Sweet Valley High #126: Tall, Dark, and Deadly

SVH126The Moral of the Story: Just one damned vampire will turn a whole town goth.

The Big Deal: The only big deal in this book is Jonathan Cain.

Synopsis:

Ah, jeez. Vampires.

Jessica has gotten a pair of diamond earrings from her grandmother, but she loses one at the Dairi Burger. She and Lila go digging through the dumpster to try to find it. There’s a dead body underneath all the trash and the dead man has a bite mark on his neck. Gross. When the police get to the scene, they discover the body has been drained of blood.

Liz is all fucked up about Joey Mason, her summer fling. She can’t even stand to be around Todd because she feels so guilty. She ends a date early and Todd spends two pages trying to figure out what he did wrong. When they get to the Wakefields’ house, there’s a police car in the driveway. They run inside and Jessica tells them what happened. She introduces them to Jasmine, a cat she rescued from a tree outside the Dairi Burger. Everyone keeps saying Jasmine is the only witness to the murder.

At school on Monday, Jessica is a superstar and everyone wants to know what happened. Chrome Dome holds an assembly to talk about the murder. Enid sits with Maria and Liz, but Liz ignores her and just talks to Maria. Liz hasn’t told Enid about Joey, so Maria is the only one she can talk to about the fact that Joey will be going to UCLA and be within driving distance of Sweet Valley. Enid feels left out. Mr. Cooper introduces a new student, Jonathan Cain. He’s wearing black leather pants and a black t-shirt and of course he’s totally gorgeous. Enid and Jessica both decide they’re in love with him, and Liz immediately hates him because she recognizes him as the guy who bumped into her that morning and didn’t apologize.

Jessica tries to get Jonathan’s attention in a variety of ways, but he totally ignores her. She sits next to him in French class and passes him a flirtatious note. He passes one back telling her to leave him alone. Jessica gets all excited about what a challenge he’s going to be. Meanwhile, all the girls at school think Jonathan is totally hot and they start dressing like him and painting their nails black and shit. Lila and Jessica think it’s totally gross and stick with their lavender nail polish. Enid tells Liz she wants to dye her hair black, but Liz tells her it’s a stupid idea. Enid goes to the salon anyway and gets her hair dyed and straightened and also learns all about how to apply emo makeup. Liz is annoyed at everyone trying to copy Jonathan. Even Todd starts wearing black all the time.

Liz comes to a decision: she’s going to forget about Joey. She burns his letter and starts trying to convince herself she’s still in love with Todd, but it’s hard going, especially when she finds a canoe paddle in her locker. Wtf? I guess Joey put it there thinking it would be cute, but I’d sure be creeped out by it.

Enid turns into a creepy stalker and follows Jonathan after school one day to a dilapidated mansion on the outskirts of town. She sees him go inside, but nobody answers when she rings the doorbell and then knocks on the door. She walks around the house and looks in the windows. The house is disgusting and it’s clear nobody lives there. Enid gets freaked out and drives home.

Jessica finally gets Jonathan to give her a ride on his motorcycle. He takes her home and Jessica thinks it’s totally awesome that he knows where she lives. He drops her off, tells her again to leave her alone and then drives off. Liz can’t believe Jessica took a motorcycle ride. Jessica wakes up from a nightmare later and finds her missing earring on her windowsill. Weird. The next day, Jonathan tells Liz to keep Jessica away from him. Liz makes Jessica promise to leave him alone, but Jessica sneaks away on Saturday night while Liz is in the shower. She goes to the address Enid said she had followed Jonathan to.

When Liz gets out of the shower, she hears on the radio that another murder victim has been found. It’s a blond girl at Secca Lake and all her blood has been drained. Liz searches the house for Jessica and realizes she’s not there. She freaks out and does the only thing she can think of: she calls Todd and asks for his help. He says he’ll be right over and Liz panics until she hears a car in the driveway. She opens the door, but it’s Joey. She gives him a big hug and suddenly forgets that her sister might be dead. Of course, that’s the exact moment Todd shows up.

Jessica’s not dead. She’s at Jonathan’s house knocking incessantly on the door. Jonathan finally lets her in. He sets down his goblet of red wine and kisses Jessica. Then he pushes her away and says she should have left him alone.

Quotes:

“We’re trying to get that new guy, Jonathan, to join the basketball team,” Todd told Elizabeth.

Oh, Todd. Goth kids don’t play team sports.

I need new friends, Enid decided. Lynne Henry, Julie Porter, and Jennifer Mitchell, all of whom had also adopted Jonathan’s gothic style of dress, were sitting together at a nearby table.

