Will tells his football friends a few nasty things about Jessica, so when she shows up at the dance all alone, nobody wants to talk to her and the guys make snide remarks. She sees Will and Melissa dancing together and runs out of the room. At the end of the book, Will feels bad, but I guess not bad enough to do anything about it.

The Cover: That shirt is hideous. I don’t even know who that’s supposed to be. I’m also not sure to what the title is referring. Who can’t stay away from what?

33 Comments

Shannon, February 15th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature

Happy Blogday to me!

It was one year ago today that I started this blog. I can’t believe it’s been that long!

When I first started recapping Sweet Valley High, I really didn’t expect anyone to read it besides a few friends. I remember one day being super psyched because I got a whole fifteen hits. Fifteen people read my blog!

Eventually, word got around and by the time I finished the series, I was getting 500-1000 hits a day.

Then on Tuesday, Entertainment Weekly included a link to my blog in their article about Sweet Valley Confidential. Since then, my numbers have gone through the roof. So thank you, Entertainment Weekly! Then yesterday, I was quoted and linked to on The Guardian’s website, which is also a pretty big deal for me. For those of you visiting via the EW and Guardian articles, welcome! I hope you’ll stick around!

For my regular readers, thank you so much for spending the past year with me. I have had so much fun writing this blog. In fact, it’s been so much fun that I’ve decided it’s time to resume regular posting. Get started on your back-to-school shopping because Senior Year starts Monday!

By the way, I just want to mention that if I had known this blog was going to end up being so popular, I would have come up with a much more creative name than Shannon’s Sweet Valley High Blog.

20 Comments

Shannon, February 13th 2010 | Posted in 4. Lunch

More Sweet Valley Confidential news

I just received an official press release from St. Martin’s Press, and they have confirmed what I heard from JJ. Sweet Valley Confidential is still a go! We still have a tentative publication date of February 2011, and Francine Pascal assures us we will be “shocked” at the way our friends have turned out.

According to the release, “the new book takes place twelve years after the high school series and follows the sisters into adulthood where the real world intrudes after a perfect childhood.”

This should be interesting!

What do you guys think she means by the real world intruding? I think it means Jessica gets a pimple and Liz gets rejected when she tries to get a job at the Sweet Valley News.

23 Comments

Shannon, February 11th 2010 | Tags:
Posted in 4. Lunch

Sweet Valley Confidential

Francine Pascal mentioned quite a while ago that she was working on a new book called Sweet Valley Confidential. I can’t even remember where or when I first heard about it, but it seems like it’s been in the works for a really long time. I was starting to think it was just a rumor, but then I was contacted by Sarah Jae Jones, who goes by JJ and is an editorial assistant at St. Martin’s Press.

For those who don’t know, Sweet Valley Confidential is supposed to take place when the twins and their friends are in their mid-twenties. JJ says Francine is indeed hard at work on the book and there is a tentative publication date of February 2011. I asked her what the target audience is going to be, because let’s face it: the old books are pretty bad and I wouldn’t be reading them if not for the nostalgia factor. JJ thinks Sweet Valley Confidential will be appealing to twenty-somethings and will actually be a decent standalone novel.

I gotta say, I’m kind of excited about this. For better or worse, I grew up with the damned Wakefield twins and I’ve always wondered how they turned out. Is Jessica a porn star? Is Elizabeth a nun? JJ has promised to keep me updated on what’s happening with the book, and I will in turn keep you all updated.

35 Comments

Shannon, January 28th 2010 | Tags:
Posted in 4. Lunch

And that’s all I have to say about that.

That’s it, the end of the series! I can’t believe I made it. It was a long road, but I think I’m a stronger person for my struggles. Quite possibly a dumber person, but definitely stronger.

