Sweet Valley High Senior Year #11: Take Me On

The Moral of the Story: All stepfathers are evil.

The Big Deal: Party at Aaron’s

Synopsis:

The Wakefields are packing up and moving out of Fowler Crest. Will shows up and tells Jessica he had fun at the kidnap breakfast that morning. Jessica knows he’s referring to their kiss and she’s all aflutter, but Lila’s lurking nearby so Jessica tries to get Will to leave. Unfortunately, he offers to help with the move and brother Steve (in his first appearance of the series) is happy to let him. Will insists on hanging around even after all the boxes have been unloaded, but when he tries to kiss Jessica she tells him it’s not going to happen and he needs to leave. Liz is really annoying and pesters Jessica to give Will a second chance. She says Aaron Dallas is having a party on Tuesday night (why Tuesday?) and Jessica should go and talk to Will there. I don’t get what Liz’s deal is or why she’d want her sister to date a guy who told the whole school she was a slut. Is she so miserable over Conner that she wants Jessica to be equally miserable? Whatever the case, she’s a bitch and I hate her.

Conner’s mom is in the hospital after her car accident. She’s physically fine, but she seems to have absolutely no remorse about what happened. She says that because she was drunk when she crashed, she’s going to have to go to court, and her lawyer thinks it would be best if Conner and Megan went along. Conner doesn’t want to help his mother in any way, but he knows that if she goes to jail, he and Megan would end up in Seattle with Megan’s dad. The judge doesn’t end up sending her to jail, but Mrs. Sandborn does get her license suspended for a year and she has to check herself into rehab. When Conner goes to get into the driver’s seat when they’re leaving the courthouse, Mrs. Sandborn wants to know what the hell he’s doing. She doesn’t seem to think having a suspended license is any big deal and she wants to drive her own car. Conner tells that bitch to get in the passenger seat and then make him a sammich.

Mrs. Sandborn finds out the only rehab clinic her insurance will approve is in Minnesota and she has to leave Tuesday. She insists she’s not an alcoholic and the only reason she’s going is because she has to, not because she needs help. She gets Megan’s dad, Gary, to come down and stay with the kids for the month, which pisses Conner right off. He and Gary manage to get into an argument the first night, and Conner leaves the dinner table in a huff.

Jessica goes to Aaron’s party, but she starts to panic when all her friends see Will coming toward her and leave her alone to fend for herself. Lila has told everyone about Will helping the Wakefields move, so now they’re all curious to see what’s going on between them. Will comes up to her and says she looks great. Jessica freaks out and tells Will she doesn’t want him. Then she locks herself in Aaron’s bedroom. Liz finds her later and says she invited Will over for dinner the next night. It was Alice’s idea. She wanted to thank him for helping them move. Jessica is livid about Liz inviting him. So am I. Jesus Christ, Liz. What the hell is wrong with you?

Angel tells Tia he got an interview for the RA thing, but if he’s accepted he’ll have to go early for training and stuff. So instead of going off to college in January like he’d planned, he’d be leaving this Friday. Tia is nervous about losing him, so she thinks maybe it’s time to give Angel her virginity. She tells him what she’s thinking, but he says he wants to wait. Tia assumes he isn’t attracted to her, so she gets upset and leaves. These books are just one stupid assumption after another and it makes me want to stab someone.

Will comes to dinner and charms the socks off Ned and Alice. At the end of the night, everyone leaves Will and Jessica alone in the living room, and Will tells Jessica he wants to go out on a date with her. He’s leaning in all close and sexy, so Jessica has no choice but to say yes. God, this whole thing sickens me. No guy is so good-looking that I’d forgive him for that shit. This is like the “Bruce tried to rape Liz but it’s all good” stuff from the original series.

Conner’s a little jealous that Megan is having so much fun with her dad, and when Megan says Gary is thinking about moving back to Sweet Valley because he misses her and her mom, Conner freaks out. He starts yelling at Gary and telling him to stay away, and Gary says something about when he divorced Mrs. Sandborn, she made threats. Conner wants to know what kind of threats, but Gary won’t say. Conner finds his mother’s files from the divorce and starts reading. He finds out Gary fought for custody of Megan. This doesn’t jibe with the things his mother told him, that Gary had only married her for her family’s money and didn’t care about any of them at all. Conner goes to apologize for being such an ass, but he overhears Gary talking on the phone to his girlfriend, telling her the Sandborns will be out of his hair soon enough and then they won’t bother him ever again.

Angel goes to Tia’s on Thursday night and asks her why she’s been avoiding him. She starts accusing him of wanting to sleep with college girls, and Angel gets pissed. He says he got the job and he’s leaving tomorrow. Tia spends all night crying, and when she gets up in the morning, she races over to Angel’s house. She gets there just in time to apologize and give him a big hug, and then he drives off to Stanford.

The Cover: I don’t understand why they picked this guy to be Conner. He’s entirely too preppy to be the brooding soul that is Conner McDermott. Also, I hope that offer for a free Christina Aguilera cassette is still good.

