Sweet Valley High Magna Edition: Elizabeth’s Secret Diary, Volume 1

Diary - Elizabeth01-OuterLiz is studying in Todd’s room and finds a letter from a girl named Michelle back in Vermont. It’s really cutesy and bubbly and looks like it’s from a girlfriend. Liz checks the date and sees it was written a week ago. Without giving Todd a chance to explain, Liz gets really melodramatic and tells Todd to go back to Vermont “to the girl you really love.” She goes to the Beach Disco that night and makes out with Jeffrey. When she gets home, she decides to read a random volume of her diary:

We get to hear Liz’s version of what happened in #23, Say Goodbye, when Todd moved away. It’s basically everything you already know but with more Nicholas-kissing. Oh, and at the end, after they make up, Todd climbs a ladder and crawls through Liz’s bedroom window. They’re too lame to do anything fun, though.

Then a recap of #24, Memories, which is really more about Steve, Cara and Betsy than it is about Liz hooking up with a Todd lookalike.

Then we get to hear about how awesome Liz is when she reunites a family in #25, Nowhere to Run and how she can stop terrorists in #26, Hostage! (There’s another Nicholas kiss in this one.) There’s also a recap of her short story writing skills being too much for a dumb jock to resist stealing in #27, Lovestruck.

By the time we get to Liz’s awesome matchmaking abilities in #28, Alone in the Crowd, Liz is referring to herself as single, and by #29, Bitter Rivals, Todd and Liz are casually talking on the phone about the dates he’s gone on in Vermont and Liz is hanging out with Ken Matthews quite a bit. Liz and Ken go to movies and restaurants together, and in #30, Jealous Lies, they go to the Friday the Thirteenth dance together. At a party for Steve, Ken and Liz end up making out, but they keep their relationship a secret because it looks bad for Todd’s girlfriend and best friend to be hooking up. Liz finally breaks things off with Ken while she’s trying to get Enid and Jeffrey together in #31, Taking Sides. That’s when she realizes she really loves Jeffrey.

Back to the present: After reading her awesome diary, Liz realizes she’s had a really full life. The next morning, Todd comes over and they make up.

What.

Ever.

The Cover: As you can see above, my copy of this book is pretty messed up. I took this image from the now abandoned site The Closet.

Diary - Elizabeth01-Inner

Look at this horrible mash-up of ugly. We’ve seen all these covers before, so I don’t really have anything new to say except that I think it’s funny that they threw Steve and Cara in there all small like an afterthought, and Ken looks weird. He’s clearly from the cover of Lovestruck, but he’s been shopped to look a little less creepy.

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Comments
  • Merrie September 24, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Am I the last one to know that a bunch of Sweet Vally characters are on twitter? Maybe it’s not as useless as I thought!

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  • Shannon September 24, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    Ha ha, Merrie. You should totally sign up as one of them. I think a Jean West or a Sandy Bacon is needed.

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  • Merrie September 24, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    Ooops — forgot to comment on this book. It was awful! I remember thinking I’d get the real scoop, but Liz is just as boring in her diary as she is in real life!

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  • Shannon September 24, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    Merrie, I hate the diaries so much. They’re SO boring, especially Liz’s.

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  • Kate September 24, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    What a way to save time — recycle old plot lines! Throw in a Liz/Todd breakup and makeup just for old time’s sake.

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  • Shannon September 24, 2009 at 12:58 pm

    Add in a “Liz cheats” storyline and you’re all set!

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  • Sandy September 24, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    Lol, I’ll be Sandy Bacon on twitter.

    Wow, we get to know the REAL Liz and she’s still a whore. A boring whore. She’s Bwhoreing. Okay, cheesy.

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  • Shannon September 24, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    LOL @ Bwhoreing!
    Re: Sandy Bacon – Do it!

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  • Katie September 24, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    Damn. Someone already took Caroline Pierce. It would have been fun to be the annoying gossip.

    Love your blog, Shannon!

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  • Shannon September 24, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    Thanks for reading, Katie. I’m glad you’re enjoying it!
    Caroline would have been fun, but there are still some good ones left. For instance, I don’t think anybody has taken on Suzanne Devlin. Or Sam Woodruff. Oh, or you could be Crazy Cousin Kelly!

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  • Merrie September 24, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    I went for the very unusual: t_martin_ghost. If seeing dead Tricia in every firl wasn’t enough, now she can torture him with tweets!

    🙂

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  • Merrie September 24, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    girl, not firl

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  • Shannon September 24, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    Ha! Nice, Merrie! I was wondering who that was.

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  • Fear Street September 24, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    ‘A hidden letter, a forbidden kiss, a passionate secret romance…’

    Someone is really stretching there. That blurb really belongs on the cover of a trashy romance novel right beside an image of Fabio and his silver dollar nipples and tousled mane… *sigh* I really do have problems.

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  • Shannon September 24, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    FS, I was with you up until the silver dollar nipples, lol. You’re right though. It’s all just so dramatic!

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  • Katie September 24, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    That’s awesome Merrie!
    Shannon, someone took your advice and picked Suzanne Devlin. I shall accomplish nothing for the rest of the day.

