Hey. Hey you. Better move, we’re coming through.
That’s my very favorite cheer! I love cheerleading almost as much as I love being a slut!
Patty: Yeah, too bad you’re going to be on academic probation.
Jessica: Whatever, all I have to do is ace Mr. Russo’s next chemistry test.
Hmm, I wonder what Mr. Russo has going on inside his computer…
Personal and confidential, you say? We’ll just see about that.
I’ll just work a little of my Cool Dork mojo, and ta-da! It’s that simple.
All right, nerd porn!
A love letter to the school secretary? I’d better make copies!
Liz: Oh, no! Enid, I totally forgot about my anniversary with Todd!
Enid: Gee, Liz, what a shame. I think you should break up with him. The magic obviously isn’t there anymore, and maybe you’d like to see what it’s like to be a les -
Todd: Excuse me, Enid. I have the urge to jam my tongue into Liz’s throat.
Enid: Of course, Todd. I understand that urge completely.
Liz: Hi, Todd. Wow, this is so weird. You have the date wrong! Our anniversary is…um…Wednesday!
Todd: Are you sure? I’ve had today’s date circled in red hearts on my calendar for weeks.
Liz: Oh, yeah, totally sure!
Winston: Hey, guys. Guess who’s boning Rosemary the secretary?
It’s not you, is it?
Nope, the lucky guy is Mr. Russo. I found this love letter when I hacked into his computer!
Is my Devious Plan face showing?
Enid: Liz, do you know how happy it makes me when you let me come over to watch the shopping network with you?
Liz: Yes, Enid. You tell me every time you come over here. But all the stuff they sell on this channel is stupid.
OMG, is that a pair of AUTOGRAPHED SHAQUILLE O’NEAL SHOES? Todd would love those!
Here’s the phone! The faster you dial, the faster you break my heart!
Oh, Wiiiiinstooonnn. Why don’t you come over here and sit with me, stud?
How would you like to come back to my place and help me do some…studying?
Jessica: It sure is nice of you to help me out, Win! Say, would you mind getting me a glass of water?
Winston: Boobs boobs boobs boobs…
Where is Mr. Russo’s password? It must be somewhere here in Winston’s bag!
Liz: What am I going to do? Todd’s present was supposed to be here today!
Jessica: What? Who cares?
Jessica: Come on, Winnie. Let’s go somewhere a little more private.
Winston: OKAY!
Liz: Did anyone happen to see this note? I was wondering where mom had gone off to…
Winston: Why are we here?
Jessica: Computers turn me on.
It especially turns me on when a boy uses one. Why don’t you sit down?
Jessica: Hey, maybe you could show me how you hacked into Mr. Russo’s account.
Winston: Oh, it was nothing, really. I know he likes soccer, so I typed in the name of the world’s greatest soccer player, Pele.
Excellent. This is my Devious Plan Working Splendidly face.
I can’t believe this! What do you mean it won’t be here until Friday?!
Oh man, this guy again.
Funny thing, Todd. I was just reading my old diaries, and it turns out our anniversary isn’t until Friday!
You mean I have to wait AGAIN?
And now it’s time for a montage. A this-test-is-so-hard-for-everyone-but-Jessica montage
Winston: Let’s go celebrate now that the test is over!
Jessica: No way, loser.
Jessica, you got an A+ on this test. I know someone stole a copy from my computer’s hard drive. Since there’s no way you’re smart enough to have passed without cheating, I’m accusing you.
It was Winston!
As proof, I’ll show you this love letter. I realize I could have gotten this when I stole the test and it doesn’t actually prove anything, but hey, I’m pretty.
Winston, you’re suspended.
Bruce: Hey, Winston! If you don’t graduate high school because of your suspension, I’ll give you a job restringing my tennis racket. Ha! I’m so funny and rich.
I just don’t get it. Nobody knew the password except for me!
You didn’t tell it to Jessica, did you?
Winston: Oh, no.
Lila: You told Jessica? Oh my god, you’re so stupid.
Just a couple more years until college. Gotta practice getting my drink on.
Liz: Jessica, you are the scum of the earth! How could you get Winston suspended?
Liz, you could manipulate guys if you wanted to. Here, I’ll show you how to suck on a popsicle in a way that will make guys do whatever you want.
Don’t change the subject! I’m not going to let you get away with this!
Whatever. I’ll just take my popsicle and leave.
Wait! I kind of…wanted to learn…the sucking thing…
Liz: Mr. Russo, don’t you think it’s a little weird that your best student would need to cheat on the test?
Mr. Russo: Well, come to think of it, I did find it strange. But Jessica said it was Winston and I know she’s trustworthy.
Winston didn’t do it, you moron. I can prove it.
Hey, class! Someone stole the last test, so I’m giving a new test tomorrow. Study hard!
Jessica: Hey, nerdy guy. Like my outfit? No? Well then, get out.
Ah, alone at last. Now, what was that password? Paco? Polo? Pikachu? Pele!
Access denied? Look behind me? What the hell?
Jessica: Oh, hi, everyone. I swear I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
Mr. Russo: You’re suspended.
Liz: Neener, neener, neener.
Jessica: You guys, I had the best week off from school.
Glad you enjoyed it, because now you’re on academic probation.
And you have a ton of homework to make up!
But I’ll never finish all this work!
Oh, Winston! How would you like to write a few papers for me?
Uh, how about no?
What…? How…? Damn these books for blocking his view of my chest.
Enid: So is it really your anniversary this time?
Liz: Yep. His present finally arrived!
Enid: Great. That’s just…great.
Liz: Happy anniversary, Todd!
Todd: Autographed Shaquille O’Neal shoes? Liz, this is the greatest present ever!
But they’re both left feet.
*sad trombone*