14 Comments

Shannon, March 10th 2010 | Tags: ,
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #10: Broken Angel

The Moral of the Story: One week of gambling will turn you into a gambling addict.

The Big Deal: Jock kidnap

Synopsis:

Angel is supposed to hang out with Conner and Tia, and when he doesn’t show up, Conner decides to look for him at the track. And that’s where they find him crying because he lost all the money he’s been saving for when he goes to Stanford in January. Tia is horrified. When Angel tells his parents what happened, his father fires him from the garage he owns where Angel has been working. Angel’s dad is kind of an ass. Tia makes Conner and Andy brainstorm with her to figure out how Angel can get back some of his money. Conner’s mom is on a lot of charity boards, so he thinks Angel should apply for one of her scholarships or something and she can put in a good word for him. Tia goes to Angel’s to tell him about Conner’s plan, but Angel has decided he’s just not going to go to Stanford. He tries to tell Tia that all of this happened for a reason and him going to college just isn’t meant to be. Tia tells him it happened because he fucked up. They have a big fight. Angel goes to Conner for a little support, but Conner also tells him he’s an idiot if he doesn’t go to Stanford.

Jessica gets up on Saturday morning and goes to House of Java to try to get Jeremy to believe she wasn’t on a date with Will. He says he actually does believe her, but he’s breaking up with her anyway because he thinks she likes Will whether she was on a date with him or not. Jessica goes home and tries to talk to Liz, but Liz is still all messed up about Conner, so other people’s problems just don’t matter to her anymore. She makes Jessica watch Casablanca with her. She’s really annoying, but still preferable to the Elizabeth who shoulder patted everyone condescendingly all through junior year. Just barely though.

Jessica goes to work on Sunday and tries again to get Jeremy to listen. He’s adamant about staying broken up because he wants her to “prove” that she doesn’t like Will. Oh, come on, Jeremy. Jessica decides she’ll prove that by not going out with Will, but then Will calls that night and asks her to come over to his house on Tuesday to finish planning the kidnap. And Jessica agrees. At least she remembers to say she’ll bring Tia with her.

Ken is bummed about not being allowed back on the football team, but he wants to at least start working out again. He goes to the YMCA and runs into Todd. Todd says he wishes Ken could play again because there’s a team unity problem. The El Carro kids are acting like they own the team and there have been a few fights. Ken shows up to Tuesday’s practice and starts running laps with the team. Coach yells at him for a while and tries to tell him to leave, but finally says Ken can practice with them. Coach eventually tells him he can stick out the season as a second stringer. Ken is overjoyed. Hooray. I don’t care.

When Jessica gets to Will’s house on Tuesday, she immediately starts getting all fluttery and weird. I hate that she still likes this asshole. He puts on a Frank Sinatra album and they start dancing for some reason. They’re just about to kiss when Tia walks in. Things are pretty awkward after that, but they manage to plan the stupid kidnap.

Angel decides to go out and get another job. He gets hired at his first interview, but he’s upset when he finds out he’s going to be a janitor. He apparently thought he’d be an IT guy or something. Tia is totally depressed because Angel hasn’t called since their fight. Maria tells her Angel should try to be an RA when he goes to school because he’ll get free room and board and a check every month. When Tia tells Angel, he acts all sad because he thinks Tia doesn’t really love him and she’s just trying to get rid of him. Oh my god, I hate you both. Tia convinces him that’s not true and he agrees to give the RA thing a try.

Conner’s mother comes home trashed on Saturday night and says she forgot to find out about Angel’s scholarship. Conner yells at her for a while and then Mrs. Sandborn leaves in a huff. A little while later, someone from the hospital calls and says she’s been in an accident.

Sunday morning is the kidnap. This involves five people driving, and they all go around to everyone’s houses and drag people out of bed. At one of the football player’s houses, everyone tackles the guy on the bed, and Jessica and Will somehow get thrown off the pile. They land on the floor on top of each other, and since neither of them have any sort of willpower, they end up kissing. Nobody else seems to notice.

The Cover: I wonder why Angel’s back there in the shadows. Tia’s cute. This is just about the first cover that hasn’t made me want to punch the people on it.

11 Comments

Shannon, March 8th 2010 | Tags: ,
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #9: The One That Got Away

The Moral of the Story: If you’re a handsome football player, the girl will always take you back no matter how much of a jackass you are.

Synopsis:

Jessica is really pissed off when she finds out Will is her secret admirer. She screams at him about all the crap he and Melissa put her through and says she can’t believe he’d expect her to go out with him. Then she, Liz and Tia get into the Jeep and drive off, splashing mud on Will as they go. Serves him right. On the way home, Liz starts telling Jessica she’s being too harsh, and then Jessica starts remembering how good a kisser Will is. Oh, here we go. She’s going to end up with him, isn’t she? Dammit. Jessica  decides to focus on her anger and go see Jeremy as soon as she drops off Liz and Tia. Jeremy can tell something is bothering her, but she’s decided not to tell him anything because that always works out so well. On Monday morning, Will comes up to Jessica and tries to apologize again. Jessica tells him she has a boyfriend and Will needs to just leave her the hell alone. Will says he’s not giving up, and then he turns around and sees Melissa standing there looking like she’s going to cry.

