Sweet Valley High 1×02: Oracle On Air
Mr. Collins: Hey, twins. The Oracle’s going live with our very own school news show!
Liz: Wow, what a great opportunity! I’m signing up right now!
Jessica: Totally lame.
Russ: Hi, I’m Russ. I’m working on the show.
Jessica: Totally awesome. Mind if I check out some of your…equipment?
Lila: Why are Liz and Enid sitting with me? They’re such nerds.
Bruce: Winston, you and I have just got to stop playing pranks on one another.
Winston: Okay, truce.
Oh, you bastard. The old glue-on-the-seat trick.
Winston smash!
Why, Elizabeth. You’re here awfully late.
Oh, hi, Mr. Collins! I’m just doing some fact checking for my audition tape.
Excellent. I’ll just stand here looking creepy until you’ve finished.
Nothing like a montage! An audition taping montage.
God, how can Liz’s tape be so much better than mine? Oh, well, I’ll just switch the tapes. Nobody will ever notice!
Mr. Collins: I can’t believe Liz’s tape was so bad. I was counting on her!
Jessica got anchor and I didn’t? What the hell?
Jessica: Hi, guys. Russ and I are so gorgeous together, aren’t we? Don’t forget to watch me on the air tomorrow.
Jessica: Liz, wake up! You have to write my stories for the news show!
Liz: Fine, but I’ll never help you again!
Bitch stole my audition!
Jessica: Where have you been? I need my stories!
Liz: Fuck off, whore.
Mr. Collins: Come on, Jessica, you’re on the air!
Hi, um, I’m a dumb blonde and I don’t know what to say.
Mr. Collins: I should have known. Go save your sister.
Mr. Collins: You’re in trouble now, girly.
Jessica: Oh, Mr. Collins. Are you going to get the paddle?
Winston: Golly gee, I’m so funny. I love playing tricks on Bruce.
You’re such a nightmare, Jessica, but you’re so darn lovable!
Say, Russ, what say we drive up to Miller’s Point after school?
Russ: Yeah, I don’t think so. You’re really dumb.
Russ: See ya.
Jessica: This has never happened to me before. I don’t know what to do.
August 10th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
I think Mr. Collins is kinda hot sorry to say!
[Reply]
August 10th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
This was awesome — thanks!
[Reply]
August 10th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Look at Liz with her indignant, stupid smug face as Jessica’s getting ditched. Ugh. I hate her!
[Reply]
August 10th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
So Jessica is Yankees fan? But they live in California and don’t watch baseball.
[Reply]
August 10th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
OMG I thought the EXACT SAME THING re: Jess and the Yankees!! Ummmmmm….
[Reply]
August 10th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Y’know, I’ve never seen the tv series (currently on sale at Amazon.ca for those interested
) but I’m tempted now (60% off! $20!)… What am I saying? It wouldn’t be nearly as fun to watch by myself. All I need are your perfectly chosen screencaps and snarky captions. Thanks!
[Reply]
August 10th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
I’m going to guess she doesn’t even know it’s a baseball team. She probably just thought the outfit was cool.
[Reply]
August 10th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I never saw it until I bought the dvd. It’s so so bad.
I’m glad you like my recap!
[Reply]
August 10th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
You can see some episode on You Tube. They are, in a word, horrific.
The dud who plays Todd is all kinds of fugly.
[Reply]
August 10th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
He really is. His head is weird, like it’s too small for his body.
[Reply]
August 10th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
“Fuck off, whore” made me laugh so hard. I wish people would tell that to Jess more.
This was brilliance. And the twins look like low rent hookers
[Reply]
August 10th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Yes! I just came back here to mention Todd’s face is teeny tiny and it creeps me out.
[Reply]
August 11th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Agreed! They do look like cheap porn stars, don’t they?
And Todd’s head is ridiculously tiny on that big neck. His hair cut was totally in vogue at the time, but it is cringe-worthy now!
[Reply]
August 11th, 2009 at 9:31 am
They do! I blame the eyebrows. They always bothered me
[Reply]
August 11th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Ha ha, his hair is the only thing about him I don’t hate! (I never really stopped living in the nineties.)
[Reply]
August 11th, 2009 at 10:01 am
This is so off topic, but I was watching the TV series on YouTube today and there was this comment:
[I read Dangerous love last night and I bawled? for like an hour
]
OMG. Because it’s like, so sad and well-written.
[Reply]
August 11th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Oh, wow. I hope that person was ten years old or something. That makes me so sad for her! Someone needs to get her a real book to read.
[Reply]
August 11th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
LOLOLOL4EVA. This was gold.
-MR.
[Reply]
March 26th, 2011 at 10:21 am
Love these recaps! You are hilarious!
Did anyone else notice they spelled announcements wrong in the top screen cap? Aren’t people in SV perfect?
[Reply]
Shannon Reply:
March 26th, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Ha, I didn’t notice that! Good eye!
[Reply]