Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later

This is it, folks. The day we’ve all been waiting for. The day we find out exactly why Elizabeth Wakefield left Sweet Valley and why she cries when she orgasms. There are obviously spoilers here, so don’t read any further if you don’t want to know the whole story.

Y’all ready for this?

Here we go!

Elizabeth Wakefield has left Sweet Valley and is now living in New York City, working for a crappy online magazine that nobody’s ever heard of. When our story opens, Liz and her boss, David Stephenson, are returning to Liz’s apartment after grabbing a post-workday dinner. Liz thinks David is handsome enough, but she doesn’t really want to sleep with him because he made her leave the tip at the restaurant. Get over yourself, Liz, it wasn’t even a date. The phone is ringing when they come in, but Liz lets the machine pick it up. It’s Jessica, begging Liz to talk to her.

Liz ignores Jessica and gives David a glass of wine. He asks whose voice that was on the answering machine and marvels at how much it sounded like Liz. Liz considers sleeping with him to get him to stop asking questions, but in the end the tip thing just bothers her too much and she tells him she’s tired and kicks him out. Once he’s gone, she curls up on her couch and feels sorry for herself.

FLASHBACK! We’re suddenly treated to a present-tense-first-person account of the day Todd Wilkins asked Jessica out back in high school. It’s kind of weird.

PRESENT DAY Back in Sweet Valley, Jessica is whining to Todd about Liz not answering any of her calls, texts, emails or Facebook friend requests. There’s kind of a lot of nonsense, but I gather that Liz and Todd were engaged at some point and Jessica slept with Todd. Then there’s another weird first-person-present-tense passage. It’s the exact same scene from before, this time from Jessica’s point of view. Anyway, Todd and Jessica are now living together and are going to be married in four weeks. Todd writes a successful sports column and the two of them spend most of their time trying to avoid the judgmental stares of their friends.

Todd and Jessica go to a party at Lila’s house, and we learn the latest about all our old faves:

  • Lila and Ken Matthews are in the middle of getting a divorce, but Ken is apparently still at the house most of the time. Ken is a successful NFL star. Lila doesn’t work, of course.
  • Caroline Pearce is a successful real estate broker and a cancer survivor. She’s still a big gossipmonger.
  • Jeffrey French is a successful dentist and is married to someone whose name Jessica can’t remember.
  • Enid Rollins and A. J. Morgan are having an affair or something and it’s bad for their image, but I don’t know why.
  • Robin Wilson is a successful caterer and restaurant critic, but somehow manages to keep herself slim.

You’ll notice that with the exception of A. J. and Enid, everyone’s life has the word successful in it. Sweet Valley is magic.

Everyone seems surprised to see Toddica, but Caroline is the only one who actually dares to ask about Elizabeth. Instead of answering, Jessica tells Caroline what a nosy bitch she is. Then she turns on Lila and hollers at her for inviting her to a party Caroline was going to attend, accusing her of wanting her there only for the drama.

All of Jessica’s chapters are like so infused with instances of like and so and they so make me want to like stab my eyes out.

Meanwhile, Liz goes to some crappy theater to interview William Connolly, a playwright who is currently auditioning actors for his debut play. He acts like a jackass and hardly even looks at Liz, but when he finally does, Liz freaks out a little because he looks exactly like Todd. Sigh. Of course he does. His resemblance to Todd throws Liz down memory lane and she thinks about a time in college when she was sick and made Jessica go to a party with Todd. As far as she knows, it’s the only time they spent any time alone. I guess that whole thing after the prom doesn’t count. And, of course, Liz doesn’t know about the other stuff.

Coincidentally, Todd and Jessica are also thinking of that party in college and…

FLASHBACK – COLLEGE, SENIOR YEAR Jessica doesn’t really want to go to the party, but Todd is the guest of honor and Liz really wants him to go. Neither Todd nor Jessica has any fun at first, but people keep assuming Jessica is Liz so she and Todd pretend to be a couple and have a good time tricking people. When they get in the car to leave, they apparently forget they were just pretending and they start making out like crazy. They eventually end up at the apartment Todd and Winston share. Winston isn’t home, so Todd goes ahead and has sex with his girlfriend’s twin sister. God, what a fucked up piece of fuck this guy is. Jessica’s wrong too, of course, but if I’ve accomplished nothing else with this blog, I know I’ve at least established that Jessica is insane.

For the next month, Todd and Jessica meet every day at a diner nobody they know ever goes to. They don’t have sex again, but it’s still an affair. The guilt finally gets to be too much for Jessica and she breaks it off.

PRESENT DAY Elizabeth runs into Will Connolly at the bar across the street from the theater. They both get a little tipsy and end up talking. Will isn’t really the jerkface he’s made himself out to be, and Liz thinks it’s okay to like him because his eyes are blue and not brown like Todd’s. They introduce themselves to the gorgeous Irish bartender (Liz mentions that her cheating twin would go crazy for him) and then Will invites Liz back to his apartment. They make out for a minute.

Liz’s mother calls that night and tells Liz she’d like her to come home for her grandmother’s eightieth birthday party. (She would also like Liz to come to Jessica’s wedding because she’s a fucking idiot.) Liz tells her there’s no way in hell she’s going to sit through a dinner with Todd and Jessica. Then she gets to thinking that it would really show those bastards if she came home with a new man. She calls Will and asks him if he wants to go. He says he can’t get away, but jokingly suggests Liz take Liam the bartender and try to make Jessica fall in love with him. Liz doesn’t take it as a joke.

FLASHBACK – EIGHT MONTHS AGO Jessica has married some guy named Regan and they’ve been traveling the world. It’s been about six months since the wedding, and that means it’s about time for Jessica to move on. Not one to waste time, she decides she has to leave Regan immediately. She’s in France, but she calls Liz, who tells her to just come home and stay with her. Todd isn’t super happy about this, but he agrees to be civil.

In this flashback, we learn that brother Steven married Cara Walker, but he apparently has frequent affairs and at this moment might be involved with Lila. What a tool. We also learn that nobody likes Winston anymore because he “changed radically” after making a bunch of money.

PRESENT DAY Liz goes to the bar and insinuates herself into Liam’s life. They hit it off after Liz finds out Liam’s parents live in L.A. and he owes them a visit soon. After about five minutes of friendship, Liam agrees to schedule his visit so it coincides with Liz’s grandmother’s party and he can be her date.

Jessica goes out for a friendly drink with one of her coworkers and wonders if she should hook up with this guy instead of Todd and then she could have Elizabeth back in her life. But alas, her love for Todd is too strong to be denied. Then she thinks about when she came back from France and lived with Todd and Liz for a while.

FLASHBACK – EIGHT MONTHS AGO Todd is working from home and the house is beginning to seem very small. Jessica and Todd try to avoid each other, but he gets on her nerves one day and she goes to the beach. That’s where she sees her brother in a loving embrace with…Aaron Dallas. Yep, Aaron is gay now and so is Steven. Steve asks Jessica not to tell anyone, but she thinks she’ll be doing him a favor if she tells Cara. Oh, Jessica. This is why you’re the bad twin. Well, this and the whole stealing-your-sister’s-fiancé thing.

PRESENT DAY Liz has lunch with Will and tells him she’ll be taking Liam with her to Sweet Valley. Will was only joking when he suggested getting Liam to seduce Jessica and he does not approve. Liz, who has been telling herself that she’s only bringing Liam home so she’ll have some company, gets defensive and actually says, “fuck you,” and storms out of the pub. Nice. She talks to Bruce Patman on the phone (they’re best friends now) and tells him she’ll be bringing a friend home for her grandmother’s party. Bruce gets a little weird. Liz is irritated and Bruce hangs up on her. Then we get to spend some time in Bruce’s head. And wouldn’t you know it? He’s in love with Liz!

FLASHBACK – EIGHT MONTHS AGO Bruce and Liz became friends a few years ago when Bruce’s parents were in a car accident. Liz came to the hospital every day for moral support. (Both Patman parents wound up dying.) Bruce has always known about Todd and Jessica’s affair in college (he saw them together at the diner), but he didn’t want to tell Liz because it would hurt her. But now that Jessica is staying with Todd and Liz, and Liz wants to set a wedding date, Bruce thinks it might be time to clue her in. He takes Liz out for pizza (I believe the pizza place used to be the Dairi Burger, but now it’s called Napkin) and tries to get up the courage to break her heart, but just then Ken Matthews comes running in to tell them that Winston is dead.

What the frak?

Meanwhile, Steven goes to Liz’s house to yell at Jessica for outing him to Cara. He calls her a selfish bitch and then leaves. Jessica starts crying and Todd hugs her to comfort her, and OF COURSE they start kissing. That’s when Liz comes home, crying about Winston. Todd and Jessica manage to cover up pretty well and Liz doesn’t notice anything is amiss, but Bruce is giving them the hairy eyeball.

PRESENT DAY Liz flies into LAX, where she’ll meet Liam. She’s going to change at the airport and drive directly to the club for the party. On the flight, she remembers – FLASHBACK! Winston’s funeral. Winston got super drunk and fell off his balcony. People are sad, but Winston had turned into such a total misogynistic jackass that most people are mourning the kid he used to be. Jessica starts looking at Liz intensely and yapping about forgiveness and junk. Liz thinks it’s weird, but figures it’s just funeral stuff.

PRESENT DAY Jessica is getting ready for “Grandmommy’s” party (ugh, grandmommy?) and thinks about the day Liz found out about her and Todd.

FLASHBACK Which is totally lame. Jessica’s husband shows up, I guess to talk to her, but she’s afraid of him so she asks Todd to be in the room. Regan walks in and immediately accuses Jessica of sleeping with Todd. I don’t know why. Words are exchanged and the boys start scufflin’. Liz comes home and breaks up their fight. Regan yells at her and says there’s something going on behind her back, and then he leaves. Liz asks Toddica what Regan was talking about and Jessica says he’s just crazy jealous, which seems reasonable. But Liz has one of those moments where she suddenly realizes how blind she’s been. She calls them cheating liars and storms out.

And that’s it, that’s how she found out. Maybe I’m sick in the head, but I was really kind of hoping she’d find them in bed together or something. Something more exciting than a “sudden realization”.

PRESENT DAY Dinner at the country club seems like it might be okay at first. The twins manage to ignore each other for the most part, but Liz is a little irritated that Liam seems completely smitten with Jessica. She was supposed to fall for him, not the other way around. He hangs on her all night, which pisses Todd off. Liz can’t help but smirk when Toddica start arguing, and the smirk gets Jessica going. Pretty soon, Liz is yelling at Todd, Steven is yelling at Jessica, Bruce and Aaron are telling people to shut up, and Alice is trying to keep everyone from killing each other. She yells at Ned to “bring out the fucking cake.” Grandmommy Robertson is the only one not yelling. When Liz leaves to go back to New York, Todd and Jessica aren’t speaking to each other, and Liz is pissed at Liam for flirting with Jessica so much.

Liz still has to interview Will for her job, and she can tell he wants to apologize for accusing her of being crazy for revenge. She doesn’t want him to do that because then she’ll have to say he was right. So she does the interview and then goes back to his place and has sex with him. I’m not sure why she feels like she always has to have sex with a guy to make him shut up.

She gets home from Will’s to find Jessica asleep outside her apartment door. Jessica says she’s left Todd and wants Liz’s forgiveness. It only takes about thirty seconds of Jessica crying for Liz to forgive her. And just like that, they’re talking everything through. Liz, who only needed to find a new man to realize she really doesn’t love Todd anymore, tells Jessica to go back to Todd. Jessica leaves the next morning and Todd is waiting for her outside Liz’s apartment building. He gives her a big hug and they go home to Sweet Valley. Liz meets Will later and tells him everything. He still thinks she’s the bee’s knees and they go back to Liz’s.

Will and Liz become friends with benefits, and things are going really well. Her article comes out and she gets another job offer from a magazine. By the time Will’s play opens, Liz has decided she’s not in love with Will, but they have a really good friendship. On opening night, Will’s parents show up with the fiancé Will left behind when he came to New York to be a famous playwright. It’s clear to Liz that Will and Wendy love each other. She’s happy for them.

When Liz goes home for Jessica’s wedding, Bruce tells Liz he’s selling his house and moving to New York because he’s in love with someone who lives there. Liz is an idiot and Bruce has to spell it out for her that Liz is the one he loves. They go up to Bruce’s bedroom where they get naked and we learn that Liz has “taut nipples.”

EPILOGUE: FOR ALL SWEET VALLEY FANS OF OLD

Everyone in the world shows up to Jessica’s wedding, and Francine gives us a little bio of what’s been going on with all our old friends…

  • Bill Chase – Lost his right leg to a shark during a triathlon three years ago. Now teaches surfing to handicapped teens. Married someone named Lianne Kane.
  • Roger Collins – Mr. Collins has quit teaching and is a successful writer. His son is now nineteen and named Sam (pretty sure he used to be named Teddy).
  • Jeffrey French – Lila’s date for the wedding. Now Francine tells us he’s single, even though Jessica talked to his wife in the second chapter.
  • Dee Dee Gordon – Working as an artist
  • Charlie Markus – Married Annie Whitman. He writes for a car magazine but wants to be a novelist. He is referred to as the boy who “saved” Annie, but I think Francine has confused him with Ricky Capaldo.
  • Betsy Martin – An alcoholic who sleeps around. I guess art school wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
  • A. J. Morgan – Sells shoes at the Nike store in the mall.
  • Roger Barrett Patman – A successful Hollywood producer. He married Zoe Jones, a rock star.
  • Caroline Pearce – Caroline’s cancer is in remission these days. She puts out a gossip blog six days a week.
  • Enid Rollins – Enid is a successful gynecologist, but she’s arrogant and extremely right-wing. She plans to run for city council, and that’s why she wants to keep her relationship with A. J. a secret. She doesn’t think a shoe salesman is an appropriate partner for someone as important as she is.
  • Nicky Shepard – I don’t know why we care about this guy since he was really only important in one book, but Francine tells us he hit rock bottom two years ago and is now living in Utah, teaching at an AA center.
  • Cara Walker – She and Steven are now divorced, but she still remains friendly with Ned and Alice.
  • Annie Whitman – Annie is a lawyer in San Francisco. She and Charlie have a two-year-old boy.
  • Robin Wilson – Catered Jessica’s wedding. She’s also senior editor of Bon Appétit.
  • George Warren – A representative for a Silicon Valley company. Lives in England.

