Archive for the ‘1. Original Series’ Category

Sweet Valley High #130: Model Flirt

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

SVH130Read part one of this miniseries here.

The Moral of the Story: If you’re a dumb jock, modeling can ruin your life. If you’re a Wakefield, modeling is the inevitable next stop on your path to stardom.

The Big Deal: Not much happening.

Synopsis:

Liz just caught Todd and Simone the supermodel making out. She runs away and hides in a closet or something, but Todd finds her. She tells him to fuck off and he gets all indignant and stomps away and then goes out with Simone that night. They dance at a nightclub until the wee hours, and Todd gets his picture in Los Angeles Living the next morning. His parents are not amused. Todd’s grounded. Ha.

When Todd gets to the Flair office the next day, he brings some flowers up to Liz’s floor. The receptionist buzzes her, and a second later Liz’s voice comes over the intercom, saying she never wants to see Todd again. Todd is humiliated, but Liz doesn’t care. She saw the picture of him dancing with Simone and she’s pretty upset about it. She’s decided to totally throw herself into her work and become just like Leona, her supervisor who has suddenly turned into a bitch in this book. Liz still likes her, but you and I can tell she’s a condescending and power hungry jerk.

Jessica is supposed to go out with both Quentin and Cameron on Friday night. She would much rather go out with Cameron because she really likes him, but he’s just a lowly mail clerk and can’t do a thing to further Jessica’s career. She doesn’t want to cancel on either guy, so she gets Liz to help her out. They decide to do exactly the same thing they did in Who’s Who? Hooray for recycled plot lines. Liz takes Cameron first and is surprised to find she actually gets along with him. She’s also surprised that someone who works in the mailroom is so comfortable at Chez Paul, the super fancy restaurant at which Jessica insisted on dining because that was where Quentin was taking her. The twins switch places a couple times during dinner. As you might have expected, Quentin is full of himself and no fun at all. At the end of the night, Cameron kisses Liz on the cheek and thanks her for a lovely evening. He calls her Elizabeth, and Liz realizes it was her watch that gave her away. Because people the world over know about the Wakefield twins and their issues with watches.

Leona calls Liz at home over the weekend and says she won’t be in Monday. She’s going out of town with her boyfriend and she wants Liz to take care of things. Liz does a fine job at the office, but then Leona calls again and says she broke her leg and won’t be able to get around for a few days. She wants Liz to go to her house and feed her cats and shit. Liz is in awe of Leona’s closet full of clothes. She gets really creepy and puts on one of Leona’s outfits and then walks around her condo pretending she’s Leona. Weird. Liz finds a tape recorder full of Leona’s notes-to-self. The tape contains dictation for a letter Leona wants to write to Gordon Lewis, Flair’s president or something. The letter makes it clear that Leona wants to steal Liz’s “Free Style” idea and pass it off as her own. Liz is so traumatized that she goes home and becomes almost catatonic. She stays in bed the next morning and doesn’t get up until Reggie, one of the girls from the office, calls and asks her what’s wrong. Reggie convinces Liz to meet her for lunch. Liz tells her everything, and they decide to go to Gordon Lewis themselves and tell him what a horrible person Leona is.

Jessica exposes some film, ruining an entire set of Simone photos. Simone has already left for the day, so Quentin has no choice but to use Jessica as his model. Just so you know, none of this makes any sense. Is Simone the only model who is ever in this magazine? Do Francine and her ghostwriters really think that a photographer and his model just show up at the magazine office every morning, take pictures until five o’clock and then go home? Whatever. Quentin tells Jessica the board loves her pictures and has given the go ahead to use her again if he wants to. Then he tries to kiss her. And wouldn’t you know it, Cameron chooses that moment to walk by. After the fiasco with dinner on Friday, Jessica managed to convince him she doesn’t really like Quentin, but now Cameron tells her she’s out of chances.

While all this has been going on, Todd’s been getting too big for his britches. He doesn’t appreciate being grounded, and when Simone says he’s too old to listen to his parents, Todd agrees to meet her at another club. He gets caught again. He really sucks at breaking rules. Then he misses dinner one night and his parents tell him he needs to stop modeling because they don’t like what it’s doing to him. Todd decides he doesn’t like their rules so he’s just gonna go ahead and move out of their house. Oh man, I can’t wait to see how this turns out.

Quotes:

Elizabeth scowled, feeling like a nobody, a nothing. She felt like her entire self had been made worthless. She could change her interests, but she couldn’t change her looks. She’d never be six feet tall. She’d never look like a supermodel.

Oh, cry me a river. Aren’t you one of those twins with golden hair and a perfect size six figure?

Ever since her obsession with Jonathan Cain, a deranged transfer student who had been at Sweet Valley for a month, [Enid’s] life had been entirely guyless.

Oh, now don’t even try to act like he was just some psycho. You know he was really a vampire.

The Cover: Jessica looks pretty creepy in her weird ugly shoes. This photographer guy looks like he’s about twelve. And why is he just holding that rinky dink camera like that? This is such a stupid cover.

Sweet Valley High #129: Cover Girls

Monday, November 30th, 2009

SVH129The Moral of the Story: Even a glamorous fashion photographer can’t resist a sixteen-year-old airhead.

The Big Deal: Big internship thing.

Synopsis:

It’s not summer, but it is time for another internship for the twins. The high school is letting students intern for two weeks at whatever company will hire them. Most kids end up working for their parents (Lila rudely answers phones for Fowler Industries), but the twins manage to get on at Flair magazine in L.A. Liz will be doing administrative type things while Jessica works as an assistant to Quentin Berg, a super fabulous photographer.

Jessica can’t believe it when she goes into work and nobody notices how gorgeous she is. She’s pissed that Quentin Berg has her doing grunt work; she was sure he’d ask her to model the second he laid eyes on her. Quentin is only in his early twenties, so Jessica figures she’ll get him to fall in love with her and then he’ll put her on the cover of the magazine. Trouble is, he’s already dating super skinny and famous model Simone no-last-name. Jessica meets a guy named Cameron and finds him really attractive and funny and stuff, but he’s a lowly mailroom worker so she convinces herself she doesn’t really like him.

Jessica thinks the best way to get ahead in the modeling industry is to create a portfolio. She gets a bunch of pictures of herself in her cheerleading uniform and puts them in a scrapbook. When she smugly shows them to the hairstylist at the magazine, he laughs at her and tells her some crappy snapshots aren’t going to get her anywhere. Jessica is disappointed, but decides the best thing to do is steal one of Quentin’s super duper cameras and have Lila take some pictures of her on the beach. Of course the camera gets ruined when a big wave knocks Lila over.

Liz is really into her internship, which of course makes Todd jealous and annoying. He shows up at the magazine office one afternoon and tries to get Liz to leave work early with him. Liz can’t believe he’d suggest such a thing and tells him to go hang out with Jessica in the photography department. As soon as Quentin sees Todd, he asks him to pose for him. Jessica is livid. Then Liz comes down and flips out when she sees Todd and Simone posing with their arms around each other. Todd leaves with her, but can’t stop talking about what a wonderful time he had modeling with Simone. Liz goes out with black Maria that night, but she’s so preoccupied and annoyed with Todd that she doesn’t listen to anything Maria says. They have a big fight because Liz is a self-centered brat.

