The Sweet Life 6: Bittersweet

Aaron texts the twins to tell them Robin Platt is really Mona Thomas, and that Mona got fired from Warner Gas for embezzling money to support a drug habit. Liz marches into the rehab center in Lexington and demands to know about Mona. The facility director buys her story about being Mona’s sister and proceeds to break every confidentiality law in existence. She says Mona was never good with the twelve steps and she was only a patient for eight months about two years ago. Liz manages to find out that the real Robin Platt was the only visitor Mona ever had.

Liz does a little research online and finds a Facebook page for a Robert Platt. Robert pretty much matches Robin’s description and Liz figures it all out. Robin and Mona were friends. Robin moved to New York, had a sex change operation and became Robert. Mona moved to L.A. and started working for – and sleeping with – Rick Warner. When he caught her stealing from the company, he blackmailed her into ruining Bruce’s life, but she had to change her name because he couldn’t have Mona Thomas on the books anymore or something. Liz is quite sure all of this is fact.

Jessica calls Bruce in France and tells him he needs to come home. Jess has been having a rough time lately. Nobody likes her anymore except Liam, and she can’t stand him anymore. Even Lila hasn’t answered her texts in weeks. Meanwhile, Lila is hurt because Jessica’s been sending her mean messages on Facebook about how selfish and horrible she is. This is the first we’ve heard about these messages. Hmm.

True Housewives has a live special to announce Lila’s real pregnancy. Ken happens to catch it while channel surfing and he’s super pissed that Lila would try to trick him again. He speeds over to the house and crashes the broadcast, lifting Lila’s shirt and yelling, “Fraud!” Everyone is shocked when they see she’s not wearing padding or anything and her stomach really does have a baby in it. Ken immediately forgets every terrible thing Lila has ever done.

Liam wants to have lunch with Jessica and he won’t take no for an answer. When Jessica gets to her house, she finds Liam trying to play with Jake, who seems terrified. Liam sent Liza the nanny home so he and Jessica could talk. Jessica tells Liam things aren’t working out and she wants to stop seeing him, and Liam freaks out. He says he knows about Jessica’s dates with Michael and Cal the lawyer, and the reason they – and Lila – stopped calling Jessica was because Liam created a duplicate of Jessica’s Facebook page and sent them mean messages. Jessica is horrified and she tries to get Liam to leave, but he won’t. He’s being a total psycho. He says he wants Jessica to have sex with him so she has to put Jake down for his nap. Jessica shuts Jake into his room, and as soon as the door is closed, Jake starts playing with Jessica’s phone. Todd calls and Jake answers it and says the “scary toy man” is there. Todd is pissed because he told Jessica he didn’t want Liam spending time with Jake, so he drops whatever it is he’s doing to go yell at Jessica.

Meanwhile, Liz has flown back to Sweet Valley and she goes to Mona’s house, arriving just in time to see Mona dragging a suitcase out the door. She makes Mona talk to her and finds out she was right about almost everything. The only thing she had wrong was Mona’s relationship with Warner. He was making her sleep with him, threatening to have her arrested if she refused. He also liked to record his rapes and Mona managed to get a copy of one where he was saying things like, “And you’ll tell them it was Patman who did this to you…” Ugh, I might throw up. Mona gives the video to Liz, and Liz calls Annie and tells her everything. But for some reason she makes Annie promise not to tell Bruce she was the one who figured it all out.

Back at Jessica’s, things are going horribly. Liam has Jessica pinned and is trying to make her, you know, do stuff with him. She’s gotten hold of a pair of nail scissors and she stabs them into his neck, but it doesn’t do much to deter him because he’s a fucking psychopath. Todd bursts in just in the nick of time. He can see what’s happening and immediately goes into TODD SMASH mode. He picks up Liam and throws him against the wall while Jessica calls 911. After Todd beats Liam up for a while and the cops have come and taken Liam away, Todd and Jessica declare their undying love for one another.

Annie and Mona go to the prosecutor and lay everything out for him. The charges against Bruce are dropped and he gives a press conference the next morning. Everyone shows up; Lila and Ken, Todd and Jessica, Aaron and Steve, even the perpetually vacationing Wakefield parents. Liz feels left out since she’s the only one who isn’t part of a couple, but then Bruce starts his speech and says he wants to thank someone super important and special who never stopped believing in him and blah blah blah. Liz thinks he might still love her after all, but then he says the woman he loves is Annie Whitman.

