Sweet Valley High Senior Year #35: Control Freak
The Moral of the Story: Conner is the worst brother ever.
Jessica has boyfriend trouble: Jessica goes to Tia’s to explain what happened the night before at the party. Surprisingly, it only takes about half a page for Jessica to convince Tia of her innocence. Then she goes to try to talk to Jeremy, but only Trent is home. He invites her in and they talk things out and Trent says he’s going to make this up to everyone. Meanwhile, Jeremy is at his friend Stan’s house trying to avoid going home while Stan tries to tell him to get Jessica’s side of the story. Jeremy finally agrees and of fucking COURSE he gets home just in time to see Jessica and Trent talking together. He throws a fit and Jessica leaves all pissed off that he won’t even let her explain what happened.
Trent calls Tia to try to apologize. She’s not interested, but she does agree to help get Jessica and Jeremy back together. She sends an email to Jeremy, telling him she’s not mad at Jessica so he shouldn’t be either. Jeremy is worried that Jessica is just fooling everyone for some reason, but I guess he finally realizes that’s stupid. He and Jessica make up and live happily ever after.
Conner is moody and Alanna is an alcoholic: Alanna is really enjoying spending time with Conner and Megan, and she and Megan go to the mall together. Megan says Todd Wilkins asked her out but she doesn’t want to tell Conner because he’ll freak out about her dating a senior. Alanna doesn’t want to keep secrets from Conner so she convinces Megan to tell him. Conner starts yelling at Megan about how she shouldn’t be dating seniors. He calms down a little when Megan says she only told him because Alanna said she should. Conner and Alanna leave for their date, and Conner asks Alanna (again) if she’s been drinking. Alanna denies it (again) and Conner is relieved (again). New storyline, please. Alanna is sitting around in her room when she gets it into her head that Conner knew she was lying about not drinking and is just waiting to confront her about it. She decides to have a drink to calm her nerves. She doesn’t think she’s actually an alcoholic, so it’s totally okay if she has a few drinks every now and then.
When Conner finds out his mother is letting Megan go out with Todd, he yells at her for being such an irresponsible parent. What the fuck is your problem, jackass? Seriously, I don’t think there’s any way he could be less likable. He goes to school the next day and asks Liz to talk Megan out of going out with Todd. Liz (after she almost has a heart attack over the fact that Conner is speaking to her) tells him she can’t do that. Conner is all, “Whatever,” and Liz is all, “Why doesn’t he like me?” Oh my god, I will punch both of you in the face. When Megan tells Liz how much she likes Todd, Liz realizes it’s time to move on with her life. Oh, really? Thirty-five books into the series and you’re finally going to do something besides cry about Conner? I’m so sure.
Conner passes Todd in the hallway and clenches his jaw all moodily like he does. Todd waves and says hello because he’s a nice guy. He says maybe he and Megan will see Conner at the Riot on Friday, and Conner is all, “You’re not going anywhere with my sister.” Todd is confused, and then he just laughs and says Megan can go out with whoever she wants. Megan bitches at Conner that night and tells him to mind his own damned business. Conner doesn’t get why she can’t understand that he knows what’s best for her.
Conner wants to talk to Alanna about Megan, but she’s not answering her phone. He decides to go to her house. Alanna is falling down drunk when he gets there. Conner puts her to bed and then searches her room and removes all the alcohol. He locks up the liquor cabinet in Mr. Feldman’s study and puts the key in his own glove box. Conner picks up Alanna from school the next day and tells her he’s going to spend every second with her to make sure she doesn’t drink. She’s overjoyed that he isn’t dumping her, but a little annoyed. They spend a really boring evening watching television, and before he leaves, Conner tells Mrs. Feldman that Alanna needs help with her drinking. When he gets home, he calls Alanna’s friend Marissa and tells her to watch out for Alanna. Alanna’s mother grounds her and then Marissa calls and tells her what Conner said. Alanna calls Conner and tells him to back the fuck off. Then she digs out the one bottle Conner missed on his search through her room and gets drunk. After waking up with a hangover for the second or third day in a row, Alanna realizes she really does need help, so she meets Conner after school and asks him to go to an AA meeting with her. Hooray. Can we stop talking about alcoholism and move on to something else now?
Maria and Ken blah blah blah: Maria’s a mess because she cheated on that paper and Ken thinks she’s mad at him and is going to dump him any second. He finally asks her what’s going on and she tells him she turned in a paper she bought from that guy Tom. Ken is so relieved that Maria wasn’t cheating on him that he doesn’t even care that she did something so stupid. Maria just can’t live with the guilt anymore so she tells her teacher what she did. Because she’s so awesome and smart and everything, the teacher lets her make it up by writing another paper. She’ll just lose a full letter grade on it. That’s it.
It hardly ever rained in Sweet Valley. Why today? She just could not deal with this on top of the disaster at Jeremy’s party last night. She couldn’t.
It’s just rain, Jessica. You’ll live.
The Cover: He’s not clenching his jaw enough to really convey his Conner-ness.