The next day, Liz comes up with this brilliant idea to have one reader a month submit her very own views of fashion and have it published in the magazine. She wants to call it “Free Style.” Her supervisor, Leona, tells her it’s a good idea, but she’s not sure the editor will like it. This sends Liz into a depression and makes her feel like a failure. Oh, shut up. She feels bad and can’t wait for her date with Todd that night. Meanwhile, Quentin is freaking out about his missing camera. Jessica calls Lila to beg for a loan to replace the camera, but Lila’s too cool for that shit. Cameron overhears this and somehow wrangles up a replacement. He puts it on Quentin’s desk with a note from Jessica that says she had it cleaned or something. Quentin is totally impressed with her initiative. Jessica doesn’t know who helped her, but it doesn’t really faze her; someone always bails her out of whatever trouble she’s in.

Liz feels bad for neglecting Enid and Maria, so she invites them to meet her at the office on Wednesday night after work so they can go out for coffee. As soon as they get there, Leona asks Liz to stay late. Liz shrugs sheepishly and basically tells her friends to fuck off. What a bitch. She later says she’ll make it up to them by hanging out on Friday night, but then Leona tells her about some office party that Liz just has to attend. Liz says she really can’t, but Leona insists that if Liz really wants a career at Flair, she’ll come to the party and bring a date. Okay then. Liz knows Todd is downstairs in the photography department, so she goes down there to patch things up with him and ask him to go to the party with her. She finds him making out with Simone.

Jessica has managed to get Quentin interested in her. He wants to take her to dinner on Friday. Then Jessica kisses Cameron. He also wants to take her to dinner on Friday. Whatever will poor Jessica do?

Quotes:

[Enid’s] coppery brown hair, which had only recently fully grown out after she had dyed it black some time ago, swung against her neck.

Yeah, it took me a few years to “fully grow out” my hair after I dyed it black.

“I don’t know if it’s true, but I’ve heard she had silicone injections to make her lips fuller,” Shelly whispered. “And maybe a nose job too.”

“Yuck!” Jessica exclaimed.

A supermodel having plastic surgery?! You’ve got to be kidding!

Todd’s mouth twisted as if he’d eaten something sour. “Visit Jessica?” he asked… “When was the last time I voluntarily hung out with your psycho twin?”

I don’t know. When was the last time you made out with her?

“If you’re going to start giving me orders too now that you’re a hotshot fashion model,” Jessica threatened, “I will personally tell Simone about the time in sixth grade when you cooked a southern meal for social studies and put in too much hot sauce and used salt instead of sugar and the whole class got sick!”

Come on, Jess. You’ve got to have more embarrassing stuff on Todd than that.

The Cover: At no point in this book do the twins go to the beach together. Stupid new photo covers.

Sweet Valley High Super Edition #8: Jessica Takes Manhattan

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

SVHSE08 - OuterThe Moral of the Story: If you pretend to be a princess, you’ll get kidnapped for ransom money.

The Big Deal: New York City! Woohoo!

Synopsis:

There’s been an earthquake in Sweet Valley (don’t worry, no refrigerators have fallen on anyone) and the school is going to be closed for a week while the roof is repaired. Lila will be spending the week in New York City and she’s invited Jessica to come along. Lila somehow misses the flight, so Jessica goes alone. She ends up sitting next to Ryder Mitchell, a teen rock star. During the course of the plane ride, Ryder and Jessica fall in love. Of course they do. The plane has to land in New Orleans because of some sort of mechanical difficulties, and Jessica and Ryder go out on the town. Ryder tells Jessica his manager is making him go to New York to announce his engagement to Deirdra La Monde, some other teen sensation. Ryder has only met the chick once and doesn’t even hardly like her, and now that he’s met Jessica he’s decided to call the whole thing off. When they get to New York, Ryder tells Jessica to give him a couple days to let things blow over, and he’ll meet her on Valentine’s Day at the top of the Empire State Building.

Because of Jessica’s plane troubles, Lila gets to the Plaza Hotel first. When she walks in, she’s a little surprised to have a bunch of photographers take her picture, but she really doesn’t think anything of it and chalks it up to people knowing how important she really is. Man, I love Lila, ego and all. The hotel staff keeps calling her “princess” and they give her the penthouse suite. She thinks this is all just as it should be, but she can’t figure out why the desk staff can’t get her messages right. She goes to the hotel restaurant to have dinner and is shocked to see Bo there. He flew in to New York to surprise her, but he’s upset that she blew him off that morning. Lila has no idea what he’s talking about until the next morning when she goes downstairs to the lobby and sees Bo being threatened by a bunch of bodyguards. The bodyguards are surrounding a girl who looks just like Lila. Lila looks at a newspaper and sees a picture of herself arriving at the hotel, but the article is about Princess Charlotte from some nonsense country.

When Jessica arrives, she, Lila and Bo take full advantage of the mix-up. They get excellent treatment everywhere they go. Meanwhile, the real Princess is also taking advantage of this opportunity to hang out in New York without anybody bothering her. She meets a guy named Allan and they work at a soup kitchen together. Hmm, she sounds an awful lot like Princess Eliana. All princesses really have hearts of gold and all they really want is to work in soup kitchens.

On Valentine’s Day, Jessica and Lila spend all day getting ready for their dates and then hop into a cab. The cab is unfortunately being driven by a couple of bad guys who think they’ve kidnapped Princess Charlotte. Bo knows something is wrong when Lila doesn’t show for their date, but the police just think he’s been stood up. Bo, rich as he is, decides to call a television station and buy some ad time. Ryder is in his hotel room feeling sorry for himself when he sees Jessica’s face on TV. He learns that she’s missing and calls the number on the television. Bo tells him to come on over to his hotel room.

The bad guys, Vincent and Mr. G, finally figure out they fucked up and Lila’s not really a princess. They’re all set to kill the girls when Lila tells them she’s the daughter of a wealthy man. The bad guys can’t get a hold of Mr. or Mrs. Fowler, so they think Lila’s lying. Lila tells them about Bo and says he’d pay anything to get her and Jessica back. So they call Bo’s hotel room and tell him to bring a million dollars to Yankee stadium.

Jessica and Lila manage to get themselves untied and then lock the kidnappers in the room. They escape the stadium in the bad guys’ cab, and just miss Bo and Ryder coming in. The boys find the room the kidnappers are locked in, go inside and get clubbed over the head and locked in. Ugh, this is annoying. Jessica and Lila, instead of calling the police, go back to their hotel. Bo isn’t in his room and they run around searching for him. Lila runs into Princess Charlotte. The princess, grateful to Lila for inadvertently giving her a few days of freedom, listens to the girls’ story about their kidnapping and how they now think their boyfriends are being held prisoner. Charlotte sends her very own bodyguards to the stadium and they burst into the storage room just as Vincent and Mr. G are about to kill Ryder and Bo.

A day or two later, Ryder puts on a spontaneous concert at the Empire State Building. Jessica gets to kiss him on stage. It’s all very exciting.

