Sweet Valley High #139: Elizabeth is Mine

SVH139Read part one of this miniseries here.

The Moral of the Story: If your girlfriend cheats on you and you want to win her back, start making out with another girl.

The Big Deal: Science fair

Synopsis:

After Jessica tells Todd that Liz and Devon are making out on the softball field at school, she puts her hand on his in a suggestive way and offers to fool around with him to get back at Liz. Todd is horrified at the idea. He doesn’t believe his sweet, loyal Liz would ever, ever cheat on him, so he leaves Jessica with the food and races over to the high school to see for himself. When Todd gets to school and sees Liz and Devon together, he decides he will win Liz back. Um, hello? Let the bitch go.

Jessica starts scheming. She figures if she can get Todd to start going out with someone else, Liz will break up with Devon so she can get Todd back, leaving Devon free for Jessica. She decides to get in touch with Courtney Kane and do a little matchmaking.

Since Lila is friends with Courtney, Jessica lets her in on the plan and the three of them get together. Courtney is perfectly willing to be Todd’s rebound chick, so she lets Jessica and Lila give her a makeover so she looks more “soft” and “refined.” More like Liz, in other words, and less skanky. Then they parade her in front of Todd, and he starts to wonder if Jessica is on the right track with this revenge idea. But no, he’d rather cry about Liz and try to win her back by giving her the ring he bought for her. Liz puts it in her jewelry box, and Jessica takes it, figuring it will come in handy.

The next part of Jessica’s plan is to get Devon to notice her again. To that end, she makes sure to bump into him while she’s walking down the hall reading her chemistry book. She tells him she’s having trouble in the subject and he plays right into her hands by offering to help her after school. They meet in the library for about two seconds before Jessica gets pissed because Devon makes some comment about not being surprised she sucks at chemistry. Jessica yells at him and tells him to watch out for Liz because she’s a fickle bitch. Much like destiny.

LOST

You know what I’m talking about, Lost fans.

Later, Jessica makes sure Courtney is waiting for Todd after basketball practice. While they’re talking, Jessica, pretending to be Liz, walks across the parking lot. She turns to Todd, sees him with Courtney, reaches into her pocket and puts on Todd’s ring, and then waves at Todd before turning around. Todd is at first excited that Liz seems interested in him again, but then he gets mad that she didn’t want him back until she saw him with Courtney. This pisses him off more than Liz kissing Devon did. And somehow Jessica knew it would. Todd and Courtney leave to go grab some pizza, and Jessica follows them to Guido’s. She calls Liz and asks her to meet her there, and Liz gets to the restaurant just in time to see Todd and Courtney making out. Liz runs out the door in horror, but then she starts thinking about things and decides she’s really happy for Todd and she’s going to do whatever it takes to make sure his new relationship works out. That way she’ll be free to be with Devon without feeling guilty.

Then there’s the whole science fair thing. Devon and Liz are going to enter because they’re lab partners. Jessica wants to enter, and she’s sure that Devon will fall madly in love with her if she wins. Unfortunately, Bruce is her lab partner and the best idea they come up with is a volcano. At the fair, Devon is acting all weird and doesn’t really want to win. He didn’t want to enter in the first place, something about people at his old school only knowing him as a smart guy. Yeah, who wants that? When he finds out that somebody (Jessica) ruined his and Liz’s project, he thinks it’s great. Meanwhile, Todd is walking around with Courtney, totally fed up with her snobbishness, and Jessica and Bruce’s volcano blows up.

The next morning, Jessica mentions something to Liz about the ring Todd gave her. Liz decides to give it back to him so he can give it to Courtney. How very noble of her. Liz calls Todd and then goes off to meet him at the Dairi Burger. They get to talking about the ring, and Todd says he saw her wearing it that one day after school. Liz says she never wore it and doesn’t know what he’s talking about. They realize Jessica’s been messing with them both this whole time. As they talk about how much they still care about each other, they hold hands.

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Aren’t they cute together?

Of course, that’s when Jessica comes in with Courtney and Devon. Devon and Todd start yelling and threatening each other in their cool-guy way, and then out of nowhere, Todd gets down on one knee and asks Liz to marry him. I wish I was kidding. Liz is horrified. So is Devon. He grabs Todd and the two of them start going at it. A couple of football players come break up the fight. Liz goes home and locks herself in her room, disgusted with everyone.

Fight!

Fight!

Quotes:

Elizabeth would never do this to me, he reassured himself. She would never cheat on me.

What in your experience together would lead you to this line of thinking?

She couldn’t help thinking that Todd never wanted to watch the same movies as she did anymore. They used to watch old classics together all the time. But now he seemed to prefer action movies or psychological thrillers.

Liz, Todd is a dude. You can’t expect him to just watch Casablanca over and over again for the rest of his life.

“How about if we paint it purple?” Jessica suggested. “We could even add tiny yellow flowers or moons.”

Bruce shook his head. “Jessica, volcanoes are brown. And they don’t have little moons on them.”