Angel has a couple of hours to kill between jobs, so he decides to head over to the racetrack. He wants to press his luck a little more since he made so much money there the other night. His anniversary with Tia is the next day and he wants to be able to afford something super special. He wins two hundred bucks and tells Tia to be ready the next night at seven and to be wearing her best dress. You know this isn’t going to end well.

Todd tells Will about a Sweet Valley High tradition that we’ve never heard of: every year, the captain of the football team gets together with the head cheerleader and they organize a kidnap. Every football player and cheerleader gets dragged out of bed one morning and everyone goes to breakfast in their pajamas. Todd says Jessica and Ken organized it last year, so Will thinks this is the perfect opportunity to get Jessica to talk to him; he’ll ask to get together with her on Friday, and the whole thing can “blur into a date” after they talk about the kidnapping thing. I cannot possibly hate this guy more than I already do. Melissa goes to Will’s house that night and kisses him, saying she’s giving him a chance to get back together with her before throwing himself at Jessica. She says Jessica would never go out with him again, but Will says he has a date with her on Friday.

Maria and Ken are working on another project together, and Ken lets Maria slowly drag him into the real world, which, to Maria, means the world of schoolwork. She teaches him how to take notes and takes him shopping for a planner so he can write down his assignments. Fun times. After they leave the office supply store, Ken bites the bullet and asks Maria to have dinner with him. After they eat, they go for a walk on the beach and start having fun chasing each other around. Just when they’re about to kiss, Ken thinks about Olivia and remembers he promised himself he would never get close to anyone ever again. Sigh. Maria talks to him the next day about how unhappy he is, and he realizes it’s because he’s not playing football anymore. He decides to talk to the coach about it, but unfortunately, the coach doesn’t want to let a quitter like Ken back on the team.

Liz has been ridiculously depressed since Conner kicked her out. All she wants to do is hang out with Jessica, but Jessica has to work Tuesday night. Jessica says they can hang out Wednesday, but at dinner Alice announces that the Wakefield house will be ready to move back into in two weeks. Jessica leaves the dinner table and immediately starts packing. She calls Jeremy and invites him over to help her, and Liz gets all sad and angry about Jessica breaking their plans to hang out.

Angel and Tia go out to an incredibly expensive restaurant, and by the end of the night, Angel is pretty much freaking out about how much money he’s spent. Then when he gets home, his father tells him how proud he is to have such a responsible kid, and Angel feels guilty. Who cares? I mean, that was all his gambling winnings anyway, wasn’t it? Anyway, Angel keeps going to the track every night and he ends up losing every cent of his savings. Of course he does.

While Jeremy is helping Jessica clean her room, he finds the necklace from Will and the note that went along with it that says, “A kiss is still a kiss.” Even though the necklace and note have been shoved unceremoniously under the bed, Jeremy decides there’s something going on and he acts all weird the rest of the night. Naturally, he does not say anything to Jessica. That would be too easy. Jessica is walking to class the next morning when the jocks start catcalling her like they always do. Will comes out of nowhere and pins one of them against the wall. He finally announces that all the rumors he and Melissa spread about Jessica were untrue. All right, so maybe that gives him some points, but I still hate him.

Melissa goes to House of Java and tells Jeremy that Jessica is cheating on him and has a date with Will Simmons on Friday. Jeremy, despite recognizing Melissa as one of the bitches who insulted Jessica at that party, freaks out and starts thinking maybe the necklace he found was from Will. When Jessica comes in later, he asks her about the necklace. She tells him the truth, that it was from Will. Jeremy gets pissed and says he heard she has a date with him for Friday. Jessica gets upset and leaves.

Jessica has to blow off Liz again because she gets called in to work. Liz freaks out and yells at her. Oh, get a hobby, Liz. Then Lila comes to Jessica’s room and asks if Will’s outburst means he and Jessica are together now. Jessica is disgusted by Lila’s obvious digging for gossip and starts to leave for work. Will drives up just as she gets out the front door. Will asks her to get together with him on Friday to talk about the kidnapping thing. No fool, Jessica suggests Tia come along as well. They agree to meet at First and Ten.

Friday night rolls around and of course Tia can’t make it and of course Liz tells Jeremy where Jessica is and of course he sees her with Will. He thinks she lied to him so he breaks up with her and leaves the restaurant.

Quotes:

He filled the coffee filter, tamped it down, and twisted it into the locked position. With his other hand he stuck the metal pitcher of milk into position. Then he twisted the knob, sending hot steam surging into the milk. The steamed milk foamed and gurgled as he raised and lowered the pitcher. At the exact moment the espresso machine dribbled to a stop, he grabbed a tall glass, poured in the coffee and some chocolate syrup, and topped it off with steamed milk. He spooned some foam onto the top, dusted it with cocoa, and slid it across the counter.

This book suddenly turned into an instruction manual for making coffee drinks at House of Java. Why?

The Cover: This cover is kind of creepy, what with that big giant Jessica head there.

13 Comments

Shannon, March 5th 2010 | Tags: ,
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #8: Maria Who?