We get a rundown of some dead folks. Winston, Regina and Tricia are mentioned, but strangely, Olivia Davidson is not. Maybe because of her zombie appearance in SVU. Surprisingly, Suzanne Devlin is among the dead. We’re told she returned to Sweet Valley six years after the Mr. Collins scandal, but she had multiple sclerosis and crashed her car after taking her medication with champagne. Wait, I thought she just had mono. I’m confused.

And now the Wakefields…

  • Ned Wakefield – Still a successful lawyer. He’s so awesome that even the mayor came to the wedding.
  • Alice Wakefield – Now has her own interior design company. It is, of course, successful. Alice was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago, but she had a lumpectomy and some radiation and is good to go.
  • Steven Wakefield – Steve and Aaron are living together and hoping that someday they’ll be able to get married.
  • Elizabeth Wakefield – Liz was Jessica’s maid of honor. I think that’s gross, but what do I know? She and Bruce are totally in love.
  • Jessica Wakefield – Was fifteen minutes late for her own wedding because, as you know, nothing starts until she gets there.

Quotes:

Unless, of course, she were to arrive, unexpectedly, at her grandmother’s party on the arm of a handsome New York playwright. That certainly wouldn’t be pathetic.

It’s a little pathetic if he looks exactly like the ex-boyfriend you’re so eager to show up.

…its main financial backing had come from Richard Fowler, Lila’s father.

Didn’t his name used to be George?

One time when we were in high school, this lunatic madman came at her with a sledgehammer. I jumped in between them, and I didn’t even have a weapon. All I had was crazy fury and determination to save my sister’s life.

What’s funny is that I thought I would try to give you guys a link to the book this is from and make a snarky comment about it, but the twins escaped death so many times that I don’t know which book to link to.

I’m in my black Porsche convertible, the last vestige of the old Bruce that I can’t give up.

1BRUCE1 is still alive, people!

“I remember once I had this thing with Caroline way back when we were in the seventh grade. She told everyone that I let A. J. Morgan touch my breast.”

That’s so weird, you know, because he didn’t move to Sweet Valley until junior year.

She was twenty-seven years old and this was the first person she’d ever told to go fuck himself. What was wrong with her?

Oh, Liz. You’ve just been suffering from Valleyitis. Folks from the SV don’t say fuck. Except Alice Wakefield, apparently.

The Cover: Is boring. I really do like the endpapers though.

 

The End.

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Comments
  • Megan March 29, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    “They go up to Bruce’s bedroom where they get naked and we learn that Liz has “taut nipples.””

    No. No. NOOOOOO.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I know…

    I know.

    [Reply]

  • Meredith March 29, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    OK, we all know to suspend reality when in the Sweet Valley world, but I am kind of mad about all the editing errors made in this book.

    Yes, they killed Olivia and they brought her back for college, but for some reason I let that go because they were by ghost writers and yes, they’ll make mistakes. But when this is ONE BOOK, you’d think they’d be a little more careful. We non of the editors SVH fans? Did Francine even bother to read any of the previous books?

    I’m on the waiting list for this at my library. So, sh happy to know what to expect. I guess the whole Bruce and Liz thing isn’t so icky when you figure it worked for Luke and Laura on General Hospital. :)

    [Reply]

  • Diana March 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    This…. I have no words. I’m sitting here in disbelief and on the brink of a mad case of giggles.
    Somehow I don’t think reading the book will be as enjoyable as reading your recap of it.
    Thanks!

    [Reply]

  • Meredith March 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    Please ignore my own spelling errors, of course. :)

    [Reply]

  • Casey March 29, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    I almost couldn’t read Jessica’s sections for all the “likes.” It seemed that Francine went back and stuck them in randomly. Because that is clearly how young people talk. My favorite quote was “The prick was a doppelganger for Todd Wilkins.” Of all the unfortunate ways to phrase that sentence…

    [Reply]

    Lucy Silag Reply:

    OMG, me too! It drove me crazy! Where was FP’s copyeditor on this?!?

    [Reply]

  • Liv March 29, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    I marathoned last night to read this book. I didn’t have the patience back in the day to muddle through the ridiculous, crappy soap Sweet Valley was. [Hence, why I loved reading the recaps on your blog so much, as well as 1Bruce1.] The last thing I remember about the last book I could stomach years ago was yelling “Jessica should just screw Todd’s brains out and elope already!”

    So predictable, as was all the “successful” doormats and drama bitches we love so much. Kinda knew Bruce loved Liz when it was said they’re best friends…but does anyone else find it disturbing she loves the guy that tried to rape her? Wait, my bad…it’s Sweet Valley: Where you forgive your sister for causing your manslaugter trial and Ned and Alice are Parents of the Year!

    Lila still PWNS the fucking world. Love!

    [Reply]

  • Lexie C. March 29, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Are we sure one person wrote this? That many inconsistencies in the same book, for the same time period (we’ll ignore the canon logic that never existed in the SVH books, well except that the twins had to be the center of everything) makes me wonder if Pascal was like ‘Ghost Writer 1 you write these chapters with this outline, Ghost Writer 2 write these chapters with this outline, but don’t talk to each other at all. Now leave me to my mojitos while I act like I wrote this all along’

    Then again it wouldn’t be a Sweet Valley book if it made complete sense would it?

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    From what I heard, Francine actually wrote this one herself, and it’s the only one she’s written from cover to cover. She maybe should have let the ghostwriters take care of things.

    [Reply]

    shan h Reply:

    I was just thinking that same thing last week. I have been buying old volumes of SVH and SVU and re-reading them. I started to re-read SV Confidential.
    If Suzanne died-what of? She did have Mono and survived the car crash!
    Also-the whole Winston thing. That really could of been a great storyline. Instead of ‘We don’t like him! No he is dead? He was awful? No!’
    It is like a book with some good ideas and poor memory.

    [Reply]

  • rachierach March 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    It looks horrible…I cannot wait to read it! :)

    [Reply]

  • Fran March 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Yep, sounds totally horrible- and yes, I can’t wait to read it too. By the way I love the look of your site now!

    [Reply]

    Anastasia Reply:

    How old r u??

    [Reply]

  • Lauri March 29, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    I stand behind my comment that the fans could have written something better, but I’m waiting until my copy gets here to make more comments. According to Amazon, my package was checked-in at my local airport at 7:30 last night now I’m waiting ever so patiently for the UPS truck to arrive.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I completely agree. Just check out the amazing work being done at Four Minutes Older.

    I hope your book comes soon!

    [Reply]

    Suzanne Reply:

    Yes! They’re using my favorite SVH cover! Seriously….Liz looks precious.

    [Reply]

  • Hina March 29, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    ARGHHH!!!! FUCKING TODD!! Gets on my nerves sooo much! SO glad that Liz isn’t married to him! She deserves SO much better than that PRICK!

    And YES! 1Bruce1 IS STILL ALIVE! WHOOT! But what about the lime green Triumph!?

    And the fact that Winston died and Olivia wasn’t even mentioned pissed the fuck outta me. Winston got drunk and fell off his balcony!? WHAT THE FUCK! Such a great character did NOT deserve such an awful ending! They were two of my favourite characters. RIP you two! You are loved!

    It makes sense that Enid would turn out that way after being such a bitch in SVU. Fuck you royally, Enid. Fuck you.

    Loved this! Don’t need to waste my money on the book now! :D

    [Reply]

    beej Reply:

    who does todd think he is anyways?in svjh,he became a jerk.in svh,he thought he was the man,having liz and jess fight over him(he’s no diamond),plus he gave into jess’s advances when liz drove drunk,killing jess’s man,among other things.in svhsy,he acted as if liz didn’t exist.in svu,he broke up with her for not sleeping with him,so he fucks her former bff and tries to make her the other woman in the svu diary of elizabeth.and now he’s with jess?

    [Reply]

  • HelenB March 29, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    So… Jessica and Todd deserve each other, I guess! I hope they are miserable together.

    Bruce seems to be the only decent thing to come out of Sweet Valley, HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK.

    Also, those postscripts are a little confusing to me. Steven Wakefield is bi/gay? And Enid isn’t?

    [Reply]

    beej Reply:

    what was the deal with jessica?throughout all the sv books,she claimed elizabeth was too plain yet she was jealous of her.she spiked her twin’s punch,causing her bf his life.she stole todd.got liz into her mess too many times to count and never took responsility for anything.

    better yet,why didn’t ned and alice lock her in her room for a week?

    [Reply]

  • christina March 29, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    So much about this book pisses me off!! Winston dies? Steven is Gay? Todd and Jessica? Liz and Bruce? WTF!?!? I am trying to reread some of the SVH books and now I wonder if I will be able to after reading this book? Half of this book did not even make sense……Obviously after the ghost writers wrote all the books Francine did not bother to read them before she wrote this. How many people all of a sudden have new names? This could maybe have been a passable book if you did not look at it as part of the Sweet Valley series. I read it pretty quickly but it left a bad taste in my mouth.

    [Reply]

  • Jennifer March 29, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    Wow just wow, way to violate my childhood there, Francine. It sounds like your review is more entertaining than the book itself.

    [Reply]

  • Lauri March 29, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    I’m not a fan of 4 minutes older. I can do without all the sex and drugs, but it seems to me that the fans know the canon better than Pascal does.

    [Reply]

  • DivaRose March 29, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Great recap Shannon ~ thanks so much for it! :)
    Anyone know if this is the only book or will they continue it as a series?

    Todd is a complete douche. Cannot stand him! Ugh..if only he was the character they killed off!

    Love the idea of Bruce and Liz together – I like reformed bad boys and Liz with anyone else is so boring. Not so keen on the taunt nipples though..lol.

    [Reply]

  • SarahLynn March 29, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    Best line of the book: Liz and Bruce kissing, “…That had never happened before. Not while she was conscious anyway, but that’s a long story.” Even I (still the Future Mrs. Patman!!! Take that, Liz!!!!) had to laugh at that.

    For some reason, I failed to notice that Jess overuses “like”…possibly because her dialogue was so similar to my own.

    And I love that FP credited somebody in the intro for knowing everything there is to know about Sweet Valley. Obviously, that person was an epic failure.

    [Reply]

    Lelandria Reply:

    When I read that I was like “What about #102 when they kiss in her kitchen? They reference it in The Evil Twin Returns.

    [Reply]

  • Lauren Knott March 29, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    Fuck Todd. And Jessica. Even though Bruce was a douchebag rapist, I liked him, sort of. It sounds like Lila isn’t in this book as much as I hoped. Thanks for the recap. Now I don’t have to bother reading it!

    [Reply]

    beej Reply:

    todd and jessica are full of shit.

    why did jessica still think she was immune to consequence after all these years?it wasn’t bad enough to drag her sister into her mess when they were kids,or to sabotage her or to kiss liz’s bf in svu(creating the spin-off elizabeth),did she really have to be with todd?

    todd is an ass.he treated liz like shit,fell into jess’s plot,and dumped her after not getting into her pants.plus he slept with 3 girls closest to liz: megan in svhsy,enid(alex) in svu,and jess over time.what a duchebag.

    [Reply]

  • Yael March 29, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    I can’t agree more…

    [Reply]

  • rach March 30, 2011 at 12:25 am

    I TOTALLY AGREE!!! I cant even reread my guilty pleasure SVH books (im ahem 27) because now I know that Jessica and Todd end up together that the whole SVH drama was the end of him and Liz even when he did get together with Jess (hello Margo books) that he still loved Liz. BULLSHIT
    Also Steven being Gay? Like WTF? He figured it out when he was like what 30? You think he would know before then right? Not to sound rude but I thought most gay people would know before then (maybe not come out until then) but still???????????????
    What happened to Billie his SVU girlfriend? Was that his first real case of the gays? Cause she had a boys name?
    Also the mo0ment i read about “Richard” Fowler I was like huh? Its George. How can they miss that and the thing with Jeffrey French’s wife and then at the end he is single, and with Lila (which I loved cause she always was after him in SVH).
    I know that this is a made up story but Liz really forgiving jess for the Todd thing. I mean really? Liz’s boyfriend of like 15 years off and on and on and off and marries her twin I mean that is gross and hate for life stuff isnt it?
    I burst into laughter at the doppelganger part I mean come on Todd has never had one before if Liz and Jess have another set of doppelganger twins (nora and margo) and tricia martin had like 10. Then Todd needs one too. Also Aaron Dallas is gay too? What about that Tom Mckay guy couldnt they use him? I mean now my sweet valley twins books are ruined cause he was Jessicas boyfriend throughou that series. That family is fucked. They all inter-makeout and steal each others men and date each others castoffs.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I’m dying laughing at this: “Was that his first real case of the gays?”

