The Sweet Life 2: Lies and Omissions

Lila is hanging out with Jessica and getting pissed because Jess is too distracted with fixing Bruce’s life to pay attention to her. The whole situation reminds her of the time John Pfeifer attacked her, so she’s firmly on the intern’s side. And whatever, she doesn’t really care, anyway. She wants to talk about Ken. He hasn’t been answering her calls or texts and Lila’s worried he might actually be serious about leaving her. She and Jessica decide to be proactive about getting their men back.

Lila’s big plan is to dress like a prostitute and visit Ken in the locker room after a game. He isn’t at all interested in talking to her. Lila follows him outside and finds him talking to Ashley Morgan, one of the other True Housewives. Ken tells Lila he’s tired of trying to please her, and then he and Ashley get in the car and drive away. Lila can’t believe he was able to resist her cleavage, but she comes up with another plan. The next time the film crews are around, Lila tells the other two Housewives that she’s pregnant and Ken has left her for Ashley. So now Ashley looks like the bitch.

As for Jessica, she figures there are two things she has to do to get Todd back: give up her career and never tell him she slept with Liam. She plans to resign her position immediately after a big fancy gala that night, and then go out to dinner with Todd and announce that she’s now able to devote all her time and energy to her wifely duties. Liz thinks it’s a terrible idea, but she doesn’t want to be the one to burst Jessica’s bubble. Because, yeah, it’s better to let her quit on a job she loves and thrives at on the off chance that it will make Todd stop being a misogynistic ass.

Liz is still wrestling with the things Robin Platt told her about Bruce. She asks Bruce some questions and he gets mad that she doesn’t trust him. His irritation reminds Liz of that time he tried to rape her in high school. She tries to tell herself that was the old Bruce and he’d never do anything like that now, but she’s not sure she can trust him. She goes to Robin’s and is once again taken in by the girl’s tears. Robin says she’s been getting hang-up phone calls and she’s afraid of what might happen if Bruce finds her. Liz remembers seeing a house for rent near Robin’s church and decides to rent the place under her own name for Robin to live in.

Meanwhile, Caroline Pearce is feeling bitter about that damned Jessica Wakefield always treating her so badly when all she’s ever wanted is to be Jessica’s friend. She’s sick to death of it, so she goes looking for dirt. Her friend from yoga works at the hotel where Jessica and Liam had their night of passion. She even managed to get a picture of the two of them (because Liam is a famous actor, remember) getting on the elevator to go up to Liam’s room. Later, this weirdo friend of Caroline’s went up to the room and heard Liam and Jessica having sex. Caroline writes a blog post about it and sends the link to Todd.

Annie Whitman is a successful lawyer and has just moved back to Sweet Valley from San Diego. She and Charlie Markus got divorced six months ago. Apparently, he turned bitter and mean after spending twelve years failing to publish a novel. When Annie finally read one of his manuscripts, she was livid to find it was a novel about how she was just a cheap whore before Charlie saved her (I guess we’re still going with that inconsistency). Anyway, we care about her because Jessica has asked her for legal advice on the Bruce situation. I’m surprised Jess didn’t call her father, expert of all things legal and law related.

As long as we’re catching up with some non-twin folks, let’s see what brother Steven is up to. He and Aaron have a four month old daughter named Emma. Aaron spoils her, giving her new toys every day and making her sleep in bed with him and Steven instead of in her crib (because the crib is a lonely prison). Steve can’t sleep when she’s in the bed because he thinks he’ll roll over and crush her, and because he’s too stupid to just go sleep on the couch, he’s going through his work weeks at the law firm on almost no sleep.

ANYWAY, Jessica’s gala goes smashingly and she’s happier than she’s ever been because she’s so super awesome at her job. She wonders if maybe she’s making a mistake in quitting, but she goes ahead and tells her boss she’s resigning. Then she’s off to dinner with Todd, where she tells him she’s all his forever and always. Well, Todd thinks that’s just great and he’s all set to come home. Then Jessica goes to the restroom and Todd pulls out his iPhone and sees the email from Caroline. He reads the whole thing and then throws his napkin down and leaves. Jessica comes back to an empty table and is confused until she sees the email from Caroline on her own phone.