This will not be the end of Shannon’s Sweet Valley High Blog, I promise, so please don’t unsubscribe or take me off your bookmarks just yet. Unless, you know, you’re sick of me. Right now, however, I am taking a much deserved break. I will be back with recaps of SVH Senior Year at some point. If you’d like to email me (the address is over there in the sidebar under Principal’s Office) I will gladly send you a message when I’m ready to start posting again. Just put “SVH Blog” in the subject line.

Thank you all so much for reading and sticking it out with me until the end. I’ve had so much fun writing this blog, and reading everyone’s comments always makes my day.

I’ll be back! Meanwhile, feel free to start from the beginning.

72 Comments

Shannon, January 6th 2010 | Posted in 4. Lunch

Sweet Valley High Super Edition #12: Aftershock

SVHSE12Read part one of this miniseries here. Read part two here.

The Big Deal: Olivia’s funeral.

Synopsis:

The Wakefields are staying at Fowler Crest while their house is being rebuilt. Sweet Valley is all fucked up. The Dairi Burger, the Beach Disco, Miller’s Point, the movie theater – pretty much everything besides the school is ruined. White Maria sets up a refugee center because the only people in town who can do things like that are sixteen-year-olds.

Liz can’t remember anything that happened during the earthquake, but she and Enid assume Devon is the one who saved their lives. I don’t know why. I thought it was an EMT guy. Either way, it wasn’t Devon and he feels like crap about it. Liz and Enid stop by his house one day to thank him, and he totally accepts their thanks. He feels kind of ashamed of himself, but Liz seems to love him again so he just keeps on lying. Unfortunately, Enid seems to love him now, too. She tells a reporter that Devon saved her life, and suddenly a gaggle of them are on his front lawn, asking him questions about his heroic act. Enid keeps throwing herself at Devon, which annoys both him and Liz.

Black Maria tells Liz she overheard her and Devon arguing the night of the earthquake, and she says Devon absolutely wasn’t the one who saved her. Liz is a stupid bitch and thinks Maria is lying to her. She gets pissed and leaves. They make up a few pages later and Maria hypnotizes Liz to help her remember. I don’t get what Liz’s deal is. It seems like she knows she was electrocuted by downed power lines, but she’s totally confused by the burn marks on her legs and doesn’t know where they came from. She turns the whole thing into a mystery she needs to solve.

Jessica is a total mess and can’t stop thinking about Alyssa, the girl whose life she failed to save. She has nightmares every night and feels totally guilty. One night, she sneaks out of Fowler Crest after a particularly bad dream and heads to the high school. She’s sitting on the bleachers in the stadium when Ken Matthews shows up and sits down next to her. They talk about their guilty feelings for a few minutes and it seems like they’re both starting to feel better, but when Jessica says she wishes she were dead, Ken freaks out. Like, out of nowhere starts yelling about how he’s way worse off than Jessica. Then he leaves. Whatever, dude. Jessica eventually talks to Alyssa’s brother, Bryan. He’s feeling the guilt, too. He and Jessica tell each other it was nobody’s fault, the fucking earthquake did it.

Ever since Lila and Todd almost kissed in the Wakefields’ bathroom, neither one of them can stop thinking about it. But for some reason, they keep bickering every time they see each other. It’s really kind of annoying.

Olivia’s funeral is held in the Davidsons’ back yard. While everyone is taking turns saying a few words about Olivia, Liz catches a glimpse of Dana’s snake-shaped arm cuff thing. Suddenly, she remembers the snake in the pool, and that memory is apparently the key to all the other memories. Now she remembers that Devon was too scared to help her, and she’s incredibly pissed off that he would pretend to be a hero.

Everyone says such nice things about Olivia, and Lila, who wants to turn over a new leaf, feels bad that she was too much of a snob to get to know her. After the service, she starts crying and then suddenly Todd is there hugging her. Lila’s fine with that, but then Todd kisses her. She is completely disgusted that he would kiss her at a funeral, so she tells him off and stomps away. She and Amy go shopping.