And then the book ends. Lame. Lamesauce to the max.

Quotes:

But at his core, Ken was not a complicated man; he just wanted to be with his pretty wife and have cute babies crawling around on the rug.

No, Ken is not a complicated man. He’s a fucking idiot.

The hairs on the back of Jessica’s neck rose a little as she realized that Liam might be capable of something seriously violent. Liam stood wearing his black T-shirt and dark-wash jeans, his muscles tensed, like a cobra ready to strike.

Psychos always wear dark clothing.

“And here’s the video.” Elizabeth handed Annie a Memory Stick.

Memory Stick is capitalized every time, I can’t figure out why.

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Comments
  • Harmony233 August 12, 2012 at 10:05 am

    my firt time commenting well that book sounds disappointing is there going to be a sequel did we ever find out Bruces mental problems and I don’t understand liz not wanting bruce to know she helped clear his name at all and whats up with Jess/Todd forgiving each other when they’ve been doing nothing but fighting ame with Lila/Ken

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  • Becky August 12, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Okay, I am apologizing for my rant ahead of time.

    What???? I have decided I am way to emotionally attached to these books because I think that ending may have ruined my day. It doesn’t even make much sense. I mean, a couple pages ago Bruce was thinking about how he still hoped for something with Liz and how the happiest times of his life were with her. He even admitted that being attracted to Annie had a lot to do with the fact that he was upset about Liz. Then all of a sudden he’s making a declaration of love to Annie in front of everyone????? Won’t she get in trouble with her boss for being involved with her client, and isn’t Liz still a good friend of hers? Grrrr, Francine, grrrrrrr! Rant over!

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    Shannon Reply:

    Please don’t apologize, I am with you all the way.

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  • Megan August 12, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Exactly what I thought! I was angry when the book ended, you can’t end it like that and expect people to be satisfied!

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  • Megan August 12, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Loved the reviews Shannon and I agree the ending was lame!

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  • Kayla August 12, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Wow. And to think I almost spent money on this craptacular series. It was nice to have my curiosity piqued after such a long hiatus, but seriously? If this is the best that Francine herself could come up with, I think she’d have been better off with the ghostwriters. .. there is a huge difference between the “awesomely bad” books we grew up with, and these poor excuses for entertainment. Thank you, Shannon, for reviewing these books. You did great. But, this does leave the door open for those of us who have had a taste of what life could’ve been like for the Wakefield bunch as they got older.. perhaps we could give fiction a try ourselves? :)

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  • Easy Annie August 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Yeah, I won’t be buying this when it comes out on paper in October. I didn’t care for the storyline in SVC and though I hear some improvements have been made in The Sweet Life, I still don’t like the storylines or the couples. The only couple I remotely liked was Liz and Bruce . . . and now what the hell has she done to them? And no resolution to Jess and Todd’s marital woes or Lila’s lying. All is forgiven without even addressing the issues that caused the problems in the first place. The characters seem LESS grown-up than they did in SVH. Cursing and sleeping around do not make a person an adult. And I’m tired of Francine being so preoccupied with shocking her readers that she destroys her own characters. You can put shock value into a book with events rather than having beloved characters running around acting like a bunch of jackasses. At this point, I don’t like any of them anymore and I don’t care what happens to them.

    I assume this ‘surprise’ ending means there will be some sort of sequel, but frankly I think Kayla hit the nail on the head: fanfiction. I’m sure there are plenty of talented people out there that could write better stories than this. I miss the Sweet Valley of my youth, especially some of the characters from Sweet Valley University. SVU and the ‘Elizabeth’ series were my favorites.

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    Shannon Reply:

    I would love to see some Sweet Life fanfiction! I agree with you on every point.

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  • Noemi August 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    LAME ENDING!!! Bruce loves Annie Whitman? Easy Annie, right? What the heck? Dude, you probably just killed Liz with your idiocy! After everything she’s done for you! Jerk. This sounds stupid now.
    Anyway, I never read these, but I just think they sound absolutely hilarious.
    Thanks for the recaps, Shannon, they make my day!

