Sweet Valley High #111: A Deadly Christmas

SVH111 - OuterRead the rest of this miniseries: Part one, part two, part three, part four.

The Moral of the Story: If he’ll cheat on you, he’ll also steal your money.

The Big Deal: There’s a Mistletoe Madness dance (because it’s Christmas now) but nobody goes.

Synopsis:

So, Jessica doesn’t tell anyone that she just saw Jeremy on the video of the ransom dropoff, and after a few minutes she manages to convince herself it couldn’t possibly have been him anyway. When Jeremy finally shows up around midnight, Jessica gives him a big kiss and they go off to make out somewhere. Later, Liz goes downstairs and finds Jeremy in the kitchen. He asks her why she doesn’t like him and they end up having an argument because the guy is a total jackass.

The next night, Jeremy and Jessica are making out. Jeremy says he doesn’t think he can wait until they’re married to “belong to each other, body and soul.” He says they’ll “go all the way” Friday night, and he’ll scout around for a romantic place for the occasion. While Jessica lays awake that night wondering if she’s ready for that, Jeremy makes out with Sue. She tells him the inheritance money will be in her bank account in ten days. Jeremy figures he can hack into the bank’s computers or something and get his hands on the money, and then he can disappear for good. In the mean time, I guess he’s going to have fun trying to get Jessica to sleep with him.

When Sue overhears a conversation and finds out what Jeremy and Jessica are planning, she realizes Jeremy is doing more than just keeping up appearances with Jessica. She goes to Jessica one night and tells her the truth about everything, including the kidnapping. Jessica is really pissed off at Sue and wants to believe she’s lying, but in the end she cancels her date with Jeremy and tells Liz everything Sue told her. The twins decide to tell detective Sam Diamond the whole story. They can’t get Sam on the phone and don’t want to ask Ned for her home number (because then they’d have to tell him what they know), so they actually for once in their lives decide to go to the police. And you know what happens? The bitch lady cop tells them to stop wasting her time and get the fuck out. And this is how it comes to pass that the Super Twins have to bring Jeremy to justice themselves.

Sue goes to Jeremy’s room at the boardinghouse and for some reason Jeremy decides it’s time to take a shower. While he’s in there, Sue starts kind of going through his stuff. She finds a plane ticket for a flight to Hawaii the following Saturday, which is the same day Jeremy and Sue were supposed to fly to New York together. Then she finds a newspaper clipping. It’s a wedding announcement. It’s a few years old and the groom’s name is Matt Thorn, but it’s clearly a picture of Jeremy. I guess he just carries this proof of his secret identities around with him everywhere? Sue goes home and tells the twins she needs their help taking Jeremy down.

You guys, I can’t tell you how sick I am of Jeremy and Sue. I’m going to finish this book if it kills me.

The Oracle office now has the internet, but it’s just hooked up to some kind of newspaper database. Sue and the twins go up to the school and do a search for Matt Thorn. The only thing that comes up is the wedding announcement. Because I’m sure there’s only ever been one newspaper article about someone named Matt Thorn. They call the woman in the wedding announcement and find out “Matt” stole all her money and disappeared. Liz tells Jessica and Sue that they have to keep up the charade that they both still love Jeremy. I don’t know why they don’t just go to the police now that they have Sue to actually give testimony, but whatever.

Sue’s money is not in her account on the day it’s supposed to be deposited, so she’s sure Jeremy has already stolen it. She and the twins come up with an awesome plan. On Friday, Jessica calls Jeremy and tells him she knows everything but wants to be with him anyway. He tells her he’ll pick her up at eight and they’ll go to the cabin. The twins call Sam Diamond and tell her their plan. Sam shows up in time to wire Jessica and get everyone into her car. They all follow Jeremy and Jessica to the cabin. Oh, and it’s raining. You know, like it does whenever something really momentous is about to happen.