Quotes:

The moment Lila stepped onto the red carpet in front of the hotel, the cameras of dozens of paparazzi started flashing…Lila tossed back her brown hair and waved regally, gracing the photographers with a dazzling smile. This is the kind of welcome I deserve! she thought.

I absolutely love that this is Lila’s reaction to unexpected paparazzi.

The Cover: What a boring cover, especially the inside. I don’t see any reason this one had to be a stepback.

SVHSE08 - Inner

Sweet Valley Saga: The Patmans of Sweet Valley

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

SAGA - Patman - OuterSophie Edmonton, 1825-1846

Sixteen-year-old Lady Sophie Edmonton lives on a “grand estate in the English countryside” and her father is itching to find her a husband. Sophie sneaks off for a swim in the lake one day and meets Henry Patman. She immediately falls in love. Ugh, do all these sagas have to be the same? Sophie and Henry begin meeting in secret, and seven weeks later they decide to get married. Sophie’s father is an important duke and they know no clergyman will marry them, so they decide to sneak out Saturday night and ride into another town where nobody knows who Sophie is. The night they’re supposed to leave, Sophie discovers her diary is missing. Her plan has been discovered and when she and Henry try to leave, they’re stopped by the duke. Sophie’s father has Henry arrested and deported. A year later, Sophie marries Lord Charles Elliot. Twenty years after that, Sophie’s sixteen-year-old daughter, Emma, announces she wants to be an actress. Charles refuses to let her.

Henry Patman, 1825-1839

Henry doesn’t do so well in America. He scrounges along for thirteen years doing odd jobs and losing poker games. Then some guys he owes money to threaten his life and Henry knows he needs to get out of New York. He finally sells the locket Sophie gave him, and it seems to bring him luck. He goes to a poker game and ends up winning a plantation, complete with a house and employees, in Georgia.

Emma Elliot, 1851-1852

When Emma turns twenty-one, her father announces he’s made a match for her and she’ll be marrying some earl or duke or something. Sophie knows Emma is unhappy about this, so she gives her a bunch of money she’s been saving and tells her to run away and try to make it as an actress. So Emma changes her name to Vanessa and goes off to London. One night, Vanessa gets lost and wanders into a bad section of town. A couple of guys attack her and knock her out. When she wakes up, a bobby named Patrick O’Sullivan takes her to his mother’s house since the thugs took her purse. Patrick’s mother, Maggie, takes Vanessa in and tells her to stay as long as she likes.

Patrick falls in love with Vanessa and at Christmas, he asks her to marry him. She accepts, but the next day she lands an acting gig with a traveling theater troupe. She takes it and leaves. By July, Vanessa and her director, Grady Philips, have fallen in love. When Grady proposes, he confesses that he’s not really just a poor actor and director. His father is a marquess. Vanessa laughs and says her father is an earl. They take this as a sign that they are meant to be together.

James Patman, 1861-1864

When Georgia secedes from the union in 1861, Henry’s son James is the only member of his family who thinks slavery is wrong. He packs his bags and leaves the plantation to go join the Union army. He starts leading slaves north and falls in love with one of them. Her name is Hope, and James marries before the end of the year. The following April, Hope is seven months pregnant and in no condition to help James as he guides fleeing slaves. He leaves Hope at a safe house, a friend’s plantation, for two days. When he comes back, he finds the plantation owners hanged and Hope shot.

In 1864, James makes his way to the plantation where he grew up. It’s a ruin now, but the old butler, Angus, is hanging around. He tells James that Henry died at Shiloh in 1862 and his brother died at Gettysburg. With no family left, James decides to move west.

Katherine, 1886

Sixteen-year-old Katherine Richmond is Emma/Vanessa’s granddaughter and an actress just like her parents and grandmother. Katherine is offered the chance to tour America with the Royal Shakespeare Company. In Kansas, she meets John Patman, who works at the bar next door to the theater. They fall in love over the next two weeks and John plans to give her an engagement ring on her last night in Kansas and hopefully convince her not to go back to London. Unfortunately, the bar is held up and John is locked in the store room. John’s boss is due to arrive at eleven, but Katherine is supposed to leave on the eleven o’clock train. He gets to the train station just in time to see the train disappear.

A week later, Katherine is in New York. She reads a newspaper article about a couple of bandits and finds out John wasn’t at her last performance because he was tied up in the back room at the saloon. She hops a train back to Kansas and goes to John’s house, but John’s brother, Brewster, tells her John left town the day after Katherine left for New York. Brewster has no idea where he is. Katherine goes back to New York and receives a telegram at the hotel. Her family’s theater in London has burned down, killing her entire family.

John Patman, 1890

John wanders around out west until he meets a cowgirl named Samantha Parker. They get married in 1890 and file a homestead claim in Texas. By 1893, they’re suffering pretty badly and John is thinking of leaving the ranch to go to San Antonio to find work. In preparation for leaving Samantha alone with little Johnny, John starts digging a well and finds oil.

William Patman, 1924

John’s youngest son, William (or, as I like to call him, Bruce ver. 1.0), is in his last year at Harvard when he falls in love with Helena Howard. His friend Frederick has to teach him how to not be a total ass all the time. William eventually asks Helena to marry him and she accepts. Helena gives birth to her son Paul on New Year’s Day 1927, but the baby dies tragically six weeks later.

Cassandra LeMov, 1941-early 1950s

Katherine Richmond married late in life, and in 1941 her twenty-nine-year-old daughter, Cassandra, gets her medical degree and decides to go to Europe to work on the wounded soldiers. Two years later, she falls in love with Spencer Light, one of her patients, and they get married. A few months later, Spencer dies and Cassandra has a miscarriage.

Cassandra goes back to New York City after the war, and in 1945, Spencer’s best friend, Peter Vanderhorn, comes to see her. They begin to see each other regularly, but when Peter asks Cassandra to marry him, she turns him down because she can’t have children. He says it doesn’t matter and they get married. Eventually, Cassandra proves the doctors wrong and gives birth to Marie.

Reginald Alexander Rainer, 1946-early 1950s

Reginald is a poor kid from L.A. who manages to make it to Harvard. After his graduation, he gets a job at Patman Investments in New York and takes an instant liking to his boss, William Patman. William takes Reginald home with him for Thanksgiving, and Helena is weirded out when she notices how similar William and Reginald look. After some investigating, it comes out that Reggie and Paul were born around the same time at the same hospital, and they got switched. Reggie becomes a Patman and marries his girlfriend, May Chandler. A few years later, Henry Patman is born.

Marie Vanderhorn and Henry Patman, late 1960s

Marie and Henry are high school sweethearts, but Marie is diagnosed with leukemia just before graduation. She doesn’t want to tell Henry and have him worry about her, so he goes on the cross-country roadtrip he’s been planning thinking Marie is just anemic. At some point during his trip, Hank gets a letter from Marie. She’s breaking up with him. Hank decides not to go back east. He’ll stay in California. This is totally stupid since the Wakefield saga has him going to high school in Sweet Valley with Ned, but whatever. Four years later, Marie is in Los Angeles and she runs into Hank. They make up, get married and then Bruce is born.