The Moral of the Story: Maria Slater is socially retarded.

The Big Deal: School play

Synopsis:

Maria is sitting around at home feeling sorry for herself on Saturday when her drama teacher calls and asks her to be the lead in the school play. The girl who was supposed to do it has gotten sick and the teacher offers the part to Maria instead of giving it to one of the other girls who cared enough to actually audition. Maria can’t possibly make this decision on her own, so she calls Ken Matthews of all people and asks him what he thinks. He says she should do it. Maria kisses him on the cheek and leaves for her first practice. Ken isn’t sure what to make of the kiss and he spends some time fretting about it.

When Maria gets home, she tells her parents all about the play and how Ms. Delaney thought so much of her acting talent that she didn’t even require an audition. Mr. and Mrs. Slater are very proud of her and say it’s so nice that even though Maria’s older sister Nina got all the academic ability, Maria still has talents. Damn, that’s cold. Maria is pretty pissed, especially since she’s a candidate for valedictorian and she’s beloved by all her teachers. But, as per the Sweet Valley Girl Rulebook, she doesn’t say anything to her parents about how hurt she is.

Jessica gets home from rehearsal and the housekeeper hands her a package that had been dropped on the front step. It has Jessica’s name on it in cutout magazine letters and it contains a blank journal. Jessica assumes it’s from Jeremy and she plans to write in it that night. She has clearly never read Harry Potter. You don’t just start writing in strange diaries that appear out of nowhere. Liz has been staying at Fowler Crest and Jessica tries to get her to go to a movie, but Liz is still too depressed about her fight with Conner.

Tia’s boyfriend, Angel, gets a job bartending at the Riot, and Tia’s all upset because he won’t have as much time for her as he used to. She gets Andy to go with her on Angel’s first night, and she can’t believe Angel isn’t spending any time with her. When Angel does steal a minute to say hi to Tia and Andy, his boss yells at him while throwing a little sexual harassment Tia’s way for good measure. Tia is shocked that Angel isn’t punching the guy. I’m guessing Tia’s never had a job.

Jessica goes to work on Sunday morning and mentions the journal to Jeremy. He doesn’t know anything about it. When she gets to her car after work, there’s a note taped on her windshield with a poem about what “might have been.” She mentions it to Maria and Tia later, and they think her secret admirer might be Will. Ugh, I’ll just bet it is. I want so much for him to just go away. After rehearsal on Monday, Jessica finds a silver necklace on top of her bag. That makes Tia and Maria think it’s from Charlie, the boy Jessica has to kiss in the play. Jessica decides she’ll return all the stuff to him the next day. Under no circumstances does she want to tell Jeremy what’s going on (that’s also in the Sweet Valley Girl Rulebook: always keep your boyfriend in the dark).

Liz is still feeling pretty bad at school on Monday, so Jessica and Tia convince Maria to go talk to her. Maria goes to the Oracle office the next day and says hello to Liz, which gives Liz the opportunity to apologize and explain herself. Again. Maria says she was also an idiot, and they hug each other and they’re well on their way to being best friends again when Maria leaves. Oh, Maria, I was so proud of you for hating Liz.

When Jessica tries to give the necklace to Charlie and let him know she has a boyfriend, Charlie says he doesn’t actually like her, he’s just acting in the play. Ha. Then Jessica finds two concert tickets in her locker. She’s worried about the whole thing, but Tia volunteers Liz and herself to go with her to the concert so she doesn’t have to meet her stalker alone.

Maria takes it upon herself to rearrange the makeup table one day before rehearsal, and then she doesn’t get why one of the other girls, Sarah, is mad at her for moving everyone’s stuff around and giving herself the biggest prep area. Maria is sure Sarah’s just jealous because she was hoping to get the lead when Renee had to drop out. Then at lunch the next day, Maria doesn’t notice that Tia and Jessica are getting annoyed when she offers to give them tips about how to be better actresses.

After rehearsal, Maria is totally excited about something I can’t figure out, and she goes home all ready to tell her parents her good news. But when she gets there, her parents say her sister Nina is being presented with some kind of award at Brown, so they’re flying out this weekend to see her accept it. Sorry about your play, Maria. Her parents tell her not to be jealous, and Maria flies off the handle and tells them she’s just as smart and talented as Nina and she’s sick of her parents acting like Nina’s so awesome. At rehearsal the next day, she messes up all her lines, gets into a fight with Tia and Jessica, and then she yells at Ken on her way to the dressing room. Jessica and Tia are pissed, but Ken tells them to back off because Maria’s having a hard time. Seems to me Maria’s created her own hard time (that sounds totally dirty).

Conner thinks it’s time for a guy’s night out, so he gets Angel and Andy to clear their schedules for Friday night. Since Ken has been hanging around Maria, he’s gotten to know Andy, and Andy asks him to join. Ken accepts. He clearly didn’t learn anything from previous guys’ nights out. The boys end up going to the racetrack for some dumb reason, and Angel (the only one old enough to bet) wins three hundred dollars.

