Sweet Valley High #125: Camp Killer

SVH125Read part one of this miniseries here. Read part two here.

The Moral of the Story: Nothing brings people together like a crazed woodsman.

The Big Deal: Summer camp color war

Synopsis:

Even though camp is almost over, Liz is suddenly all spooked out by the camp legend, which is this: A long time ago, a counselor fell in love with a guy who lived in the forest and chopped wood all day long. When the camp owner found out about it, she told the woodsman he could never set foot in the camp again and the counselor wasn’t allowed anywhere near him. So the girl ran away into the forest to be with her woodsman. There was a search after she disappeared, but nobody ever saw her or the woodsman again. People assumed she died, but sometimes you can still hear the sound of chopping wood…

Whatever. It’s a stupid story, but Liz based her play on it and now she’s walking around with a sense of impending doom. ‘Cause she’s psychic, don’t forget. Joey tells the story while everyone sits around the campfire one night and says there’s more to the story, something about an ax murderer named Crazy Freddy. Later, Liz makes out with Joey in the woods for a while and then goes back to the cabin, where she starts to panic because Jessica isn’t back yet. Jessica and Paul wake up in the middle of the night from where they fell asleep looking at the stars. I guess Paul’s parents took his car and are never coming back or something, so he and Jessica walk to his neighbors’ house and Paul borrows one of their horses to take Jessica back to camp.

There’s a big camp color war coming up. The teams are announced, and of course Nicole and Liz are the opposing captains. Nicole is crazier than ever and thinks she deserves Joey because she likes him the most or something. She wants to fuck up Liz’s life, so she writes Todd a letter and includes a picture of Joey and Liz kissing. Maria catches her and won’t let Nicole send it. Dammit. Nicole gets Liz out into the woods alone one night and starts swinging an ax around, trying to scare her. Maria has a talk with Nicole and she agrees to stop being such a bitch.

Paul is in big trouble for stealing the neighbor’s horse and he’s grounded or something. This has Jessica in a tizzy, and the day of the color war, she sneaks out to see him, leaving Liz to cover for her and participate in all her color war activities as well as her own. Paul and Jessica have this great idea that they’re going to pretend to be Crazy Freddy and sneak into camp and scare everyone. That goes just great for about five seconds. Then an actual crazed ax murderer grabs Jessica and starts to drag her away. Tanya, Paul’s sister and one of Jessica’s campers, runs into the woods and starts yelling at the guy to let Jessica go, so the guy punches her and takes her with him. He takes them to a cabin where they cower in a corner.

There’s commotion at the camp about Tanya having gone missing. Joey says he knows of an abandoned cabin and runs into the woods alone. The rest of the counselors pair up and start searching. Nicole and Liz have to work together to save the day. Aww. They meet up with Paul, who tells them Jessica was with him and she’s missing now, too. The three of them find the cabin. They look in the window and see Joey, Jessica and Tanya. There’s some plan that involves Nicole and Liz acting as bait and Paul getting the better of the guy, but of course Liz nearly gets captured. Nicole distracts the guy and he captures her while Liz gets away. Meanwhile, Paul breaks a window at the back of the cabin, climbs inside and cuts Tanya and Jessica loose.

You know what, whatever. You know they all get away in the end. Nicole and Liz become friends for the last two days of camp and everything is great. Nicole also gives Liz and Joey her blessing because she’s pissed at him for running into the woods alone like some kind of macho man and she doesn’t want him anymore.

While all this has been going on, Lila and Bo have gotten lost in the woods. It’s kind of hilarious because they’re walking along talking about how they don’t even mind being lost together because they’re so in love. They end up sleeping on a gravel road, and they wake up the next morning to a crop dusting plane landing nearby. The pilot calls his boss to see if he can take Lila and Bo back to camp, but the boss says no way. The guy starts grumbling about how he only needs a thousand more dollars to buy the plane and go into business with his brother. Lila and Bo decide to invest in the company and they each give him five hundred dollars. They get back to camp, where nobody has really even noticed they were gone. I guess if you’re not a Wakefield or a cute eight-year-old, nobody cares about you.

