Sweet Valley High #101: The Boyfriend War
Synopsis: It’s spring break. It was just Christmas a minute ago. Whatever…
Elizabeth: Todd’s going to be in Yosemite for the week and his family has invited Liz to come along, but she’d rather stay home to work on an extra credit paper for English class. It’s a family biography, and Liz has chosen her mother as a subject. Unfortunately, Alice won’t be around for Liz to get the scoop because Hank Patman just hired her to design the new Patman Canning plant in Chicago.
Bruce: Bruce’s parents are separating. Judging by Bruce’s reaction, this is apparently the worst thing that’s ever happened. He and Roger overhear Marie accuse Hank of cheating on her. A few days later, Bruce overhears his father being flirty on the phone with Alice Wakefield. Bruce marches into the Dairi Burger and yells at Liz because Alice is breaking up his parents’ marriage. Liz says he’s an idiot, but when she gets home, she finds Alice rushing out the door. She’s going to meet Hank Patman at the airport and they’re going to Chicago together. Liz sets out to prove her mother’s innocence.
Liz starts spending a lot of time going through trunks and boxes in the attic, sure she’ll find something that will clear her mother’s name. I don’t understand this reasoning at all. Of course, all she finds is a picture of Alice and Hank getting married. Minus ten points for continuity, considering the only time Alice and Hank were together in their wedding clothes was when Alice was telling him she was leaving. Liz shows Bruce the picture and he immediately turns pale and worries that he’s related to the twins. Ha. The rest of the book is just Liz crying about her family woes.
This is our TBC story, so it’ll continue in the next book. Let’s talk about Jessica. She’s way more fun.
Jessica: Lila’s uncle Jimmo owns a “Club Paradise” in Jamaica, and she and Jessica will be spending spring break there. When they get there, Jessica is horrified to discover that Lila has volunteered her to be a camp counselor for the rich people’s kids. The group of kids assigned to her is the brattiest bunch of hellions she’s ever seen, but Lila’s group is well behaved and polite. Jessica is not speaking to Lila, but they’re totally competing over a super sexy windsurfing instructor named Mick Myers. Since they’re on the outs, it’s really easy for Mick to date both of them without either of them knowing it. Lila and Jessica eventually figure out they’re being two-timed and start making plans for revenge.
Mick has also been dating another counselor, Julia. Julia is overweight, so she is very unpleasant. She is apparently too fat to see how charming Jessica is, so she hates her. When Lila and Jessica come into the counselors’ cabin talking about Mick, Julia finds out Mick has been dating all the counselors. She decides to get in on Jessica and Lila’s plan, even though she doesn’t trust attractive girls. Julia is an obnoxious reminder of how Francine feels about fat people.
The counselors put on a talent show for the parents, and Jessica does a magic act. She gets Mick to come watch so he can be her volunteer. Once he’s onstage, Jessica and Lila manage to break his wristwatch, and then cut his hair and dye it purple with powdered paint that won’t wash out. I think I would have been a lot meaner.
Quotes:
Lila walked by with her nose in the air. In a straight line behind her, six obedient kindergartners waddled like baby geese, singing in unison, “Row, row, row your yacht…”
I need someone like Lila in my life.
“Do you like my picture, Jessica?” Suzy asked. “It’s a picture of you screaming at us.”
This made me laugh.
“Am I your type?” Mick asked… “Do you go for tall, attractive guys with great bodies and long, sexy hair?”
Ew. Not if they talk to me like that.
Elizabeth had amnesia and her defenses were down. Bruce had tried to take advantage of her – what guy wouldn’t? Unfortunately, she got her memory back just in time, ran right out of his house, and wrecked his plans for the evening.
Finally, the attempted rape from Bruce’s point of view. Jackass.
The Cover: The scene on the cover happens when Jessica is hanging out with Larry the Lifeguard on the beach, and they happen to run into Lila and Mick. They play a game where Lila and Jessica try to knock each other down. The cover art makes it look like a lot more fun than they really had. Anyway, how cute is Lila? What’s wrong with Jessica’s right boob?
September 2nd, 2009 at 12:50 pm
First!