Liz catches up to Devon as he tries to sneak away from the funeral. She tells him she remembers him running away after the earthquake, but he denies it and insists he saved her. Liz still can’t remember who actually pulled her away from the fire, but she knows it wasn’t him. Other people are leaving the service and there’s now a crowd gathered around Liz and Devon. Ken overhears what they’re talking about and says he saw with his own eyes that some guy he didn’t recognize pulled Enid and Liz away, not Devon. Devon finally admits he lied. He leaves the funeral and thinks it’s about time to get out of Sweet Valley.

Liz and Todd talk that night. They haven’t been able to stop thinking about each other, but Todd is still too hurt to forgive and forget. They decide to take the summer away from each other and see where they stand afterward.

If Ronnie Edwards had a funeral, I didn’t hear about it and nobody attended. Aw, poor Ronnie.

Quotes:

With a big sigh, Lila gave up. She simply hadn’t had enough practice being kind and warm to make a difference in Jessica’s black mood. She wasn’t Elizabeth Wakefield, giving out advice at every opportunity.

And we are forever grateful.

Maybe this walk will help her snap out of it, Elizabeth hoped.

Jessica is feeling suicidal because a little girl died right in front of her, but a walk on the beach is sure to fix things. I think Liz is overestimating the powers of the ocean just a little.

“Enid didn’t know she was going to be on television,” she told Lila.

“There’s no excuse for a dress that bad,” Lila replied.

I love that Lila’s vow to stop being such a snob does not stop her from making fun of Enid’s ugly clothes.

[Ken is] a great friend, Elizabeth thought. No wonder I had that crush on him for a while.

I think you mean, No wonder I cheated on my boyfriend with him and then jealously tried to keep him away from my sister for a while.

The Cover: Where did all these pictures come from? I recognize the ones that are book covers, but what are the rest of them? Are they from the TV show?

16 Comments

Shannon, January 6th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Super Edition #11: Earthquake

SVHSE11Read part one of this miniseries here.

Synopsis:

Despite this being the penultimate book in the series, not a lot actually happens and it only seems to span about an hour of Sweet Valley time. If this were a television show, Earthquake would be a clip episode, with the current action only taking up five to ten minutes and the rest being flashbacks to episodes past.

On the streets of Sweet Valley: Jessica and Steve are both okay, but the Jeep is wrapped around a telephone pole. After administering some first aid to each other, they manage to get on the road, but then have a fight about whether they should go to the gas station to get Billie or go home to Liz. They settle on going for Billie, and once they have her, she and Steve send Jessica on home while they walk up the street to see if they can find Ned and Alice, who went to the movies earlier. Jessica wants nothing more than to get back to Liz because she’s got that freaky twin psychic thing going on and knows Liz is in danger, but on her way home she stops to help a twelve-year-old girl who’s about to fall into a crevasse in the road. Despite her best efforts, the girl falls and Jessica blames herself for her death.

In the Wakefields’ kitchen: Annie has a broken arm, but she, white Maria and Winston are okay. The refrigerator is pinning Olivia’s arm to the floor and Ken is trying to get it off her. Winston and the girls tell him they’ll go for help. Just after they go outside, an aftershock fucks up the house even more and their path back inside is blocked. Olivia is calm and numb. She knows the house is on fire and there’s no way anyone will be able to free her before it gets to her. She tells Ken to go for help, and after a passionate argument, he agrees and starts trying to dig his way out of the house.

In the bathroom: Lila and Todd are trapped because the doorframe has buckled around the door. They spend most of the book bickering, but when Lila realizes there’s a fire, she has flashbacks to John Pfeifer trying to burn her house down. Todd can’t think of any way out.