    [Reply]

    Mari Reply:

    Me, too. I am literally dying of laughter and giggles. Rach, you truly captured my inner most thoughts of outrage of the inconsistencies! Can you believe the fan readers know every detail inside out and the creators don’t. Uhh, pure disgust!!!

    [Reply]

    beej Reply:

    of all people to make gay,it should’ve been lila.it would’ve explained why she never had a real man.steven being gay was a waste.i wonder how he felt about seeing those guys in the locker room.

    [Reply]

    Lelandria Reply:

    Why’d they have to make Aaron. It was kinda creepy how Steven’s all he is so much younger then me but I “had a connection” to him? And why make Jessica hate Aaron? She was all into him and very Jealous in the Love Bet? And where did the two different colored eyes happen, he always had two of the same in the original story.

    [Reply]

  • rach March 30, 2011 at 12:28 am

    Also I kind of what another one where they have been married for awhile and see what is up. I am not going to lie I would buy it but in that one Liz will be married to Bruce and probably cheating with Todd while Jess is pregnant with his baby. Cause that is the shit that goes down in sunny Sweet Valley

    [Reply]

  • Nayeli March 30, 2011 at 12:37 am

    So….whatever happened to Amy Sutton?

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    EXCELLENT question. I kept waiting for her to show up and she never did!

    [Reply]

  • Jennifer March 30, 2011 at 2:13 am

    Haha, me too. I admit, for a minute in there I thought Jess was already pregnant when they said something about being new parents, but alas, that wasn’t the case. To be honest, I was a bit disapointed, because it wasn’t quite the reunion I was hoping for. After all, maybe if they’d have been a little older, it would have worked better. And let Elizabeth be something, anything!, else than a writer. How cliche was that?

    [Reply]

  • Fraye March 30, 2011 at 6:51 am

    Whoo-hoo, this is so fucking awesome (I’m sarcastic, of course…)!!!! Gosh, too bad Lila didn’t have enough exposure here — she’s my favorite despite being a royal bitch!!! Yep, still a happy ending… meddlesome Liz and sociopathic Jess finally met their, uh, dream guys. I just hope their kids won’t turn out like them. :D

    [Reply]

  • Jenna March 30, 2011 at 6:59 am

    They also described AJ Morgan as a blonde bad boy with long hair. Wait didn’t he have short red hair? And wasn’t he such a good boy type that Jessica thought she needed to act like Elizabeth to attract him?

    Also they kept referring to someone named Jim Regis and I’m sure they meant Jim Sturgiss. I bet someone couldn’t decipher the writing in the Sweet Valley bible…

    [Reply]

    Lelandria Reply:

    I thought the same thing. A.J. was the good boy with red hair that Jess “Lizzified” herself to catch. I was disappointed in his story.

    [Reply]

  • Jenna March 30, 2011 at 7:02 am

    They never mentioned Billie Reed either, the woman Steven almost married in college. They referenced so much else about the college years, including Mike McAllery and Sam Burgess – and even Jess’ gay best friend Neil – that I thought for sure Billie would come up. Its kind of odd Steven married Cara considering she MOVED TO LONDON!

    [Reply]

  • Jenna March 30, 2011 at 7:07 am

    Oh and one more thing that infuriated me was this little tidbit:

    “Elizabeth was dreading the big revelation, but she couldn’t help trying to guess who it was. Maybe it was someone from Sweet Valley. What if it was someone like Lila? Lila was separated, that made her available.
    No way, Elizabeth told herself. That little fling they’d had in college was nothing. According to Bruce it had disappeared without a trace.”

    Um. Lila and Bruce were together for almost the entire SVU series, we never even saw them break up. It was hardly a fling. They were very much in love – in fact, the original Chuck and Blair. Its disrespectful to the fans to dismiss their relationship as nothing but a fling.

    Shame on you, Francine.

    [Reply]

  • Jenna March 30, 2011 at 7:28 am

    “Yes, they killed Olivia and they brought her back for college, but for some reason I let that go because they were by ghost writers and yes, they’ll make mistakes.”

    This was actually not a mistake, at least not on the part of the SVU writers. “Home for Christmas” (the SVU book that Olivia appears in) was actually written and published BEFORE “Earthquake” (the SVH book that Olivia died in). So it was actually the fault of the SVH writers that killed Olivia off. It should’ve been Amy Sutton instead.

    [Reply]

  • winstonegbert March 30, 2011 at 8:42 am

    Shannon! Welcome back! A beautiful, comprehensive recap. I will link you.
    I also noticed the omission of Olivia from the dead – perhaps to avoid stirring up the “but she was in SVU!” snark.
    And @Jenna – agreed, Amy Sutton should totally have died instead. But the person I missed most from this was Nicholas Morrow.

    [Reply]

  • winstonegbert March 30, 2011 at 8:44 am

    I know! They even gave up money for each other. Mind you, I was ok with Bruce and Liz hooking up, I’m liking her new feistiness, and how the Universe has stopped revolving around her.

    [Reply]

  • winstonegbert March 30, 2011 at 8:45 am

    @rach – must admit Aaron turning does take the shine off Jessica’s first kiss… And poor old Billie Winkler didn’t get a look-in, did she?

    [Reply]

    Countess Fowler Reply:

    They should have had die hard fans input when putting this book together!!! I read the SVH, SVU, Unicorns, Twins EVERYTHING…and REALLY unhappy with how certain characters turned out with no prior inclinations of the like such as Steven Wakefield and Aaron.

    [Reply]

    Lelandria Reply:

    Agreed.

    [Reply]

  • Christine March 30, 2011 at 10:16 am

    Great review! I had many of the same problems with it that you did…the likes when it was Jessica’s POV, the secondary characters (especially Lila!) not getting enough “screen time”…I don’t think I could be anything BUT disapointed after all that build up.

    Despite everything and despite the terrible writing…if FP comes out with another one, I’ll buy it! LOL

    [Reply]

  • Jenna March 30, 2011 at 10:36 am

    Me too, but I hope she hires a ghost writer because her writing is terrible. Also, she should hire a fan (me! me!) to fact check her books for continuity. One of us would be tons better than an editor who doesn’t know the series.

    [Reply]

  • Meredith March 30, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Agree!

    [Reply]

  • rachierach March 30, 2011 at 11:11 am

    I bought my copy today and I cannot wait to read it because I know it’s awful. That’s what makes it SO great!

    [Reply]

  • Dee March 30, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    FINALLY after 2 intense weeks of reading, I finished SVH and SVSY last night only to find this gem of a recap!
    Wow, they sure dropped the ball on this one!
    I wanted to gouge out my eyeballs when I read that Jessica and Todd end up together.
    No, actually I wanted to gouge Todd’s eyeballs out.
    Such a build up for everything to apparently not turn out the way anyone expected it too?? Really? No one expected Jessica to steal her sisters fiancee? No one expected Liz and Bruce to eventually sleep together (at least) seeing as how she got amnesia again and forgot he tried to rape her?
    I’m all for gays too, don’t get me wrong. But why is whoever the hell wrote this book (and Im sure it wasn’t just FP) so intent on making as many male characters gay as they can?

    You saved me from reading this book. Or did you? Damn, I’ll probably read it anyways!

    And Shannon, BEST RECAPS EVER!!! My friends and I are so going to use “cunt-corked” bahahahah!

    [Reply]

  • Marissa March 30, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    A few things:

    Everyone knows the person coming out should have been Enid. And she’s a gynocologist! Which is hilar.

    I’m extra annoyed Steven was so mopey about Tricia and every other girl he dated. Dude, you’re gay!!

    Jessica grows up to doing marketing for naturally made beauty products a la Tofu-Glo!! This is great, but Francine randomly includes that she baked the seaweed masks she made famous and ate them. That was such a bizarre inclusion. Couldn’t she have just mentioned LILA more??

    Francine says that Liz had limited dating experience because there was always Todd in the picture, and she was too good-hearted to ever cheat on him. Can we make a makeout chart of all the boys Liz kissed while dating Todd?

    Liz and Bruce have made out tons before. Like when they found out Alice and Hank almost got married.

    Pretty sure they get rid of any character who is a minority. They do mention two other non-white people in the book, one of which is a hispanic boy who works at the country club. The other is a cab drive who smells like a spicy ethnic food that almost makes Liz gag.

    [Reply]

    bayerngirl74 Reply:

    Like. Like, like, like!!! I wish there were a thumbs up button on here, because you completely nailed it.

    [Reply]

    Lelandria Reply:

    Not to mention the fact they said Todd never had a gf before Liz, yet in Heartbreaker #8, he was in love with that girl Patsy until she had to move to Paris.

    [Reply]

  • Jen March 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    “All of Jessica’s chapters are like so infused with instances of like and so and they so make me want to like stab my eyes out.”

    I had the EXACT same thought, complete with eye-stabbing.

    And yes, Mr. Fowler’s name is George. Apparently there are several characters that Francine is confused about.

    [Reply]

  • megan s. March 31, 2011 at 12:21 am

    I also hated the like thing. She never talked that way in the books! so annoying!
    I hated what they did to Winston too! Ugh! :(

    [Reply]

  • SR March 31, 2011 at 1:48 am

    Great recap, Shannon! I wish one of the ghost writers had written this instead of Francine – I know all those continuity errors are going to drive me batty when I read the book myself (I told myself I don’t have to read it now but who am I kidding – I’ve read all the other SV books, I can’t stop now!)

    Jessica & Todd – ugh. I wish Todd had fallen off the balcony instead of Winston!

    [Reply]

  • Saloni March 31, 2011 at 11:13 am

    Oh dear GOD! I can’t believe this is how they all turn out to be.
    I havn’t read all the SVH and SVU books, but plenty to notice the glaring errors that Francine has made. And I was really excited to read the book.
    What the hell, I’ll get my hands on it anyway. And even a sequel if there ever is one.
    It’s just disappointing how she killed off Winston (How could she???) and made Steven turn gay?!? (What the hell happened to Billie? They were engaged, weren’t they? And didn’t she get pregnant and then miscarry and alll that jazz?)
    From what I read here, it seems disappointing, but reading the book is too hard to resist considering the nostalgia it brings with it.

    [Reply]

  • Sara March 31, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Thanks for the re-cap! Sounds like the same crap from SVH and SVU where ghost writers couldn’t keep anything straight. Although now I’m wondering how many of the messups from the past were really on Francine? Unfortunately for me I’ll still buy the book. :( I was a total SVH and SVU junkie even with all the mixups! I just wish someone would start over with SVU and that Liz and Tom would have ended up together.

    [Reply]

    Ellie Reply:

    I agree!! I LOVED Tom Watts! And Francine treated him like a minor, short relationship in the ONE line in which he was mentioned. Their relationship was the crux of SVU! (And Lila and Bruce were really serious, too. And Steven and Billie.) What annoys me is that Francine SAYING something was true doesn’t MAKE it true; who does she think she’s fooling?? Any real fan will know what happened. It’s totally revisionist!

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous March 31, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    Sam Woodruff needs to come back

    [Reply]

    Ellie Reply:

    Oh yeah! Why wasn’t he mentioned among the dead??

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous March 31, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    We should get a petition together and bring back Sam Woodruff

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous March 31, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    Why cant they make Jessica caring and nice for once and not crazy, I’m sure people like that dont really exist

    [Reply]

    Andrea Reply:

    Thank you, because I like Jessica. Jessica did spike her sister’s drink and indirectly her boyfriend’s Sam Woodruff’s cup but Liz had to figure that she was drunk before she decided to drive.

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous March 31, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    I just finished speed reading my way through the book. While it is totally ridiculous and not exactly well-written, I also found it totally hilarious. I actually think Francine was even in on the jokes, for the most part, like there was something sort of self-deprecating about the whole thing. Those epilogues, for example, were so ridiculously over the top, even in comparison to the rest of the book. The line someone else quoted about Bruce and Elizabeth having kissed before, “but that was a long story” also made me laugh. I also really enjoyed Elizabeth when she was filled with rage and calling Jessica a selfish bitch and Todd a shithead in every paragraph.

    The like and so deal in Jessica’s sections was like so annoying. My biggest complaint with it is that Francine didn’t even use the words correctly, so they don’t sound at all natural half the time. For example, “No boyfriend has ever managed to hold me in his sights for like longer than half a term.” If she wanted to throw in a like, it should have been, “for longer than like half a term.”

    The other thing that drove me crazy about this book was basically the main plot. I mean, Jessica and Todd are totally in love with each other after having sex once and an hour of daily conversation for one month five years ago, decide to totally abandon their relationships with all other people (including twin sister) because of this love, and get married one year after they start actually being in a relationship. This is just not normal or rational. Elizabeth’s rage was totally understandable, but her sudden forgiveness at the end really let me down.

    [Reply]

  • brooklynn March 31, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    You should turn this blog into a book, as I am pretty sure it would rival SVH sales :)

    [Reply]

  • Harmony April 1, 2011 at 12:35 am

    I haven’t read the book yet.Did they ever explain when Liz/Todd got back together since they was broken up in SUV when it ended.I also find it funny how everyne ended up with people that went to SVH.lol nobody ended up eith there college boyfriend or girlfriends and I can’t for the life of e understand whats so great about Todd that hes worth fighting over lol

    [Reply]

    Lelandria Reply:

    I think both girls should have ended up with non SVH bfs/husbands.