The Cover: I couldn’t even tell you who these people are. I’m thinking that’s Sophie and the OG Henry in the middle. Top left must be John dancing around because of the oil. The actress could be Emma/Vanessa or Katherine. I have no idea who that’s supposed to be in the bottom left. The chick’s shirt is kind of hippie-ish, so maybe that’s Alice and Hank? And the lineup on the right…my guess is Sophie, John, Marie and Bruce. I guess.

SAGA - Patman - Inner

Sweet Valley Saga: The Fowlers of Sweet Valley

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

SAGA - Fowler - OuterLili, 1789-1793

Lili de Beautemps lives a life of luxury at Winterthorn, her family’s estate in The Loire Valley, France. Her best friend is Marie Oiseleur, her maidservant. Lili has a little crush on Marie’s brother, Georges, though she won’t admit it to herself. One day, while out riding with a suitor, Lili’s horse gets spooked and gallops away with Lili still on it. Lili is terrified, but Georges rides up on his own horse and calms Lili’s down. The fact that a commoner saved her life while a nobleman stood by and watched makes Lili rethink her values.

France is in a sorry state of affairs. The poor want a revolution. Marie tells Lili that the servants have been holding secret meetings. The townspeople want the servants to let them into Winterthorn so they can “take up arms” against Lili’s family. Lili doesn’t believe it and thinks it’s something Marie heard from Georges, who has gotten all into the revolution lately. She teases Georges the next morning and is surprised when he grabs her arm and angrily tells her Marie wasn’t lying and Lili should pack her bags and leave Winterthorn.

The next night, Lili is dragged from her room with her hands bound and a rag in her mouth. She and her family are taken outside, where an angry mob has set up a guillotine. Her father and brothers are beheaded, but as Lili steps up to the platform, a hooded man on a horse rides out of the woods, snatches Lili up and rides off again. The horseman is Georges, of course. He takes her to a nearby village and leaves her to fend for herself. Lili wants to tell him she loves him, but he rides away.

Three years later, Lili is living in Paris and working as a seamstress. One day, she runs into a woman named Madame Fouchette, who was Countess Fouchette before the revolution. It’s clear the Fouchettes have managed to retain their wealth, so Lili doesn’t let on that she’s poor now. A few days later, she receives an invitation to a party being given by the Fouchettes. She wants to go, but the nicest thing she owns is the silk dressing gown she was wearing the night she was taken from her family’s home. She decides to whip it up into something fashionable and attend the party.

At the party, a handsome young man asks her to dance four times. Later, another party guest tells Lili how lucky she is to have caught the eye of Count Matthieu de Bizac. When the party is over, Lili goes home to her sad, poor life knowing she will never see the count again. The next day, however, she receives a bouquet of flowers and a note from the count asking her to see him that afternoon. Lili and Matthieu begin to see a lot of each other, and after a month, decide to get married.

While on their honeymoon in Italy, Matthieu tells Lili he knows she was poor and working as a seamstress. Lili is ashamed, but Matthieu assures her he still loves her and knew the truth before he married her. For the rest of the honeymoon, he consistently leaves her alone while he attends to business. They go back to Paris, but live in a hotel while Matthieu looks for a new house for them to live in, claiming he doesn’t want to live in his family’s home. A month later, Lili wakes up to find Matthieu gone, along with all his possessions and the servants.

Lili goes to Madame Fouchette, who says she assumed Lili knew the count was married. His marriage to Lili was a fraud. Now Lili has no cash, no husband and she’s pregnant. Oh, dear. Lili finds an apartment over a shop and befriends the woman downstairs, Marie Chardin. Lili dies giving birth to her child, but before she does, she names the baby Celeste and asks Marie to raise her.

Georges, 1800

Georges Oiseleur has done quite well for himself since the revolution and is now a man of means, but it’s nothing to him without Lili, whom he’s always loved. He’s been trying to find her and has even done the groundwork to get some of the de Beautemps fortune back to her. When he finds out Lili died in childbirth, he vows to find the child and pass on the de Beautemps estate.

Celeste, 1809-1865

Celeste has grown up well and loves the Chardins as much as if they were her real family. When she turns sixteen, she goes to work as a maid in the house of the Marquis de Bocage. The family is wretched, especially Emilie, the daughter it is Celeste’s duty to wait on.

Georges Oiseleur is a friend of the marquis, and he sees Celeste at the mansion one day. They speak briefly, and Georges goes home thinking of how much the girl reminds him of Lili. It’s clear Celeste does not have much in the way of luxury, so he speaks to the housekeeper. Suddenly, Celeste begins finding things in her room: books, a down comforter, pastries. One day, Emilie comes up to Celeste’s room. She sees all the finery and accuses Celeste of stealing. Celeste tells Emilie that servants are not slaves and she’s just as entitled to nice things as Emilie is.

Georges arranges for Solange Grandet, Emilie’s tutor, to teach Celeste how to read. In his dealings with the teacher, Georges starts to fall in love with Solange. One day, Celeste is in the orchard reading Gulliver’s Travels when a young man approaches her. He talks to her about books for a while, and then suddenly gets back on his horse and rides off. Celeste thinks he’s incredibly handsome and wonders who he is. Turns out he is Marc de Bocage, the marquis’s son. Celeste is serving dinner when she recognizes him, and she drops a plate.

Marc and Celeste have many awkward moments during his visit, and Marc can’t get Celeste off his mind. He knows they aren’t meant to be because of their different stations in life, so he agrees to host a ball with Emilie, hoping he will find a girl to make him forget Celeste. The night of the ball, Marc has an awful time until he sees Celeste outside, where she is looking in the window to watch Marc. He runs outside and chases Celeste down. He catches her and they kiss.

After a few weeks of secret meetings, Marc proposes to Celeste. She says no because his family will disown him and she doesn’t want him to lose his family and his inheritance because of her. For a week, Marc asks Celeste to reconsider, but she refuses. He finally goes to his parents, who refuse to bless such a union. That night, Marc’s mother accuses Celeste of seducing Marc and tells her to be gone by morning.

Celeste packs her things and sets out on foot the next morning. Georges is riding by in his carriage and offers her a ride. She tells him everything that happened, then somehow gets on the subject of her dead mother. She shows Georges the locket she wears that contains her mother’s picture. Georges is shocked and takes Celeste back to his house. He tells her all about her mother and Winterthorn and the fortune that rightfully belongs to Celeste, and explains that as trustee of the family’s estate, he is Celeste’s legal guardian. As such, he goes to Marc’s parents and explains everything to them, clearing the way for Marc and Celeste to get married. In the end, Marc marries Celeste, and Georges marries Solange.

The very next chapter suddenly jumps fifty years into the future, and Celeste and Marc are welcoming their granddaughter, Rose, into the world.

Rose, 1880-1898

Rose and her best friend, Pierre Oiseleur, have grown up together, but in the fall of 1880, Pierre goes off to boarding school. He writes Rose letters and her friends tease her about her “beau.” Rose tells them it’s just Pierre, nobody special. She doesn’t know that Pierre is in love with her.

Five years later, Rose is in school at the Sorbonne, living in a dorm with bohemians her parents would never approve of. Pierre lives nearby in a townhouse. Pierre doesn’t like the guy Rose has been seeing lately and tries to tell her he’s broken a lot of hearts, but Rose says she can take care of herself. Three months later, she comes to Pierre’s house in tears and says Leo was seeing two other women behind her back. Pierre wonders if he has a shot now, but Rose says she’s done with men for good.