In the back yard: Ronnie Edwards is dead, smashed by a tree. Most people who are conscious are getting the hell out of dodge. Liz can’t find anyone who will help her save Enid, who is lying in a pool of water right next to some exposed wires. Devon is sitting moodily on the patio refusing to help anyone and Liz spends way too much time trying to convince him to help her. She finally goes to help Enid alone, but falls into the pool. Then, just to make sure the book lasts the requisite 230 pages, a rattlesnake tries to attack her and she beats it away with a piece of crown molding floating nearby. Then she gets out of the pool and goes to Enid, who is uncomfortably close to the raging fire. She starts dragging Enid and almost manages to get away, but then a writhing wire touches her leg. She and Enid slump to the ground, and Liz passes out.

In the end, the cavalry arrives in the form of an EMT team. They get Liz, Enid, Todd and Lila to safety, but are too late to help Olivia.

Quotes:

In the midst of a full-blown disaster – with the house apparently self-destructing around them – Lila was calmly filing her nails.

Duh, Todd. She needs to look good for the rescue team.

The Cover: I guess this ugly piece of crap cover fits in with the “clip show” style of the book. Except…who’s that guy in the bottom left corner? I have never seen that guy before.

31 Comments

Shannon, January 5th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Super Edition #10: Last Wish

SVHSE10 - OuterThe Moral of the Story: If your birthday party is too awesome, the universe will retaliate with an earthquake.

The Big Deal: Birthday party for the twins

Synopsis:

The school year is about to end. For real this time. The twins’ seventeenth birthday is on June 13, and Liz wants to plan a surprise party for Jessica. She decides to rent the Beach Disco for the night. At the same time, Jessica is trying to plan a party for Liz. She decides on an elegant dinner party on the beach. So while Liz is spending her life savings on a deposit and guaranteeing the Beach Disco guys at least a hundred guests, Jessica is borrowing money from Steve to hire a jazz quartet for the beach party. Way to go, twins. When Lila and Amy find out there are going to be two parties, they get Enid and black Maria involved in some kind of scheme, the details of which are being withheld from me in an attempt to create suspense.

As for the rest of Sweet Valley: White Maria breaks up with Winston because he blabs that she sleeps with a teddy bear, Ken breaks up with Olivia because she paints a nude portrait of him and insists on entering it in a school art show, Bruce has been telling everyone he’s going to Harvard next year but hasn’t actually gotten an acceptance letter yet, and Todd and Devon are both moping around pretending they’re over Liz.

Whatever Lila’s plan is, she’s calling it The Plan and it seems to involve everyone bailing on the twins and not helping them plan their respective parties. When Friday the thirteenth rolls around, the twins wake up early and have breakfast with Steve and Billie before school. After school, Jessica and Lila go to the beach and start trying to set up their rented tent, but a couple of beach patrol guys come along and tell them they can’t have a party without a permit. At the same time, Liz and Enid go to the Beach Disco to set up, but the manager tells them he has no record of a Wakefield party. Both twins are devastated, and Lila and Enid take them home. They arrive at the same time, and when they go inside they find a surprise party waiting for them. Hooray! But wait, I still have seventy pages left, so I guess some more drama has to happen.

At the party: The twins get a brand new Jeep. Bruce announces to everyone that he’s turned Harvard down so he can attend Sweet Valley University. Winston and white Maria make up. Ken and Olivia make up. Billie leaves in Steve’s car to get ice, but the car dies. Steve and Jessica take the new Jeep to go get her. Todd drops by to tell Liz that he’ll be spending the summer at a basketball camp and he thinks they shouldn’t try to contact each other during that time. Then he tries to go to the bathroom, but Lila’s taking too long doing her makeup. Todd opens the door and gets ready to throw her out. Devon saw Liz and Todd talking together and it pissed him off, so he picks a fight with Liz. Ken, Olivia, Annie and white Maria are hanging out in the kitchen.

Then there’s an earthquake.

Olivia is crushed by a beam falling from the kitchen ceiling. I’m pretty sure she’s dead. Then the whole Wakefield house pretty much falls to the ground. Out on the road, Jessica crashes the Jeep and hits the windshield. And that’s where the book ends.

Quotes:

“After holding the preprom party and the postprom brunch here, my parents have put me on party probation.”