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  • Shannon September 24, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    The whole Twitter thing has me cracking up.

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  • DarfurHerald September 25, 2009 at 12:28 am

    I’m RogerBPatman, Shannon 🙂

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  • alantru September 25, 2009 at 12:57 am

    Phew! That was a close one. I was worried that the next morning might not arrive and that Todd wouldn’t come over and they wouldn’t make up.

    can you imagine? 🙂

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  • Megan September 25, 2009 at 3:56 am

    Is there a Margo on twitter? cuz there should totally be one!

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  • Shannon September 25, 2009 at 8:34 am

    DH, ha, the whole Twitter thing is hilarious. I have no idea who anyone really is and the whole thing is just so funny.

    Alan, I know, it was almost a disaster! Thank goodness they made up.

    Megan, there is a Margo. I haven’t seen a Nora though.

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  • Children of the 90s September 25, 2009 at 10:20 am

    Your linking amazes me. So many links in one post. I can only wish to someday have such a successful inventory of self-references.

    And that shot of Ken Matthews on the cover? Totally the pic they used for his character card in the SVH board game.

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  • Shannon September 25, 2009 at 10:45 am

    Cot90s, all that linking is such a pain, ha.
    I loved the board game so much. I don’t remember much about it except that my cousin always made me be Enid. I might be making that up, but that’s the way I remember it.

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  • Lori September 25, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    I guess I shouldn’t be surprise Liz’s diary is so boring although I expected a list of all the people she helped to reminder herself how awsome she is (not). Was I suppose to be shocked she secretly dated Ken at the one time in the series she was single?

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  • Shannon September 25, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    Yeah, total lack of surprise over here. And even though her boyfriend had moved away, she still insisted it was cheating and was wrong. I think she has some perverse need to cheat.

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  • Lori September 25, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    She has too even though apparently this was the only time she considered herself cheating. It wasn’t cheating with the millions of other boys only if it was Todd’s best friend. That’s some warped thinking.

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  • girltalkread September 25, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    Ken is soooooo fugly!!!

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  • Shannon September 26, 2009 at 12:39 am

    Yeah, Lori. All the other times it’s like, “I’m just in London/France/in love with Bruce. Todd would totally want me to have a good time and explore my feelings for this guy.” She always justifies it somehow.

    Jan, he really is. I don’t know why he’s supposed to be this big man on campus.

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  • Kylie90210 May 7, 2013 at 2:58 am

    Gee, I wonder why it was Ken? Could it be due to the fact that Jess might maybe be dating him soon? Hmm? Ugh.

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  • Dane Youssef August 8, 2013 at 11:02 pm

    “Yeah, total lack of surprise over here. And even though her boyfriend had moved away, she still insisted it was cheating and was wrong. I think she has some perverse need to cheat. ” –Shannon

    You said, Royal Headmistress of The Sweet Valley Blog. This damn thing LOOKS to be warped! But in the end, they all have affairs because this thing… is just good ol’ fashioned pure clean soap, hon.

    –Sincerest, Dane Youssef

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  • Dane Youssef September 10, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    Hey, how many books was Michelle mentioned in? How much time did they have together? I just wanna know…

    I wished he’d stayed in Vermont with the girl he really loved. I wish he’d stayed with Jessica.

    Well, maybe he will anyway.

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  • Dane Youssef September 11, 2013 at 5:34 pm

    I still don’t get how she cheated on Todd at all in this particular book as they were completely broken up. They were living in other parts of the country for quite some time! He left in book #23 and didn’t come back until #58.

    Oh, and one last thing–what’s with that pic of… Liz on the cover. What is that? She looks terrible. That drawing is awful. That likeness of Miss Elizabeth Wakefield is more forgivable when it’s just a little sketch above the marquee on the book (next to the one of Jessica) that read’s “Francine Pascal’s Sweet Valley High.” That boilerplate rubber-stamp billboard for every tome in the Pascal saga.

    Elizabeth has never looked worse.

    –Thanks Again Shannon, Dane Youssef

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  • Krista November 2, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    “Todd climbs a ladder and crawls through Liz’s bedroom window. They’re too lame to do anything fun, though.”

    Something in Sweet Valley’s water clearly kills teenage libido. They should bottle it and sell it to other cities.

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  • Natasha November 13, 2015 at 6:23 am

    Just read the first three pages and OMG Liz…melodramatic much?? You didn’t even give Todd a chance to explain himself. Plus you read his private letters. :/

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  • Dane Youssef March 19, 2016 at 10:15 pm

    “Todd climbs a ladder and crawls through Liz’s bedroom window. They’re too lame to do anything fun, though.”

    What a monumental rip-off! I MEAN, IF YOU’RE PHILANDER… IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT… DO IT!!!
    How about some variety here?!? I mean, I know they’re just teens here. They’re like The Peanuts Gang–Forever young! Forever ageless! But once in a while… act like adults and COMMIT ADULTERY!!!!

    For the sake of CHANGE! SOMEBODY GET SOMEONE INFECTED! AND PREGNANT!

    –Sincere As Always, DANE YOUSSEF

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