Sweet Valley High #62: Who’s Who?
The Big Deal: Valentine’s Day dance
Jessica is once again bored with Sweet Valley boys. While at the mall with Liz, she sees a new shop called Lovestruck. It’s a dating agency that caters especially to teens. She gets two applications and fills them out with information about two personalities she just made up. One of them, Daniella Fromage (doesn’t that mean cheese?), is cultured and sophisticated and is based on Suzanne Hanlon. The other, Magenta Galaxy, is wild and crazy and is based on Dana Larson. A few days later, the agency tells Jessica they’ve found a match for Daniella. His name is Pierre. He was born in France and has traveled extensively. Jessica calls Suzanne to get pointers on how to act with Pierre and to borrow some clothes. Then Magenta gets a call from a guy named Brett, so Jessica has to hang out with Dana for a while to find out how to act like her.
Liz is a wet blanket about the whole thing and tells Jessica to just be herself. Jessica tells Liz how mundane she is and that she never takes risks or goes after what she really wants. As evidence, she mentions a dress Liz really wanted for the upcoming Valentine’s Day dance (it’s Valentine’s Day again?) but didn’t get because it was a little over her budget. Liz starts to think Jessica is making sense and decides she’s not going to be so boring anymore. She turns to the first blank page in her journal and writes, “Dare to be different.” Only Liz would leave herself a reminder to be more spontaneous. When Liz helps her pick out something to wear for her date with Pierre, Jessica says she’s going to do Liz a favor and help her buy that dress, but makes sure Liz knows she’ll owe her one. Liz, you never want to be indebted to Jessica.
Jessica goes on her date with Pierre, and it’s clear to us that he’s faking it, too, and not nearly as well as Jessica. But when he screws up (Jessica mentions Fellini and he says something about liking it with clam sauce), Jessica thinks he’s making a joke. They make a date to go see a French film the following week. When Jessica gets home, she finds Liz painting her toenails, which she’s never done before. This is how Liz cuts loose and acts spontaneous.
To get ready for her date with Brett, Jessica has Liz put a streak of blue in her hair. Then she sculpts it all weird and wears a guitar pick earring. Brett picks her up in his Oldsmobile and starts to explain that it’s his dad’s car, but Jessica says she totally gets that he’s making a statement with it. Brett takes her to the Rock Spot to listen to some loud and crappy music. Once again, it’s clear to us that the boy is faking, but Jessica has no idea.
Jessica and Pierre go to the revival theater to see a weird French movie that Jessica doesn’t understand. On the way out, she swears she sees Brett waiting in line, but is sure she must be imagining things because foreign films are sooo not Brett’s thing.
The next day at school, Liz does not sit at her usual table at lunch. Watch out, folks. She’s out of control. A few days later she gets an oxymoronic temporary perm. So, okay, points for the spontaneity of the perm, but minus a bunch for it being a perm that only lasts two weeks.
Jessica has double-booked her Saturday night and is unable to get in touch with either Brett or Pierre. She asks Liz to pretend to be Daniella or Magenta and take one of her dates. Liz says she won’t be able to pull it off since she won’t be able to talk about their previous dates. Jessica decides the best solution is to take turns. They’ll wear the same basic outfit and accessorize with Magenta’s and Daniella’s bracelets and stuff. Then they’ll make the guys take them to the same restaurant, where they’ll go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes and switch accessories. This is the worst idea ever.
Liz thinks Pierre is pompous and annoying, then she thinks he’s an idiot when he says something stupid about Paris. When she meets Brett, he says something about the Doors singing “Sympathy for the Devil.” Liz thinks something is odd but can’t put her finger on it. *facepalm* Brett says he wants to tell her something, but she races off to the bathroom to switch with Jessica. Fifteen minutes later, Brett tries again to get something off his chest, but it’s time to switch places again. In the bathroom, Liz says she just told Pierre she thinks he’s a fake. When Jessica gets back to the table, she tries to apologize for what “she” just said, but Pierre looks depressed and says he should take her home. Then Liz tells Brett she doesn’t want to go out with him anymore.
The next morning, Liz feels guilty for ruining Jessica’s dates, so she calls both guys and asks them to come over. At the same time, Suzanne and Dana come by to pick up all the stuff Jessica borrowed from them. It turns out Pierre’s real name is Pete and he’s actually a lot like Brett, and Brett is actually a lot like Pierre. Which means that Pete is perfect for Dana and Brett is great for Suzanne. The four of them start talking while Jessica is upstairs getting the girls’ stuff together. Dana and Pete leave together and so do Suzanne and Brett. Jessica is totally okay with that because she met a cute guy named Tony that morning while playing tennis with Cara. She decides to take him to the dance.
But an Oldsmobile wasn’t exactly what she had been expecting. There was something so – so tame about it, so ordinary. Then in a flash she realized it must be some kind of statement. It was so square, it was cool!
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
As far as Jessica could tell, all the characters believed they were in purgatory, though to her it looked just like a doctor’s waiting room. Every once in a while a nurse would call someone’s name, and that person would look shocked and begin talking morosely about his childhood. Then the scene would switch to someone’s apartment, and the characters would begin to talk about opera and the family’s cheese-making factory. It didn’t make sense at all! To make matters worse, every once in a while a little red ball would roll across whatever room the characters were in. No one in the film seemed to notice it.
This is the description of the French movie Jessica and Pierre saw. It sounds interesting. Any idea if it’s a real movie or not?
What’s going on? she wondered. First Pierre thinks Paris is on the Riviera, and now Brett mixes up classic songs even I know about!
Liz’s reporter’s instincts at work once again.
The Cover: Oh, the horror. That necklace. Those bracelets. Those earrings. And the hair. Oh, lord, was the entire population drugged in the eighties? How could we ever have thought some of this stuff looked good?