Sweet Valley High 1×06: Almost Married







Liz: Okay, it was super fun making out with you. Gotta go now!

Todd: We have GOT to do something about this curfew business.

I know! Why don’t I move in with you while your parents are out of town this weekend?

That would be against the rules, Todd. You know how I feel about rule-breaking.

Do I ever…

Morgan: Dude, I’m totally bummed the Soundgarden concert is sold out.

Lila: I tried all my connections! Wait a minute…I’ll talk to Winston! He always has tickets.

I heard that and I now have a Devious Plan.

Winston, I’m going to buy those tickets from you and take Morgan to the concert. Thanks!

Liz: I thought Lila was going to the concert with Morgan!

Jessica: Pssh, whatevs, I’m stealing him.

Liz: That bitch! Even though she does something like this every day, I’m completely shocked at her behavior.

Winston: What do you think of my O face?







Get out of here, Todd. Hi, Morgan! I heard Lila got tickets to see Swan Lake on Sunday. Awesome!







Swan Lake is ballet! That’s for girls!

Oh, just tell her you can’t go because you’re going to Soundgarden with me!

Alone at last!

Jessica: Oh, hey, Todd. Nice underwear that’s for some reason sitting here on the couch.

Liz: Jessica, please don’t tell Mom about Todd staying here. It’s no big deal! He’s just sleeping on the couch!

Jessica: Oh, I won’t tell…

…if you give me the credit card and let me throw a party tomorrow night.

I wish I could say no to you, but I just…can’t.






And now it’s time for a montage. A shopping-like-we’re-married montage.







Surprise! I made dinner!

This is disgusting. I can’t eat this shit.

Well, la-di-da. Maybe we should just watch television instead.

Liz: Great! Let’s watch this boring old romance movie.

Todd: Uh, no. Let’s watch basketball instead.

Todd: Woo! Yeah! Basketball! Lakers! Woo!

Liz: Pay attention to me! Look at me!

He doesn’t even notice that I’m stomping away in a huff!

I love my basketball so much I have to take it with me to get a drink in the middle of the night.

Liz: I sensed someone was doing something unmannerly. Use a cup, please.

Lila: Big party at the Wakefield house tonight!

Todd: I can’t find the sports section! Liz, what did you do with it?

Liz: I threw it away.


We don’t have time for this, children. We have a party to get ready for!

Like my two hundred dollar dress?

Party! Woo!

Lila: I know this is a few more people than you wanted, but you stole my man so I hate you.

Jessica: Yeah, whatever.

Liz: Who are all these people? Get rid of them!

Liz: This weekend sucks!

Todd: Gee, thanks! Guess I’ll go home!

Would you two shut up? You’re going to ruin the party!

Hey, guys! Look! I’m about to do something wacky!







Oh, no! I’m knocking everybody down!

My dress!

Look what you’ve done now, Todd!

Todd, you’ve treated me like crap all weekend!

Jessica: Look at my dress! This is all your fault, Liz. The store will never take it back now!

Liz: What are we going to do?

Todd: We’ll figure it out, darling. This is all our fault.

Todd: Let’s just do what Jessica would do!

You guys! I can’t find my concert tickets!

That’s ’cause we sold them. I had to pay off the credit card bill somehow!







What do you want, Lila?

I just wanted to thank Liz for selling me these Soundgarden tickets.

Morgan: Hey, Jessica, thanks for the tickets! Too bad you got sick.

We got you!

Oh, don’t worry, Jess, you can still go to the concert…

…with Winston!

I hate you guys.

  • Kathryn April 20, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Hehehe! Love the recap style. Oh, you wacky faced teens.


  • Sarah April 20, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Oh my God — I cannot believe how horribly they dressed the character of Elizabeth. What is with that white sweater? And don’t even get me started on the vest.

    How did I never notice her horrible wardrobe back when I used to watch this show? Sheesh!

    I know Liz is supposed to be conservative and all, but that’s just ugly!


    Elisabet Reply:

    apparently conservative equals ugly.


    Sonnie Reply:

    Yeah, totally. I never understood why she was considered popular. Liz dresses like a geek and all of her friends are losers. You can’t be popular by popular students when you think they’re a bunch of egotistical airheads and never speak to them and they know it. I never understood this. And she gets all of the hot guys too!

    In real life Liz would be made fun of for her clothing and shoved into lockers by popular kids like Lila and Cara. They wouldn’t have been nice to her just because they’re friends with her twin sis and bro.


  • megan s. April 20, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    I love all the facial expressions! especially Winstons O face! hahaha. <3 it!!


  • Pam April 21, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    Amazing recap.


  • April April 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

    great recap!


  • Keri April 22, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    I totally watched an old Buffy episode awhile ago and recognized the actor who plays Todd playing a random character…it was pretty much the highlight of my day (I think this means that I need a hobby).


  • Meredith April 22, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Did anyone else notice that the kitchen did not have spanish tiles?!?


    Claire Reply:

    Yes and also what’s up with the pink couches?? Isn’t Alice Wakefield an interior designer? I always pictured the Wakefield house to look much better than that…


  • Claire April 22, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Hahahaha awesome!


  • Heather April 23, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    You are hilarious! I just love your site. I’m going to link it up from mine.


  • Sonnie April 25, 2011 at 9:25 am

    The “married montage” song in this one was always my favorite, “we’re on our own”.


  • SnarkSquad April 28, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Liz gives some pretty epic crazy face. I recently started recapping SVH books, and this has just made me so, so excited to rewatch the series.


  • Sonnie April 28, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    Todd has a hot body with a great head of hair. My HS boyfriends never looked like that. Liz is so stupid for never wanting to tap that or even an attempt tap. Now now she messed up big time, cuz Jess is married to him and tapping him whenever she’s bored. lol


  • Esti July 5, 2011 at 6:51 am

    I read the Sweet Valley Books a gazillion years ago, and now that I’m reading your blog, I’m realising how LAME it is! lol…
    Love this blog!


  • Tom July 27, 2011 at 4:29 am

    I can sort of half remember watching this in the early nineties but I was too young to remember anything from it other than it was a bit like power rangers except they didn’t turn into power rangers – this blog is amazing and I’m loving it.


  • Dane Youssef February 4, 2013 at 3:26 am

    Wow… and we all thought “Saved By The Bell” and “Full House” was bad… An embarrassment from our youth to go back and look at…

    It’s no surprise whatsoever that out of everyone to run through this thing… only Brittany Daniel went on to have a real career in acting after this dregs finally, finally, MERCIFULLY went off the air. Rightfully died now and forever…

    Oh wait, that’s not fair… Ryan James Bittle has had quite a lucrative career. He’s still working in high-profile stuff to this day. His run in the biz has been quite prolific.

    Oh wait again… I think the guy who played Devon Whitelaw in the TV series is still working on Broadway doing musicals and even has his own theater company.

    Go figure, huh?

    Actors are only as good as the circumstances they fall into. And with a show this bad… and once child actors aren’t cute anymore… and when they’re immortalized into one gimmicky role in their childhood…

    Sigh… Very, very tragic…

    –Dane Youssef


  • Anonymous August 5, 2013 at 8:27 am

    These kids aren’t allowed to like Soundgarden. They’re not cool enough. Except Lila, of course.


  • Dane Youssef September 18, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    Please, Shannon… Tear the whole damn series apart like this… Get help if you need it. Yeah, like you would…

    I’ll help too, anyway.

    I think we all just have to, don’t we?


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