So basically all the poor girls with no self-confidence are the ones being taken in by this new craze, but perfect and confident twins are immune.

Why can’t he admit that he cares for me?

This is Jessica, after Jonathan has done everything he can possibly do to show that he does not, in fact, care for her.

The Cover: Did anyone else wear those awful velvety black chokers back in the day? I thought I was so totally cool and goth when I wore mine. I imagine Jessica thinks it’s just the thing to make Jonathan fall in love with her. Jonathan looks like a total creeper up there in the window.

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Comments
  • Megan November 16, 2009 at 12:06 pm

    I will not even get into how many velvet chokers I had. Oh god, with stars and cameos and filigree crosses on them?

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Oh, yeah. What was up with all the crosses we wore back then? Was it supposed to make us hardcore?

    [Reply]

    Megan Reply:

    I guess, or maybe we all watched The Crow too many times? I had a lace choker with a cross on it, it was the best thing that happened in 1994.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I think I had the same one. Also, a pair of black tights with crosses all over them.

    [Reply]

    Sandy Reply:

    Yeah that was an embarrassing time in my life (another one). I always thought the chokers were a little bit trampy but they were so in that I ignored the feeling!

    [Reply]

    Merrie Reply:

    I wore a black one with a gold rose hanging from it to Senior Dinner Dance. And that is my memory from my last school dance. Sigh.

    Side note? I’d still totally wear the dress if I could still fit in it!

    [Reply]

    Callie Reply:

    This reminded me. Did anyone else have a dress that at the choker built into it? What a weird piece of clothing. It was all black velvet.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I did not, but a friend of mine did and I was TOTALLY jealous.

    [Reply]

    Callie Reply:

    The crosses totally made us hardcore. I loved those silly velvet chokers. Always crimson and black, with little silver crosses or a cameo hanging off them. I really don’t know where I got the idea they were so cool from though. Mine were fastened with Velcro though, so I’m pretty sure that makes me a fake.

    [Reply]

    Sandy Reply:

    I think I had a velcro one Callie. The tie ones kind of scared me. I just knew I’d get choked for being a goth.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I’m pretty sure I had a Velcro one, but I think I had another one with a little chain and clasp.

    [Reply]

  • Darren November 16, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    Would’ve been funny if Lana Lang of Smallville made an appearance as a vampire, or Lex Luthor had this cure for ‘vampirism’ the disease. That was lame in Smallville, not surprising the book tries something out of this. Chloe Sullivan should cover this story right away for the Daily Planet.

    Nothing worse then using animals as a witness to murder.

    The old body dumped in the dumpster, and Jessica and Lila were dumpster diving for earrings? Wow! Too bad it wasn’t an enemy of theirs like Veronica Brooks.

    Poor LIz is tired of her romance with Todd again? how many times do they put that in a book that Liz is tired of her life?

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Just going to put it out there that this book was published long before Smallville was on the air.

    [Reply]

    Lorelai Reply:

    Haha I laughed for a good minute after reading this.

    [Reply]

  • megan s. November 16, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    oh i remember the next book better. i don’t like the next one its kind of sad. lol

    [Reply]

  • Sandy November 16, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    Okay, I’m sort of with Liz on Jonathan bumping into her and her hating him. I wouldn’t hate a person but that irritates the crap out of me when they don’t say excuse me!!!!

    That’s the only thing that really leapt out at me on this book.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Oh, definitely. For once, Liz is the only one thinking clearly about this Jonathan guy.

    [Reply]

  • Children of the 90s November 16, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    Black velvet chokers FTW! I totally had those. I was also partial to those hideous tattoo-style plastic chokers. Yikes. Too many 10 for $5 sale castoffs at Claire’s.

    And Enid? Ugh. She’s just the most pathetic character. I want to shake her.

    [Reply]

    Sandy Reply:

    Lol, I was going to say how there may be a little Enid in all of us. Maybe.

    [Reply]

  • Girl talk read November 16, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    Shan- I owned at least three of those velvet chokers back in the day! And wow Francine Pascal was WAY ahead of Stephenie Meyer, the Sookie Stackhouse novels et al wasn’t she? Francine is a TRENDSETTER!

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Ha, go Francine!

    [Reply]

  • Fear Street November 16, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    All the black! These kids are such sheep.

    Excuse me while I cackle maniacally at Jonathan’s rejection of Jessica.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I love that he rejects her over and over, but pissed that of course he ends up making out with her in the end.

    [Reply]

  • Lori November 16, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    Jessica, maybe he’s just not that into you. I know shocking. My favorite part was Jonathan’s endless rejections.

