Sweet Valley Twins #38: Lois Strikes Back

SVT038The Moral of the Story: Fat people can win bike-a-thons! (But only if skinny people drop out.)

The Big Deal: Bike-a-thon

Classmate with a Problem: Lois Waller, fat

Synopsis:

The school is doing a bike-a-thon to raise money for something or other. When Lois Waller says she’s excited to enter, Liz and Amy are surprised because Lois is usually too fat to do shit like that. Jessica is in a crisis because she thinks nobody will sponsor both her and Liz, and she really wants the super cool bike that’s being given away as a prize to the person who raises the most money. Lila and the other Unicorns decide they don’t really want to bike for thirty sweaty miles, so they drop out of the bike-a-thon. Jessica drops out, too, because she figures she’ll never win the bike anyway. She knows her parents will be disappointed in her, so she promises herself they’ll never find out.

One day at lunch, Bruce Patman accidentally trips over Lois’ backpack, and the whole lunchroom watches him clean up his fallen tray. Humiliated, Bruce vows to get revenge on Lois for having such an offensive backpack. Lois gets way more sponsors for the bike-a-thon than anyone else. Bruce realizes this contest must be really important to her, so naturally, this is the perfect means of getting back at her. He gets his parents to pledge twenty dollars a mile, and tells Lois the next day that there’s no way she’ll make more money than him. So Lois goes and gets a few more sponsors, and she’s up to twenty-one dollars a mile.

Finally, it’s bike-a-thon day. Lois and Bruce are the frontrunners, so Liz and Amy shadow them so they can report to the Sixers. Liz sticks by Lois as she rides twenty-two miles. Amy loses Bruce after only eight miles, and nobody has any idea whether or not he went the whole thirty. At school on Monday, he shows off the check his parents have written and brags about how he finished the race faster than anyone else. But when someone mentions the Casey’s gift certificates that were given out to everyone who finished, Bruce looks confused. Liz’s reporter’s instincts kick into high gear and she spends all day wondering whether or not Bruce actually finished the marathon.

By the way, Jessica only rode four miles and then she headed over to Lila’s to listen to the new Johnny Buck album. When Liz starts asking around about Bruce, Jessica mentions he was at Lila’s too, and showed up not long after she did. However, she thinks Liz is being unnecessarily mean to Bruce, so she makes a bet with Liz that he really did finish. Loser has to do the winner’s chores for a week.

OMG, this is so boring. Long story short, Liz gets Bruce to admit that he crashed his bike after eight miles, and then she has a great time watching Jessica do her chores.

Quotes:

Elizabeth looked at her. This was the first time she had ever seen Lois out of her school clothes, and she was surprised to note that in a T-shirt and shorts, Lois didn’t look so heavy.

Well, what the hell has she been wearing to school? A muumuu?

“I’m trying to stick to a diet,” Lois said shyly.

Elizabeth turned and looked at her friend. “That’s wonderful.”

That’s wonderful? I mean, you don’t have to pretend your friend isn’t overweight if she really is, but don’t act like you’ve been sitting around wishing she’d go on a diet.

Since she was going to be the center of attention, Lois had taken care to dress nicely. She and her mother had gone shopping, and because she had lost a few more pounds, she was able to fit into a pretty blue dress.

Because they don’t make pretty blue dresses for fat folks.

The Cover: I thought Lois was supposed to be fat…

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Comments
  • Kanna-Chan January 5, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    Yeah, on that cover she doesn’t look fat at all. But then, this is Sweet Valley and anyone not a perfect size four (six?) is probably considered too fat.

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  • Megan January 6, 2014 at 8:51 am

    Okay…how the hell does Bruce ever live this stuff down? I know, I know, people do bring things up on occasion but come on. If someone I knew as a kid had pulled this stuff, we’d have been bringing it up in college. “Hey remember when you cheated at that bikeathon? Remember when you sabotaged your cousin’s charity hats that time?” (and that’s ignoring so so so many worse things)

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  • Jenn January 9, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    Come on Shannon, it’s Sweet Valley! And look at her, she’s very obviously a normal weight person, which means that in their world, she’s a total fatty. There should be a SVC book where Lois moves away after college and realizes that she was the perfect weight all along LOL

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  • Annie January 11, 2014 at 8:47 pm

    The way all of the sweet valley books handle weight is so terrible that it becomes hilarious.

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  • Kim January 18, 2014 at 9:17 am

    I just adore the way fat chicks are portrayed at SVH. They’re always lumbering around and downing whole cheesecakes and panting and then suddenly they jog and diet for two weeks and presto! Homecoming queen! Also, biking 20 miles is easy. I did that when I was seven. Fucking Lois and her Lance Armstrong airs.

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  • Whallie January 24, 2014 at 10:50 am

    How is this OK with the school? Who is overseeing this bike race, and why isn’t Bruce spending the rest of the year in after school detention? The entire school is run by kids!

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  • Sara February 1, 2014 at 9:24 pm

    write more!!!!

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  • Natalie June 29, 2014 at 1:23 am

    So wear glasses, have brown hair and am chubby, but nor fat..
    And people consider me smart..
    Social Pariah right here folks…

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  • Natalie June 29, 2014 at 1:24 am

    *so I sorry..
    Guess I aint that smart after alls lol

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  • Sera C July 13, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    Oh you make me laugh so good *wipes tear*

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  • Alex Kennedy February 22, 2017 at 8:19 am

    Why is it that the “fat kids” ie Robin in SVH and Lois in SVT are treated as if they are alien beings? Their clothes are never “right.” The only time when the issue was treated properly was in “Down With Queen Janet” when SPOILER the children choose to attend Lois’s party as opposed to Janet’s. That book made me so angry. Janet was such a horrible cow pig to Lois.

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  • Moving to Sweet Valley Tomorrow March 27, 2017 at 7:36 am

    To be fair, the girl on the cover of the book does not resemble the “Lois” whom the author described. She looks like your average girl. I guess “average” is the important point as no one is just average in SV. It is likely that Lois is a normal weight. She is just surrounded by anorexic size six people who are probably all on diets. Maybe that is why Jessica is a colossal bitch. Perhaps if she ate once in awhile, she would not act like a vindictive ***!!!

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