    [Reply]

  • The World of Sweet Valley April 1, 2011 at 1:34 am

    Steven is gay? Reall? Like is stupid have they forgotten all about his undying love for Tricia Martin. And Bruce and Liz being in love is just stupid when he tried to rape her! Also no updates on Amy Sutton! And don’t even get me started on my hatred for Todd he comes second after my hate for Liz and he has always been scum. As for Jessica well shes just being Jessica. Not impressed with this book at all. Francine’s first attempt at writing a book for her series has failed miserably. I hope they do better with the rumored movie.

    [Reply]

  • [...] Shannon Sweet Valley , the Sweet Valley guru who punches out those recaps like no other, has her [...]

  • Meredith April 1, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Interesting: http://crushable.com/entertainment/5-surprising-facts-about-sweet-valley-high/

    I’m still going to call Lila Lye-La, not Lee-La.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    What?! I’ve always called her Lye-la too!

    [Reply]

    Ellie Reply:

    I know, this is ridiculous, considering that its spelling would phonetically be pronounced Lye-la AND it was Lye-la on the TV show. I’m going to go ahead and stick with Lye-la. Oh and I’m choosing not to treat any of this new book as canon (since the book itself only picks and chooses re: what counts as canon and isn’t even internally consistent).

    [Reply]

    Erin Reply:

    I went to the book signing on Thursday, and Francine pronounced it “Lye-la.” :)

    [Reply]

    bayerngirl74 Reply:

    I think that may have been the worst blog/article ever written about SVH. It hurt to read it!! I wonder if the person who wrote it ever read any of the SV books…

    [Reply]

    Lelandria Reply:

    Obviously they didn’t if they didn’t know Jonathan was a vampire.

    [Reply]

  • Harmony April 1, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    Oh and I totally love how everyone in this book sounds like total sluts lol.Stevens cheating on his wife with his lover,Liz is having friends with benefits sex like with that Will dude.Lila is cheating on Ken all the time.Did the writers forget Enid changed her name to Alex when they went to college why did she change it back lol.Also weird we learned about AJ and Jeffrey.THey werent even a big part of the book after the twins dumped them I refuse to count SVSY lol

    [Reply]

  • Kaitlyn April 2, 2011 at 12:12 am

    I was wondering why Francine didn’t bother to even mention him. He was a pretty major character. At least, more so than Nicky Shepherd.

    [Reply]

    Lelandria Reply:

    Yeah what was up with Shepherd, he was in one book then thrown in the SVH “Forgotten Characters” Pit.

    [Reply]

  • Harmony April 2, 2011 at 12:27 am

    I didn’t even remeber who Nicky Shepard was he must of not been that memorable lol.weird how he was mentioned but not Amy who had a major part in the books.

    [Reply]

  • Jenn April 2, 2011 at 3:17 am

    I cannot even begin to explain how much I HATED this book. I slammed it down so hard at one point that I scared everyone in the room LOL. Steven being gay, Lila being a bitch (and not a funny one either), everyone from SVH making an appearance but no one from SVU, Liz with Bruce…it was just too much for me.

    [Reply]

  • Harmony April 2, 2011 at 8:38 am

    Was anybody from SVU even mentioned?

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    A few references were made. Mike McAllery, Jessica’s gay roommate…but nothing about Billie, nothing about Bruce and Lila being together.

    [Reply]

    Jenn Reply:

    Oh, Liz said Tom and Sam were infatuations. Though Tom was her boyfriend for over half the series and Sam was her obsession for the rest of the books.

    [Reply]

  • Kate April 2, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    LOL. Much of this book is terrible, but I am vindicated that Jeffrey French got a normal life. He was always my favorite, and it makes me happy to think that he is happy with someone else, while the twins are pretty miserable for most of the book.

    It honestly doesn’t surprise me that Aaron turned out to be gay. He was very ~emotional~ about Jeffrey. I’m just surprised he hooked up with Steven instead of Jeffrey.

    [Reply]

  • Kaitlyn April 3, 2011 at 1:25 am

    I was really excited about this book, and felt let down almost immediately. I can’t believe she turned Winston into a jerk and then killed him :( he was always one of my favorites. And Todd and Jessica together just doesn’t make any sense to me at all.

    [Reply]

  • libby April 3, 2011 at 2:29 am

    taut means drawn tight or pulled tight or stretched tight, right? Tight nipples? WTF does that mean? Am I stupid? Is taut even right? Somebody must have edited francine’s draft.

    [Reply]

  • Harmony April 3, 2011 at 8:39 am

    Jess/Todd seems so weird to me and not because he used to date her sister.If Francine Pascal decides to write any more of these books I hope shes not going to have either of Jess or Liz get pregnant and have twins lol.

    [Reply]

  • Saloni April 4, 2011 at 6:20 am

    Also, I’d have loved to hear about Maria Slater. I really liked her and missed having her around in the SVU series.

    [Reply]

  • rachierach April 4, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    Excuse me? No way. Nooooo way. Her name is Lye-la. There is NO way it’s Lee-luh, at least not in my mind. How can FP do that to us?

    [Reply]

  • Harmony April 4, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    I just browsed through the book well I read the last few chapters.It seemed like the same exact scenes where playing in the flashbacks but with differnt POVs.THat was really annoying and whats up with Francine pascal acting like these college realtionships where nothing.Billie wasn’t even mentioned.Bruce and lily was a fling and Liz and Tom was an infatution even though they dating most of freshmen year.So stupid.

    [Reply]

  • Erin April 4, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Hey, Shannon…couldn’t wait to check your site for a recap when I finished the book. As always, you did not disappoint. I completely agree with whoever said that you should be making money off this blog…you’re amazing! The overuse of “like” and “so” was completely nauseating, and I was so annoyed that George Fowler became Richard Fowler that I actually started complaining out loud to my husband, who honestly couldn’t give two shits, but humors me anyway. :)
    Did anyone notice the little blurb about Mr. Collins hooking up with one of his students?? “…his latest effort is a memoir called Lies, about his teaching experiences.” “…has lived with the same woman for the last eight years. He met her when she was a senior at Sweet Valley High, though not in his class.” Ha!! You know he gave Liz a little wink and said, “That could have been you, Liz. That could have been you.” For all the nonsense in this book that pissed me off, I was proud of Francine for finally realizing how inappropriate ol’ Robert Redford Collins always was.

    [Reply]

    Countess Fowler Reply:

    I kinda of thought that too!! lol

    [Reply]

    Lelandria Reply:

    What was weird is he “quits” after the accusation. So I guess the Roger Collins in books 12-on was really a guy who had the same name, personality, and just looked like him?

    [Reply]

  • Harmony April 4, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    I can’t believe how many mistakes that FRancine Pascal made with the characters like Lila’s fathers name.Jeffery being married in one chapter.then being single in the last chapter.Enid and liz being friends since grade school.Enid didn’t move to sweet valley until 10th grade.Also the name of mr.Collins son.I know theres more but geez you would think she would look up the characters she created.

    [Reply]

  • Becky April 4, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    I’ve been reading these recaps for awhile now(they are hilarious!), and I had to comment. I know it’s been established that Ned and Alice are really crappy parents, but seriously? What is wrong with them that they would be happy to have Todd as a son-in-law?? I find this very disturbing.

    [Reply]

  • Darren April 6, 2011 at 12:07 am

    I think this book was ‘rushed’. They called Lila’s father ‘Richard’, his name is George. How could Steven/Cara get back together if Cara was in London? The part of Steven/Aaron, that’s something from Dynasty, I’m surprised they don’t have Ned Wakefield with John Forstythe’s hair! Then how did Jessica/Todd come out of all this married and how did Elizabeth/Bruce get together? I thought it was funny in the midst of the fight that Alice tells Ned to ‘bring out the fucking cake!’ I assume PRince Albert still ran away I guess. I find it puzzling Marjorie Robertson is still living, and she’s called ‘grandmommy?” THat’s freaky itself! They wanted to push somebody, I’d almost have Amanda Watson still living! How can Jeffrey French be married in one sequence and then not married? ALso on Suzanne, HUGE ERROR! fiRST OFF, Suzanne did not come back 6 years later, it was more like 9 months later if she came in the spring, and came back between CHapters 24/25, and SHE did crash a car, BUT SHE DIDN”T DIE! That’s such a HUGE error in the timeline! Makes me think Francine Pascal is watching Smallville’s current season that had a ‘Lional Luthor’ from an alternate Earth coming back for this is clearly not the Sweet Valley I know. Yeah, and they erred on Mr. Collins’ son and then the guy marrying ANnie Whitman…who’s Charlie Markus? If that’s Cara Walker’s younger brother, why would he take up Markus if he was living with his father? ALso, how can they say Collins’ teaching career was jeopardize by Suzanne when the matter was forcibly cleared up as SUzanne had to tell she made up the accusation and nobody on the board gave 2 shits afterwards? Good grief, I couldn’t be anymore disappointed after the NCAA Butler/UConn matchup. I wouldn’t give the book more then 2 stars, some parts are interesting, but still too confusing and full of errors.

    [Reply]

  • Darren April 6, 2011 at 12:09 am

    Good point, even I recognized Enid came to the area by 10th grade. It’s amazing how the author clearly didn’t remember key parts in the story and seemed to grasp at straws or made wild guesses.

    [Reply]

  • saucytemptress April 6, 2011 at 12:25 am

    Aww, thanks for the love!

    In other news, I just finished reading SV Confidential so I could finally check out your recap and be among my people who are also wondering WTF Francine is smoking. I can’t even form a coherent thought right now about how much this isn’t my Sweet Valley.

    [Reply]

  • [...] reviews: Shannon’s Sweet Valley High Blog EW.com Forever Young [...]

  • Harmony April 6, 2011 at 10:38 am

    anyone find it weird that none of these people have kids.Heck when I graduated high school there were some kids in my class who already had kids.Yet hardly anyody in sweet valley has kids I guess they use good birth control lol

    [Reply]

    saucytemptress Reply:

    Good birth control for real. I was kind of shocked Liz and B.Pattz didn’t wrap it up, because you KNOW he has the herps.

    [Reply]

    DivaRose Reply:

    i don’t know..with Liz sleeping around with randoms during her time in new york – i think she’s most likely to be carrying something. Besides Bruce wouldn’t risk it – he wouldn’t be the type wanting mini Bruce running around

    [Reply]

    Harmony Reply:

    LOL its kinda of ironic how liz went from being a fridgid bitch to being a total slut who would have sex with guys just to get them to shut up lol.JUst imagine all the sex she could have had in high school.lol

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous April 7, 2011 at 9:37 am

    what is it with the author and killing the good guys off

    [Reply]

    Lucy Silag Reply:

    Totally! Winston didn’t deserve that!!

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous April 7, 2011 at 9:37 am

    am I the only one who misses Sam

    [Reply]

    Lucy Silag Reply:

    No! he was so strangely absent, and played such a large role toward the 90s and 100s of the series. I loved him!! There was no way that he should have been so forgotten.

    [Reply]

  • Lucy Silag April 7, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    The one I really missed was Amy. I liked how she had hidden depths, like when she went to work for the teen helpline, “Project Youth.” There was no mention of her in CONFIDENTIAL. And no word on what happened to the Droids!! Did they make it big or what???

    [Reply]

  • Suzanne April 8, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    See, I think it would have been awesome if Todd and Jessica didn’t get married in the end, as in the day of the wedding, and that’s when Steven asks Aaron to marry him which leads to a commitment ceremony ;-) Wouldn’t THAT have been cute as hell?

    P.S. You seriously need to review all the SVU books next, especially when Jessica elopes and loses her virginity in the same book!

    [Reply]

  • EHR April 10, 2011 at 9:19 am

    haha randomly found this, so happy there are other sweet valley fanatics out there. not really feeling jess and todd it’s just a weird fit but liking the bruce-liz angle.. there’s just something about being able to tame a bad boy and having him be all in loooove that makes them kinda hot

    [Reply]

  • EHR April 10, 2011 at 9:25 am

    ps. I spent the last 10 hours reading this so I don’t know if it’s sleep deprivation or what but that last page before the epi bugged me. taut nipples, really? way to creep a brother out francine

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    No, it’s not just you. I think it bothered most of us. Nobody should ever have to think about Liz’s nipples. *shudder*

    [Reply]

    Darren Reply:

    Liz’s nipples: Got Milk anyone? That’s all I’d have to say, yowsa.

    [Reply]

  • Thinker April 10, 2011 at 11:05 am

    Hey Shannon,

    I have a really weird question for you…i read most of the sweet valley books when i was a teen. At sometime I read a book (it was definitely a thriller) about something in the girls’ house that goes into their dreams and wants to kill them from there or something like that…i remembered that i got so scared i couldn’t finish the book, but now i want to..cant remember if it’s SVH or SVU or the books name! Can you maybe help me out plz? :) THX!

    [Reply]

    Erin Reply:

    Shannon, hope you don’t mind if I reply to this one, because I think I recognize it!
    Hey Thinker, I believe you’re talking about Sweet Valley Twins books 97-100, titled “Too Scared To Sleep,” “The Beast Is Watching You,” “The Beast Must Die,” and “If I Die Before I Wake.” The twins, along with Amy and Todd, take a babysitting job at a house where a little girl died years before. The creepy little girl starts to come after them in their dreams a la Freddy Krueger. I won’t give too much away if you plan on reading them, but I have to say, they creeped me out a bit even in my 30s lol.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    No, thanks for replying! I haven’t read those yet, so I didn’t have an answer.

    There were a couple of Super Chillers I read as a kid that were actually pretty good, so I’m kind of looking forward to these.