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    Shannon Reply:

    I’m glad you’re enjoying them! And see, it’s Liz being an idiot because she wouldn’t let anyone tell Bruce that she was the one who solved everything. I hate her.

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  • Dee August 12, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    I can’t stand Elizabeth, so I really enjoy each time she gets dumped. Bruce loving Annie is completely out of nowhere, but it’s Sweet Valley and nothing usually makes sense.

    Lila and Ken have officially won the most obnoxious couple award. Ken has the mentality of an actual Ken doll and I miss the days when Lila/Bruce existed.

    Favorite quote from Liam: “This is Sweet Valley, California. Everyday is a beautiful day.” I had to laugh because it should basically sums up the entire series.

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    Shannon Reply:

    I know, Ken is SO STUPID! I agree about Liz, though. I like to see her lose. I’m a horrible person.

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  • nadia August 12, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    i remember reading the svh and svu series while growing up, and reading through your posts/summaries for each one made me think why i didn’t see the ridiculousness of it before.
    i really appreciate the summaries that you’ve given for this new sweet valley series, but seriously i want to throw my hands in the air and just yell. it just doesn’t make sense, and i have to wonder why liz always ends up with the short end of the stick. and goodness these are way more dramatic than a soap opera series.
    thanks for the entertaining reads!

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    Shannon Reply:

    I know, it’s all complete nonsense. Thanks for sticking with me!

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  • Whallie August 14, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Shannon, thanks so much for keeping the nostalgia of the Sweet Valley world alive through your awesome posts. I wish there were more SV books for you to recap on, or maybe make up some new SV stuff? I dunno…I just dunno what to do with myself anymore. *rocking back and forth on the ground in a fetal position thinking about perfect size 6 recaps*

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    Shannon Reply:

    Oh, I have PLENTY more to recap. I have the rest of Sweet Valley Twins and all of SVU, plus Unicorns and Junior High. Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere!

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  • Annie August 14, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    The funny thing is that the very first SVH book I ever read was the one about Easy Annie. I bought it (when I was like 9, lol) because my name is Annie. So it’s kind of fitting this is ending with Annie back in the picture, although I agree, it’s super lame!

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  • Elissa August 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    Whats coming out in october? Is it svh or sweet life? They ended this with bruce loving Annie????? Liz is a moron for not telling ppl she solved it! This ending was not right at all. Did anything happen to bitchy sarah amd caroline?

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  • Anonymous August 16, 2012 at 8:14 am

    LIKE, TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!

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  • Fear Street August 17, 2012 at 2:54 am

    “No, Ken is not a complicated man. He’s a fucking idiot.” HA!

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  • Easy Annie August 19, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    Here’s a few ideas for a follow-up to ‘The Sweet Life’. I posted these in my review on Amazon as well.

    Elizabeth gets sick of being a stupid doormat all the time and goes a little crazy. She gets a job as a foreign correspondant and travels the world. She hooks up with a little hottie from her past (Tom Watts or Max Pennington will do) and they totally rock together. Meanwhile, Caroline finds out that it was really Elizabeth who cleared Bruce’s name and blabs to everyone. Naturally, Bruce is pissed that Annie took credit and tries to get Liz back. Elizabeth can’t forget that he broke her heart and humiliated her, so she disses him and marries her new boytoy instead. They live in London or New York or anyplace that isn’t Sweet Valley. Elizabeth thinks she’s finally escaped her past until she gives birth to identical twin girls . . . . Bruce goes crazy and decides to become a serial killer. Jessica and Todd learn that there are consequences to cheating in the form of VD . . . they break up and Jessica goes on to have a daughter that acts just like Elizabeth, driving Jessica almost as crazy as Bruce. Ken learns that he isn’t the father of Lila’s baby. Ashley Morgan’s husband is. Ken can’t father children because he got kicked in the balls too many times during his football career. Annie gets back together with Ricky Capaldo, the boy who really did ‘save’ her. Todd gets framed for a crime he didn’t commit and only Liz has the info that can save him. She lets him rot in prison instead and Todd goes gay. When he’s released, he decides to make a play for Steven . . . Aaron finds out and kicks his ass. Caroline becomes Bruce’s first murder victim. Lila and Bruce get back together and Lila takes over Caroline’s blog. Like Caroline, she never gets sued. Unlike Caroline, it’s because she’s just that awesome. Bruce displays Caroline’s head in his ‘trophy’ room and everyone in Sweet Valley is too stupid to realize it’s real.