When Rose and Pierre are about to graduate from college, Pierre finally tells Rose he loves her. She says she doesn’t believe in love, and Pierre walks away.

Things are chilly between them for a while, but two years later they’re as close as ever. Rose gets a letter from her mother telling her to come home for the weekend for a special party the Oiseleurs are throwing. Rose can’t wait to see Pierre again and thinks that maybe she’s ready to love him now. When she gets home, however, Pierre introduces her to Christianne, his fiancée.

In 1893, Rose’s first novel is published. To celebrate, her boyfriend, an American named Robert Eastman, proposes to her. Rose tells him she needs more time to think. She takes a walk and runs into Pierre. She hasn’t seen him since his wedding, and it pains her to see him with his wife and twin sons, but when he’s gone, she feels better. She tells Robert she’ll marry him. Five years later, in March of 1898, Isabelle Eastman is born.

Isabelle, 1914-1960

At sixteen, Isabelle goes to her first dance. There are lots of men in uniform there and one of them is the most handsome man Isabelle has ever seen. She wants to catch his attention, but before she can, a man named Charles Doret asks her to dance. From him, she finds out the handsome man’s name is Jacques Oiseleur. He never asks her to dance, but Isabelle can’t stop thinking about him. The next day, she skips school and goes to the barracks where the army men are staying. She finds Jacques and they go for a walk together.

They start seeing each other regularly, and Rose tells Isabelle to be careful. She says she knows Jacques comes from a good family and that she used to be good friends with a second cousin of his, but Jacques is in the army. If something happens, he’ll have to go to the front. Rose is afraid Isabelle will get hurt.

France and Germany go to war. Before Jacques is sent to the front, Isabelle wants to marry him. They get married without telling their families. A year later, Isabelle decides to go to the western front to be a nurse at the army hospital there. One of her patients is Charles Doret, who tells her Jacques is dead. Isabelle goes home to Paris. Charles is discharged because of a lack of hearing he’s suffering, and he takes Isabelle for a walk every day. He is the only one who knows Jacques and Isabelle were married. In 1917, Charles asks Isabelle to marry him. They get married, even though Isabelle knows she’ll never stop loving Jacques. In November of 1918, after the war has ended, Isabelle is sitting on the front porch of the house in which she and Charles live. A man in an army uniform comes limping up the road. Isabelle nearly faints when she sees it’s Jacques.

Jacques has been in a German prison camp this whole time. When he finds out Charles and Isabelle are married, he runs off feeling betrayed and hops on a boat to India. Charles, though it hurts him, vows to find Jacques for Isabelle. A few months later, Isabelle thinks they need to start over somewhere. Charles buys two tickets for America.

By 1924, Charles is mayor of Sweet Valley, California, and Isabelle is five months pregnant. They’re finally happy, but one day, while Isabelle is shopping in town, she sees Jacques. She sinks down onto a bench, and the town gossip, Evelyn Pearce (of course), rushes to her side to ask her what’s wrong. She says the man she just passed is Jack Fowler, a vagabond who lives on the other side of town. One day, Isabelle drives out to Jack’s ranch. She explains what happened back in France. Jack says he believes and forgives her, but he doesn’t love her anymore.

In 1952, Charles and Isabelle celebrate the birth of their granddaughter, Grace. After the party, they have an argument. Isabelle found out there was a zoning change that was approved, but Charles blocked it, all so Jack Fowler wouldn’t be able to sell his land to developers and make a ton of money. Charles says he’ll never stop hating Jack until Isabelle has forgotten about him. This is how their marriage has turned out. Jack’s ranch goes to ruins, and he and his wife, Anita, lose everything.

In 1960, Charles and Isabelle have a party at Secca Lake to celebrate their wedding anniversary. The Fowlers are there, on the other side of the lake. Jack and Charles end up having an argument that almost comes to blows. George Fowler is sixteen at the time, and he’s embarrassed for his grandfather. He’s tired of being poor, and he vows to make a success of his life.

Grace and George, 1971

George has worked hard, and by the time he’s twenty-seven, he has a successful computer company. He takes a break from the office one afternoon and goes to the beach, where he meets a pretty girl and asks her to dinner. When they meet that night and formally introduce themselves, they realize they’re supposed to be enemies since their grandfathers hate each other. They decide not to worry about that, and after one date, they’re in love.

Grace is actually engaged to another man, Everett Garrison III. She tells George that she isn’t really in love with him, but that their families have been pushing for the marriage. When Grace’s parents find out about George, they tell Grace they’ll disown her if she doesn’t stop seeing him. Grace doesn’t want that, so she stops speaking to George.

At her engagement party, Grace talks to her grandmother, Isabelle, who asks her if she really loves Everett. Grace says she’s not sure, and Isabelle tells her she should marry the man she loves. Not long later, George crashes the party. He finds Grace alone and gives her a ring. She says she’ll marry him. The next morning, Grace’s father is livid to find out that a computer company is buying out Doret Manufacturing’s stockholders and taking over. By the time he finds out George Fowler is behind it, Grace and George have already packed their bags. They hit the road, get married by a justice of the peace and hop on a plane to Paris.

Two years later, Lila is born. Jack Fowler and Isabelle Doret are the only family members who will come to the hospital to see her. Older and wiser now, they finally talk and both admit they never stopped loving each other.

In 1975, Grace takes Lila and goes to see her parents while George is on a business trip. When George finds out, he’s angry and tells her he doesn’t want Lila or Grace to have any contact with the Dorets. A few weeks later, Grace’s mother calls and says Isabelle has had a stroke and is in the hospital. George tells her she can’t go see her, and when Isabelle dies, Grace is angry with George for making her stay away.

George doesn’t want Grace to even go to the funeral, but she goes anyway, taking Lila and staying at her parents’ house for a few days. When the family gets back from the cemetery, there’s an envelope waiting for Grace. George is filing for divorce and suing for sole custody of Lila. Somehow, he wins. Grace is even denied visitation rights. When it’s all over, she decides staying in Sweet Valley is too painful if she can’t see her daughter, so she moves to France.

Fourteen years later, George is at a loss. A few months earlier, Lila was attacked by a boy named John, and since then, she’s been depressed. George knows she needs a mother, so for the first time ever, he calls Grace in France and asks her to come. She does, and Lila meets her mother for the first time. Grace and George fall in love all over again, and Grace dumps her boyfriend and remarries George.

Quotes:

Physically she was like a swan among more humble fowl – tall, willowy, and exceptionally pretty with fair skin and golden hair, whereas the Chardins were plain and dark, stocky and short.

Snobbery was alive and well in Lila’s family as early on as the 1800s.

A girl about Celeste’s age lounged on a velvet couch, stroking the head of a silky spaniel.

For no reason I can figure, this line made me think of Princess Mombi in Return to Oz.

Mombi5

The Cover: I think at the top left, that must be Jacques coming home from the war and making Isabelle faint. Next to them is Marc and Celeste in her maid uniform. Underneath them has to be Lili and the angry mob, and next to them is George, Grace and Lila, who is already wearing purple. Lined up on the right is probably Lili and Rose, then either Charles or Jacques, and then Lila.

