The Story So Far

First of all, I want to welcome all my new readers! My view count has really skyrocketed the last couple days. I feel so popular! Thanks for reading and thanks to my amazing friends for liking what I write and spreading the word.

Okay, enough sap. We’ve got ten books done. What have we learned so far?

  • Jessica clearly has an as yet undiagnosed personality disorder. I’m guessing this one.
  • Elizabeth is Jessica’s enabler and scapegoat. Her codependency on Jessica makes it impossible for her to cross her twin or refuse her anything.
  • Elizabeth will keep a promise if it kills her. When she makes a promise it’s like she’s made an Unbreakable Vow and she simply can’t break it, even if she knows it’s the right thing to do.
  • Liz and Todd have broken up twice so far and had a few snits over jealousy and Jessica. However, when the story’s not focused on them, they appear to have a cute relationship.
  • Jessica has gone out with Rick Andover, Todd Wilkins, Bruce Patman, Scott the older guy, Dennis the younger guy, Cara’s cousin*, Danny Stouffer, Tom McKay and Bill Chase. Probably some others I can’t remember right now. Yet in book #10 she hates on Annie Whitman about how many guys she goes out with.
  • Enid just turned sixteen in book #6. Her boyfriend George is in college. Creeper.
  • Bill Chase is now going out with DeeDee Gordon, Roger Barrett is with Olivia Davidson and Winston Egbert is with Mandy Farmer. Winston seems to have shaken off his crush on Jessica, thank goodness.
  • Enid used to do drugs but she’s been clean for two years.
  • Robin Wilson used to be fat but now she’s the hottest chick in school and co-captain of the cheerleading squad.
  • Todd had a motorcycle for a while but it was totaled in the accident that put Liz in a coma.
  • Liz was almost raped by Bruce Patman, but she seems to be over it.
  • Jessica was almost raped by Scott the older guy, but she seems to be over it.
  • There is no post-traumatic stress disorder in Sweet Valley and it only rains when it’s convenient to the plot.
  • Steven, the twins’ brother, is dating Tricia Martin, who comes from a bad family. Jessica can’t stand being associated with the Martins.
  • Steven is incredibly boring.
  • Ned and Alice Wakefield are probably the worst parents ever, though nobody in the books seems to think so.
  • Time has no meaning in Sweet Valley.

Well, I think that about covers it! I plan to do one of these every ten books.

Come back tomorrow for my review of #11: Too Good to be True!

* I think? Whoever she was with when she was supposed to be giving Liz a ride and Liz wound up on Todd’s motorcycle.

Comments
  • Sarah March 19, 2009 at 9:52 pm

    So, we wonder why we’re all f*cked up after growing up on these books? LOL

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  • Sadako March 20, 2009 at 7:19 am

    Didn’t read too many SVH books growing up (a bunch of SV Twin books, though) but I really like your blog. Nostalgia for books of our past never, ever gets old.

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I like yours for the same reason. I love book nostalgia!

    [Reply]

  • Abi March 20, 2009 at 8:41 am

    I used to live and breathe these books and was so excited to get to high school and live the glamorous life. Then I actually GOT to high school and realized how fake this all is.

    <– TOTALLY loved Jessica. She was my hero.(/sarcasm)

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    I know! I spent my whole high school career waiting for a sorority to tap me and for all the boys to fall in love with my sun-kissed hair, but they never did. I felt cheated.

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous April 17, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    Enid’s cousin in book 6.

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    Jessica dates Enid’s cousin in book six.

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous January 2, 2012 at 5:06 am

    Jessica goes to the Beach Disco with ‘Skip Harman’ in book 10 – does this count towards her list of guys?

    [Reply]

  • Nikki July 7, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    “Jessica clearly has an as yet undiagnosed personality disorder. I’m guessing this one.”

    Yep, that sounds like her. I can’t lie tho, I thought Jessica was the shit back in the day.

    Jessica has gone out with Rick Andover, Todd Wilkins, Bruce Patman, Scott the older guy, Dennis the younger guy, Cara’s cousin*, Danny Stouffer, Tom McKay and Bill Chase. Probably some others I can’t remember right now. Yet in book #10 she hates on Annie Whitman about how many guys she goes out with.

