The Sweet Life 4: Secrets and Seductions

Lila is finally a star. Now that she’s got Ken back and everyone hates Ashley Morgan, Lila is the most popular True Housewife and #lilafowler and #lilasbaby are trending topics on Twitter. There is that pesky fake pregnancy she’s got going on, but she plans to have a miscarriage at a dinner party given by Ashley, who wants to regain some of her lost popularity. Lila freaks out when she’s served raw fish and she accuses Ashley of trying to kill her baby. She puts on the dramatics and cries to Ken about Ashley all the way home, and then she fakes some cramps and locks herself in the bathroom.

Caroline Pearce hasn’t gotten hold of any good gossip lately, so she makes an appointment with Enid Rollins. Apparently, the gynecologist’s office is the best place to get some gossip. Enid isn’t happy to see Caroline, not after Caroline blogged about Enid’s affair with married pool salesman Brad Jones a few months ago. Lila is one of Enid’s patients, so Caroline asks how Lila’s been since the miscarriage. Enid is too cool to watch True Housewives and has no idea what Caroline is talking about. She says Lila can’t possibly have had a miscarriage because Enid saw her recently and she wasn’t even pregnant. Then Enid asks Caroline not to repeat that. Yeah, right. Caroline sells her story about Lila’s fake pregnancy to TMZ and it doesn’t take long before it’s all over the television. Ken manages to string more than three words together to tell Lila he’s done, he’s filing for divorce and he never wants to see her again. After he leaves, Lila throws up a few times and then realizes she hasn’t had a period in a while. She takes a test and yep, it turns out she is actually pregnant. Oh, Lila.

After Bruce disappears, Liz tells her editor, Tim White, she can’t run her Jane Doe interview because she just can’t do that to Bruce. Tim says he doesn’t want to have to fire her, so Liz quits her job. Why in the world did he ever put her on that story to begin with? Liz is still convinced Rick Warner is behind this whole thing and she needs someone to go undercover at Warner Gas headquarters. She decides – arbitrarily, it seems – that Aaron Dallas is the perfect choice. Aaron and Steve recently went to New York to get married, so I guess now Liz feels like Aaron is family and has to help her.

The Warner building is some big deal glass high rise, so Aaron pretends to be an architecture student doing research for his thesis. Nola the receptionist gives him a tour of the building, and when she leaves for lunch, Aaron hops on her computer and starts going through the employee records. He doesn’t find a Robin Platt, but he does find a Rose Pally who went on paid extended leave about a week before Bruce allegedly attacked Robin. Aaron emails everything to Liz, who sends it on to Annie and Jessica. But then Aaron finds out Rose Pally is not Robin Platt so we’re back to square one.

Liz tells Annie she thinks Bruce is probably at his villa in France, so Annie flies there to try to get Bruce to go home. Bruce doesn’t want to talk about the case and takes her to lunch instead. Annie is all googly-eyed by the wine and the wealth and the gorgeous Bruce Patman, and she thinks about the time they had sex in high school, back when she was Easy Annie. Meanwhile, Bruce realizes he needs to be “the old Bruce” if he’s going to win this thing and he figures the best way to get his cockiness back is to have sex with Annie. They tumble into bed and Annie keeps thinking “Should I? Shouldn’t I?” and the chapter ends and we don’t know if she did or not.

Jessica has gone back to work and she’s miserable. Tracy Courtright is in her old office and Jessica is in a cubicle. She hates her assistant, Emily, and Tracy keeps shooting down all her ideas. Jessica is too depressed to care, though. The only thing she cares about now is clearing Bruce’s name so he and Liz can get back together. She gets an email from Caroline one day with a link to another TMZ headline: “Liam’s New Flame, Jessica Wakefield, in Bitter Divorce Battle.” Jessica didn’t file for divorce, so Todd must have. Rather than call Todd to do some fact-checking, Jessica takes Michael Wilson to dinner, presumably to seduce him. And when Todd sees the news, he assumes Jessica has filed for divorce, so he goes ahead and has sex with Sarah. She’s been living with him this whole time but nothing has happened between them until now. As soon as Todd falls asleep, Sarah texts Caroline and lets her know she and Todd are officially a couple now. Sigh. Sarah’s the one who told Caroline that Todd was filing for divorce. She hates Jessica for getting her fired and so she’s going to steal Todd from her.

Quotes:

“Something wrong?” Robin asked, and the meanness and suspicion had disappeared from her voice. Now there was only worry.

Instantly, Elizabeth felt flooded with shame. She’d doubted Robin based on something less than a hunch.

I hate you, Elizabeth.

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Comments
  • Jessy July 29, 2012 at 10:23 am

    … I hate Elizabeth too.

    Thank you, Shannon, for putting up with this just to recap for us. The gang seem to be stupider than their high school days.

    [Reply]

  • Shannon July 29, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Don’t they? I don’t know how they managed to survive to 30.

    [Reply]

  • Diana July 29, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Love how scandalous some of these storylines are…but yes I agree with how much the gang hasn’t really mentally grown since high school. I must admit, one of my favorite parts was the confirmation that Annie and Bruce had sex in his porsche back in the day. Awesome.

    [Reply]

  • Suckie Stackhouse July 29, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Wow, who could have forseen the twist of Lila actually becoming pregnant…what a total lack of shock by me.

    I’m so disgusted with myself for looking forward to the newest mind-fuck from Sweet Valley. That said…can’t wait for recap on book 5!!!

    [Reply]

  • Kyla July 29, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Bahahahahaha I love you.

    [Reply]

  • Jessica B July 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    It seems that in addition to a diploma the graduates of SVH were issued flow charts to assist them in making the worst possible decisions at every opportunity. And yet, I’m already counting down the days until next Sunday.

    I don’t think they’ve explicitly stated his age in these new serials, but I really hope Bruce got his lost year back. That annoyed me hugely in SVC.

    [Reply]

  • Sarah August 7, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Is doctor patient confidentiality not required in Sweet Valley? Seems Lila could file a hefty lawsuit for Enid disclosing that info to Caroline. Enid’s a pretty stupid and pathetic doctor..

    [Reply]

  • kitykat August 12, 2012 at 1:39 am

    Holy Shit, is this a different writer (for book 4), the sex scene between Todd and Sarah was way more graphic than any other in the series so far. Every other scene stopped just before it got any detailed.

    [Reply]

  • Kanna-Chan September 8, 2012 at 3:34 am

    Daggumit, why doesn’t someone off Caroline? She seems to have made it her mission to ruin everyone’s life.

    [Reply]

  • Dane Youssef August 31, 2013 at 5:04 am

    “Holy Shit, is this a different writer (for book 4), the sex scene between Todd and Sarah was way more graphic than any other in the series so far. Every other scene stopped just before it got any detailed.” -kitykat

    And for that, we can be all the more grateful. Eternally grateful even. ‘Til the end of time.

    –Infinitely Grateful, Dane Youssef

    [Reply]

  • Krista November 3, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    “She says Lila can’t possibly have had a miscarriage because Enid saw her recently and she wasn’t even pregnant. ”

    JESUS, Enid. Ever heard of HIPPA? If I were Lila I’d sue the shit out of her.

    [Reply]

  • Nikki July 10, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    “She hates Jessica for getting her fired and so she’s going to steal Todd from her.”

    lol karma is real. Jessica snaked Todd from Liz, now it’s coming back to her.

    [Reply]

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