Before the play on Saturday, Jessica and Tia wish Maria luck, and she apologizes for being so obnoxious all week. All is forgiven and they go put on a great performance. After the show, Maria’s dad comes backstage with Ken to congratulate her. Maria’s surprised to see her father, and he tells her he and her mother decided to split up for the weekend. Mrs. Slater is at Brown videotaping Nina’s thing, and Mr. Slater is taking a videotape home of the play.

Jessica goes to the concert on Sunday and seems pretty horrified when her secret admirer turns out to be Will. That jackass.

The Cover: Wow, that is one super shiny shirt.

14 Comments

Shannon, March 3rd 2010 | Tags:
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #7: Boy Meets Girl

Synopsis:

Jeremy wants to take Jessica out and do something special, but he’s too poor to do anything really awesome. He calls a friend and manages to score free tickets to see Romeo and Juliet at some theater, but Jessica’s useless mother writes down the address wrong when Jeremy calls so Jessica goes to the wrong place and can’t figure out why Jeremy isn’t showing up. They both call Alice and finally meet up at a video arcade. Jessica seems to have fun playing video games and just hanging out, but Jeremy is disappointed that his magical date didn’t turn out the way he wanted. Dude, you’re with a chick who doesn’t mind playing video games all night. Just go with it.

Conner tells Liz he thinks they should cool things off while she deals with Maria. Liz doesn’t like the idea, but is too much of a doormat to disagree with the mighty Conner and his iron will. She calls Maria and leaves a teary message about how sorry she is. Maria doesn’t pick up because she doesn’t want to talk to Liz at all. On Monday morning, Liz sees Maria in the hallway and apologizes again. Maria hardly looks at her when she says whatever, she’s over it. Liz tries to talk to her again the next day, and Maria flat out says she doesn’t want to be friends anymore. Way to go, Maria. FINALLY someone doesn’t want to be friends with Liz just because she’s Liz.

Everyone has heard about Melissa’s suicide attempt and they’re all giving Will their condolences. He’s really annoyed. He goes to the hospital to see Melissa and he gets really pissed when she refers to him as her boyfriend, as though things are just going to go back to normal now. He starts to set her straight, but then a nurse comes in and starts yapping about how having such a devoted boyfriend is really going to help Melissa get back on her feet more quickly. Meanwhile, Cherie and Gina start going off on Jessica at cheerleading practice, telling her it’s all because of her that Melissa tried to kill herself. Jessica has had enough and she totally wails on them. She says she never did anything wrong and she’s sick of their crap. She also says that if they were such great friends of Melissa’s, they would be worrying about their friend right now instead of harassing Jessica. Melissa’s minions seem suitably sheepish.

Jessica and Jeremy go out Tuesday night, but the date is another disaster. The freeway is jammed and the comedy club they try to go to is twenty-one and up, and yes, this is apparently enough to ruin a date. They go for ice cream, and Will is in line in front of them. Things are awkward and tense, and Jeremy can tell there’s something weird between Will and Jessica. Jessica calls Jeremy the next day and invites him to have dinner with her family. Jeremy gets all excited about it, but then his mother says he has to stay home and watch his sisters because she’s been called in to work. When he calls Jessica to tell her, she says maybe their relationship just isn’t meant to be since all their dates keep getting screwed up. What a quitter. Jeremy asks her to give him one more chance and let him take her out Friday night.

When Liz gets home after dinner at Fowler Crest, she runs into Conner in the hallway. He’s pretty much gone back to acting like he doesn’t like her. Liz tells him Maria is still really upset, and Conner says she just needs more time and he and Liz will pick things up again soon. In reality, he’s hoping this reprieve will last a while because, I don’t know, he’s weird about girls. He’s sure things with Liz will just get bad as soon as they start making out on a regular basis again.

Megan (in case you can’t remember because she’s hardly ever mentioned, Megan is Conner’s sister and the reason Liz lives at Conner’s house) has her first article published in the Oracle and she asks Liz to take her to the country club so she can show her mother. When they get there, it’s obvious that Mrs. Sandborn is completely trashed. On their way out the door, someone tells Megan that her mother is no longer welcome at the club, as she’s been warned about her behavior many times. Liz and Megan get her to the car and drive her home. Along the way, Liz remembers all the times Conner went to go pick up his mom in the middle of the night and the excuses he’s made for her. Instead of feeling bad about him having to deal with all that, she’s hurt that he hasn’t trusted her enough to “let her in.” Because it’s all about Liz. When they get home, Conner comes running out of the house all in a tizzy. He yells at Megan for “surprising Mom” and then at Liz for interfering. Then he carries his mother inside. Later, after holding his mom’s hair while she throws up for a while, he tells Liz he doesn’t want her to live there anymore. Liz throws some clothes in a backpack and hits the mean streets of El Carro, but she really doesn’t have anywhere to go. Luckily, Jessica is driving around the neighborhood because Megan called her. She takes Liz back to Fowler Crest.