    [Reply]

    Thinker Reply:

    Thank you VERY much Erin!!! You’ve been very helpful – I recognise those names so it must be them!! I appreciate it…Thanks again!*

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous April 10, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    I think we should get a petition together and bring back Sam Woodruff, we can forget ‘ a night to remember’ or he could have lost his memory. He is suppossed to marry Jess. Its wasnt long ago that I found out Sam died. Winston and Sam should never have been killed off. In the book that Jess meets Sam it says he is the biker with a past, I didnt read that book can someone fill me in?

    [Reply]

  • Nolebucgrl April 10, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    I have to say, I read your first 25 recaps of the SVH series and then realized you’d already recapped this piece of crap so dropped everything to read what you had to say and laughed my ass off as usual. I had a giant WTF? face going the entire way through the book and am horrified at how Francine Pascal doesn’t seem to know her characters at all. Fine, people change, but do ALL of them change so drastically?

    I didn’t read much of the college series, so I had no idea about Jess and Todd. Imagine my horror when I started the book and found them together. I don’t see Jess settling for a Todd and I know she did a lot of messed up shit to Liz but I figured even she would draw the line at marrying her sister’s longtime boyfriend.

    Liz/Bruce…eh. Could have been interesting if we actually got to read any of it other than the taut nipples.

    I didn’t give a damn about any of the New Yorkians and Liz just didn’t feel like Liz to me, woman scorned or no. Criminal misuse of the side characters, ridiculous mistakes that even I wouldn’t have made (and I haven’t read the books in a good 20 years I think), terrible writing and POV and tense switches…how in the hell did they publish this dreck? I won’t even get started on the Steven/gay thing.

    Dear Francine, go back to the ghost writers if you insist on putting out more. Dearest Shannon, keep on rocking. I have not laughed so much in a very long time.

    [Reply]

  • Sonnie April 11, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Wow! This book really sounds like it sucks! Damn! I really thought it would be somewhat good. I hate the way Francine’s pop culture reference is people having cancer, becoming gay overnight, marriages not working out, and people found dead left and right for no apparent reason? Seriously???

    I was really hoping that Bruce and Lila would end up in love and married because he was secretly the girl he was in love with because they both had money, and she was the only girl who was not into him.

    The whole Liz, Todd, and Jess love triangle is just dumb. That’s what made the books boring to me, Liz and Todd fighting every 3 seconds. And it still continues? lame!

    I hate how Francine can’t remember anyone’s name from the books, like George Fowler is now Robert. WTF! Why did she even bother putting out the special edition books for their ancestors, like “The Fowlers of Sweet Valley”, ect.

    And why the hell is like everyone a freggin’ writer all of a sudden?!? And a successful writer as well. If Caroline puts out a gossip article 6 days a week what the hell is it even about? Does she work for TMZ or Periz Hilton? I mean what???

    Sounds really really lame and completely unreadable on an enjoyable level. Thanks for sharing this in detail. I’ll buy it when I see it at the thrift store for .50 cents.

    [Reply]

    Darren Reply:

    I got Bruce/Lila married, got a 5-year old little girl named Ellie, that is friends with the 2010 version of Lila Fowler, the 16-year old.
    I wrote a version of Suzanne Devlin that had the ‘older Elizabeth and Todd’ married and Jessica marries her cop boyfriend Nick Fox.

    [Reply]

  • IM April 11, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Hey Shannon,
    Are you going to recap the SVU books?
    Your recaps rock =)

    [Reply]

  • Patty April 11, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    This was utterly horrible, yet I managed to read it all in one day! My poor daughter felt neglected. Does anyone remember Nick Fox, the cop Jessica was hopelessly in love with during SVU? He was totally hot and exciting, and then he decided to quit the force and became boring, then Jessica was falling out of love with him? Then he died, but I can’t remember if that was some sort of witness protection thing because I couldn’t find anymore of the books. I just wondered if anyone else out there remembered Nick. As always Shannon, FABULOUS recap! I read it before I got my book, and had to read the book anyway. Keep it up! I wouldn’t know what to do with my work day if I didn’t have your recaps to read! :-)

    [Reply]

    Easy Annie Reply:

    Nick faked his death to help protect Jessica. She went off the deep end when she thought he was dead so he revealed himself and she recovered. I believe the last book he was in was “You’re Not My Sister”, but I may be wrong.

    Nick was Jessica’s best boyfriend ever.

    [Reply]

    Ellie Reply:

    YES! Nick was Jessica’s absolute best boyfriend in SVU (and in all of the series, for that matter). I was scandalized because she was 18 and he was 24 – soooo old.

    He “died” protecting her, but I think it was either hinted or actually made explicit that he was still alive and keeping tabs on her to make sure she was okay. So, he was alive at the end of SVU freshman year. I never read SVU sophomore year books, but I’m pretty sure it was almost a whole different series – no Tom Watts, no Todd, no Nick, etc. Too bad!

    [Reply]

    Patty Reply:

    Thanks for clearing that up! I remember how it seemed like Nick was “the one” for Jessica and it was sad when he “died.” I didn’t even know that there was an SVU until I was browsing in the thrift store and came across some of the books, but I kind of lost track and skipped around that series a bit. I agree, Nick was the best!

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous April 11, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    A.J. Morgan the one who is with Enid he is the one one who used to go out with Jessica. Can anyone fill me in about Sam Woodruff, he was great wasnt he?

    [Reply]

  • Sonnie April 12, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    I still can’t believe Francine killed off Winston. Winston was the coolest guy ever I thought. Smart, funny, great personality. And yet, he never had his own book cover, or had any enemies. *sigh* Francine must really hate people who are bright and decent looking.

    [Reply]

  • Easy Annie April 12, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    What. The. Hell.

    Steven is gay. Riiiight. I never would have guessed. I always just assumed he secretly had the hots for his sister, Jessica. See SVH #13, Kidnapped if you doubt me. Did anybody besides me find it funny that his secretary was a man? LOL.

    So now, Steven is screwing Aaron, who gave Jessica her first kiss, and Jessica is doing it with Todd, who used to screw Liz. I didn’t realize this was a VC Andrews novel.

    I know they needed a reason for Bruce and Liz to be ‘best friends’, but it sucks they killed off his parents. Does anybody besides me think it would be funny to see a Liz and Bruce wedding with Alice Wakefield and Hank Patman sending each other sly glances from across the aisle? LOL.

    This book had so many mistakes, I was surpirsed they got ‘Grandmommy’s’ (snort) name, Marjorie Robertson, correct.

    It pains me to admit it Shannon, but I actually remember the scene you wanted to snark on, where some lunatic tries to kill Liz. There were so many to choose from, but I think this was SVH #125, Camp Killer. I’m such a loser for knowing this.

    [Reply]

  • Ellie April 13, 2011 at 12:47 am

    SVC only attempts to treat the original SVH series as canon (and does a terrible job at even that) and throws in a few revisionist references to SVU to pacify those of us who loved it (and those are so clearly wrong that Francine would have been better off leaving them out entirely). Since I’m more an SVU fan, I’m choosing to treat SVC as a minor / inconsistent work in the SV universe.

    [Reply]

    Ellie Reply:

    Side note: Shannon, please don’t miss out on The Magic Christmas (a Twins series “magna edition”) – still one of my all-time favorite childhood books.

    [Reply]

  • Jane April 14, 2011 at 3:53 am

    I’ve just read this while at work and had to try and cover up my tears of laughter – no easy feat – the comments have made me giggle too. I will now have to go and read the rest of the blog…

    [Reply]

  • S April 17, 2011 at 1:48 am

    What was in Todd’s letter? :-/

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I don’t know, she never read it. Probably some lame apology and a half-assed excuse for why he slept with her sister.

    [Reply]

    Jessica Squits the Quad Reply:

    God, Francine sucks at follow-through.

    [Reply]

  • [...] You can read the review on her blog here   Leave a [...]

  • thisfish April 19, 2011 at 2:53 am

    When I saw “Lianne Kane” all I could think of was some alternative universe where Sweet Valley was close to Veronica Mars’ Neptune and that Lianne Kane was the Lianne Mars and… Man, that would be an epic crossover.

    And I’m totally going to search for that because it’s something I’d read.

    [Reply]

    Jessica Squits the Quad Reply:

    OMG I thought the exact same thing!!! Hahaha. Who was Lianne Kane supposed to be, anyway? Did they make her up because Francine couldn’t remember Shelley Novak’s name?

    [Reply]

    Lelandria Reply:

    Exactly what I was thinking!

    [Reply]

  • Michelle April 23, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Just checked this out from the library and read it. Glad I didn’t buy it. I was kinda hoping Liz would stick it to Jess. Why is it that Jess always has to get away with everything? She was backstabbing Liz all along, and stupid Liz just forgives her. What a scumbag Todd was too. Man I can remember reading SWH in middle school and high school and remembering how perfect everybody was. Well of course perfection continues in SW. I swear they must live in an alternate universe. I got a complex just reading this book.

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous April 23, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    steven gay, Jess & Todd lets pretend this book never happened, & Winston and other things in sweet valley

    [Reply]

  • Jess April 25, 2011 at 9:39 am

    OMG LMAO!!!! This was a hilarious review, I loved it! Now I dont have to buy the book.

    [Reply]

  • Lotus April 29, 2011 at 11:28 pm

    I suppose when Bruce tries to rape your daughter someday, you will just forgive him then too, huh, Liz? Parents like the two of you will ensure that she grows up to be just as screwed up as Jessica, so that the madness will never end.

    It’s too bad that there was so much focus on who won Todd in the end. Sure, tell us what became of him…as in, who finally shot him, maybe. Better yet, gun him down at his own wedding! Even make him a dead hero if you want, Francine, just…let the girls move on. They’ve tried but you won’t let them.

    [Reply]

  • Jessica Squits the Quad May 4, 2011 at 12:34 am

    Brace yourself, Shannon; this is a long one. I have a lot of issues with this book.

    I really, really wish that I had been Francine’s literary editor. If she had presented this book to me, I would have said, “Francine, WTF is this? Rewrite it all immediately. Firstly, I want you to go home, read every single Sweet Valley book (not just the first 25 SVH books, and then rely on other people’s vague memories of the rest) and do a search-and-replace on all the “so”s and “like”s and “way”s because while sixteen-year-old girls do commonly use “like” in every single sentence, college students — and definitively 27-year-olds! –certainly do not.

    It’s obvious that she really did only read the first 25 or so; Suzanne Devlin gets some made-up piece-of-crap tribute that doesn’t make any sense or tie-in at all, and Nicky Sheppard gets a long explanation of his life since high school, but Olivia Davidson doesn’t even get a eulogy? Are you kidding me? And what about Sam Woodruff and Christian Gorman? Surely they deserve some kind of recognition as having been important characters that died?

    I feel like Francine doesn’t know these characters AT ALL as well as we do. Some of the careers she gave them were totally out-of-wack. First of all, since when was AJ a “bad boy”? I know I’m 100% right in saying that when Jessica broke up with him, it was at a dinner party in honour of him winning an essay competition. Ooooh, those bad boys. And he most certainly was not there in 7th grade to touch Jess’s pre-teen boob. OK, so it’s fairly plausible to have Enid as a doctor (but no mention of becoming Alexandra in SVU), Jess in PR (though I fail to believe that Jess wouldn’t have tried to break into the actress biz–come on, she would at least have gotten a sitcom if not a few rom-coms, she’s Jessica Wakefield!), Ken as an NFL star, Liz as a journalist, Winston as a dotcom millionaire (there’s no way Winston would have turned into a jackass, though; it’s like Francine watched The Social Network and thought, “that’ll do!”). But Lila totally would have married Bruce, and she wouldn’t be the shallow whore presented in this book (she really matured in SVU, with her first husband Tisiano dying, her serious relationship with Bruce, and then when she out-businesses her father in one of them). There was not nearly enough Lila in this book, by the way, and they really should have made something of Winston’s mysterious “fall” from the balcony (while we’re on the topic of murder, can anyone remember a sledgehammer?). Obviously, Francine also didn’t realise that Cara moved to London, and no one thought to inform her of Steven and Billie’s relationship, I guess. I’m sorry, but there’s no way that Steven Wakefield is gay. Tom McKay, yes. Aaron, possibly. But Steven Wakefield?! Hell no! Betsy Martin being an alcoholic slut was unbelievable, as was Bill’s ridiculous leg-eaten-by-a-shark backstory. Come on, like they’d have a traithlon in shark-infested waters during feeding time.

    I understand the lack of SVHSY characters, of course, since they’re not reeeeeeally considered all that canon, but can I get a shout out for Maria Santelli, Maria Slater, Jean West, Jade Wu, Sandra Bacon, Heather Mallone, Dana Larson, Nicholas Morrow, Penny Ayala, cousin Kelly, Patty Gilbert, Tad “Blubber” Johnson, Devon Whitelaw…and where the fuck was Amy Sutton? What the fuck, Francine? These characters were pretty major–they weren’t the ones that were totally peripheral and never mentioned again–unlike Nicky Fucking Sheppard!

    Also: “Richard” Fowler? “Sam” Collins? And what’s this “Grandmommy” shit? She also spelled Betsy wrong. Did this crap not go through a sub-editor before being sent to print? And on that note, the grammar in this book was truly horrific.

    The New York stuff was all fairly believable, but did you get the feeling that nothing ever really happened? It’s like Francine didn’t want to research what it is that theatre reporters do, so she made Elizabeth just sit in a theatre every day and then be really successful or something. Nothing happened in Sweet Valley, either; there was a party at Lila’s, thank God, but it went for about two pages and nothing happened. Bor-ring!