“Brown?” Jessica asked in alarm. “You want to paint it brown?”

Jessica, seriously, are you still twelve years old?

The Cover: Does the Dairi Burger have a pool table? Nobody has ever mentioned that before. And who the hell are these people? Neither one of these guys look like the Devon from the previous covers.

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Comments
  • Anonymous December 22, 2009 at 1:52 pm

    I guess they got lazy and decided to just have the twins who played Jess and Liz on the TV show model for the god-awful covers…Cynthia and Brittney Daniel.

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    Shannon Reply:

    I guess they thought it was easier to take pictures than to draw stuff. I seriously hate these covers.

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  • Merrie December 22, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    Too bad Carl the Orderly couldn’t have broken out of jail and been all “She’s my girl!” and chloroform everyone …

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    Shannon Reply:

    That would have been amazing. Poor Carl, he just wanted to love her.

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  • Christine December 22, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Of *course* Jessica wants to fool around with her sister’s boyfriend… again. And Liz gets *another* marriage proposal? At least this time it comes from a guy who’s known her a long time, which makes it slightly more plausible. (Or does it? He doesn’t actually seem to know her well.) Elizabeth should lock herself in her room permanently, so she doesn’t drive anymore men mad with desire. 😛

    I love your snark on those quotes. 🙂 Jessica’s contribution to the science fair is so middle-school basic, (and cliched/obvious) it’s no wonder she regresses to 12 years old…I guess. She’s beyond immature. Jess is starting to seem a little… touched in the head, what with her volcano-colour-ignorance, and total lack of morals/conscience/understanding that it’s not okay to scheme and mess with other people’s lives like a psycho puppet-master.

    In fact all these characters seem crazy, in one way or another. Todd’s delusion that Liz is a perfect angel, and that getting married would somehow magically solve their problems. (Why can’t he realize it’s his love of action movies that’s driving them apart?!) Liz taking no responsibility for anything, just running away and playing the victim/prize to be won. Devon aggressively pursuing a girl he barely knows, throwing punches and insults all over the place, and acting arrogant, entitled and scarily-persistent… (hey maybe that makes him perfect for Jessica! I’m rooting for those two crazy kids. She should kidnap him and feed him frozen pancakes.)

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    Shannon Reply:

    I completely agree that pretty much everyone in Sweet Valley has a touch of the crazies. From the lackadaisical parenting to the inappropriateness of school faculty (yes, you, Mr. Collins) to the boys who fall all over themselves to get a second glance from one twin or another. What the hell is wrong with everyone?

    And for real, Jessica will forever be twelve years old. A purple volcano with little moons all over it? Blargh.

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  • Lori December 22, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    A purple volcano with little moons? Oh my God.

    I don’t know who’s more pathetic Todd for proposing after Liz cheated on him for the 200th time or Courtney wanting to be rebound girl after how long?

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    Shannon Reply:

    I know, it’s totally sad that Courtney is all, “Hell yeah! I’ll be his rebound!” Like she’s just been sitting around all this time pining after Todd of all people.

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    megan s. Reply:

    what books do Courtney first appear in?

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    Shannon Reply:

    Courtney first appears in Brokenhearted. She goes to Lovett Academy, where Todd went when he first moved back to Sweet Valley.

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    megan s. Reply:

    thanks!

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  • Lorelai December 22, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    I seriously love the cover. It’s a Toddpunch in action. Devon’s on the right, Todd’s on the left, for those of you playing at home. And Lila’s there too! Go Lila!

    Also, so much awesome Bruce Patman action, so little time. The fact that they’re even making a volcano for a science fair proves that they’re definitely twelve years old.

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    Shannon Reply:

    LOL @ Toddpunch. It is nice to finally see one happen on a cover.

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  • Lorelai December 22, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    Also, I forgot to mention how much I love Todd’s apparent psychotic breakdown in these books. He very literally got batshit insane, and a part of me really digs it. I guess ’cause he’s always so punchy and driving-cars-off-a-pier-y.

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    Shannon Reply:

    He really does ruin far too many cars, doesn’t he?

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  • Lindsay December 23, 2009 at 2:38 am

    Jessica is such a bitch.

    And Todd proposed right there in the Dairi Burger?! Oh my god that is too fantastic for words.

    ” Elizabeth would never do this to me, he reassured himself. She would never cheat on me.

    What in your experience together would lead you to this line of thinking?”

    Hahahahahahahaha!

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    Shannon Reply:

    Really, what is he thinking? Lorelai’s right, he’s completely lost his mind in these books.

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  • Sandy2 May 6, 2010 at 9:24 am

    It’s just mindboggling. Why would Todd fight for a girl who cheated on him, and why would Devon fight for a girl who is willing to cheat on her boyfriend?

    And Jess scheming with Courtney Kane? Didn’t Courtney nearly kill Liz a few dozen books ago? Guess we know how much Liz’s life is worth to Jessica.