Will goes over to Melissa’s house when she gets out of the hospital on Friday. He tells her he meant it when he said he didn’t want to be with her anymore and she’s just going to have to accept it. She goes nuts. She punches him in the face and starts throwing things at him. He manages to get out the door just as Melissa tries to break a mirror with his face. It’s not the best breakup, but Will feels pretty good now that it’s over and done with. Uh, yeah. I’d be afraid of her breaking into my house and stabbing me in my sleep.

Will decides he needs to makes things right with Jessica now. When he gets to Fowler Crest, he sees Jeremy driving off and Jessica waving goodbye to him with a dreamy expression on her face. Will is dismayed when he realizes she’s just been on a fabulous date. He runs up to her and apologizes for everything. I guess Jessica is still feeling good from her date because she accepts his apology.

Somewhere along the way, Jessica and Tia try out for a school play.

The Cover: I don’t feel comfortable looking at teenagers kissing at this zoom level.

26 Comments

Shannon, March 1st 2010 | Tags:
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #6: Your Basic Nightmare

The Big Deal: Football game

Synopsis:

Jessica wakes up totally depressed on Saturday morning because Jeremy never came after her when she ran out of the party last night. Meanwhile, poor Jeremy is at the hospital. His father is awake, but he still looks like crap. There’s a football game that afternoon and Jeremy’s dad is for some reason adamant that Jeremy get out of the hospital and play in the game. Jeremy has no intention of playing that afternoon, but he tells his dad he will.

Liz calls Maria and asks her to go to brunch. Maria picks her up and says she wants to ask Liz something about Conner. Liz is sure Maria found out about the kiss, but Maria just says she saw Liz’s crappy love poem about him. Liz makes something up and somehow gets Maria to believe the poem wasn’t about Conner and that she still doesn’t like him. When Maria drops her off, Liz tries to tell Conner they should stay away from each other because she doesn’t want to hurt Maria. Then they make out a little.

When Melissa wakes up and goes downstairs on Saturday, Will is sitting in her kitchen. She assumes he’s there to apologize for leaving her at the party, but he instead tells her he’s breaking up with her. Will leaves, and Melissa puts on her cheerleading uniform and gets ready for the game. By the time she gets to the school, she’s convinced herself that everyone is going to know she was dumped and they’ll all be laughing at her. During the game, it becomes clear that nobody knows. She finds Will after the game and says she assumes he didn’t tell anyone because he’s having second thoughts. Will says sorry, but no. He just wanted her to be able to tell her friends in her own time. Melissa is appalled. She makes Will promise not to tell anyone until she’s told her friends.

Liz goes to Riot with Tia, Andy, Angel and Maria, and she gets all freaked out when Conner shows up and sits down next to her. When he asks her to dance, she says she needs something to drink. She goes to the bar and Maria goes with her, ranting the whole time about how Conner is such a jerk to ask Liz to dance when he knows she doesn’t like him. While Maria is at the bar with her back turned, Conner comes up to Liz and takes her upstairs to the makeout room. After they kiss for a while, Liz says they need to go back downstairs because Maria, Maria, Maria. Conner gets annoyed and storms off.

Melissa goes to a victory party and tries to avoid Will most of the night. Suddenly, her stupid friend Cherie comes up to her, dragging Will along behind her. Cherie says she’s noticed Will and Melissa haven’t spoken all night and she wants them to make up and dance. Melissa asks Will to dance with her just once to keep up appearances, and in his protests he makes it clear he’s been planning to break up with Melissa for a while. She starts shouting and making a scene, so now everyone knows Will dumped her. She leaves the party, humiliated.

Jeremy and his mother go home to get a few hours of sleep, and then they have dinner together. Mrs. Aames mentions that Jeremy’s father needs to get a job because she thinks the not working and not providing is what stressed him out and made him sick. Jeremy freaks out because he thinks everyone should be taking care of his father and not trying to force him to work. He’s incredibly childish as he runs out the door and drives to the hospital to spend the night in a chair in his father’s room.

At two in the morning, Conner goes to Tia’s house and taps on her window to tell her he’s been messing around with Elizabeth and to ask her advice about it. Tia tells him to let Liz handle the Maria situation in her own way. At the same time, Liz goes to Fowler Crest and wakes up Jessica to do the same thing. Jessica tells her to tell Maria what’s going on.

When Jessica goes to work on Sunday morning and finds out Jeremy called in sick, she gets all upset because she thinks he’s just avoiding her. Wow, such ego. When she gets off work, Jessica finds Jeremy’s address and drives out to his house. He opens the door and she yells at him. When she’s finished, Jeremy takes her inside and shows her his big empty house from which most of the furniture has been sold and tells her everything that’s been going on with his family. Then they make out a little bit. After that, Jessica’s confidence makes a stunning comeback and she decides to go to Melissa’s and tell her off. But when she gets there, Will comes running out of the house looking distressed. He says Jessica can’t talk to Melissa because she’s at the hospital. She’s tried to commit suicide. Again. Apparently, the big mysterious thing in Melissa’s past that has been alluded to this whole time is that she tried to overdose back in eighth grade.

Maria insists on coming over to Liz’s because she’s decided not to let Conner’s presence keep her from hanging out with her best friend. Naturally, she gets there just in time to see Conner and Liz kissing in the kitchen.