    There was also this bit where Francine says that Liz has a well-deserved reputation for being faithful to Todd!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, how I LOLd.

    OH! AND! It’s obvious who Francine’s favourite twin is. THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH THE BOOK she went on and on and on about everyone thinking to themselves about Elizabeth being the better, superior-in-every-way twin!!!! It was un-fucking-believable! Even Jessica was like, “I only wore makeup in high school because I didn’t feel as pretty as Elizabeth”–BITCH, PLEASE! Jessica Wakefield doesn’t feel less pretty than ANYONE!

    And, yeah, I totally wanted Liz to walk in on Jess and Todd having sex, especially since we have to sit through how traumatised she is for hundreds of pages. But, no, she’s sees them standing together or some shit. Yawn.

    Was anyone else offended that Francine blathered on with acknowledgments and didn’t even bother to thank her fans? Bitch!

    Delayed response, but I live in Australia and only just got the book last week :)

    [Reply]

    Countess Fowler Reply:

    LOL

    [Reply]

    Darren Reply:

    Bravo, the late Siskel and Ebert (still alive) give you 2 thumbs up! Good review! I also left a review under Darren.

    [Reply]

  • Ms. K May 4, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Okay, show of hands (or comments)– Who here thinks that Enid and Margo would’ve been a good couple, since they were both so obsessed with Liz?

    (Sorry, I’m a huge Margo fan, but that just kind of popped in my head and I decided to go with it.) Thoughts?

    [Reply]

  • Ms. K May 6, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    All right, so this one has been stuck in my head for awhile now, and if anyone else has thought of it, then sorry for beating a dead horse. However, I noticed it said above that it said that Roger Barrett Patman was a successful Hollywood producer married to a famous rock star… How? Through a seance?

    http://1bruce1.livejournal.com/176387.html

    If you go check this out, you will see what I mean.

    “We’ve lost many friends – Olivia Davidson, Roger Patman, Ronnie Edwards, and Regina Morrow, to name a few.”

    Apparently, Roger died at some point way back when, but hallelujah! he’s still with us. Makes me mad… Where the hell were Margo and Olivia? I mean, they are ghosts that we still remember!

    All right, I’m done rambling. Thought I would go point that out. My inner nerd has been thoroughly banished inside of me once again. Thanks for your patience. :)

    -K.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I actually pointed that out here, too: http://shannonsweetvalley.com/2010/06/04/sweet-valley-high-senior-year-48-sweet-18/

    It’s just one of the many, many, MANY inconsistencies.

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous May 8, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    Shannon I think u should write your own version of how everyone in sweet valley should have turned out.

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous May 8, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    This might sound random but are Todd’s family ever mentioned in any of the books?

    [Reply]

  • katy May 10, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    shannon, love your recaps! i just finished this book, and it was horrible but i kind of loved it anyway. :) probably because i myself only read maybe the first 50 svh books, and then nothing since, so i didn’t know about all the stuff that was missing.

    the “like”s and “so”s made me insane too. as did the fact that liz ended up with her rapist (and that comment about “at least not when she was conscious” was the funniest thing i have ever read ever). but you know what else did? all the name-drops to technology. fp was so desperate to show these kids today that she knows how to youtube and twitter and blackberry and iphone and facebook with the rest of us! the constant namedropping to what technology she thinks the kids are using was hysterical.

    also, as a former new yorker, the descriptions of new york were kind of hysterical too. :)

    [Reply]

  • Carolyn May 17, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    Ha ha ha! This review is hilarious! Must go find this book!! I’ve been waiting for years for this one :) Signed, an SVH fan and author of Sisters, Schoolsgirls, and Sleuths: Girls’ Series Books in America

    [Reply]

  • bayerngirl74 May 24, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    Is it just me, or am I a huge alcoholic who noticed the drinking references were so messed up? Pascal claims she lives part-time in France. Well, if she does, shouldn’t she know that you don’t put freaking ice in wine? White wine should be chilled, yes. Maybe that’s why Liz had it in her fridge. But a “sophisticated” writer asking for ice in his wine? Maybe in high school with Baby Duck or something. Then when the bartender asks Liz if she wants her martini on the rocks. Um…martinis aren’t served on the rocks. Shaken or stirred. Then strained out of the shaker. No rocks. I don’t know why that really bothered me. Among other things that people have written about on here. Seriously disturbing. They never really delve into the Winston stuff, and I know I’d like to know why he turned into a douche – he was such a lovable dork in the books. I knew the book would be a piece of shit before I read it, but as an ex-rabid fan of SVH, I had to have it. I also have to agree with previous posts – why even mention Nicky What’s-His-Nuts? Minor player in one book.

    And Francine Pascal – did you really have anyone who was familiar with your books proofread your drafts? Because I find it really strange that fans can pick out the errors in your latest epic failure, yet people who are paid professionals couldn’t tell you what your mistakes were.

    My takes on the characters: Jessica is a study in many different types of abnormal psychology. Elizabeth is the classic good girl turned slut (I can’t believe what a trollop she turns into – I like her better as a slut, really). Lila rocks. Enid is and always has been a whiney little douche. Todd has issues (I’ll bet he gays out with Steven next – he has a soft spot for those Wakefields).

    And I think my post is long enough.

    [Reply]

  • Sammy June 1, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Winston dead, maybe it would have been good to see how Winston turned out the way he did. Also would have been good to see how Todd and Jess ended up falling in love. Nice that Jess does end up happy rather all her boyfriends die. Steven gay I dont think so.

    [Reply]

  • Sammy June 1, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Do u think there will be anymore books, Hope its not Todd and Liz cheating!

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I haven’t heard anything about more books being written. As far as I know, SVC is a standalone book.

    [Reply]

  • Sammy June 2, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Read the part where Steven says ‘he’s unfair to Jess, she loves him and in a brotherly fashion he loves her but if she wasnt his sister they wouldnt be friends. Maybe its the comparision to liz who is amazing’ (so he would be friends with Liz if they were not brother/sister) I feel so bad for Jess, my heart went out to her that point. Steve is also Jess’s brother not just Liz’s. Maybe it is the way she is described i.e. selfish (although I heard that she changes a lot in uni).

    Steven did get all protective when she moved in with Mike ( I think his name was in another book). I also felt bad when Jess says she will never be Liz, it must be awful to feel not good enough as someone else, espeacially your own sister. Including from her own and only brother’s point of view. That is why I wanted the author to make Jess nicer and less selfish.

    Jess has been through a lot (boyfriends treating her bad, boyfriends dying etc). Maybe Todd will die in the next book, I know a lot of people will like that.

    I have this urge to read sweet valley books that I havent read, is the amazon the best place to look?
    Thanks Shannon for the blog, I have rediscovered sweet valley after a long time xx

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog! You might try eBay for Sweet Valley books. That’s where I’ve gotten most of mine.

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous June 11, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    dont Jess and Todd’s parents say anything to them about cheating but I suppose the focus isnt on them

    [Reply]

  • Priya June 24, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Hey Shannon- i am sure there was a post on your blog a couple of weeks ago about them doing something post SVC- an onlinbe version or something?? i can’t find the post anywhere on your blog anymore?? i am hoping it wasn’t just over eagerness on my part which resulted in some sort of mental hallucination! :o\

    ps love your blog- stumbled across it by accident and now i’m hooked!
    x

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    You weren’t hallucinating!
    http://shannonsweetvalley.com/2011/06/02/why-francine/

    [Reply]

    Priya Reply:

    oh great- thanks!

    [Reply]

  • Deitra July 18, 2011 at 12:39 am

    Hey a new Soap opera.Sweet Valley Confidential:Ten year later:Cue dramatic music with flashes of the characters across the screen.This book sounds awesome steamy and whatnot,hate the inside cover though cause they look like they did in high school. I should get this book

    [Reply]

  • Lelandria July 26, 2011 at 2:27 am

    I thought this book was beyond awful with all it’s inconsistencies. She shouldn’t have thanked Genevieve Gagne-Hawes for “knowing everything SVH related” because this woman knows NOTHING!!

    The line were Liz says something about never cheating on Todd made me burst out laughing.Yeah right!

    The line were Todd goes to his study, Jess goes to her room, and Liz goes to hers after Winston’s funeral sounded weird. It seemed as if Todd and her were living in a three room apartment or something.

    I have a VERY, VERY, VERY hard time believing Bruce would wait around ten years for Liz. That is just no Bruce.

    [Reply]

  • Lelandria July 26, 2011 at 2:32 am

    BTW Pizza place used to be Guidos.

    [Reply]

  • Levathia September 4, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    What about Nick Fox? Jessica should be married to him! Not Todd! he should have died instead of Winston. also did Jess ever explain herself for Kissing Liz’s boyfriend at the end of SVU or did they just sweep that under the rug and forget about it…

    [Reply]

    Easy Annie Reply:

    Jessica and Nick Fox were a great couple. The poor guy didn’t even get a mention in Confidential.

    Jessica and Elizabeth did eventually reconcile after the whole incident with Sam Burgess on the road trip. Liz freaked out and bailed when she saw them making out and ended up going to London for six months. They did a six part series called the ‘Elizabeth’ series. Jessica was only featured briefly in the first book, which was a huge problem for a lot of fans, myself included. Elizabeth ended up working as a maid in an earl’s mansion and falling in love with his son, Maxwell.

    The ‘Elizabeth’ series had it’s problems and certainly couldn’t be considered realistic (but come, this is Sweet Valley here), but I actually liked Liz and Max together, and despite the flaws in the way his character was written, it was obvious he loved her a great deal. This also happened to be the guy that St. Elizabeth gave her v-card up to, which was a big theme in SVU.

    The ending of this series left the future open. Max helped the twins reconcile and Elizabeth decided to go home and decide what she wanted to do with her life: go back to SVU or return to Max in London. Obviously, from they way Confidential reads, she went back to school. Major bummer. I would have loved to see her marry the earl’s son and outsnob Lila.

    If I had to pick a favorite boyfriend for each of the twins, I would put Jessica with Nick Fox, and Elizabeth with Max Pennington. These two guys were perfectly suited to each twin’s personality.

    [Reply]

  • vix September 13, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Love the review….HATE this book. I can’t even finish reading it cos i’m LIKE SO LIKE disappointed with the whole thing. I never read to the end of SVU but after being an avid fan of SVH and SVtwins I loved the fact they were in college etc so the fact that hardly any of what i loved about SVU was incorporated into this book just annoys the hell outta me. The whole feel of the book is just wrong, i loved SVH so much and knew the characters inside out and when it was wrote from their past perspective it was just so wrong. omg as if jessica would go out with todd and as if he would fall in love with her arghhhhh!! i really shouldn’t be so angry at this book but after growing up with SVH when i saw this book i was excited to see if my childhood memories would be revoked. sadly i was SO LIKE SOOO mistaken!! ps SO and LIKE!!! ;)

    [Reply]

  • Andrea November 7, 2011 at 12:25 am

    I have not read the book, but from the reviews I have read, it sucked! I know Jessica did a lot of crappy things to her sister in her junior year. God knows how long that was, because their were two Christmas’s where they were still 16. Not very realistic. But in her senior year, Jessica has matured a lot and is not prone to pulling dirty tricks on other people. She is still Jessica but has grown up. I would have liked to see her and Christian Gorman together. They loved each other and were soul mates. They both felt like black sheeps of the family and admitted on doing things that they were not proud of. They both had a sibling that was the epitome of perfection and who were in a steady relationship. They both also had a love and passion for something that the either of their siblings understood. Christian with his surfing and Jessica with her cheerleading. I don’t understand how the ghost writer could have been bored with their relationship. They were soulmates. Jessica may have moved on but that does not mean that she will completely get over losing Christian.
    Jessica and Todd! I do not think so! Sure she tried to pursue Todd in her Junior year, and after he moved to Vermont, he started sending Jessica letters, and he came back to California to see Jessica not Elizabeth. Hello, but Elizabeth was going out with Jeffery French at the time. Suprising, their relationship was not meant to last, and during winter break, Jessica stole Todd from Elizabeth after the fact that Sam was killed in the accident. She was immature and thoughtless but did have remorse. But as I have said Jessica matured alot during her senior year in high school and the fact that Jessica slept with Todd did not make sense. Of course it does not because Francine does not make sense. We can all tell that Jessica does feel guilty at all the crappy stuff she has done but keeps doing it because Francine’s ghostwriters write it that way. Also, remember, Jessica hated Sam Burgess, she felt that he was beneath Elizabeth. She felt that Elizabeth could do better. She only made out with Sam to show her sister what a piece of shit he is. One could have argued that she could have told Elizabeth. But when has Elizabeth ever listen to reason? But yet condems Jessica for her impulsive behavior but if the shoe was on the other foot Elizabeth would have done a lot more thoughtless and impulsive stunts that would have put a great sinner to shame, let alone her twin.

    It sounds like that she ruined the book and as I have said completely inconsistent. I also did not like that fact that she portrayed Steven as gay because he does not have a gay bone in her body, how she made A.J Morgan a loser with blond hair that is dirty and he talks with a surfer talk. He is from the South with Red hair, and was a good basketball player with a lot of promises. Olivia died in a earthquake and is now alive after 11 years later! Lila’s character does not have much substance and has fake boobs. Like she needed it. I am sure she was well-endowed in that department without the cosmetic surgery. There had to have been a lot of substance to Lila that was missed by the naked eye. I like the fact that Winston became rich but not on the part where he was a jerk and treated women like crap nor his death.
    It is not like that Elizabeth is going to be crowned saint of the year award, didn’t she cheat on Todd in a few series in the SVH books but tells Jessica in a later episode on how she is not being fair to Ken Matthews by dating Zack. Can you say hypocrite! She needs to have her stick removed from her butt. I felt that in many ways, Jessica was smarter than her twin.

