Sweet Valley High #119: Jessica’s Older Guy

SVH119Read part one of this miniseries here. Read part two here.

The Moral of the Story: Real friends will try to talk you out of getting a jumpstart on your career.

The Big Deal: Frat party

Synopsis:

The last book ended with Zach and Jessica at a restaurant and Magda about to catch them together, which is bad because Magda wants Zach and Jessica wants Magda to like her so she’ll get into the sorority. This book starts with Jessica acting insane and dragging Zach to the ladies’ room. She insists there’s a raging fire in the restaurant and convinces Zach they need to climb out the bathroom window. They do so, and Zach thinks Jessica is just so awesome and wild. Jessica is sure she’s falling in love, so she decides she’s going to stay with Liz at SVU.

Liz calls Todd and tells him she’s not coming home. Seriously? Like, you’re just going to stay at the college? I don’t think you can just, you know, do that. If nothing else, you should probably go home for some clothes or something. Oh, and hey, maybe you should talk to your parents. Anyway, Todd is basically traumatized: “Todd Wilkins let the phone fall with a clatter, his face as white as a sheet…He felt as if he had been punched in the stomach.” He goes driving around to all the places he and Liz love the most, conjuring up all these memories, acting like Liz is dead. When Ken hears from Jessica and learns she’s also going to stay at SVU, he and Todd decide they’re not going to stand for it. They get all the twins’ friends together, pass out some flyers that say “Operation Wakefield Twins” (I’m not making that up) and come up with some elaborate plan to get the twins to come back. It’s basically the same reverse psychology plan the twins used on Steve when he wanted to quit school and work on a boat. So everyone calls the twins and tells them how awesome things are going to be when they’re gone. For instance, now Lila will be the most popular girl in school and Enid will be the smartest. Oh, and Ned and Alice are looking forward to taking that long trip to Europe they’ve always talked about.

Liz hates her internship. The editor-in-chief, Mr. Petherbrook, is a lecherous perv who keeps eyeing Liz’s legs and calling her “honeybunch” and shit. He also won’t give her any real newspaper assignments and just keeps asking her to make copies and get him coffee. Liz finally snaps, tells him off and walks out. So much for your internship.

Suddenly the twins are starting to rethink their decision. Liz has no internship and Jessica finds out she wouldn’t be able to join the cheerleading squad until the following year. They both miss their boyfriends. Of course, these are just the first seeds of doubt. They still totally plan to stay. Besides, there’s a big frat party being given by Zach’s fraternity and Jessica is determined to go. The only problem is that Magda is going to be there. Jessica doesn’t want Magda to see her with Zach, so she browbeats Liz into a really stupid twin switch.

Liz goes to the party dressed all slutty, which means everyone thinks she’s Jessica even though this is a party where she doesn’t know anyone. Jessica goes dressed more conservatively than usual, but she only wants Magda to think she’s Liz. She still wants to be Zach’s date as Jessica.

Operation Wakefield Twins involves everyone driving up to SVU. Steve and Billie are in on the whole thing and they let the gang into their apartment while the twins are at the Zeta party. They’re hanging banners and blowing up balloons when Ken suddenly realizes Jessica wouldn’t want to stay at SVU just for Liz. He deduces there must be another guy involved. He and Todd decide to crash the Zeta party and see what’s going on. When they get there, they look in a window like the creepers they are and see “Jessica” looking bored while “Liz” dances happily with some guy. Todd gets all emo and says he’s going home, but Ken convinces him he should fight for his chick. They decide to go in, but they don’t get past the bouncer.

Liz notices the commotion at the door and runs into Todd’s arms. He’s confused and then relieved that it’s not his girlfriend who’s dancing with some other guy. Then the bouncer throws him outside. Ken’s pissed, so he taps Jessica on the shoulder and asks what her deal is. She tries to say it was a blind date, which upsets Zach, so he’s all, “But what about our love?” and Ken’s all, “But what about me?” and Jess is all, “You’re tearing me apart!” Ken leaves, and just when things couldn’t get any worse, Magda comes up to Jessica (who she still thinks is Liz) and tells her she can have Zach because he’s only a junior in high school, “Just like you.” Jessica and Zach yell at each other for a minute and then decide the whole thing is hilarious. Then Jessica says she’s got to go and find her boyfriend.

The twins leave the party but don’t see the boys anywhere. They go back to Steve’s apartment where they find a surprise party waiting for them. All their friends are there to wish them luck and say goodbye. They put on some slideshow highlighting awesome high school times. Todd comes in with chips and soda and stuff. He tells Jessica Ken’s in the car. She runs outside and makes him stop the car. She jumps in and they have a talk and of course Ken forgives her for everything. They go back inside and the twins decide they would really be much happier if they decided to forget this whole college thing.