The Cover: I hate Melissa’s face. She looks like such a bitch.

16 Comments

Shannon, February 26th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #5: If You Only Knew

The Big Deal: Big Mesa party

Synopsis:

To sum up the last book: Melissa is furious because she assumes Tia and Jessica tattled on her to Coach Laufeld and that’s why Tia was named captain. Jessica is heartbroken because she assumes the other cheerleaders told Jeremy about her reputation and now he’ll never want to talk to her again.

Tia and the gang go to a movie on Saturday night and Maria invites herself along in the hopes that Conner will join them. Sadly for her, Conner decides to stay home and have pizza and play Monopoly with Liz and Megan. Maria talks about Conner all night and Tia and Andy finally tell her they know she’s not over him and the chances of her getting him back are slim. Meanwhile, Liz and Conner almost share a moment, but Liz gets nervous and makes things awkward.

Jeremy gets home Saturday night and finds a For Sale sign in front of the house. He’s pissed at his father for failing to get a job and at his mother for putting the house up for sale. Everything sucks until he goes to work the next morning and finds Jessica there. Liz felt bad about getting her fired from Healthy, so she talked to the manager of House of Java and got them to let Jessica work there in her place from now on. Jeremy and Jessica flirt for a while and she realizes the other cheerleaders must not have said anything to him. Jeremy asks Jessica to go to a party with him on Friday, but Jessica gets shy and says she can’t.

Maria is paired up with Ken Matthews on a history project, which kind of sucks for her because Ken has been a zombie since Olivia died. He’s quit the football team and stopped hanging out with people. He doesn’t show up for their study date in the library on Monday afternoon, and Maria finally decides to bail and head over to Andy’s house. He’s having people over and Maria wants to see Conner. When she gets to the school parking lot, she finds one of her tires flat. Conner comes out of nowhere and gives her a ride to Andy’s, but then he just drops her off and goes home. The next morning, Ken tells her to do whatever she wants on the project, but he won’t be helping.

Jeremy asks Jessica again if she wants to go to the party with him, and she says she can’t because she has to finish a project for her drama class. She’s supposed to cut out pictures from magazines and make a collage that shows who she really is. She tells Jeremy she’s having a lot of trouble with it. Later that night, Jeremy sees a bunch of his mom’s magazines and gets inspired. He makes a collage for Jessica and when he gives it to her, she starts crying and asks if he really sees her as beautiful, delicate, perfect and whatever else the collage says. He says he does and she says she’ll go to the party with him.

Jessica goes to the Sandborns’ house Thursday morning and has breakfast with Liz. They get to talking about Conner and Jessica realizes Liz likes him. That day at lunch, Maria opens Liz’s notebook to find that day’s English assignment. She sees Conner’s name written all over the place, right alongside some horrible love poetry. She doesn’t say anything, but seethes about it all afternoon. By the time she gets to the library to meet Ken, she’s livid. Ken asks her what her problem is, and she goes off on him, screeching about Elizabeth and what a bad friend she is. Ken, grateful that someone else is having a problem and not trying to get him to snap out of his misery, takes an interest and tells Maria to just talk to Liz.

Liz has to read her crappy love poem out loud in creative writing class. It’s obviously about Conner, and he stops her after class so they can talk about it. They end up kissing. Maria has chosen this moment to confront Liz. She and Ken come upon them right after the kiss, while they’re standing really close together. Maria can tell there’s something going on between them, but Ken says he doesn’t see anything.

Jessica is having a great time at the party Friday night, but then, of course, Will and Melissa show up with Melissa’s bitchy friends. Cherie calls Jessica a slut and starts to make a scene. Will tells Melissa to make them stop or he’s leaving. Melissa doesn’t do anything, so Will takes off. Jessica has been a big hit all night with the Big Mesa kids, and they surround Melissa, Cherie and Gina and tell them to get lost. When Jeremy turns around, Jessica is gone. He searches the whole house but can’t find her. He goes outside and thinks he sees her, but just then his mother comes driving up. She says Jeremy’s father has had a heart attack.

The Cover: So this is Jeremy. He’s much cuter than either Conner or Will.

25 Comments

Shannon, February 24th 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #4: I’ve Got a Secret

The Big Deal: Football game, party at Andy’s

Synopsis:

Jessica has a meeting with Coach Laufeld, who tells her if someone hadn’t told her Jessica was sick, she’d have been really worried about her when she didn’t show up for the pep rally and probably would have kicked her off the squad. Jessica thinks the whole squad hates her, so she wonders who bailed her out. Jessica hasn’t spoken to Liz since the night before at the Riot, so Liz calls her mother and tells her she’ll pick Jessica up. After practice, Liz runs into Tia, who offers to hang around and explain herself to Jessica. Jessica doesn’t want to hear it at first, but Tia tells her Melissa and Cherie lied to her to make sure Jessica didn’t get to the pep rally. She hugs Jessica and tells the twins she wants to do something to get back at Melissa.