Quotes:

She shoveled a forkful of dry, tasteless scrambled eggs into her mouth.

Ew. Please stop with the forkfuls of food being shoveled into people’s mouths.

Will I be able to stop loving Joey when I return to Sweet Valley?

I predict you will forget all about him.

The Cover: This cover cracks me up. Just look at that madman back there. Ha ha.

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Comments
  • Darren November 11, 2009 at 11:58 am

    Too bad Jason or Michael Myers wasn’t the camp killer. Even Freddy Krueger would’ve been good for something in scaring the kiddies, bwa ha hahahahaha. Such a shame to have copyrights, but can’t stop a fan fiction writer from writing a what if? Would’ve been funny even if Margo and Nora came back for no reason.

    Man, that Nicole is such a little bitch! Is anybody sure she’s not some cousin or friend to maybe Veronica Brooks? That’s another girl that despised Elizabeth! Somebody is out to get Elizabeth and fuck up her life, but too bad Elizabeth is cheating as usual. For somebody that’s the Bobby Ewing of the family, Elizabeth is doing her JR Ewing impersonation. Too bad there’s no drinking at the camp, Elizabeth would’ve fit in as the bourbon girl.

    10 more chapters before the fiery breakup of Lila and Bo.

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  • Merrie November 11, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    The madman kinda looks like Kevin Smith.

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    Shannon Reply:

    Ha! Maybe Kevin will play him in the movie.

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    Girl talk read Reply:

    yeah he does Merrie!

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  • Sandy November 11, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    How does Nicole even know Todd’s address to write him?

    Another kidnapping, I’m so shocked. (They REALLY need to invent that sarcasm font everyone wants)

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    Shannon Reply:

    Oh, she gets it from Liz’s address book in the cabin.

    I’ve always said the twins need bodyguards if they’re going to continue to be so kidnappable.

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  • Girl talk read November 11, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    How did you get through this series? SOOO BORING AND AWFUL!

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I actually read this whole series during the plane rides coming home from Colorado last month. It took two very long flights to get home, and SVH is nothing if not a time killer.

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    Darren Reply:

    If I ever fly to the far east in my lifetime, I’m bringing Sweet Valley High to read! Least I’ll have some good reading material when the dentist tortures me in December 3rd with some dentistry.

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  • Lorelai November 11, 2009 at 11:47 pm

    I love love love LOVE the fact that Lila and Bo go to summer camp and end up investing in a company. That is sooo Lila and Bo.

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    Darren Reply:

    But wait until SV 135, Lila and Bo have a fiery break up so to speak and a 3 part arc story involving fire and an unheard of romance between Lila and Steven!

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    Shannon Reply:

    Ha ha, I know. I love them so much.

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  • Karla January 13, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    “Maria has a talk with Nicole and she agrees to stop being such a bitch.”

    And lo, another SVH miracle cure. There needs to be a drinking game for this kind of shit.

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  • Dane Youssef January 31, 2013 at 4:33 am

    “Nicole is crazier than ever and thinks she deserves Joey because she likes him the most or something. She wants to fuck up Liz’s life, so she writes Todd a letter and includes a picture of Joey and Liz kissing. Maria catches her and won’t let Nicole send it. Dammit.” –Shannon

    Truer words… never spoken. This is why I enjoyed “Confidential” so much. Because it meant this crap between Liz and Todd was over for good.

    –Sincerely… Completely Sincere, Dane Youssef

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  • Krista November 3, 2013 at 11:27 am

    “Maria has a talk with Nicole and she agrees to stop being such a bitch.”

    Swinging an axe to scare someone is not being a bitch, it is being a psycho.

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  • Krista November 3, 2013 at 11:29 am

    “Truer words… never spoken. This is why I enjoyed “Confidential” so much. Because it meant this crap between Liz and Todd was over for good.”

    Oh, Dane, SVC is a soap opera. That means (if the series isn’t canceled) Todd and Liz will still fall back into bed together at LEAST once more and struggle with their feelings for each other at least a dozen more times. And I’m being totally serious.

    [Reply]

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