Quotes:

“SVU is only two hours away from Sweet Valley, after all.”

Why? Why is Sweet Valley University two hours away from Sweet Valley? That doesn’t make sense.

Just then a big blond guy walked by with a shaggy sheepdog by his side. He did a double take as he passed Jessica, tripping over the dog’s leash and stumbling to the ground.

Because she’s just that hot, folks. But isn’t it funny that these things never happen to Elizabeth?

Enid Rollins’s mouth dropped open.

Olivia Davidson’s eyes bugged out.

Winston Egbert dropped his fork with a clatter.

“Elizabeth’s not coming back?” they exclaimed in unison.

Oh, fuck off, all of you.

Elizabeth took a quick look in the mirror and stared at herself, aghast…She had never shown so much skin in her entire life.

Don’t you go to the beach – in a swimsuit – like every day?

The Cover: I don’t remember either twin taking any classes in this book, so I don’t really know what’s up with the blonde in the classroom. I think the guy with glasses is Liz’s nerd friend, Ian, which means the other guy is probably Zach. SVU’s color is purple, I guess.

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Comments
  • rachierach October 30, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    Enid Rollins’s mouth dropped open.

    Olivia Davidson’s eyes bugged out.

    Enid Rollins’s mouth dropped open.

    Olivia Davidson’s eyes bugged out.

    Winston Egbert dropped his fork with a clatter.

    “Elizabeth’s not coming back?” they exclaimed in unison.

    Oh, fuck off, all of you.
    ———-

    HA! I was thinking the EXACT the same thing when reading about “Operation Wakefield Twins.” How on earth did Francine and her merry men…er, ghostwriters…sleep at night–knowing crap like these books were floating out there, corrupting the minds of teens worldwide…

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I don’t know how she ever convinced anyone to write this crap for her. She must have been shelling out some big bucks.

    [Reply]

    rachierach Reply:

    Thanks for deleting my first comment, my computer went haywire!

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    No problem! I figured it was something like that.

    [Reply]

  • Merrie October 30, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    I so love that you posted daily this week! Too bad the books you had to read to do so were sucky to the 10th degree!

    Happy Halloween!

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I think the next couple of weeks are going to be daily updates. I only have a few books left to read, so I can start putting the recaps up in quick succession. We don’t have that much further to go!

    Happy Halloween to you!

    [Reply]

  • Sandy October 30, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    So Liz was getting sexually harassed.

    I think back in high school I would have wanted some guy to go out of his way to make me stay in high school instead of staying at my brother’s college.
    But looking at it, that’s just creepy borderline obsession.
    And this is what is acceptable in Francine’s world. You can cheat on your boyfriend but pick a psycho that will take you back no matter what. He will stay with you foreverrrrrrrrrrr

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Yeah, Liz and Todd are so unhealthily codependent on each other. What’s sad is that I’ve known couples like that in real life. Ugh.

    [Reply]

  • Lori October 30, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    Enid Rollins’s mouth dropped open.

    Olivia Davidson’s eyes bugged out.

    Winston Egbert dropped his fork with a clatter.

    “Elizabeth’s not coming back?” they exclaimed in unison…

    Then they jumped up and down and let out shouts of joy. Oh no wait

    that was my reaction.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Ha! Would have been mine, too!

    [Reply]

  • Amanda October 30, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    Wow you are almost done! What are you doing after SVH? SVU maybe?

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Almost! After I take a little break, I’ll probably do Senior Year, just because I already have most of the books.

    [Reply]

    Ash Reply:

    Oh thank goodness! I was worried that it would be all over and I wouldn’t have your blog to read anymore. Hurray!!!

    [Reply]

    Sandy Reply:

    I worry about the blog being over too!

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Don’t worry, I should be around for a good long while!

    [Reply]

  • Lorelai October 30, 2009 at 9:01 pm

    I love that Liz is just like, “Hey, college is, like, way fun, so I’m totally just gonna stay here. Yeah, that’ll work.” Proof that she only went to SVU in later years ’cause no one else would take her sorry ass.

    Betrayal Miniseries next! Mere words cannot convey the excitement pumping through my veins! Happy recapping!

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Ha, I love how excited you are for the Betrayal series!

    [Reply]

  • Lorelai October 30, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Oh, and I’m pretty sure it’s in Sweet Valley county. Which seems to stretch a whole lot further than Jess and Liz’s Sweet Valley. It’s really contrived, especially since the distance between Sweet Valley and SVU seems to change every book.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Yeah, sometimes it’s five minutes, sometimes it’s two hours.