By the time Jeremy and Jessica get to the cabin, the rain has turned to snow. I didn’t realize the cabin was that far away. Sam, Liz, Sue and Todd get lost and then crash Sam’s car, so they’re no longer on Jeremy’s trail. Useless people. At the cabin, Jessica gets Jeremy to confess to all his crimes. He leaves the room for a minute, and when he comes back he catches Jessica trying to use the phone. He assumes she’s going to turn him in, so they have a little scuffle that results in the Christmas tree being knocked into the fireplace and the whole place going up in flames while Jessica lies unconscious on the floor. The funniest part of this is that this apparently abandoned cabin is all decorated for Christmas. Liz and the others finally show up and save Jessica, but Jeremy manages to get away. Not to worry, though. The cops find him and he confesses. I hope we’re done with Sue and Jeremy now.

While all this has been going on, there’s also been a subplot involving Lila and her artist boyfriend. Robby has an art show coming up but hasn’t done any paintings for it yet. Lila is worried so she does a bunch of horrible paintings and hangs them up at the gallery. When Robby shows up with his real paintings, he gets mad but realizes Lila was just being Lila.

Also, Ken Matthews has recently broken up with Terri Adams and has lately been showing a lot of interest in Jessica.

Quotes:

Elizabeth slapped her textbook shut. “Sorry, but I just can’t seem to stop thinking about Sue and Jeremy and the kidnapping.”

Argh, you don’t have to solve every mystery in Sweet Valley.

Jogging over to the house next door, she leaned hard on the bell. Mrs. Beckwith answered the door.

I seem to remember the Beckwiths moving away and the Whitman/Thomas family moving in.

The Cover: Looking at Jeremy running away makes me crack up every time. He looks like he’s doing some kind of traveling version of the Elaine dance. And what the hell is Jessica wearing?

SVH111 - Inner

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Comments
  • Freckles October 2, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    I think this is one of my favorite recaps because this is obviously one of the best books ever written. Not to mention the picture of Jessica on the floor next to the burning Christmas tree. lol. And I like how Jeremy keeps the newspaper clipping of himself with this real name all over it. I think that’s pretty stupid myself, but at least it helped out the twins! Yay!

    Also, I hope the paintings Lila put up were terrible but some art snob came in an loved them and Lila is now the next big thing and her artist boyfriend gets jealous.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    It was absolutely the very best book I’ve ever read.
    I really wish that was how Lila’s story turned out.

    [Reply]

  • Merrie October 2, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    You did it Shannon! Congratulations!!! You are finished with this mini-series. YEA!!

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Ha ha, I feel like I’ve just finished a race and the crowd is cheering for me!

    [Reply]

  • Jenna October 2, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    Wasn’t there another book where someone’s art is secretly wonderful or something? I seem to recall another highly unlikely plot about artwork. Olivia’s maybe?

    I’m glad this series is over! I couldn’t even bring myself to comment on the other 3 (4? who cares) books because they were just awful. How many kidnappings have occurred in Sweet Valley in one or two years of high school? For being the ‘best place on earth’ crime is pretty rampant. Oh well, as long as it’s the ‘right side of town’ with no trash on the streets. . .

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Probably Olivia’s Story or some other godawful thing.

    I was out and about today and saw a piece of trash on the street. I turned right around and went back to my side of the tracks.

    [Reply]

  • Sandy October 2, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    Alright! The series is over!
    Lila’s sub plot was more interesting than the kidnapping.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    It’s funny, but you’re absolutely right. I really just wish the whole book had been about Lila.

    [Reply]

  • Fear Street October 2, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    You must have nerves of steel to get through these things.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I feel the same way about you and your RL Stine books!

    Actually, sometimes I think Francine was reading a little too much Fear Street with some of these books and it influenced them in terrible ways.

    [Reply]

  • Lindsay October 3, 2009 at 4:13 am

    Well, to be fair, if Liz waled into me police station babbling on about something, I’d tell her to get the fuck out, too.

    You know, Elizabeth Mildred Wakefield (obvs not her middle name but I like it and I tend to make up middle names for people when I try to scold them), Nancy Drew solved better mysteries all the time with cooler folks and I loved her for it. You, I just loathe because you are an idiot.

