Sweet Valley Twins #17: Boys Against Girls

The Moral of the Story: You’d better be good at sports if you want to change a sexist’s mind about women.

The Big Deal: Field trip to the zoo, Sixth Grade Follies, softball championship

Synopsis:

The twins have a new homeroom teacher, Mr. Davis. The first thing Mr. Davis does is change everyone’s seating. He puts the boys on one side of the room and the girls on the other. Then he changes everyone’s classroom assignments. He puts the girls in charge of “girly” things like feeding the gerbils and cleaning up after class, and the boys get all the cool jobs, like taking messages to the office. The class is taking a field trip to the zoo the next day, and money was collected for everyone to buy lunch there. Instead, Mr. Davis gives the money to the girls so they can buy stuff to make sandwiches. At the zoo, Mr. Davis tells the girls to go get sodas for everyone, and then makes them clean up after everyone has eaten.

More injustices: Mr. Davis gives each group a different poem to read. The boys get an awesome poem about the Revolutionary War, while the girls have to read something stupid about fairies in a garden. When Amy says the poem was silly and asks why they couldn’t have a good poem like the one the boys had, Mr. Davis says he felt the fairy thing was more appropriate for girls.

It’s almost time for the Sixth Grade Follies and Liz was hoping to direct a skit written by Nora. However, Mr. Davis thinks directing is a man’s job and he doesn’t even glance at Nora’s skit before deciding on Ross Bradley’s dumb thing about apes. The upshot of all this is that the boys are now feeling like they’re superior to the girls. The girls are pissed.

But nobody wants to tell their parents or the principal. They decide to take care of things themselves.

The girls’ big plan is to act as helpless and weak as the boys seem to think they are. So Jessica says she can’t feed the gerbils because they scare her, Ellen can’t water the plants because the watering can is too heavy. You see what I’m saying. But then it’s time for the big softball game (yeah, suddenly there’s a softball championship going on between all the homerooms) and the girls have to act like they can’t play. When his class loses the game, Mr. Davis kicks all the girls off the team.

And still nobody tells an adult.

Principal Clark observes the twins’ homeroom one day to see how Mr. Davis is getting along. The girls are prepared. They pop their gum, talk loudly to each other, act stupid in general. Mr. Davis doesn’t notice because he’s started tuning the girls out entirely. Mr. Clark has to tell him that the girls might not be so bored if they were included in the class discussion. Mr. Davis replies, “What do you expect from girls?” What a douchecanoe.

New development: the Sweet Valley Town Council has decided to remodel the middle school and the school is getting a committee of students together to contribute ideas. Liz wants on that committee, but she knows the boys will all vote for each other and Mr. Davis would break the tie in their favor. She and Jessica figure if they can get one of the boys to be absent the day the homeroom votes on its committee members, the girls will get voted in, no problem. So they tell Ricky Capaldo they’re going to make sure he wins, and he’s so shy that he decides not to come to school so he can’t be nominated. The plan works! Nora, Amy and Liz are on the committee. Neither the committee nor the remodeling plans are ever mentioned again.

And now it’s time for the Sixth Grade Follies. Mr. Clark tells Mr. Davis his boys did a horrible job and says the girls should have been involved, too. Mr. Davis sort of apologizes to the girls and it looks like things might be turning around, but when Amy asks if they can play in the next softball game, Mr. Davis says girls suck too much at sports to play in such an important game. The girls go to the game and sit in the stands wearing their uniforms. The boys play like crap. Jessica gets a bunch of seventh- and eighth-grade Unicorns to start chanting, “We want the girls!” and Tom McKay, who has finally seen the light, convinces Mr. Davis to let them play.

Naturally, the girls win the game for the whole team, and Mr. Davis sees the error of his ways. He promises things will be different from now on and the whole class celebrates with a pizza party.

Quotes:

“Look, girls. It is important to all of us that we win this game, right? Well, when it comes to athletics, boys are simply better suited than girls. It’s a fact of nature that no one can change. I’m sorry, but maybe you can play next time when it’s less crucial.”

How did this jackhole even get hired?

The Cover: I read this book many times as a kid, and I always hated the cover. Does that guy have the biggest butt you ever saw? If not, he must be standing in the most uncomfortable butt-sticking-out stance possible.

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Comments
  • Sarah September 14, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    Jessica/Liz’s pose on the cover reminds me of Russell Peter’s “somebody gonna get a hurtin” HAHA, stupid cover.

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  • pibetaalpha September 16, 2011 at 1:17 am

    The kid on the cover must be a centaur. 🙂

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    Enid the Penid Reply:

    That is beautiful…because I was thinking the exact same thing!!

    Thank God all that sexism has changed. I mean, the commercials for cleaning products feature men just as much as women…oh no, wait, they don’t. Well, at least in beer/liquor commercials, they show women as bonding with each other at bars instead of semi-retarded sex objects…oh no, wait, they don’t. What about children’s toy ads – nope, the vast majority are aimed at women, because men could give a crap about their children. Truck ads? Nope, can’t think of one featuring a woman (compensation for your size, boys?).

    [Reply]

  • Whallie September 16, 2011 at 10:41 am

    LOL at pibetaalpha’s comment “centaur”. I thought the kid’s lips on the cover are very red compared to Jessica’s/Liz’s. I feel like the guy who painted these covers always did a semi-pro job on the males.

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  • Abby September 16, 2011 at 11:46 am

    Oh, you skipped the best part! When the girls make sandwiches, doesn’t Jessica add a ton of random shit to the one designated for Mr. Davis? And the girls all watch gleefully as he chokes it down?

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    Shannon Reply:

    I did forget that part! Yes, she makes him a super gross sandwich as payback. I can’t believe I forgot to put that in!

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  • Fear Street September 17, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    That’s a luscious bundt cake booty.

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  • Nickey June 20, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    A couple of girls in my class got some of theese books and i really wanted to read this one but a boy took it who can’t even read!!

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  • Alex Kennedy November 2, 2016 at 9:22 am

    I hated this book. I loathed it. It made me so angry. How could a teacher honestly have held those beliefs? “What do you expect from girls?” What a horrible man.

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  • Jessica is Evil May 9, 2017 at 7:33 am

    This is such a stupid book. How did he get his teaching credentials anyway?

    [Reply]

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