    I haven’t been drinking tonight, I swear.

    I know everyone loves the Todd punch, but one of my favorite books in all of Sweet Valley history was SVU #8 Home For Christmas, if only because Todd got his ass kicked by Tom Watts and Olivia Davidson came back from the dead. Yeah, it was pretty awesome.

    Shannon, I’m kind of 50/50 on the Elizabeth thing. Sure, she pisses me off, so sometimes I like to see her get screwed. Just not all the time. It’s depressing. Somehow, when Jessica gets fucked over, I think it’s funnier.

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  • Anonymous August 20, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    LOL literally. I especially like gay Todd going for Steven. He needs to complete the trifecta.

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  • Noemi August 21, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Agreed Anonymous!

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  • Suckie Stackhouse August 21, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    Well, fuck me in the ear. Who would have guessed that Jess/Todd and Lila/Ken would stay together? I think Liz and Enid should just admit their underlying emotions and become dykadellic. And seriously, WTF was that with Annie and Bruce? I guess Bruce wanted to be with someone he didn’t try to date rape.

    Memory Stick. Floppy Disc. Cranked Out Money Maker Series. See, Pascal, I can do that too!! And I win.

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  • Toby Danger August 26, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    Another idea for a follow-up: After Jessica pulls yet another ridiculous stunt which results in Liz’s life going down the tubes, Liz finally snaps, bursts into Jessica’s home and proceeds to beat the crap out of her. Jessica fights back, and the two engage in a massive, several pages long brawl involving lots of household objects used as weapons, like something out of Kill Bill. All the while, they blame each other for every single screw up which has happened in their lives. Several hours and one destroyed house later, the twins have no strength to move and can do nothing to actually talk to each other for the first time in ages. Realising that they are truly co-dependant on each other (Jess always wanting Liz to swoop in and rescue her, Liz always wanting to imporve Jess’ ways) they decide that they should call time on this whole twin thing before it ends up getting worse and live on their own once again
    Thus, Jessica gets a new hair colour, leaves Todd and takes her son with her, and Liz returns to New York. Cut to ten years later, the twins reunite, both of them finally found happiness in their lives, while Todd has embraced his true destiny as a past-his-prime playboy.

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  • Kim August 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    Good god. Please go to school.

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  • Lotus September 10, 2012 at 7:03 am

    No, no, no… Liz was supposed to go overseas for some reporter-type job. Then she meets some blond foreigner dude with glasses and marries him. After this, their beach bungalow (were they vacationing or did they buy?) is destroyed when a tsunami hits, following an earthquake that reminds Liz of the California quake, and how Olivia did in fact, die under the refrigerator. Liz the reporter is hit with PTSD for the very first time, and takes some time off to visit her family in Sweet Valley. While there, she finds out she’s pregnant, and decides to stay there with her husband until after her son is born.

    Jess was supposed to join a band straight out of college, playing bass guitar, which she discovered was her hidden talent after Liz moved away and she could finally see herself as a separate and worthy individual. She dates the lead singer and together they get caught up in the dangerous druggie lifestyle. The band, which has become famous, goes on hiatus and Jess is in and out of rehab. Her boyfriend gets cleaned up first and tells her he wants to marry her. But Jess knows they will never stay together unless she gets off of the heroin. She hits rock bottom and tries to kill herself, but in the end, she becomes a healthy drug counselor at a famous rehab center.

    Winston never should have died. He should have become a YouTube or blogging sensation. He does the late night talk show circuit. Then he is invited to guest star on various television shows. Eventually he is known as the new funny guy starring in all of the latest comedy movies, and finally marries his beautiful co-star. In an interview, Winston reveals the shocking and terrible truth behind the laughter, that was never allowed in any Sweet Valley book: he had a horrific childhood.

    Bruce tries to rape another girl at a party. But this woman’s mother or father is a rich and powerful lawyer, and Bruce gets thrown into prison. This happens in Asia, and proclaiming his innocence, he is seen telling his twisted version of the truth on Locked Up Abroad.

    Todd marries a psychopath who murders him in cold blood. He had really great life insurance. However, the jury believes his wife’s story and she never pays for the crime.