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September 2nd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Sorry, I always wanted to do that.
“Bruce had tried to take advantage of her – what guy wouldn’t?” Is this referring to her having amnesia or the fact that she’s sooooooo attractive? Ew.
And Mick is so lame.
Ironic that Bruce thinks it’s horrible that his dad has been unfaithful.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Larry the lifeguard? Was he perhaps inspiration for SpongeBob SquarePants’ Larry the lobster who also is a lifeguard?
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September 2nd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
LOL @ you being “First!”
Ew, good point about Bruce. As in, “What guy wouldn’t take advantage of a chick with amnesia?” Gross.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Merrie, could be, could be. This book had all the depth and character of a Spongebob cartoon, so I can easily see the connection.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Lila is my ho- well not so much in the Sweet Valley Twins books but in SVH she friggin ROCKS!!! LOVE LOVE ME SOME LILA! Wasn’t Mick Myers the guitarist for Motley Crue? Or is that Mick Mars? Or is Mick Mars in another band?? I just know that he’s definitely a guitarist!!!
And he does have ” long, sexy hair”- yeah that dude sounds like a tool- Shan, so funny that you said ” not guys who talk to me like that” HEE HEE
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September 2nd, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Bruce is SEX. He really is. I really enjoyed seeing Bruce’s attempted paper-cup rape from his perspective; it’s made everything so much clearer.
And Lila is my bona fide girl crush.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Row, row, row your yacht? My God, just when I thought I couldn’t love Lila more.
And Lila is waaaay cute on that cover. Jessica looks “special”.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 2:17 pm
You guys, Lila seriously needs to be my best friend.
Jan, Mick Mars was in Motley Crue, lol.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Mike Meyers really? Like from the Halloween movies? Yet another thing SV ripped off…
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September 2nd, 2009 at 3:53 pm
No, Amanda. It was Mick Myers. Like Mick Jagger. Only not nearly as cool. Not everyone can pull of the name “Mick.”
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September 2nd, 2009 at 3:55 pm
This exact book was the LAST SV book I read before I abandoned the series like a hot potato. I remember the part where Jess screams on the beach what an a-hole Mick Myers is, and someone else on the island screams back, “For sure!”….or something…
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September 2nd, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Rachierach, that was probably the best part, ha ha.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 5:05 pm
I thought the Motley Crue guy was Mickey Sixx or something???
And I am officially your groupie, Shan. I seriously make reading your blog part of my daily routine. That and failblog.org. So helps when work gets dull….
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September 2nd, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Aw, Sandy. That makes me really happy. I’m glad you’re enjoying it!
Oh, and you’re thinking of Nikki Sixx, also of Motley Crue.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 7:28 pm
The book had right amount of Lila and someone horrifed at the possibly of being related to the twin. That’s a win in my book. I agree the getting back at Mick was so lame. I expected better from Lila and Jessica.
What sixteen year old girl passes up a chance to go on trip with her boyfriend to school work?
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September 2nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Wow um I’m gonna blame the fact that I can’t read on how long my day has been. Lol.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 9:37 pm
LOL, it’s okay Amanda. It happens.
Lori, I know! God, Liz is so lame.
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September 3rd, 2009 at 8:46 am
I’d take an extra credit assignment over a week with Todd too… but I don’t claim to be in love with him. Lame, Liz.
Wouldn’t it add a nice, extra dimension if all three girls started getting cold sores or something? I mean, I know that sex doesn’t exist in sweet valley until after marriage, but kissing does. Just once, it would be very entertaining to see the cheating plots surface with herpes simplex virus!
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September 3rd, 2009 at 8:47 am
Oops! Didn’t mean to be anonymous. Just forgot to enter my info.
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September 3rd, 2009 at 8:57 am
Ha ha, Kate, that would be pretty awesome. I would love to see some cold sores travel from Todd to Liz to whoever she’s cheating with that week to Jessica, etc.
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March 1st, 2010 at 10:35 pm
“What’s wrong with Jessica’s right boob?”
She’s been 16 for so long gravity is taking over…but only half of her!
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Shannon Reply:
March 2nd, 2010 at 9:05 am
Ha!
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