    Lila, as always, is awesome

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I guess you’ve got a point. I wouldn’t want to listen to her either.

    I think Mildred is an appropriate middle name for Elizabeth. It sounds all old and prudish, just like Liz.

    [Reply]

  • Lorelai October 3, 2009 at 6:58 am

    You are a more patient soul than me for putting up with this miniseries. What a crap book. I do like that someone thought to decorate an abandon cabin with Christmas decos, though. Only in Sweet Valley…
    Can’t wait for Ken and Jessica to get together :D

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    The cabin thing really had me cracking up.
    Ken and Jessica get together really soon!

    [Reply]

  • DarfurHerald October 3, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    “Jogging over to the house next door, she leaned hard on the bell” Do people usually lean on doorbells to operate them? I usually just push them with my finger. Who knows.

    [Reply]

    Sandy Reply:

    I know, I’d be so mad if someone leaned on my bell.
    *sigh* I miss Shannon. What shall we do while she’s gone?

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Aw, this made me smile!
    I’d also be pissed if someone leaned on my doorbell.

    [Reply]

  • Lori October 3, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    How handy it was that Jeremy had that clipping with him or else he may have gotten away with it. None of the other including Jessica recongizing him were going to get him.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    It certainly was handy!
    Seriously, it’s the most ridiculous thing. That’s the best the GW could come up with?

    [Reply]

  • rachierach October 6, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I’m laughing at ‘Mildred.’ Did the twins ever have middle names?

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    You know, if they do, I don’t think they’ve ever been mentioned.

    [Reply]

  • Darren October 6, 2009 at 11:50 am

    How in the world was there a Christmas tree of all things in that cabin? Man, Santa Claus should’ve saved Jessica! That was something how Jessica almost wound up in Private School. Duh, she did want to go to Lovett Academy one time, where was that little reference? Ned and Alice clearly forgot that one!

    Per the Zack lookalike you stated in another book, you look more closely and Jeremy looks like the actor that played Gage Francis on Walker, Texas Ranger. He no way looks like Zack Morris. Nice drawing of Sue though…but why say her mother was named Nancy? Mrs. Wakefield’s sister is named Nancy, you saying that Robin and Stacy passed on? Good grief, come up with a better name then Nancy Gibbons, what about Jenny Jenkins? that was Mrs. Wakefield’s best friend in college. Man, the SV books forget some things.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Sorry, I’ve never watched Walker, Texas Ranger, but look again. That guy looks just like Zack Morris, from his hair to his shirt to the expression on his face. I’ll bet he’s even wearing great big white high-top tennis shoes.

    [Reply]

  • Darren October 6, 2009 at 11:52 am

    How about Elizabeth Amanda Wakefield and Jessica Samantha Wakefield? They both live similar lifestyes to Amanda and Samantha. Like Samantha, Jessica had a thing for Todd, but Todd like Ted preferred Amanda. Thankfully the twins are a lot more stronger then Amanda and Samantha.

    [Reply]

  • Sandy October 7, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    I’m glad I’m not the only that comes here when Shannon is gone. lol

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I’m glad you guys stopped by. It gives me feel loved!

    [Reply]

  • Children of the 90s October 8, 2009 at 5:31 pm

    This is ridiculous. Who are the Wakefields, Nancy Drew? Just go to the police. What’s wrong with that? Also, I laughed at what you said about criminals carrying around evidence of their past crimes. Seriously, what the hell? I know when I’m working as a dashing con artist, I like to leave a well-defined trail of my exploits laying around where my soon-to-be-deceived ones are hanging out. It makes perfect sense.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Oh, definitely. It’s the only way to commit a crime!

    [Reply]

  • maryse November 27, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    I love how you even review the covers!! Love your blog!! Love SVH!! hahaha

    [Reply]

  • Kylie90210 May 7, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    Sue was just so stupid. The whole kidnapping thing was unneccessary from her point of view. She was getting the money anyway! I can see why Jeremy wanted to do it, to try and keep it himself, but come on Sue!

    [Reply]

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