    Lila hooks up with Steven, who paints, and after some time, they adopt two or three foreign kids. Then they move to an exotic island and start a foundation. Also, Lila has gotten together with some of the finest dermatologists in the world, and created a revolutionary skin care product, which sells very well. Next on her list is her revolutionary make-up.

    Oh well.

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  • Noemi September 13, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Lotus: That’s hilarious!!!!!! Also, Shannon, come back! I miss your blog posts.

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  • Shannon September 17, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Kayla, give fanfiction a try! It can’t possibly be any worse, right?

    Elissa, in October they are releasing all six of these books in one hardcover volume. And no, nothing happened to Caroline or Sarah. Which is lame.

    Noemi, I’ll be back soon! Just had to take a break after all this Sweet Life.

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  • Krista September 19, 2012 at 1:22 am

    YES. I’m With Noemi. Please come back…

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  • Tom Mckay September 22, 2012 at 7:14 am

    i miss you shannon,can’t wait for your svu recaps :)

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  • Lady Miller October 3, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    I’m with everyone else. I miss your recaps and cant wait until you come back! Is there any SV you won’t be recapping?

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  • SRM November 8, 2012 at 4:10 am

    I hate the ending of Sweet Life. Bruce and Elizabeth forever!

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  • Jude November 18, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Oy vey! Why do we do this to ourselves?! Seriously! We KNOW we’re gonna end up wanting to tear our hair out and we read it anyway! Only just started Sweet Life 1 and I’m already on the verge of eating my Kindle. I won’t, simply because it cost me money, but the urge is still there! And SRM, I’m right there with ya on the Bruce and Elizabeth. I tried, oh how I tried to avoid it, but I just can’t help myself and now my head is totally re-writing every SVH book ever made.

    Yes, I’m insane. Admitting it is half the problem…

    Shannon your reviews are fanbloodytastic! Love them :D

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  • Shannon January 14, 2013 at 11:51 am

    I probably won’t be doing SV Kids. But everything else I will do.

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  • Dane Youssef January 22, 2013 at 2:52 am

    I’m kind of expecting the girls to pull the ol’ “switcheroo” once again and Elizabeth to find herself with Todd and Jessica to be with Bruce once again. The girls to pretend to be one another and fool their husbands–and come right back where they started!

    It’s the ending everyone expected to happen… but I’m kind of hoping it doesn’t. Still…

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  • Dane Youssef January 26, 2013 at 6:08 am

    Oh, what a traditional “Sweet Valley” cliffhanger!

    After swearing his eternal allegiance to Elizabeth in a big way, he’s already eyeing one Annie Whitman. Hmmm… somehow, these books seemed less insulting and gimmicky when they were written for children. In adult form… I think that’s why the grown-up series (especially “Confidential”) was so poorly received. At some point, it’s like watching “The Teletubbies” at middle-age.

    Huh. So.. where’s No. 7 already?

    So is this the end of the “SV” series? Well, at least until the R-rated Diablo Cody major-motion picture musical comes out?

    I notice there hasn’t been another volume from the town of Sweet Valley for a while. I think that the whole hamlet of Sweet Valley has seen it’s day in the sun for now. I’m sure the movie will re-vive the trend.

    Until then…

    –On The Verge For The Next Volume in The Never-Ending (To Suck) Saga, Dane Youssef

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  • Dane Youssef January 30, 2013 at 4:02 am

    If this helps, Shannon…

    “And here’s the video.” Elizabeth handed Annie a Memory Stick.

    Memory Stick is capitalized every time, I can’t figure out why.

    Memory Stick is a brand name. This is called “product placement.” A “subtle” commercial.

    Everyone has a different view on how “Confidential” and “The Sweet Life” should play out… as well as where everything should play out from here. One thing they all seem to have in common… they all hate and blame Todd with a passion. He’s no more guilty than Jessica. And during their long-running “romance,” Elizabeth committed infidelity plenty of times herself. And Jessica is the truly evil twin, is she not? How much mayhem has she committed?

    Come on, all the folks here–Liz, Jess, Bruce, Todd, Liam, Sarah, Steven… These people are all slime… and they deserve crucifixion at Golgotha. their individual cruel fates. Though I feel Bruce himself has yet to really answer….