SAGA - Fowler - Inner

Sweet Valley High #128: Kiss of a Killer

Friday, November 20th, 2009

SVH128Read part one of this miniseries here. Read part two here.

The Moral of the Story: Um…vampires are real? That’s all I got.

The Big Deal: Just the end of Jonathan’s party

Synopsis:

So, yeah, Katrina’s pretty dead. The cops show up and question everyone. Enid stays after everyone else has gone and cleans the house, thinking that will make Jonathan love her again. She finally goes home, and then Jessica shows up. She and Jonathan make out and Jessica has some kind of vision of them flying or something. She wakes up the next morning having no idea how she got home. When she goes down to breakfast, she’s appalled when her parents ground the twins for going to Jonathan’s party. They’re with Jonathan for throwing the party in the first place since there’s a curfew in effect. They say the twins are to have nothing to do with him, but Jessica freaks out and convinces them to have Jonathan over for Sunday dinner.

Jonathan manages to charm the socks of the twins’ parents. Liz is disappointed; she was hoping they would hate him on sight. Speaking of Liz, she’s still stringing Joey along. Todd drove her home from Jonathan’s party and was about to tell her how much he missed her when he saw Joey’s car in the Wakefields’ driveway. Liz can hardly stand Joey, so I’m not sure why she’s even still hanging out with him. Who even cares?

Katrina Sutton’s funeral is the next day. Liz and Todd find themselves holding hands. Aww. After the service, Enid sits at Katrina’s grave and spills all her troubles to the dead girl. Then “someone” attacks her. These books are written in such a way that I’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to know Jonathan is the killer, but they totally fail at being tricky and suspenseful. Anyway, after Enid is attacked, Jonathan takes her to the hospital. I don’t really get what’s supposed to be wrong with her, but she’s in critical condition for the next week.

Enid’s attack, combined with the recent murders, has got the Sweet Valley gang in an uproar. They turn into vigilantes at lunch one day, shouting about how the murderer needs to be found and the police need to learn to do their jobs. They all start chanting, “Kill the killer! Kill the killer!” It’s a little weird.

Liz is at the hospital when Enid wakes up for a second, mumbles Jonathan’s name and then passes out again. For some reason, even though she knows Enid has been in love with Jonathan since he showed up, Liz thinks this means that Jonathan is the one that attacked her. The worst part is that she’s right, dammit. Liz can’t get anyone to believe her, but she does somehow get black Maria to go with her to search Jonathan’s house. She finds some books about vampires and takes them home. After reading them, she’s positive Jonathan is a vampire. She puts the book down when she hears something outside. She goes out the front door just in time to see Jonathan and Jessica riding away on Jonathan’s motorcycle. It’s way after midnight and Liz doesn’t know what to do. She calls Joey, who pretty much laughs at her and tells her to stop worrying. Liz doesn’t like that, so she calls Todd, who validates her fears and tells her to wake her parents. That’s what she does. Alice calls the police.

Jonathan takes Jessica to a cave on the beach. He starts to tell her his life story, but they’re interrupted when the police show up. They lecture Jessica and Jonathan for a while about how dangerous it is for them to be out so late, especially in this area, as the cave is quite possibly the killer’s lair. *facepalm* Ned and Alice ground Jessica indefinitely and tell her Jonathan Cain is off limits forever.

On Saturday night, Bruce has a meeting at his house to discuss what the kids are going to do about the murderer. Liz comes by to tell everyone she suspects Jonathan is a vampire. They believe her. Seriously. They work themselves into a frenzy and start chanting, “Kill the killer!” again. Liz gets a phone call from Enid’s mother, who tells her Enid finally woke up and said Jonathan was the one who saved her and brought her to the hospital. Now Liz is all confused. When she hangs up the phone, she finds everyone has left, including black Maria, her ride. She calls Joey and tells him she needs him to help her out. He’s pissed because she stood him up that night, so he tells her to fuck off. A round of applause for Joey, everyone. Todd didn’t leave with everyone else and is eavesdropping on Liz’s conversation. He’s more than happy to offer his assistance and Liz is more than happy to boss him around.

Todd and Liz find Jonathan’s cave. When they go inside, they find Jessica and Jonathan sitting around with weird, blank expressions on their faces. The angry mob is right behind them, and Todd tells Jonathan to get out while he can. Jonathan runs down the beach and disappears. A minute later, a big black bird swoops down over Jessica and then flies away before the angry mob of teenagers gets there, all disappointed that there’s no bad guy for them to kill.

Just so we’re clear, this isn’t like the crazy guy who thought he was a werewolf. Jonathan is actually a vampire.

Quotes:

Some party! Enid raged to herself. Katrina Sutton dropped dead, and Jessica stole Jonathan away from me. The night was a total bust.

Enid’s really gone off the deep end.

Elizabeth sat down on a lawn chair and closed her eyes. “It’s just that…I’m grounded.” Her face grew hot with embarrassment.

“Grounded!” Joey shrieked. “That’s so…high school!”

Joey’s kind of a douche. Except…

“Let me get this straight, Elizabeth. You and I supposedly had a date today, but you stood me up. Now you expect me to come running to Sweet Valley because you’re worried about your sister?”

…“This isn’t the time for games, Joey. I’m begging. Either you come and help me now, or it’s over between us.”

“OK,” he said. “If that’s the way you want it, then I guess it’s over.”

Dammit, the one guy who seems to be able to stand up to St. Liz is taking off.

The Cover: Well, that’s dramatic. I love the angry mob with their flashlights and implements of destruction.

Sweet Valley High #127: Dance of Death

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

SVH127Read part one of this miniseries here.

The Moral of the Story: Jessica Wakefield always gets her man. Especially if Enid is her competition.

The Big Deal: Party at Jonathan’s creepy mansion

Synopsis:

Todd shows up at Liz’s house just in time to see her in Joey’s arms. He gets pissed and gets back in his car. Liz says they can fight later but they have to find Jessica right now. Todd is all, “Fuck off, bitch,” as he drives away. He goes home and rips up his pictures of Liz and decides he’s not going to be Mr. Nice Guy anymore. I really hope this means they’re breaking up for good. Joey and Liz jump in Joey’s car and she explains everything to him on the way to Secca Lake to see if the murder victim is Jessica.

It isn’t. We know this because Jessica is at this moment at Jonathan’s house making out with him. He stops kissing her and tells her to get the out “before it’s too late.” Jessica thinks he’s afraid he won’t be able to resist making out with her or something and just keeps flirting. Jonathan finally gives up and closes the front door. He starts making out with Jessica, but then tells her he can’t get involved with her and she’ll have to leave.

Enid is having Jonathan withdrawals. She drives to his house and curses the Wakefields when she sees the twins’ Jeep out front. She looks in the window and sees Jessica and Jonathan kissing. She gets all discouraged until Jessica runs out of the house, crying. Then she goes inside and Jonathan starts making out with her. This guy gets around. He starts sucking on Enid’s neck and that’s the last thing she remembers until she wakes up in the morning in her bed at home.