My goodness, that’s a lot of alliteration. Try saying “postprom brunch” five times fast. And hey, since when do Lila’s parents care how many parties she throws?

Ken Matthews…watched Bruce Patman pull his monogrammed pool cue from the stand. The engraved brass plaque on the handle read 1BRUCE1, the same as the custom license plates on Bruce’s black Porsche.

I love that his pool cue says 1BRUCE1. That is fabulous.

“It’s more than a chance to show my work!” Olivia explained. “What’s at stake is my integrity as an artist. I can’t let anyone else’s notions of propriety compromise my artistic vision!”

1. You are a sixteen-year-old high school kid who likes to paint. You don’t have artistic integrity. 2. There must be some kind of rules about showing another sixteen-year-old’s naked likeness in a school art show.

“I’ve been hoping you’d come to your senses and apologize.”

It seems like Ken’s always saying shit like this and then getting all surprised when whatever chick he’s talking to gets pissed off.

The Cover: This cover is lame. Why are the twins black and white while their cake is in the foreground looking all creepily festive? And what’s with the back cover picture?

SVHSE10 - Inner

SVHSE10 - Back

27 Comments

Shannon, January 4th 2010 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #143: Party Weekend

SVH143Read part one of this miniseries here. Read part two here.

The Moral of the Story: Screw finding a moral, I barely even know what this one is supposed to be about. This is even worse than the damned werewolf books.

The Big Deal: Brunch party at Lila’s, inter-school fair, dance and talent show

Synopsis:

The morning after the prom, Jessica drags Liz over to Lila’s brunch party so they can confront her about teaming up with Courtney and trying to steal Devon. The three of them start arguing on Lila’s front lawn about who should really get Devon, but then the man himself shows up and tells them all to fuck off. Then Olivia gets there and says she has some important news.

Apparently, it’s a tradition in Sweet Valley to have an inter-school fair the day after prom. It’s a big deal. There’s some kind of contest to get the juniors excited about their senior year, but the details are kept secret until the last minute. Olivia is SVH’s leader, and she tells everyone she just heard that the contest is going to be a talent show. They have two days to put together an awesome act.

Everyone heads on over to Palisades High for the fair. Except they don’t even do any fair-type stuff because they have to work on their talent show act. As soon as they get there, Jessica and Olivia have a run-in with Erica Dixon, the El Carro team’s captain. She’s a total bitch and steals SVH’s practice space for some reason. Jessica is pissed that Olivia is content to just let Erica push her around, so she vows to get even. Then she walks outside and sees Christian Gorman leaning against a tree. And he disappears. Great, just what this series needs: ghosts.

The number SVH puts together for the show is a dance routine to the song Opposites Attract, and it will feature a “good twin, evil twin” theme. Naturally. Olivia has Liz and Devon go to the Wakefields’ house to get stuff from the twins’ rooms that they can use as set dressing to show a contrast between the twins. Things are really awkward between Liz and Devon. Meanwhile, Olivia has the worst self-esteem in the world, and she gets all bent out of shape when Ken hears about the problem with Erica and says he thinks Erica is nice. Everyone eats lunch together and Jessica spills some grape juice on Erica’s shirt. Erica freaks out and threatens to kill everyone. Later, Ken tells Olivia she should apologize to her.

This plot is a freaking mess.

There’s a big dance that night for all the schools. Olivia won’t go because she’s so afraid of seeing Erica. She and Ken have a fight about it and she tells him to go without her and then gets depressed when he actually does it. Jessica has managed to get a date with a Palisades guy named Josh Brighton, and he shows up at the Wakefields’ house with Christian’s ghost, who actually turns out to be Christian’s brother, Jason. After Jessica faints and wakes up, she gets Liz to join them and go to the dance. When they get there, the only nice girl from El Carro’s team, Tia, tells them they’d better go check out their practice area. It’s been totally trashed. Everything has been spray painted with El Carro’s colors. Jessica gets Lila and Maria to agree to sneaking back late that night and trashing El Carro’s stuff. She’s waiting for them to come pick her up, and then suddenly Christian is sitting on her bed. He’s come to remind her that it was a school war just like this one that caused his death. When Lila and Maria show up, Jessica tells them the plan is off.

