Sweet Valley High Magna Edition: Jessica’s Secret Diary, Volume 1

Diary - Jessica01-OuterJessica’s boyfriend, Jack (who?), tells her he’s really in love with Elizabeth. Jessica decides she hates being a twin and she’s going to run away. As she’s packing her things, she comes across a bunch of diaries that she’s never told anyone about:

First we recap the Jessa Fields incident in #32, The New Jessica. Then the Prince Albert fiasco in #33, Starting Over. There’s a recap of #34, Forbidden Love, even though Jessica is hardly in that one. And then there was Tofu-Glo. The only thing we learn from #35, Out of Control, is that Jessica actually gets stage fright.

In #36, Last Chance, Jessica tries to break up Cara and Steve. While recapping #37, Rumors, Jessica actually uses the phrase “piss off,” which kind of has me floored. During the recap of #38, Leaving Home, Jessica confesses that she’s in love with Jeffrey. Apparently, she pretended to be Liz at one point and asked how he felt about her going to Switzerland. She briefly considered breaking up with him as Liz so she could go out with him as herself while Liz was at Interlochen. But her loyalty won out and she and Steven carried out their horrible plan to keep Liz in the States. After that, we get into #39, Secret Admirer, and hear about Lila and Jessica getting the same guy through The Oracle’s personal ads.

Then, while recapping #40, On the Edge, we learn that Jessica pretended to be Liz and went on a date with Jeffrey. They went for a walk on the beach and then started making out. After a minute, Jeffrey realized he was making out with the wrong twin, but then he pulled Jessica to him and started kissing her again. What a couple of jerkfaces. I always liked Jeffrey, dammit. Then Regina died and that’s pretty much the end of the diary. Jessica realizes she loves her sister and doesn’t really want to run away.

These diaries are super lame.

The Cover: Why are Michael and Maria stuck in there? Who cares about them?

Diary - Jessica01-Inner

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Comments
  • Lorelai September 25, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    Dude, my copy of this book is so not that awesome. It’s Brittany Daniel wearing a God-awful shade of dark lipstick with “Shh! Don’t tell anybody! — Jessica.” scrawled on the front. FOREVER JEALOUS!

    Michael and Maria shouldn’t be A) on the cover, B) in this book or C) in ANY Sweet Valley books. God, the diaries were lame — they were the book equivalent of clip shows. Should’ve been titled “So It’s Come To This — Jessica’s Secret Diary.”

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    Shannon Reply:

    Lorelai, does it look like this? http://shannonsweetvalley.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Diary-Jessica03-Outer-178×300.jpg
    That’s my cover of Volume 3.

    The diaries really are super lame. I hate them all.

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  • HelenB September 25, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    I’m trying to work out which diaries I’ve read, but I’m pretty sure that they all have exactly the same plot (one of the twins secretly hooked up with the other twins’ bf! Oh noes!) so it’s pretty hard to tell.

    Also, at least it kind of makes sense for Liz to have a secret diary. Can you imagine Jessica being bothered to carry on a journal after the first entry?

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    Anonymous Reply:

    Yeah Jessica never seemed the diary type, but in #116 – Nightmare in Death Valley, everyone has journals/diaries.

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  • Shannon September 25, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    Helen, that’s pretty much it. They’re all exactly the same. I had the bright idea to read them all one after the other since they don’t really need to be read in chronology with the rest of the series. It was the worst weekend I ever spent, lol.

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  • Merrie September 25, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    How old is Jessica/Daniel twin on that cover? She looks 25!

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  • Lori September 25, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    I don’t know what’s harder to believe Jessica keeps a secret diary or that her diary would be that lame. I expected psychotic rantings, list of every boy she ever “loved” and fun filled stories of all the people she screwed over would be in Jessica’s real secret diary if she ever bothered with it.

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  • Shannon September 25, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    Merrie, I know! No way is that chick sixteen.

    Lori, it really is way lame. And it’s written exactly like Liz’s. “Dear Diary…” “You’ll never guess what happened, Diary…” It’s so annoying.