At school, good old Chrome Dome Cooper holds an assembly and says the girl who was murdered on Saturday night was a cheerleader from Palisades High. Sweet Valley is going to start enforcing a curfew: nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed out after ten o’clock. After the assembly, Jessica tries to tell Amy and Lila about her makeout session with Jonathan. They start giggling and tell her Jonathan gave Enid a hickey the same night. Ha, remember hickeys?

Todd dyes his hair black and joins the goth movement. Actually, all the guys want to look like Jonathan and have all started wearing black. Even Winston is doing it, though he makes a joke out of it all by wearing black tuxedo jackets with brightly colored ties. I’m starting to love Winston a little bit. The guys think the curfew is a total bummer and they decide to liven things up at SVH by getting Jonathan to throw a party. Jonathan says he doesn’t want to do that, but Todd and Bruce start inviting people anyway.

That night, Jonathan is pacing around his house, all upset because of his “hunger.” He wants Jessica, but she’s too important to him and it’s too dangerous. So he calls Enid and asks her to come over. ‘Cause it wouldn’t really matter if he accidentally killed her in a fit of vampire passion. Jessica calls but he tells her he’s sick. She decides to come over with some homemade chicken soup. This girl doesn’t even know how to do laundry, but she can make her own chicken soup. I’m so sure. When she gets there and sees Enid with her wild hair and smudged lipstick, she throws the thermos of soup at Jonathan and leaves. Enid tries to help him clean up the mess, but he gets pissed and tells her to get out. Jonathan is grateful to Jessica because if she hadn’t shown up, he would have hurt Enid. He’s one of those tortured vampires who really doesn’t want to kill anyone. He just can’t help it. A few nights later, Jessica can’t find Jasmine the cat. She goes outside and finds the cat’s dead body. Ewwww.

Liz has been going out with Joey ever since Todd found them together, but she isn’t sure she really likes him anymore. He’s acting all condescending ever since he started college. And he keeps taking Liz around Sweet Valley and showing her places like Miller’s Point and the Dairi Burger as though Liz hasn’t lived here her whole life. At the Dairi Burger, Joey asks Liz if she wants to do something the next night. Liz promised Jessica she’d go with her to Jonathan’s party, but she doesn’t want to bring Joey and flaunt her relationship with him in front of Todd or something so she lies to him and says she’s going to a movie with Jessica. Then, of course, Caroline Pearce comes over and mentions the party and how much Jessica is looking forward to going. Joey gets pissed and leaves Liz at the restaurant.

Jonathan’s party is just awesome. Jessica sneaks upstairs to meet Jonathan. The lights go out while she’s sitting on his bed. He comes in and they start kissing. Liz is downstairs freaking out. She somehow convinces Todd to help her get the lights back on. They go downstairs and mess with the breakers. When the lights come back on, they hear somebody scream upstairs. They run up and find Amy’s visiting cousin (and Todd’s date), Katrina, dead, her blood drained.

Quotes:

Todd turned up the collar of his black leather jacket and swaggered slowly into the cafeteria on Tuesday at lunchtime, imitating Jonathan’s walk. He was wearing black jeans and a black denim shirt with a white T-shirt underneath. His face was unshaven, and he’d dyed his hair black. Todd’s new look gave him a sense of fresh confidence.

UGH.

The Cover: These kids seem to think this party requires formal dress.

Sweet Valley High #126: Tall, Dark, and Deadly

Monday, November 16th, 2009

SVH126The Moral of the Story: Just one damned vampire will turn a whole town goth.

The Big Deal: The only big deal in this book is Jonathan Cain.

Synopsis:

Ah, jeez. Vampires.

Jessica has gotten a pair of diamond earrings from her grandmother, but she loses one at the Dairi Burger. She and Lila go digging through the Dumpster to try to find it. There’s a dead body underneath all the trash and the dead man has a bite mark on his neck. Gross. When the police get to the scene, they discover the body has been drained of blood.

Liz is all fucked up about Joey Mason, her summer fling. She can’t even stand to be around Todd because she feels so guilty. She ends a date early and Todd spends two pages trying to figure out what he did wrong. When they get to the Wakefields’ house, there’s a police car in the driveway. They run inside and Jessica tells them what happened. She introduces them to Jasmine, a cat she rescued from a tree outside the Dairi Burger. Everyone keeps saying Jasmine is the only witness to the murder.

At school on Monday, Jessica is a superstar and everyone wants to know what happened. Chrome Dome holds an assembly to talk about the murder. Enid sits with Maria and Liz, but Liz ignores her and just talks to Maria. Liz hasn’t told Enid about Joey, so Maria is the only one she can talk to about the fact that Joey will be going to UCLA and be within driving distance of Sweet Valley. Enid feels left out. Mr. Cooper introduces a new student, Jonathan Cain. He’s wearing black leather pants and a black t-shirt and of course he’s totally gorgeous. Enid and Jessica both decide they’re in love with him, and Liz immediately hates him because she recognizes him as the guy that bumped into her that morning and didn’t apologize.

Jessica tries to get Jonathan’s attention in a variety of ways, but he totally ignores her. She sits next to him in French class and passes him a flirtatious note. He passes one back telling her to leave him alone. Jessica gets all excited about what a challenge he’s going to be. Meanwhile, all the girls at school think Jonathan is totally hot and they start dressing like him and painting their nails black and shit. Lila and Jessica think it’s totally gross and stick with their lavender nail polish. Enid tells Liz she wants to dye her hair black, but Liz tells her it’s a stupid idea. Enid goes to the salon anyway and gets her hair dyed and straightened and also learns all about how to apply emo makeup. Liz is annoyed at everyone trying to copy Joey. Even Todd starts wearing black all the time.

Liz comes to a decision: she’s going to forget about Joey. She burns his letter and starts trying to convince herself she’s still in love with Todd, but it’s hard going, especially when she finds a canoe paddle in her locker. Wtf? I guess Joey put it there thinking it would be cute, but I’d sure be creeped out by it.

Enid turns into a creepy stalker and follows Jonathan after school one day to a dilapidated mansion on the outskirts of town. She sees him go inside, but nobody answers when she rings the doorbell and then knocks on the door. She walks around the house and looks in the windows. The house is disgusting and it’s clear nobody lives there. Enid gets freaked out and drives home.

Jessica finally gets Jonathan to give her a ride on his motorcycle. He takes her home and Jessica thinks it’s totally awesome that he knows where she lives. He drops her off, tells her again to leave her alone and then drives off. Liz can’t believe Jessica took a motorcycle ride. Jessica wakes up from a nightmare later and finds her missing earring on her windowsill. Weird. The next day, Jonathan tells Liz to keep Jessica away from him. Liz makes Jessica promise to leave him alone, but Jessica sneaks away on Saturday night while Liz is in the shower. She goes to the address Enid said she had followed Jonathan to.

When Liz gets out of the shower, she hears on the radio that another murder victim has been found. It’s a blond girl at Secca Lake and all her blood has been drained. Liz searches the house for Jessica and realizes she’s not there. She freaks out and does the only thing she can think of: she calls Todd and asks for his help. He says he’ll be right over and Liz panics until she hears a car in the driveway. She opens the door, but it’s Joey. She gives him a big hug and suddenly forgets that her sister might be dead. Of course, that’s the exact moment Todd shows up.