Deep breaths. Go to a zen place. It’s the only way we’re getting through this. Don’t worry, it’s almost over.

The next day, everyone trudges back to Palisades High to practice some more and to clean up the mess El Carro made. And suddenly, Jessica gets it into her head that she should use the auditorium’s rigging from their last production of Peter Pan to fly down onto the stage as a grand finale. Ken overhears some El Carro kids talking about cutting the ropes, and he finally gets that Erica is a bitch and Olivia was right all along.

That night, Sweet Valley is just about to go on when Jessica starts throwing up. I guess she’s sick and there’s no way she can go on. Everyone is about to call it quits and go home, but Jessica tells Olivia to take her place. Suddenly, Olivia knows how to dance. Erica doesn’t cut the ropes, but she does turn off the lights just as Olivia is climbing the scaffolding to get to the ropes. She falls and ends up hanging from the rafters, and Ken gets to rush in and be all heroic and save her.

A big fight breaks out on stage between El Carro and Sweet Valley. Palisades takes Sweet Valley’s side because I guess they’re allies now. Jessica is back in the projection room with Josh, and she’s sure someone is going to get hurt or killed. A well timed projection of a picture of Christian quiets everyone down. And they all lived happily ever after, except for Todd, who sees everyone hanging out at the Dairi Burger later and gives them all a “hurt look.”

Worst. Book. Ever.

Quotes:

I am not going to let Jessica Wakefield or anyone else destroy my self-confidence! [Olivia] vowed.

Not that they’d have far to go if you did.

He’s really nice – and hot! she thought. I’ll bet Josh could help keep my mind off Christian.

Right. When I start seeing my ex’s ghost, a new boyfriend is just the thing to help me get over it.

Elizabeth listened for her cue, then shimmied toward the center as her twin did the same from the other side. She and Jessica joined hands, then jumped apart, then faced forward and pumped their elbows back. Jessica executed a handspring, and Lila followed. Then Elizabeth and Maria performed perfect leaps.

This dance routine sucks ass.

The Cover: What the hell are you guys wearing?

21 Comments

Shannon, December 30th 2009 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High #142: The Big Night

SVH142Read part one of this miniseries here.

The Moral of the Story: You can only fuck around on your boyfriend for so long before he finally gets sick of it. In this case, fifteen years.

The Big Deal: Junior Prom

Synopsis:

Devon corners Liz at the beach and yells at her for skipping their date to meet Todd. Then he tells her he’s the one who asked her to come to the beach because he wanted to see which guy she’d choose. Liz tells him she just wanted to return Todd’s ring. Devon immediately starts apologizing and Liz decides to forgive him.

Suddenly, it’s prom night. Devon calls and leaves a message with Jessica for Liz to meet him at some restaurant instead of at Secca Lake like they’d planned. Predictably, Jessica forgets to pass on the message and Liz ends up waiting around for an hour for Devon to show up at the lake. Why isn’t he picking her up at home? I love a good plot contrivance. Todd shows up at the lake. He wanted to go there because it’s “their” place. Liz is touched and confused and stuff, but after waiting so long for Devon, she decides to just go to the prom with Todd.

Meanwhile, Jessica’s limo pulls up at Jordan’s house. Right next to Lila’s limo. They spot each other and race to the front door. When Jordan answers the doorbell, he’s wearing boxers and eating a chili dog. He tells Lila and Jessica they’re a couple of morons for going behind each other’s backs. Then he slams the door in their faces. For some reason, this makes Jessica remember Devon’s message for Liz. She goes to the restaurant, planning to explain herself to Devon, but when she sees him looking all lonely and sad, she can’t help but pretend to be Liz. She figures they can go to Lila’s pre-prom party together, and then when they get to the dance, she and Liz can switch dresses and Devon will never know the difference.