    [Reply]

  • Sammy January 1, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Steven is angry with Jess because she told Cara and says Jess caused Cara so much pain by telling Cara. All Jess did was tell Cara, Steven was the one who was chaeting on his wife and not for the first time. Steven hurt Cara no one else she would have find out anyway, Aaron is an idoit to calling Jess his ‘faux sis in law’, he is the one who had an affair with a married man! You know Steve and Aaron would not have been pissed off if Liz had told Cara. What a nice brother Steve is, with the way he treats Jess. Hate the way Jess is seen as second best, how must that make feel, is this lets worship Liz book? Ned and Alice are still calling their girls honey, sweetie etc I think thats why they think they are good parents.

    [Reply]

  • Cyndi January 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    GO 1BRUCE1! Its the only reason I wanted Bruce and Liz to end up together. Ah fun times :)

    [Reply]

  • Sammy January 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    I dislike Steven Wakefield

    [Reply]

  • Lealea February 3, 2012 at 5:31 am

    I was just re-reading SVU the books and in #20 Here Comes the Bride Lila’s father is also referred to as Robert Fowler. How very strange. Its as if Francine only read that one before she started writing SVC.

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous March 8, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Steven is with Aaron, Jess’s first kiss, Jess is with Todd, Liz’s ex and Liz is with Bruce, Bruce who dated Jess, Ned and Alice the best parents in the world! The Wakefileds are known as the perfect family, if that is the perfect family there is no hope for anyone

    [Reply]

  • just me (: April 9, 2012 at 2:18 am

    wow i was soooo soooo excited to read this and just stopped after the first few chapters i was extremely annoyed and dissapointed. todd and jessica ???? are youu serious!! that made me sooo freakin mad because liz didnt deserve that after all the crap jessica had pulled on her before. and did they mention mike mcallery because they should have if they didnt even though he was a lil man whore and a drunk i kinda liked him he seemed like the sexy bad boy that should have turned good lol. also liz being a slut?? no i dont see that maybe more “experienced” but not a total slut i was so pissed that after all she did for jessica and all the stupid crap jessica did she ended up happily married and poor liz had to be all depressed over stupid todd ughh so dumb. i also did not like winston dying like come one and the worst part was steven being gay i have nothing against gays but i just dont believe that! steven was always so manly and he was even engaged so wtf! plus from what i read here the names were mixed up and nick fox and tom watts not mentioned???? francine you dissapoint me this was a piece of crap book (although i didnt even read it all) in my opinion jessica should have stopped (at least a lil bit) being a lil beyotch and married nick fox, todd should have died instead of winston and winston should have gotten happily married to denise she was like the only girl he ever got haha and bruce & lila would have been perfect. liz should have stayed with tom watts and had kids or something that would have been the perfect book. i know i knw its a lil too “happy ending” but there should have been some other shockers like lila being broke haha or something but not all those unbelievable things! francine made us wait so long and all she did was put a bunch of random crap together just to “shock” us instead she pissed alot of people off she juss totally changed everything and made it crappy i did not like it at ALL. and a good author should know her own dang books so horrible that her fans know more than her lameeee i wish i had never started reading, my whole outlook on sweet valley stories changed major dissapointment and yes this is long cuz its my rant! lol

    [Reply]

  • Kim July 12, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    I’m still shuddering and puking over the “taut nipples” thing.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Me too. Ick.

    [Reply]

  • shan h July 12, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    The E-books will be out soon(FYI-they will put out a actual book after all the e-books are out)
    I think it would be funny if William White from SVU showed up? Perhaps with Margo with him? I could be wrong,but I do not think it it was mentioned if his body was found after he stalked and tried to kill Liz the third time.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Yep, the first two Sweet Life novellas will be out on Sunday! And then the next four will be out every Sunday for the following four weeks. The hardbound omnibus will be out in October.

    I feel like not a lot of folks from SVU were mentioned in this book, which seems weird since that series is a big fan favorite.

    [Reply]

  • McGee July 17, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Awesome recap and funny too! Thanks for posting this because there was no way in hell I would’ve powered through reading this book.
    So glad to have skipped all the nonsense.

    [Reply]

  • Dane Youssef August 30, 2012 at 4:33 am

    To all blasting this as if THIS NOVEL was the worst of them all… As if THIS the lowest point from a town called Sweet Valley…

    And especially the union of Todd and Jessica…

    Now lets be fair for a moment–and honest. Todd and Jessica were together. On and off for a while, I believe. It was a big thing in the books. Jess was always kinda jonesin’ for Todd. Her and Liz. But Todd has his eye on ”the good girl.” Liz committed many, many infidelities. And it was disgusting the way he tolerated it. Not to mention unbelievable. Many of us would hate Liz more than Todd did for it. And dammit, it was tiring. They really milked that to death, didn’t they? Come on.

    Now to be fair as far as being unfaithful goes, Todd committed a few. But only a few. But one of those was with her sister–”the bad twin.” And it was going on behind her back for some time.

    Considering all of it… It really does make a sad, divine, karmatic kind of sense. ALL of it does.

    –Loving The Confidential, Dane Youssef

    [Reply]

  • Dane Youssef September 1, 2012 at 4:11 am

    It all does make a strange, sad sort-of-sense, doesn’t it? They had a lot of conflict in the books… Real tension between them.

    And do you know why Jessica has had so much animosity towards Todd?

    She has feelings for him, just like her sister does. Jessica resents him for picking the other sister, “the good twin.” Jess always kind of knew they belonged together. If only Liz hadn’t beaten her to the punch. To the “right guy.” Would he have been the right guy for both of them?

    Check out the book series. She had a secret liaison affair with him for a while. In one, she fools around with him after getting her sister arrested for vehicular manslaughter. In another book, she has a long- time affair while him while Liz was missing him the whole time.

    Elizabeth and Jessica have nothing in common. At all, do they? Just like Elizabeth and Todd. But Todd and Jessica have EVERYTHING in common. It makes a sad, hard sort of sense that THEY wound up together….

    –Recognizing Fate When He Sees It, Dane Youssef

    [Reply]

  • Easy Annie September 4, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    I kind of see the point about Elizabeth’s cheating and I kind of don’t.
    First, Elizabeth screwed around a lot when she was sixteen. Give her a break! Sixteen year olds are known for being fickle. Some people may argue that it wasn’t her cheating, but her cheating combined with her holier than thou attitude, that caused them to hate her. I can buy into that. But isn’t Todd Punch guilty of the same thing? Always talking like he’s Mr. Nice Guy? Bullshit.

    I didn’t keep an exact tally. I’m sure Liz fooled around a little more than Todd, but not by much. He messed with Jessica twice in SVH, he had a fling with some girl during a visit to his grandmother’s while Liz was in London making out with a werewolf, there was some girl named Patty, a Michelle in there somewhere, as well Simone the model in ‘Cover Girls’. These are just the girls I can think of off the top of my head. I’m sure I’m forgetting a few. Up until the end of SVH, there was no sex involved, mind you. Just a bunch of teenagers who think every crush is ‘true love’. So I take the ‘cheating’ here with a grain of salt.

    Cheating when you are in a long term, intimate relationship is quite another matter. Especially when you have sex with your girlfriend’s identical twin sister. Gross. I don’t care what Liz did to Todd in high school, nothing could justify fucking Jessica. I might also add that Todd dumped Elizabeth in the beginning of SVU because she wouldn’t have sex with him. Asshole! So even without the whole Todd and Jessica thing, I have little pity for Todd.

    I actually found Elizabeth and Todd very boring together, so I didn’t mind that they didn’t end up together. Todd was a better character when he wasn’t messing with either of the twins. Seeing Todd Wilkins and Tom Watts as ‘Beavis and Butthead’ (as Jessica called them) in SVU #48-50 was very funny.

    As for Elizabeth, for all her little romances in SVH, she sure went through some bullshit in SVU. Todd, Tom Watts, William White, Sam Burgess, Finn Robinson, Ryan Taylor. Disasters, all of them. Total assholes. I liked her with Tom Watts part of the time. And Max Pennington was sweet (although he annoyed me in book six of the ‘Elizabeth’ series). The rest of her boyfriends sucked. She gets the shaft over and over and over. And now, SVC and The Sweet Life continue to do the same thing. It gets depressing after awhile.

    I wish SVC had been a book with a high school reunion type of thing. We could catch up with all the main characters, see some relationships renewed, some jealousy, some resolutions to the past. Main characters could have come in from out of town because at least some of them moved out of Sweet Valley. That would have made a little more sense and maybe some of the main characters (Elizabeth, Jessica, Steven, Lila, Bruce, Todd, Winston, Enid, Caroline, Annie, ect.) could have ended up married to or in a romance with someone they DIDN’T go to high school with. Reading about Jessica with Nick Fox in SVU was very funny. It reminded me of the humor in Monica and Chandler’s relationship on ‘Friends’. She could have married him. Elizabeth and Max Pennington in the ‘Elizabeth’ series actually had quite a bit in common (including meddling in other people’s business ;) ). I could see them ending up together for reasons beyond just chemistry.

    If SVC had been a standalone novel with no past history attached to it, I might have been okay with Jess and Todd. They aren’t a bad couple. They have chemistry. It’s just that their betrayal was too big a hurdle for me to get over. I don’t believe they were that sorry for what they did, either. I think they were simply sorry Liz was angry at them and they hated being considered the bad guys. If they were truly sorry, they wouldn’t have hooked up as soon as Liz discovered the truth, moved in together, and gotten married within eight months. As if their betrayal wasn’t bad enough, they had to make sure everyone knew about their ‘true love’, humilating Elizabeth even further. Ouch.

    Yikes. Sorry for the long ass post people. I’m waaaay too emotionally attached to these books. ;)

    [Reply]

  • Kanna-Chan September 8, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    DAGGUMMIT!!! I don’t want to know about Liz’s nipples! Jeez, the earlier books at least managed to keep descriptions like that to a minimum. Hard to believe we go from kid friendly books like Sweet Valley Kids, Sweet Valley Twins, and The Unicorn Club to books that describe what kind of nipples the characters have! Also, hard to believe Winston is dead. I always liked him in the Sweet Valley Twins books, he was always the class clown.

    [Reply]

  • Dane Youssef September 23, 2012 at 12:27 am

    Uh… sorry about the second posting here. But I see I made a slight error in my earlier little comment of this thread. So… I’m here to correct. Please, friends… bear with me.

    When I said that “Todd and Jessica” have everything in common, I was referring to the short-lived (and much loathed and despised) TV show. In the books, Liz and Todd are truly identical. I remember reading “Jessica’s Secret Diary II” where she tells her personal journal (and us, of course) of her affair with Todd when he and Elizabeth were separated.

    And… well, he made time with Jess while he and Liz WERE TOGETHER. The “Confidential” and the “Second Secret Jessica Diary.” I own both these boos. ‘Cause they were some of the best and most interesting in the series. They were really about something.

    I want to recommend them…. to every real lover of the small, idyllic, colorful little town of “Sweet Valley…”

    –Lots of Love For The Valley (and all of you), Dane Youssef

    [Reply]

  • Dane Youssef October 19, 2012 at 3:45 am

    Well-said. Very well-said, in fact. That’s for the re-cap summary. Now we’re all up to speed. Boy, you really took tally, didn’t you?

    Anyway, if you read “Jessica’s Secret Diary II, you can see how the likes of Jess and Todd would make quite an interesting pair. Them being exact opposites… they’ve got that “fire-and-ice” quality. Like Steven Hyde and Jackie Burkhart on “That ’70′s Show.” But honestly… Liz and Bruce. Come on. Did Francine even READ some of those damn books she put her own name on? Or was that just for the sake of shameless self-promotion and vanity (I should talk–I put my own name on all the comments I post).

    Liz and Bruce. Todd and Jess. Sounds like it should be the other way around, doesn’t it? I guess Francine was deliberately trying to throw us a curve-ball, wasn’t she? She was trying so hard to shock us… she forgot to make ANY SENSE!

    Seriously, seriously… I jest, I jest. I’m a jester. The point is–it’s a soap-opera and they do this kind of thing all the time. Todd “fucked” Jessica if you will… because he had real feelings for her. They ALL poked around–it’s a “soap-opera” once again. And come on… Todd didn’t force her. Jessica had a choice. She had feelings for him too.

    What a soap… and like I said before, it all makes a sad, strange sort of sense, doesn’t it?

    Well, except Liz and Bruce… come on.

    –Still Lots of Love, For You, The Confidential… and all of “Sweet Valley,” Dane Youssef

    [Reply]

  • Jude November 18, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    After reading all the crap about this, I resisted with all my might from getting it and turns out the only thing of iron I own is a skillet!

    Jessica… I’ve never wanted to punch a character so much in my existence. Well, apart Lana freaking Lang from Smallville, but I digress. Jessica Wakefield is still, like, a self serving schmuck and so she, like, totally got on my nerves. So I was, like, ready to pull my own brains out, like, through my nose. Like like.

    Todd (or should that be Toad?)… I’ve never been a fan of him. Ever! He’s just meh, but the almost self righteous way he uses the whole “But we’re in love!” excuse just made me want to shut him up. With a baseball bat.

