Sweet Valley Twins #29: Jessica and the Brat Attack

The Moral of the Story: Just let people throw water balloons at you and save yourself a lot of trouble.

The Big Deal: Sixth grade fair

Synopsis:

Amy Sutton has been looking forward to running a booth at the sixth grade fair, but it turns out she has to baby-sit at Mrs. Sampson’s house instead. Liz says she doesn’t mind missing the fair so she’ll take Amy’s place. Jessica wants to run the Wheel of Fortune booth, but ends up getting assigned the water balloon throw instead, which is apparently just people throwing water balloons at you. This is no job for a glamorous Unicorn, and she vows to find some way out. Can everyone else see exactly where this is going?

Mrs. Sampson calls to go over some details with Liz, but Jessica answers the phone, which is always trouble. When she finds out the job pays seventy dollars (good lord!) she tells Mrs. Sampson Liz can’t do it, but she’ll be there instead. Mrs. Sampson doesn’t care who the fuck watches her kids, as long as somebody’s there from ten to five on Saturday. Hooray for Sweet Valley parents. Liz is kind of irritated at Jessica taking her job, but doesn’t push the issue. Jessica thinks the job is going to be easy money and it also gets her out of the stupid water balloon throw.

For some reason, when Jessica tells Julie Porter she won’t be able to do the balloon throw, she offers up Liz as a replacement. When Julie asks Liz if she’ll do it, Liz says yes but she’s not happy about it, folks! Ugh, you can’t agree to something and then be pissed about it.

The Sampson kids don’t seem all that bratty to me, but Jessica thinks they’re horrible because they can’t agree on anything to do. Then the boy throws up and the girl breaks into the living room, which is for some reason locked and off limits. The other two kids, who were supposed to be gone all day, show up and Jessica freaks out. She calls Lila’s “new cordless phone.” Get this. Lila has a new cordless phone and she’s brought it to the fair and plugged the base in at the guard house at the park. Everyone thinks it’s the height of technological awesomeness. Anyway, Jessica calls and tries to get Liz to come over and help her, but Liz tells her to clean up her own mess.

Also, Jessica fucks up lunch because she doesn’t know how to work a microwave.

After Jessica calls for about the millionth time, Liz decides it’s finally time to help out. She finds out what Jessica is wearing, then goes home, dresses in identical clothes and heads over to the Sampson house. Jessica gets all the kids outside and tells them she’s going into the kitchen. The kids run inside first and find Liz there. They think Liz is Jessica and that she has super teleporting powers. They play that game until the kids are pretty well convinced Jessica is magical and could turn them into newts if they’re bad. She gets them to clean the living room, and when the Sampson parents come home, they’re just amazed that Jessica was able to take care of all four children all day. They give her eighty dollars and she goes along on her merry way.

Liz is pissed when Jessica tries to tell her parents she handled the kids on her own, and Lila is pissed because she had to take over the water balloon booth when Liz left to go help. So after school on Monday, everyone pelts Jessica with water balloons.

Quotes:

“Well, we have one rule in the Sampson household. And it’s a golden rule, not to be broken under any circumstances. No one goes into the living room.”

What’s the point of having a living room then?

The Cover: Jessica is not wearing purple and her hair looks like crap. What’s up with that?

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Comments
  • Corrie June 18, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    I was so excited when I saw a new entry posted! I have read through every one of your summaries, and your snark is right up my alley. I read SWH pretty hard core in junior high, but I always knew they were cheesy. Your blog has helped me re-live the agony and the brain candy that these books are.

    I do hope you summarize more episodes of the tv show soon; those are my favorite.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Thanks for the reminder, I need to get on the TV show recaps!

    I’m so glad you’re enjoying the snark!

    [Reply]

  • Whallie June 20, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Whoa! I need to read this now just because of the cordless phone part. Awesome! The twin switch is so old at this point and they haven’t entered hs yet. I don’t mind when people who don’t know them well are fooled, but when their own parents and best friends don’t know who’s who then it’s stupid. Also, why is Jess in the tree? Did they mention anything about this?

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I know, I would be so pissed if I was a twin and my own family members couldn’t tell me apart from my sister.

    I don’t remember if Jessica was in the tree in the story. It’s been a little while since I read it.

    [Reply]

  • Noemi June 20, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    I’ve actually never read these books, but your blog makes me want to. Thanks! It’s really funny and completely makes my day!

    And I completely agree. Why on Earth do you have a living room if kids can’t go into it? Isn’t it the point of children to destroy(ahm. . . play in) living rooms? WHY have one?!

    Forgive the rant. I will be back when you next post!

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Welcome to Sweet Valley! Rant all you want, you’re not alone!

    [Reply]

  • Whallie June 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

    I bet the living room that no one can’t enter has plastic on the couches.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I bet it does. If you have a living room you don’t use, might as well have couches you don’t want to sit on.

    [Reply]

  • Noemi June 23, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    I bet!

    [Reply]

  • kylie90210 January 7, 2013 at 2:37 am

    Please keep going! I’ve just read all your SVT ones and I’d love more!

    [Reply]

  • CJ May 27, 2013 at 1:49 am

    Ugh, my aunt had a “family room” and a “living room”. The family room was the room was the room everyone sat in to watch TV. The living room was this stupid room with fancy couches and still had the vacuum lines on the carpet and was always pristine clean and we weren’t allowed to go in it. It was like, only allowed to be used at parties and holidays. WASTE OF A ROOM.

    [Reply]

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