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  • Wahine August 10, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    “Brown?” Jessica asked in alarm. “You want to paint it brown?”
    Didn’t have the brown bedroom? She painted it herself! Oi vey

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  • Dane Youssef September 1, 2012 at 12:40 am

    Yeah, we all can’t help but wonder the same thing. I know these books aren’t really supposed to be about logic. They’re silly escapist fantasy. But come on! This isn’t just pushing it. This is completely throwing your hands in the air, giving up and going, “Oh, even I don’t care anymore. Whatever. It’s not like we actually have to try.” Was the ghostwriter this time just trying to send us a message, “Don’t just propose to make everything alright? And don’t go off the deep end just because someone you were with lets you down?”

    Well, that’s a good message. Really. But somehow, this just seems like an especially lame way to deliver it.

    I know these characters just do whatever for the sake of entertainment value. But Todd proposing to his high school girlfriend after a freaking infidelity?! And him having a crazy schizo meltdown? That last part could be made to be interesting, but…

    OK, look… now him taking Jessica up on her offer and just making out with her back–THAT would have been entertainment! Todd has had an affair with her before. We all know THAT would make for some damn fine reading, don’t we?! FUCK, don’t we?

    Yes, Todd deciding to get back and Liz by fooling around with Jess. Starting up with her. A definite improvement there. Big upgrade. Yup. That’s my re-write.

    Liz snuck around on Todd plenty of times before. He only returned the favor a few. But he WAS having a sporadic thing with Jessica for a while, was he not? Seriously, for Liz there was a lot of other boys. But how many other girls did Mr. Wilkins have?

    And seriously… to our good Blogmaster General Shannon… thanks again.

    –All Our Appreciation, Dane Youssef

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  • Dane Youssef October 13, 2012 at 1:39 am

    OK seriously, one other thing…

    I thought the Wakefield girls were the only twins in the great town of Sweet Valley. But come on, good people… not only does the incarnation of Devon not look anything like his earlier avatars…

    But… here, Devon looks exactly like Todd. No really, he’s Todd’s identical twin! Wow. Liz cheated on Todd with a guy that looks exactly like him?! What, was SHE confused by their physical similarity?!? Seriously… it looks like Liz and Jess aren’t the only identical Gemini in the Valley anymore.

    Will the REAL Todd Wilkins please stand up?! We’re very confused!

    I take it this is back when the TV show was on the air. They used the cast for models. I’ll give them this much–it certainly makes the stories seem more real. To put flesh-and-blood people on the covers… I can believe these people do exist.

    More than I ever did whenever I saw episodes of this stupid, stupid excuse for a TV show…

    As bad as this book was (and we all know there were some bad ones), it honestly HAD to be better than the show…

    –Still For Francine and “The Valley,” Dane Youssef

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  • Dane Youssef December 7, 2014 at 3:03 am

    I once personally asked how many exact precise times Elizabeth had cheated on Todd. Another Blogmaster gave the pin-pointed tally–13. Well… I guess this all speaks volumes. Deafening volumes… doesn’t it?

    –As Always, Dane Youssef

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  • Alex Kennedy August 18, 2016 at 6:39 am

    Jessica is such a hypocrite. She sleeps with other people’s boyfriends. She also rats on her sister. She accuses Elizabeth of going out with the one guy that Jessica really likes.

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  • Alex Kennedy February 22, 2017 at 8:49 am

    “Elizabeth is Mine” – we are quite possessive and sure of ourselves, aren’t we?

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  • Dane Youssef May 7, 2017 at 8:18 pm

    “Elizabeth would never do this to me, he reassured himself. She would never cheat on me.” –Todd Wilkins, Book#139: Elizabeth is Mine

    Wow, these things are even more inconsistent than I thought.

    The ghostwriters… Pascal must honestly have a whole sweatshop full of them–and tell them they must never actually read any of the books themselves to know the plot.. or even talk to each other at all. They must have never even a SWEET VALLEY BOOK. Lucky bastards…

    –Hating It All With Joy, DANE R. YOUSSEF

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  • anon May 13, 2017 at 11:29 pm

    I can’t stand Jessica. I loved it when Devon preferred Elizabeth over her. Anyone who screws over Jessica is fine in my book.

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  • Dane Youssef May 27, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    “How about if we paint it purple?” Jessica suggested. “We could even add tiny yellow flowers or moons.”

    Bruce shook his head. “Jessica, volcanoes are brown. And they don’t have little moons on them.”

    “Brown?” Jessica asked in alarm. “You want to paint it brown?”

    SO… SHE GOING TO DECORATE THE VOLCANO WITH MARSHMALLOWS FROM A BOX OF LUCKY CHARMS?

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  • Dane Youssef May 27, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    “How about if we paint it purple?” Jessica suggested. “We could even add tiny yellow flowers or moons.”

    Bruce shook his head. “Jessica, volcanoes are brown. And they don’t have little moons on them.”

    “Brown?” Jessica asked in alarm. “You want to paint it brown?”

    So… she’s going to decorate the volcano with marshmallows from a box of Lucky Charms…

    –Sincerely Astounded, DANE R. YOUSSEF

    [Reply]

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