    Todd and Jessica are perfect for each other, aren’t they? They’re both self serving, disrespectful towards the girl they both claim to think the world of, and simply hate being the bad guys who destroyed said girl. I seriously don’t they were sorry at all and the only reason Jessica wanted to be back in Elizabeth’s good books is simply because Elizabeth’s soft heart would mean she would always be there to spring her out of trouble. Great way to show you love your twin sis, Jess. Here’s, like, a gold star, so go to the top of the, like, class. Insert eye roll wherever you choose.

    The wedding was the event of the *century.* It wouldn’t have been complete, of course, without Elizabeth being hoodwinked into being maid of honor. Am I overreacting? Probably, but never mind. I just can’t abide it when one character is downtrodden simply to make others look good. Which begs the question of why the hell I read SV in the first place.

    It’s car crash entertainment at its best. You want to look away, but you can’t. My name is Jude and I’m an addict.

    Annie makes some excellent points in her post. Todd did ditch Elizabeth because she wouldn’t dish out the good stuff. All of Elizabeth’s dalliances in high school doesn’t equal Todd being such a berk by doing that. As for screwing on his girlfriend’s twin. That just screams out issues and none of them are Elizabeth’s. Except for the fact she keeps picking losers.

    Bruce… I will admit to squealing when I read that 1BRUCE1 was still alive and kicking! That car is just so damn symbolic to him, that it was one of the best parts in the book. Unlike others, I am a fan of Bruce and Elizabeth. I guess she was “Ready to eat with the grown ups!” Though the death of his folks was a wee bit cliche. Millionaire kid loses his parents earlier than he should and in a very tragic way. My geekish head kept thinking of Bruce Wayne and it was a struggle to remember I was reading SV and not DC!

    Wakefield Parents… Wow and I do mean wow. Here’s the award for Parents Of The Year. I just love how they all but welcome Todd into the family with open arms and tons of congratulations. The same goon who, along with help from their daughter, sent another daughter to New York for the better part of the year. Here’s a thought, Alice. Instead yelling for the fucking cake (can cakes fuck?), how about you take a moment and make your adorably selfish daughter take responsibility for her actions?

    Elizabeth… Oh, honey, you have got to grow a pair. Stick to your guns. Damn the torpedoes or something. Quit letting others guilt you into doing what you don’t wanna do. Forgive the Toddica, sure, cos staying angry will only make you bitter, but to constantly give in to Jessica’s need for an ego stroke is just stupid. Seriously, Liz. Wake the frak up!

    The whole “OMG! He looks just like Todd!” Was laughable and not in a funny ha ha kind of way. Liam, I know, is going to cannon fodder from the get go, so I won’t bother going there.

    If you ignore most of the SV series and can completely disregard inconsistencies, contradictions, name changes, character changes, and don’t mind something where the only things that are perfect are looks, then it’s not a half bad read. If you can’t ignore those things, then avoid because it will only kill your childhood.

    I’m gonna stop babbling now and maybe write some fanfiction. Something that doesn’t revolve around a set of taut nipples and Bruce’s hard, flat stomach. Maybe a blackhole opens up and swallows Toad…

    Great blog, Shannon! I shall be visiting often now that I’ve found it!

    [Reply]

  • miu January 28, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    jessica and todd? lol. idc if they are lame or boring todd and liz were the otp! i’m fine with her and bruce but not jessica and todd. it’s like francine always wanted to keep the status quo of jessica=the bad one and screwing over her twin/liz= the saint. but a lot of books showed the bond between them so its sad.

    [Reply]

  • Raven711 May 13, 2013 at 11:32 am

    Jeez!! What the heck is the matter with Todd and Jessica?! Todd, you are such a jerk. you sleep with nearly everyone dont you!? And, I mean, you did it with Jessica?! man I hope he gets run over for that. And Jessica? You’re such a…. well you know. I mean for what you did in book 29 made me wanna stab you to death. You lied to Jay just to wind up with him, and that line in the book “No more Enid Rollins, Hello Amy!” (something like that anyway o_o) like i said, made me wanna stab you to death. Enid was WAY better than stupid Amy. She’s kinder and not made out of stupid chemicals (Makeup) like amy. Amy lied to Liz, shes such a brat and thinks she owns everyone (Stupid Amy!!) and, seriously?! broke off more than one thing with her best friend. o_o and liz should have left jessica sleeping outside her apartment. It’d be better that way -_- and one more thing. I liked the cleaner, old version of SVH. So i aint buying any of those stupid new books.
    anyway, thanks for posting this!

    [Reply]

  • Raven711 May 13, 2013 at 11:35 am

    I’m with you about Toad and Jessica XD I wanted to punch jessica as well. Too bad you cant send a letter to Francine to make sure Jessica dies huh? that’d be fun to read.

    [Reply]

  • Dane Youssef August 31, 2013 at 4:48 am

    “Steven is with Aaron, Jess’s first kiss, Jess is with Todd, Liz’s ex and Liz is with Bruce, Bruce who dated Jess, Ned and Alice the best parents in the world! The Wakefileds are known as the perfect family, if that is the perfect family there is no hope for anyone” –Anonymous

    Not only that, but remember… Bruce once tried to rape Elizabeth and Jessica has manipulated and used Todd in horrible ways on more than one occasion.

    That says it all right there, does it not?

    –Not Ever Anonymous, Dane Youssef

    [Reply]

  • Sexynipples October 4, 2013 at 8:45 pm

    I especially liked it how bruce decided it was appropriate to unbutton liz’s shirt after a romantic declaration of how he was in love with her, i guess i is realistic, but seeing as “faithful liz who never would cheat on anyone ” was such a prude in the past and how she had never consciously kissed bruce before, (lie)i was surprised francine didn’t add in how bruce had never felt her breast before, at lesst ” not while she was conscious” lol i wish francine pascal will make more books about liz and bruce at least about the wedding and how everyonemakes a huge deal about her and mr. Rich Stud muffin andhow jess gets insanely jealous that it makes her cry and how the moment jess and todd – the rejects lowlifes see liz and bruce , walking down the isle. Liz looking so angelically beautiful in her equisite 100,000 wedding dress that mac daddy bruce bought her of course, with the delicate veil covering her absolutely beautiful face, and how he could see the deep pink i. Her cheeck of the happily blushing bride to be, and seeing her golden long hair beautifully braided into a crown on her head as layers of perfectlly formed curls framed her face, extending past her shoulders and down the middle of her back behind the veil she wore , her beauty unmatchabke not even by her twin sister, was magnified by the brilliant shine of her engagement ring which was more beautiful and expensive than the Blue Diamond Ring by Bvlgari . Her ring costs millions and was there a mre suitable ring for the object of bruces adoration, no and jessica wakefield hated it. I want todd to get jealous, he is a pig how could he forget everything he had with liz, i am hoping for something like ” he sawhis ex love elzabeth at her wedding day, looking like everything he ever dreamed about , the woman of his dreams, and how jess realized bruce was her true love but now she was stuck with her sisters ex boyfriend boring old todd wilkins what do you guys think of that plot .??!? That is what we need to have happen oh yeah karma at its finest!

    [Reply]

  • Sexynipples October 4, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    Jessica totally needs to get an std! Even if its a curable one, oh please francine, then she gives it to todd. Then jessica blames it on todds ex girlfriend the girl who died. And todd believes her, ! Or she could blame it on edid LmAO

    [Reply]

  • Sexynipples October 4, 2013 at 9:10 pm

    Omg i know! Margo returns or else that william white dude returns and jessica who is insanely jealous of liz and bruces marriage and when liz find outs about bruce having possibly raped a woman they temporairly split up and he stays a nearby luxury hotel while they work out there problems during his rape accusation and so one day jessica scheming wakefield comes over to bruce and liz’s mansion and she finds a note for elizabeth that she automatically assummes that it must be written by bruce that says “my love meet me at so and so i have a surprise for you and ” i will make it up to you” jess steals the note and disguises herself As elizabeth and she goes to try and meet bruce whom she thinks wrote that note for liz to meet him that evening jessica plans on getting preggers with bruce’s baby because “he’ll just have to leave liz and he will realize that “im the one he truly wants and loves, according to jessica’s corrupt way of thinking, only to come face to face with margo/william white who see jessica but think she is elizabeth her sister lizzie , whom the killer came there to murder and jessica inadvertently takes her sisters place and is murdered. Jssica’s pays for everything she has done to her sister in an ironic twist of fate and fortunes and she makes , the ultimate sacrifice for her wickedness towards her loving sister by paying it with her life!

    [Reply]

  • Sexynipples October 4, 2013 at 9:19 pm

    But then margo was also there could it have been her who was murdered or jessica wakefield? The story ends in that simple question, there being a 50/50 possibilty in either way, the twin who was murdered who was she? And who is the twin who is now living with todd? Is she the real jessica or is she margo? ( for those fans who could not dealwith jessica dying’ the question remains forever perpetually unanswered, but for once the twins live happily ever after the evil twin, whether jessica or margo dead. Kind of like in the Spanish novela lazos de amor with the actress lucero playing twins.. ;))

    [Reply]

  • Sexynipples October 4, 2013 at 9:52 pm

    Ahem,, people loke jessica DO exist! I know someone who did everything but spike any drink or marry her sisters ex who is jessica 150%

    [Reply]

  • Sexynippys October 4, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    Jessica always had feelings for any guy and every guy , sucks for her that they thought she was too easy and went for her lovely smart and equally if not more beautiful sister liz, whatever happened to devon elizabeth? Lol or ryan for the love of God .lol

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous October 16, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    Way to kill your series , i just wasted my money buying svh books because of how much i loved the liz and todd romance what i feel that F.P. Did with the jess/todd crap is she trashed the whole svh series, if i had always known. That jessand todd would end up together svh would not even be worth reading. .. It ruined the SvH books for me, how can anyone put up reading about how much todd loves liz all throughout svh when u already know that it is all b.s. Because in the end jessica is todd’strue love? The value of SvH books just went down to Zero, not even worth collecting anymore ‘ , but she can save the Sweet life by more bruce and liz drama and true love. The sweet valley high series is unrecoverable, conpletely ruined , but the sweetlife can takeit place although nobody likes to read about backstabbing sluttt twin , more liz and bruce only to hellwith crabby todd andsick jessica she is mental

    [Reply]

  • Sweetvalleyfiction October 18, 2013 at 3:25 am

    Here is my parody! Please read
    http://www.fanfiction.net/u/5218704/

    [Reply]

  • Krista November 3, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    As to Steven’s being gay, I guess the saintly Tricia Martin ruined him for other women for all time?

    [Reply]

  • Heehee January 27, 2014 at 10:36 am

    Lol

    [Reply]

  • Matt April 22, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Howdy, I think your web site could possibly be having web
    browser compatibility issues. Whenever I look at your site in Safari,
    it looks fine however when opening in I.E., it has some overlapping issues.
    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Apart from that, wonderful
    blog!

    [Reply]

  • kellie April 28, 2014 at 8:10 am

    Sa

    [Reply]

  • tammi June 6, 2014 at 6:25 pm

    This is ridiculous. Steven is Gay. No Way!! Wasn’t there a character who was questioning his Sexuality back around Book 16. Also where are the Visible Minorities Where’s Andy or Jade Wu or Manuel. I remember Francine Pascal caught a lot of flack for not having visible minorities In her Books. Whoever wrote the Book didn’t do enough research. Mistaking Lila Fowler’s Father’s name as Richard and not George.

    Also, wouldn’t it be cool for Lila to find out that her Paternal Grandmother was Latina or why The Fowlers and Dorets (Her Mother’s Family) hate each other for so many years.

    [Reply]

  • Nikki July 5, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    I cosign this post. Friend’s and family’s exes/bf’s/gf’s/significant others, etc. are off limits, no exceptions. That’s like an unwritten rule: do not go after your sister’s leftovers, period. Jessica used to be my favorite twin, but she lost major points in the new series. I’m officially team Elizabeth. Todd ain’t bout shit either, but I never expected much from him anyway. Jessica’s always been a beyotch, but blood is thicker than water, her loyalty should’ve been to her sister. Bruce is no prize either (I never liked his ass), but it’s funny that Liz ends up with a multimillionaire and Jessica gets Todd, Liz’s leftovers.

    [Reply]

  • Kellie July 18, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    I just read this book to see why it was so bad. Now I get it: Liz a slut who sleeps with 4 men in ONE book, Jessica still a sleazy finance stealer, all characters messed up, Alice a feral who swears in front of her elderly mother, Steven suddenly turning gay with no previous boy relationships, and Francine’s outdated, politically incorrect terms such as wheel chair bound and handicapped. This was published 2011, we have long since used the terms physical disability and people with disabilities. Get up to date Francine! Ugh. And yes Teddy Collins, NOT Sam Collins, Tom Watts was more than
    a fling, Liz’s taunt nipples, shudder, the constant uncessecary use of the F word? Need I go on? Thanks for ruining SVH for me!

    [Reply]

  • Sati Marie Frost August 3, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    Yes! *fistpump* I’ve been waiting for more Brizzle action since the kitchen scene in Almost Married. Actually, since they were in the car and he told her that his folks were getting divorced, and a tear ran out from under his sunglasses and down his cheek. I love it when bad boys cry.

    But why DOES Liz cry when she orgasms? Is it because her taut nipples get too hard and start to hurt? I sympathise, kiddo. Mine chafe like a mofo when I run at night in the winter.

    [Reply]

  • Flyleaf Between the Stars leaked album September 10, 2014 at 10:37 pm

    I really like reading a post that will make people think.
    Also, many thanks for permitting me to comment!

    [Reply]

  • Post a comment

    Threaded commenting powered by Spectacu.la code.