Everything is going just great at Lila’s party except black Maria keeps giving Jessica and Devon weird looks. Enid looks absolutely miserable with Blubber Johnson and Devon keeps suggesting “Liz” go talk to her, but Jessica changes the subject. When everyone is leaving to go to the dance, Courtney Kane shows up. She stomps up the driveway and demands to know where Todd is. He apparently called her and said he decided not to go to the prom, but Courtney is sure he’s with Liz. Lila says nobody’s seen him, but Courtney is welcome to accompany her to the prom to see if he shows up. In the limo, Devon and Jessica flirt a whole bunch and Jessica decides she’s not going to give him back to Liz.

Liz and Todd go straight from the lake to the country club ballroom, reminiscing about old times the whole way. Which I imagine goes something like this: “Hey, remember that time you cheated on me with my sister?” “Which time?” They’re the first ones at the dance and they decide to have a spin around the dance floor before anyone else get there. And of course that’s when the whole crew comes in and sees them together. Courtney screams, “I can’t take this anymore!” and runs out of the room. Everyone else looks on in shock because they think it’s Jessica dancing with Todd. Liz is pretty shocked herself to see Jessica and Devon together. Jessica drags Liz away and comes up with the worst plan ever: Jessica will hang out with Devon and pretend to be Liz all night while Liz enjoys her prom night with Todd. How is this a good plan? So there are two Elizabeths and no Jessicas at this prom? Whatever. They’re not even trying anymore.

Jessica has a great time with Devon, but then Lila drags her off to the bathroom, where she threatens to tell Devon the truth. She’s miserable because she doesn’t have a date, so she wants to spread the misery around. They argue for a minute and then Lila says Jessica’s not worth the effort. After they leave the bathroom, Courtney comes out of a stall feeling like an evil genius. While Jessica talks to some of the cheerleaders, Courtney tells Devon he’s been dancing with Jessica all night. Devon is pissed. He marches over to Todd and Liz and makes a scene. Both Devon and Todd are completely disgusted with the twins. Liz runs out of the room in tears.

Jessica finally decides to come back to the ballroom, and Lila catches her and tells her Devon and Todd found out what was happening and that Liz wants to talk to her and is waiting in the golf shed. Jessica runs off that way, but she doesn’t know that Lila and Courtney are working together to bring the twins down. Liz is actually in the pool house crying to Enid and black Maria. Lila runs in and tells Liz that Jessica wants to talk in the golf shed, and she’s aggravated when Enid and Maria insist on going with her. While Courtney is locking the twins, Enid and Maria in the shed, Lila goes on to do the rest of her job. She’s supposed to convince Todd and Devon to get on the party yacht the school is renting.

Maria’s date, Tyler, and Blubber Johnson find the girls and Blubber breaks down the door. Well, that’s one upside to dating a football player. They run to the dock and get there just as the yacht starts sailing away. They get hold of a speedboat and go after it. I don’t really get what they’re going to do when they get to it, but we never get to find out because as soon as they get close, they see Courtney push Todd overboard. So she’s not just a bitch, she’s also homicidal. Liz jumps in and saves Todd. Once he’s on the speedboat, he thanks Liz for saving his life, but tells her he doesn’t ever want to see her again.

Quotes:

Todd’s jaw tightened. “You heard me. I don’t want to see you anymore. I can’t let you keep playing with me the way you have been.” He closed his eyes, and when he spoke again, his voice sounded distant and harsh, not at all like Todd. “I won’t play the fool anymore, Liz.”

Todd’s breakup speech.

The Cover: Doesn’t Lila look like some kind of dominatrix back there? Or, like, a madam keeping an eye on her girls?

17 Comments

Shannon, December 29th 2009 | Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in 1. 11th Grade Literature
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