    [Reply]

  • Lindsay October 31, 2009 at 10:18 am

    Christ, Todd, Liz is only going to be like 20 mins away at SVU, if for some reason in bizarro Wakefield world she were to stay there forever and ever, not Ethiopia. Dude, you can always jump in a car and see her. It’s not the fucking end of the world, you noob.

    I want to punch Elizabeth on that cover. Her prissy face while her hand is raised to answer a question I KNOW she knows the answer to is just too much for me after the night I had. Why can’t there be a book called “Elizabeth Jumps Off a Bridge”?

    Also, Liz should be used to pervs; she has Mr. Collins, doesn’t she?

    Lila IS the most popular girl, anyway, so eff them. No one who gives a damn cares about the Wakefields.

    Wow, Ken is a smart one, isn’t he?

    “Because she’s just that hot, folks. But isn’t it funny that these things never happen to Elizabeth?”

    I guess, to be fair, Liz isn’t dressed like a street hooker all the time.

    [Reply]

    Lindsay Reply:

    Actually, I’m gonna write the book “Elizabeth Jumps Off A Bridge” right here, right now, in honor of Nanowrimo:

    Elizabeth jumps off a bridge. Jessica gets hit be a semi. Lila moves to Seattle and becomes my best friend. The End.

    Not quite 50,000 words, but it’s a masterpiece in it’s own right, if I do say so myslef.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    That, my friend, is absolutely a work of art. Well done!

    You’re right about Liz’s clothes. As many guys as she’s had, I sometimes forget how “conservative” she’s supposed to be.

    [Reply]

  • Amanda October 31, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    Yay Lila will be in driving distance of me!!!! Thanks Lindsay!!!! Sweet valley must be it’s own country and Southern Cali is just in it?

    [Reply]

    Lindsay Reply:

    Haha no problem!

    [Reply]

  • KateC November 2, 2009 at 11:33 am

    I laughed really hard at the part where they just decide to stay at the university… not to enroll or to apply or anything. No, just to stay put. Man, I should have tried that jazz at the Ivy that rejected me. Can’t reject me if I just decide to STAY there! 😉

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I thought it was pretty funny, too. They were talking like they weren’t even going to go home to pack or anything. They were just going to hang out at college.

    [Reply]

  • Krista November 3, 2013 at 10:09 am

    Was it this book or the previous one where we get the Tom Watts shout-out? It was whichever book had the twins going to the football game.

    [Reply]

  • Natasha December 27, 2016 at 7:33 am

    This series is so annoying and I really hate both twins in this book. You just have to love Jess trashing her twin to Magda because Madga saw her with Zach at the diner. So Jess begins to trash Liz lol.

    And Liz you’re only an intern. Interns start at the bottom.

    And why would the professor give Liz the internship? She’s not even a SVU student she was a guest and it wasn’t fair to the actual SVU students. But she’s a Wakefield and they get everything handed to them on silver platters.

    Gosh this book pissed me off.

    [Reply]

  • Alex Kennedy January 14, 2017 at 1:44 pm

    It struck me as ridicolous when Jessica tried to leave the restaurant with Zach via the bathroom window. Would anyone with even the tiniest bit of common sense do this?

    ^^^Natasha, you are so right when you state that Jessica trashes Liz a lot. There was a SVT book when Elizabeth gest her period (Jessica’s Secret) and in the cafeteria, Jessica makes fun of LIz’s clothes because litle Jessie is jealous.

    [Reply]

  • Alex Kennedy January 14, 2017 at 1:46 pm

    ^^^I meant to write “ridiculous.” Sorry.

    [Reply]

  • Dane Youssef May 16, 2017 at 11:46 pm

    “Elizabeth took a quick look in the mirror and stared at herself, aghast…She had never shown so much skin in her entire life.”

    “Don’t you go to the beach – in a swimsuit – like every day?” –Shannon

    That’s Jessica. When she went to the beach… ugh… check out that horrible bathing suit from “Cover Girls.” Like a freaking GRANNY!

    –Sincere Love, DANE R. YOUSSEF

    [Reply]

  • Dane Youssef May 16, 2017 at 11:50 pm

    Enid Rollins’s mouth dropped open.

    Olivia Davidson’s eyes bugged out.

    Winston Egbert dropped his fork with a clatter.

    “Elizabeth’s not coming back?” they exclaimed in unison.

    “Oh, fuck off, all of you.” –Shannon

    I’d personally hit them all myself with a closed fist, honey… And then just spit all over them until I ran out of saliva.

    –Too Sincere, DANE R. YOUSSEF

    [Reply]

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