A week later, Liz is watching Bruce give an interview and trying to convince herself she believes Bruce is innocent. But she really doesn’t and she feels horribly guilty about this. She’s been investigating Robin’s past and finding out everything Robin told her seems to be true. She can’t make herself spend time with Bruce, even when he texts her and begs her to come home because he needs her. She tells him she has to spend the night at Jessica’s. She goes to Robin’s new place to help her unpack, and Robin says she’s starting to wonder if she should just drop these charges and disappear. Liz knows one word from her is all the encouragement Robin would need and then she and Bruce could have their lives back, but she doesn’t think that would be right because what if Bruce just goes out and tries to rape some other poor girl?

Bruce is frustrated. He’s hired a private detective to try to track down his accuser since Liz doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere. The PI gives him Robin’s name and some pictures of her moving into her new house. Robin is definitely the girl he tried to help in the bar, but he doesn’t remember her being an intern at all. Bruce gets drunk and decides he needs answers. He’s got Robin’s address now, so he swerves on over to her house at two in the morning and starts screaming and banging on the door. He manages to put his fist through a window, and then the cops show up and arrest him. Idiot.

I’m starting to suspect (hope) there’s an evil Bruce twin.

Quotes:

“Lila, calm down.” Jessica reached out to touch her friend on the shoulder and gave her a patronizing look that Lila couldn’t stand.

Jessica must have learned shoulder-patting from Liz somewhere along the way.

“Do you want her to grow up to be spoiled and entitled like Jessica?” This, of course, was Steven’s greatest fear.

I totally understand. I would be horrified if I had a kid like Jessica.

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Comments
  • Megan July 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Who the hell is this weirdo friend of Caroline’s?? Listened to them having sex?? That is just…ew. No. God.

    [Reply]

  • Kim July 16, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    OOOOOOOOOOOO, Todd throws his napkin, eh? I guess he didn’t like the results of Jessica’s “fuck mission.”

    [Reply]

  • Pam July 16, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    Just wondering… Is Jessica still a size six even though she already has a baby?

    [Reply]

  • Maria July 17, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    Are these books only available online? if yes where can I find them?

    Does Jess love her son and is she actually a good mum?
    If she thinks about her career, she gets that from her parents.

    Does Steven do anything except hate Jessica, what an awful brother.

    [Reply]

  • Easy Annie July 18, 2012 at 12:22 am

    Is that supposed to be Liz and Bruce on the cover, or Jessica and Todd? I thought Bruce was supposed to have black hair.

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  • Suckie Stackhouse July 18, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    F-ing sweet revamp of the website, dude!

    I’m surprised Liz remembers the date rape attempt. I thought Bruce had done some kind of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind crap on her to make her forget.

    I thought I was the only one who creeped outside of doors to listen to people having dirty, dirty sex. I’m so happy that there’s a fictional character in a shitty book series who does the same thing!

    [Reply]

  • Marilee July 19, 2012 at 12:08 am

    Just discovered your blog after discovering the ebook of the Sweet Valley gang all grown up, saying the F word and drinking. Woohoo! I had so much fun reading through the different book recaps I just called my mom to ask her to bring all my SV books over next time she visits. (Thank god she’s a hoarder, and didn’t donate them)
    Evil Bruce twin? whoa! that would explain it all away, kinda. Can’t wait to read the #3.

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  • Jenna July 28, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    You can buy them on Amazon.

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  • Jace July 31, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Love your blogs-

    “Do you want her to grow up to be spoiled and entitled like Jessica?” This, of course, was Steven’s greatest fear.

    I don’t understand how no one else understands that Jessica is completely nuts in that family.

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  • Dane Youssef August 31, 2013 at 4:56 am

    “Is that supposed to be Liz and Bruce on the cover, or Jessica and Todd? I thought Bruce was supposed to have black hair.” –Easy Annie

    Okayyyyy…. so maybe it’s Todd.

    And with this cover… the damn iris circular frame… you can’t even be entirely sure what the Hell his official hair color is.

    –All Too Easy Himself, Dane Youssef

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  • Gia January 15, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    Don’t forget that Jessica did out him to the world. I’d be bitter too. That is a personal decision that should not be made for you – Not even in Sweet Valley

    [Reply]

  • Kanna-Chan January 30, 2014 at 6:36 am

    Damn, living in the Sweet Valley universe is like living in a soap opera.

    [Reply]

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