    Dressing black was about as hardcore as I got.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I actually still wear a LOT of black. My entire wardrobe is mostly blacks, grays and browns. I think the people at the stores where I shop think I’m colorblind.

    [Reply]

  • Lorelai November 16, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    The vampires have landed in Sweet Valley! Suck it, Stephanie Meyer, because these books are still better than that Twilight crap. (Having said that, I’m about to watch the first Twilight movie today with a friend, but since I’m pretty sure I’ll hate it, I’m not too worried about making this statement.)

    The last book in this series is pretty much the funniest thing I have ever read. Ever. I mean, it just…priceless.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    This whole series is so ridiculous. I mean, if SVH hadn’t jumped the shark a hundred times already, this would definitely do it.

    [Reply]

  • Wendy November 16, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    it’s about time one of Elizabeth’s flings came back to bite her in the arse. (Pun intended.) What a shame Joey turns out to be such a wank.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Yeah, I really thought Joey had potential. But no, he’s a weirdo stalker creep.

    [Reply]

  • Darren November 17, 2009 at 2:45 am

    I thought it’s usually Jessica that dates the weirdoes! Wow, first the werewolf and now dracula, what’s next for poor Elizabeth? I’m surprised she wasn’t scarred in going to college!

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    No, no, Liz hates the vampire. Jessica and Enid are in love with him.

    [Reply]

  • Sandy November 17, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    Will this week be an every other day update????

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Yes, I’m sorry. I think I’m going to try to get another episode of the show recapped for your Thursday afternoon viewing pleasure, though.

    [Reply]

  • Sadako November 17, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    I never had a vampire choker but I probably would have if I’d seen one or it had been offered to me. Never let it be said that our adolescent selves had taste. 😀

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Seriously. Some of the things I wore back then… *shudder*

    [Reply]

  • Erin November 19, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    I used to wear my velvet chokers with a bodysuit and tight jeans. I thought I was totally hot, but I probably looked like a hooker. Sigh.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Oh, bodysuits. What the hell were we thinking?

    [Reply]

  • Karla January 13, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    Lynne Henry, Julie Porter, and Jennifer Mitchell, all of whom had also adopted Jonathan’s gothic style of dress, were sitting together at a nearby table.

    I always thought Lynne Henry should have been a Goth anyway, so that makes me happy.

    [Reply]

    fritz Reply:

    pag shure oy.. boang man diay ka.. u understand me? mas ganahan pa ko ni elizabeth.. sabot u? ok gudbye.. tiriring

    [Reply]

  • stephanie August 10, 2010 at 12:21 am

    what on earth are u talking about? well u please translate ur reply in english??/

    [Reply]

  • Bailey November 27, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    This book vaguely reminded me of Twilight. Edward kept telling Bella “to stay away”. Sound familiar?

    [Reply]

  • bia_lee August 5, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    They really should have made Jonathan’s charcater come back in the SVU part of sweet valley. Then Mike would have been eaten and Jessica could have had some steamy times with ‘the one that got away’

    [Reply]

  • bia_lee August 6, 2012 at 8:07 am

    But at least they didn’t pair elisabeth and jonathan up in one of the secret diaries…..that would have been um disturbing

    [Reply]

  • severina October 14, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Doesn’t Todd ALWAYS spend at least a couple pages wondering what he did wrong? The guy can’t buy a clue.

    Random question: Why the hell do vampires drink fancy wine and drive expensive vehicles? I totally want to see one who drives, I dunno, a Yugo and drinks Big K Cola.

    [Reply]

  • Krista November 3, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Jessica finally gets Jonathan to give her a ride on his motorcycle. He takes her home and Jessica thinks it’s totally awesome that he knows where she lives.

    Oh, God, it’s early Twilight (e.g., stuff that is super creepy and stalkerish is considered romantic in a book). I can’t remember, did we ever find out that Jonathan hovered outsider her window to watch her sleep?

    [Reply]

  • Dane Youssef May 11, 2017 at 12:55 pm

    TODD WILKINS WAS DRESSING ALL “GOTH EMO?!?” OH, COME ON… THAT WOULD BE MORE THAN IT’S WEIGHT IN GOLD!!!!

    Now why wasn’t THAT on the cover?!?

    Fuck the girl in the choker…

    –Sincerely, DANE R. YOUSSEF

    [Reply]

  • Jessica W is an Evil Warped Skank July 13, 2017 at 7:17 am

    Vampires, werewolves (i.e. in London), dead bodies, serial killers, royalty (Prince Arthur), television appearances, beauty contests,… these books have it all. Is there anything that these twins cannot do?

    [Reply]

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