    Oh, and a little side-note: I WOULD LOVE to see Todd experiment with his sexuality with the likes of Stephen. It’s perfect–then Todd will have pollinated with all three of the Wakefield children. Anonymous and Easy Annie are more than right as the rain. Yet–the two really should fuck like insects. Come full-circle, Todd…

    –Best Hopes For All The Philandering Rouges in The Rouges’ Gallery of Sweet Valley, Dane Youssef

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  • hafsa February 4, 2013 at 10:51 am

    I hope liz doesnt go back to bruce she leaves sweet valley and finds a cuter guy then bruce finds out liz was the one that was saving him while him and anne were doing god knows what i dont see how anne was any help i think i have a mental issue cuz when the book ended i fought back tears i hate u francine

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  • Erica February 9, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Elizabeth and Tom Watts FOREVER!!!

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  • Sushi March 21, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    Just finished reading these and aww, terrible ending! I can’t really blame Bruce for not declaring his undying love to Elizabeth considering she ordered everyone not to tell him she’d solved the mystery, and I really wanted to shake her for being such an idiot, but a little bit of me did really hope they’d get back together.
    And evil Emily the awful assistant was never dealt with. I was really hoping she and Sarah would get their comeuppance. Also Todd is a very bad journalist if his reaction to “this woman plagiarized stuff, that’s why she is fired” is “no, she just copied all that stuff by mistake.” But then, Todd is stupid.
    Also Caroline is an awful, horrible person.

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  • GuiltyPleasure March 31, 2013 at 11:20 am

    I think someone ought to check the water supply in the Sweet Valley Reservoir, there’s an awful lot of cancer over the years.

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  • Amanda April 21, 2013 at 9:09 am

    I just read this and that ending makes me wish Sweet Valley had never come back. I mean, the entire six book series was like, what if they crammed as many Sweet Valley tropes as possible in less than 500 pages as possible, but then that out of nowhere cliffhanger ending.

    Why would they punish the fans for being fans? How does that make sense? Give me some resolution that makes the tiniest bit of sense – too much to ask, I suppose.

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  • Dane Youssef July 11, 2013 at 2:44 am

    Well, that would make for a Hell of an issue. And in the same issue–Todd with Steven. I was the one who suggested that.

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  • Ummnoo October 7, 2013 at 4:01 am

    So lame that bruce says he loves annie, liz and bruce were the best thing about this series.
    I hope francine will have bruce seeing liz with a new guy after that lame declaration of love about annie and he will realize it was liz who saved his ass not annie who was only interested in him for the money or for sex, bruce and liz need to be in love . Leave the drama with jessica please ! Dnt rape this series like you did to SVU :(

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  • bruceLiz4ever October 14, 2013 at 10:43 pm

    I really enjoyed reading about bruce and liz , i skipped past the jesiskank /toad crap, even lila /ken, the best part of the series and the whole reason i purchased it was because of the bruce/liz story.
    If i were liz i would so be like, ,”bitch back the %^*offf” to jessica when she tried acting cute and saving “lizzie” by meddling with bruce ‘ only an idiot would trust her sister a known bf stealer slut with bruce.

    Francine is a smart woman, she knows what she is doing, so i trust her (please) with bruce, she would never end her beloved masterpiece (sweet valley) with a trashy ending, in a way she is like elizabeth. She knows that bruce and liz are like adam and eve.
    No one is good enough for her (lizzie) except bruce and vice versa. ;)

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  • bruceLiz4ever October 14, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    Btw because of jessicas fearherbrained idea sleazy annie annd bruce got close. I hate jessica i hope francine gives her an std

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  • Nikki July 10, 2014 at 10:58 pm

    “True Housewives has a live special to announce Lila’s real pregnancy. Ken happens to catch it while channel surfing and he’s super pissed that Lila would try to trick him again. He speeds over to the house and crashes the broadcast, lifting Lila’s shirt and yelling, “Fraud!” Everyone is shocked when they see she’s not wearing padding or anything and her stomach really does have a baby in it. Ken immediately forgets every terrible thing Lila has ever done.”

    This is stupid. She just got pregnant and she’s already showing?

    “And then the book ends. Lame. Lamesauce to the max.”

    Yes, it is.

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