    Exactly, she’s a hypocrite. By her own standards, Jessica is as “easy” as she claims Annie is.

    “Steven is incredibly boring.”

    I always thought so too. I was never interested in any story about Steven, except the one where he dated the black girl, think her name was Cheryl. I think that was the first time a black character was introduced in SVH, so I was excited to read that one.

    [Reply]

  • Tiffany July 24, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    I’m rereading the SVH books this summer and found your blog. Love it!! I adored Elizabeth when I was growing up, but she is kind of driving me crazy this time around. And, yes, these are definitely soap opera material but awesome summer reads. Glad to know there are plenty of fellow fans out there!

    [Reply]

  • Dane Youssef May 20, 2017 at 3:41 am

    MY APPRAISAL ON WHAT WE’VE LEARNED SO FAR:

    • Jessica clearly has an as yet un-diagnosed personality disorder. I’m guessing this one.

    Oh, come on. She’s just fucking absolute evil—JUST SAY IT.

    • Elizabeth is Jessica’s enabler and scapegoat. Her codependency on Jessica makes it impossible for her to cross her twin or refuse her anything.

    One more reason Elizabeth is no better than Jessica.

    • Elizabeth will keep a promise if it kills her. When she makes a promise it’s like she’s made an Unbreakable Vow and she simply can’t break it, even if she knows it’s the right thing to do.

    A girl that can keep a secret? No wonder you’ll find these things under the FICTION section—if only book stores and libraries still carried them.

    • Liz and Todd have broken up twice so far and had a few snits over jealousy and Jessica. However, when the story’s not focused on them, they appear to have a cute relationship.

    I can’t wait until Todd and Jessica start fucking like nymphs.

    • Jessica has gone out with Rick Andover, Todd Wilkins, Bruce Patman, Scott the older guy, Dennis the younger guy, Cara’s cousin*, Danny Stouffer, Tom McKay and Bill Chase. Probably some others I can’t remember right now. Yet in book #10 she hates on Annie Whitman about how many guys she goes out with.

    Everyone in THE VALLEY was a slut. Women were as horny as men. Hornier. That’s why this thing had an audience. An audience for fucking.

    • Enid just turned sixteen in book #6. Her boyfriend George is in college. Creeper.

    Sometimes the inconsistencies made sense.

    • Bill Chase is now going out with DeeDee Gordon, Roger Barrett is with Olivia Davidson and Winston Egbert is with Mandy Farmer. Winston seems to have shaken off his crush on Jessica, thank goodness.

    If anyone deserved any of that good nookie… it was Egbert. He needed a happy ending more than a horny travelling businessman in a Japanese massage parlor.

    • Enid used to do drugs but she’s been clean for two years.

    Too bad. Drugs actually managed to make her interesting… Like most rock stars.

    • Robin Wilson used to be fat but now she’s the hottest chick in school and co-captain of the cheer-leading squad.

    Robin, you want full captain-ship? Off Jessica. Off with her head. Drop a house on her and dump some water on her so she melts.

    • Todd had a motorcycle for a while but it was totaled in the accident that put Liz in a coma.

    She lived. Damn it, Todd. The least that could have happened was she didn’t have to hit her head and come back to her “senses.”

    • Liz was almost raped by Bruce Patman, but she seems to be over it.

    I hate you, Elizabeth. The motorcycle should have exploded.

    • Jessica was almost raped by Scott the older guy, but she seems to be over it.

    Just another day in Sweet Valley.

    • There is no post-traumatic stress disorder in Sweet Valley and it only rains when it’s convenient to the plot.

    Of course. I live in California, too.

    • Steven, the twins’ brother, is dating Tricia Martin, who comes from a bad family. Jessica can’t stand being associated with the Martins.

    Imagine how Steven feels being associated with the Wakefields.

    • Steven is incredibly boring.

    Everyone is Sweet Valley is either boring, sleaze… or both. Sometimes simultaneously.

    • Ned and Alice Wakefield are probably the worst parents ever, though nobody in the books seems to think so.

    Their daughters are the worst daughters ever—so it kind of all makes sense.

    Whew! What a rush. And what a long, strange trip has been…

    –SINCERE LOVE FOR SHANNON, DANE R. YOUSSEF

    [Reply]

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