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  • Lorelai September 25, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    Heh, I think my cover is even worse than yours, Shannon:

    http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/images/n16/n80566.jpg

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  • Shannon September 25, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    Oh, wow. That lipstick is horrendous on her!

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  • Ash September 25, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    Damn these were lame. Although I do vaguely remember the kiss with Jeffrey and Jessica being sorta hot. Still, not enough to save it from death by lame. AND then the diaries got even more rubbish.
    Ugh.

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  • Sandy September 25, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    OMG, when I clicked on Lorelai’s link I gasped out loud! So bad. And I agree with Lori, psychotic rantings would have been much more believable.
    This book was so bad, I’m commenting on comments. Ha ha!

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  • Sandy September 25, 2009 at 8:35 pm

    Oh and I just read that you had the Sweet Valley game??? That commercial jingle is still in my head. “You can be a Sweet Valley girl, living in a Sweet Valley World”. Followed by “Our school is so cool!”

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  • Shannon September 25, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    Oh man, Sandy, I don’t even remember the jingle! Ha ha.
    I don’t blame you for commenting on the comments. There’s not much to say about the book except that it’s terrible.

    Ash, yeah, the kiss was okay, but as you said, not good enough.

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  • Anonymous March 1, 2010 at 11:06 pm

    I sooooo love the thought that Jessica has a diary. That fits right in with her personality type hahaha

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  • Claire April 11, 2010 at 5:34 am

    So the only time Jess likes to be a twin is when she can switch with Liz to get a guy/sneak out when grounded/get Liz to cover for her (the list can go on) but then when something isn’t an advantage for her she gets all pissy and hates it? Christ I’d love to do a jumanji into the book and punch them both in the face and take over their lives and teach them how “hot twins” are meant to be….I think I kinda like Margo….

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    Shannon Reply:

    Christ I’d love to do a jumanji into the book and punch them both in the face

    Ha! I could fall in love with you based on this comment alone.

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  • VLB September 25, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    This really was like a book version of a clip show! There was almost no original material in it

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  • Suzanne April 7, 2011 at 1:07 am

    Dude….Jessica looks dead up like Annette O’Toole up on that cover up there. If you don’t know who she is, look her up. She was great in Stephen King’s “It” and she’s married to Michael McKean.

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  • Kylie90210 May 7, 2013 at 7:34 pm

    I don’t remember this one… I remember the one with Jess and Tood, and Liz and Ken, and Liz and Sam, and Jess and some random? But not Jess and Jeffers. Ugh.

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  • Dane Youssef July 25, 2014 at 1:36 am

    Were these books before they had enticing slogans like “Private! Keep Out!” and “Enter At Your Own Risk!” ?

    Eh, I liked those. They REALLY made you want to pick them up and start reading them like they were your older sister’s…

    “Born In Lust, Turn To Dust… Born In Sin, Come on In… ”

    Now THAT’S seduction!

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  • Dane Youssef March 28, 2016 at 11:38 pm

    “Jessica’s boyfriend, Jack (who?), tells her he’s really in love with Elizabeth.” –Shannon.

    Huh. Maybe that was one of the “Lost stories.” It just got lost in the shuffle. Really. Let’s hope they come across that one someday and finally release it. Ah, who am I kidding? Let’s hope that one STAYS LOST. Let’s hope it rots on the cutting room floor.

    “Then, while recapping #40, On the Edge, we learn that Jessica pretended to be Liz and went on a date with Jeffrey. They went for a walk on the beach and then started making out. After a minute, Jeffrey realized he was making out with the wrong twin, but then he pulled Jessica to him and started kissing her again. What a couple of jerkfaces. I always liked Jeffrey, dammit. Then Regina died and that’s pretty much the end of the diary. Jessica realizes she loves her sister and doesn’t really want to run away.” –Shannon.

    Huh. Does anyone even NEED to comment on THAT?

    Yeesh….

    –Sincere As Always, DANE YOUSSEF

    [Reply]

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