Jessica’s not dead. She’s at Jonathan’s house knocking incessantly on the door. Jonathan finally lets her in. He sets down his goblet of red wine and kisses Jessica. Then he pushes her away and says she should have left him alone.

Quotes:

“We’re trying to get that new guy, Jonathan, to join the basketball team,” Todd told Elizabeth.

Oh, Todd. Goth kids don’t play team sports.

I need new friends, Enid decided. Lynne Henry, Julie Porter, and Jennifer Mitchell, all of whom had also adopted Jonathan’s gothic style of dress, were sitting together at a nearby table.

So basically all the poor girls with no self-confidence are the ones being taken in by this new craze, but perfect and confident twins are immune.

Why can’t he admit that he cares for me?

This is Jessica, after Jonathan has done everything he can possibly do to show that he does not, in fact, care for her.

The Cover: Did anyone else wear those awful velvety black chokers back in the day? I thought I was so totally cool and goth when I wore mine. I imagine Jessica thinks it’s just the thing to make Jonathan fall in love with her. Jonathan looks like a total creeper up there in the window.

Sweet Valley High Magna Edition: Jessica’s Secret Diary, Volume 2

Friday, November 13th, 2009

Diary - Jessica02-OuterSynopsis:

Jessica and Lila are hanging out in Jessica’s room when they hear fighting coming from Liz’s bedroom. Todd is pissed because Liz went to a movie with Jeffrey. He breaks up with her. That night, Jessica gets home from a party at Amy’s house, and Todd calls to ask if Liz was at the party with Jeffrey. Jessica says they were both there but they weren’t together. Todd wants to come over and talk, so Jessica changes into a sexy nightgown and opens her window. When Todd gets there, he asks Jessica if she remembers what they had “before.” He is not referring to the time he and Jessica fooled around after Sam died, nor is he referring to the time they made out before Todd started dating Liz. This is apparently a whole different thing. Todd says he’s free now and wants a second chance. Jessica thinks reading her diary from those days will help her figure out what to do:

#42: Caught in the Middle – Jessica plans a surprise party for Lila. She also gets a just-saying-hello letter from Todd in Vermont. She teases Liz about it.

#43: Hard Choices – Jessica writes back to Todd and the Wakefields make a documentary.

#44: Pretenses – Jessica tells us about how Steve and Cara almost break up. Todd writes back to Jessica.

#45: Family Secrets – Cousin Kelly comes to town and is a total weirdo.

#46: Decisions – Blah, blah, blah, Robin and George have a fight. Jessica is in love with Alexander Kane. One day, she walks in on Liz looking at old pictures of Todd.

#47: Troublemaker – Jessica is a success in a school play. While telling us about Bruce Patman and Julie Porter, Jessica gives us a very strange version of her “first – and last – date” with Bruce. She says they drove around in a limo while he talked about himself and she got mad when he called another girl from the car phone. No mention of sexy times at the lake or Jessica turning into a love zombie. Whatever. Todd and Jessica are still writing to each other.

#48: Slam Book Fever – Jessica falls in love with A.J. Morgan and writes to Todd for advice.

#49: Playing for Keeps – Jessica almost loses A.J. because she’s an idiot. Todd and Jessica start getting more and more personal in their letters to each other.

#50: Out of Reach – Jessica is totally in love with A.J., but she’s starting to develop feelings for Todd and can’t wait to get his letters.

#51: Against the Odds – Jessica writes to Todd to tell him about being grounded for charging nine hundred dollars to her mother’s credit card.

#52: White Lies – Todd sends Jessica a mix tape.

#53: Last Chance – Todd calls Jessica and says he wants to come to Sweet Valley and see her in secret. Jessica has dreams about Todd sneaking into her room at night and doing “intensely romantic” things with her.

#54: Two-Boy Weekend – Jessica breaks up with A.J. after cheating on him with Psycho Chris. Todd buys a plane ticket.

#55: Perfect Shot – Todd and Jessica meet at Secca Lake and make out. Jessica is sure she’s really in love this time, but after a couple days, they both realize Liz would be really hurt if she knew.

#56: Lost at Sea – Jessica thinks about kissing Winston while they’re shipwrecked, but a helicopter shows up before she can do it.

Back in the present, Jessica finishes reading her diary and realizes Todd is much better suited to Liz.

Diary - Jessica02-Inner

Sweet Valley High Magna Edition: Elizabeth’s Secret Diary, Volume 2

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

Diary - Elizabeth02-OuterSynopsis:

Liz is looking forward to her anniversary with Todd (which anniversary? Tenth? Fiftieth?), but Todd ruins everything when he says his friend Michelle Thomas is coming for a visit from Vermont. This is the same Michelle Thomas Liz got jealous of in the last diary. Liz stops speaking to Todd and won’t answer his calls. She invites Enid over for some Project C.C. Cookie and actually starts to feel better. Then Todd comes over. With Michelle. Liz gets upset and says a few mean things, and Todd and Michelle leave. Then Enid tells Liz she was wrong to be so rude. Liz decides to bring Todd and Michelle some cookies as a peace offering, but finds them making out by the Wilkins’ pool. Liz runs home to read through her old diaries:

Liz recaps #58: Brokenhearted, in which Todd moves back from Vermont and they get back together. We get to relive the boredom of Liz and Todd breaking up again in #59: In Love Again, and laugh when she tries to go back to Jeffrey and he doesn’t want her. Then there’s the briefest mention of Ken’s accident as Liz recaps #60: That Fatal Night. And since the theme of this diary is “I Miss Jeffrey,” there’s a bit about how much she misses Jeffrey.

Blah, blah, Liz tells us about Patty Gilbert’s problems in #61: Boy Trouble. Then Liz gets her hair permed and Jeffrey is the only one who understands why in #62: Who’s Who? Then she starts surfing and Todd breaks up with her and Jeffrey comforts her in #63: The New Elizabeth. Then we hear about how worried she is about Steven’s sanity and her parents’ fighting in #64: The Ghost of Tricia Martin.

Liz’s parents are still fighting in #65: Trouble at Home. Liz can’t seem to talk to Todd about it, but Jeffrey is a really good listener. Which brings us to #66: Who’s to Blame, in which Liz goes to Jeffrey to talk and ends up kissing him. At some point during #67: The Parent Plot, Jeffrey climbs the trellis under Liz’s window and sneaks into her bedroom. They make out for a while, then Todd starts throwing pebbles at the window. Liz shoves Jeffrey in the closet and makes out with Todd. When Todd leaves, Jeffrey jumps out of the closet all pissed off like he didn’t know Liz had a boyfriend. Liz and Todd break up again in #68: The Love Bet. But of course they get back together. Liz crusades against racism in #69: Friend Against Friend. After Claire Middleton brings out Liz’s inner feminist and makes the football team in #70: Ms. Quarterback, everyone goes to the Dairi Burger and Liz sees Jeffrey with a date. She’s super happy he’s moved on.

Back in the present, Liz realizes Todd just made a mistake kissing Michelle, just like Liz made a mistake kissing Jeffrey. They make up and life goes on.

The Cover: Boring. Don’t care. We’ve seen all this before.

Diary - Elizabeth02-Inner