Tia goes up to Melissa the next day and yells at her in front of everyone. Melissa insists she didn’t do anything wrong and tries to cry on Will’s shoulder later about how mean Tia’s being, but Will says he overheard Melissa and Cherie planning to sabotage Jessica. He asks why she can’t stop being so mean to Jessica, but Melissa just starts sobbing and asks Will to take her home. Will starts thinking it might be time to break up.

Liz asks for Tia’s advice about Conner, but makes sure to keep it anonymous. She says she has a big crush on a guy who treats her like crap, and Tia says she should kiss him to find out if there are any sparks. While Liz sits there fantasizing and wondering if she would ever have the guts to do that, Tia hopes her advice helps Liz and Conner get together because of course she knows that’s who Liz is talking about.

At lunch one day, Maria insists on sitting with Conner and his friends so she can show him how over him she is. Conner says his guitar teacher is the lead guitarist in some band that’s opening for Silver Chair on Friday (I don’t know if that’s supposed to be Silverchair or some other made up band), and he’s given Conner free tickets and backstage passes. Liz says she wants to go, so Maria says she does, too. Liz can tell Maria is totally not over Conner. Liz is supposed to work Friday night, so she asks Jessica to cover for her. Jessica says that’s fine as long as Liz covers for her on Saturday afternoon.

Melissa and Will make plans to meet for dinner Thursday night, but Will doesn’t show. She calls his house, but his mom says he’s at his friend Josh’s. So Melissa calls over there and he blows her off, saying he forgot about dinner and now he’s promised the guys he’d play basketball with them. Melissa is furious, so she makes him hang out with her and her friends on Friday at House of Java, which pisses him off because it’s the night before the first football game of the year and he wants to be hanging out at Todd’s with the rest of the team. He finally realizes he can just get up and leave, so that’s what he does. Melissa is pissed.

There’s some guy named Jeremy Aames who goes to Big Mesa and works at House of Java with Elizabeth. His dad lost his job a year ago and Jeremy hasn’t told anyone because he wants everyone to think his family is perfect or something. Anyway, Liz has told him about Jessica covering for her so he can help her out Friday night, but she apparently didn’t tell Jessica she told him. Jessica keeps calling him Justin, and Jeremy keeps pretending he thinks she’s Liz. Lila and Amy walk in and Jessica turns pale and runs off to the bathroom. All in all, though, Jessica has a good night. It’s the first time she’s been out of the house in a while and Jeremy flirts with her. After work, Jessica admits she’s not Elizabeth, and Jeremy says he knew all along.

The concert sucks because Maria spends the whole night trying to make Conner jealous by flirting with his friend Evan, who spends the night trying to get Liz’s attention. Liz doesn’t notice Evan because she’s too busy noticing how sickening Maria is being and hoping Conner isn’t jealous of her flirting with Evan. She doesn’t get home until like three in the morning, and she calls Jessica to ask her to cover her morning shift at the coffeehouse. Jessica is more than happy to hang out with Jeremy again.

Liz gets a call from Andy the next day. He invites her over to hang out at the pool and says everyone will be there, including Maria and Conner. Liz can’t stand the thought of Maria and Conner being in the same place at the same time, so she dolls herself up with a bunch of makeup and puts on a skimpy bikini and goes to the party. Conner ignores her the whole time, but Evan and Andy try to get her to play volleyball. She says no, so they throw her in the pool. When she surfaces, Conner is laughing at her and Liz realizes her mascara has run. Maria takes her inside to fix her face.

Jessica goes to the high school Saturday afternoon for the football game and sees Jeremy in a Big Mesa football uniform. They talk for a minute, and then all the other cheerleaders show up and start whispering when they see her talking to a guy. Jessica runs away and the other cheerleaders go meet the coach, who has promised she’s going to announce who she’s assigning captain. She gives the title to Tia, and Melissa and her friends assume she and Jessica must have told the coach they lied to Jessica about the pep rally. Jessica, who decided to just skip the game, wanders over to Healthy, which is I guess the name of the place where she works. Her boss fires her for not showing up for her shift, the one Liz was supposed to cover.

Melissa’s in a bad mood because she got a message from Will asking her to meet him after the game because he wants to talk. When Melissa never comes outside after the game, Will goes back inside and finds her surrounded by her friends, crying. She tells him Tia and Jessica told on her so Tia would be named captain. Will starts to say that doesn’t make sense, but Melissa starts crying harder and saying Jessica’s trying to steal everything from her. Will knows that if Tia and Jessica tattled they would only be telling the truth, but he thinks it’s his fault that Melissa has become such a bitch and he decides he has to stay with her.

After washing her face, Liz gets in the Jeep to leave Andy’s party, and Conner jumps into the passenger seat. He asks Liz if Maria is okay since she’s been acting weird lately. Liz drops her keys between Conner’s seat and the center console, and they both reach for them at the same time. They kiss the biggest kiss of their lives, and then Conner says he has to go.

Quotes:

“Jessica, is everything okay?” Mrs. Wakefield asked… “You just seem a bit down lately.”

Alice Wakefield, as observant a parent as ever.

The Cover: Ew, horrible kissy face cover that looks like just about every teenage girl on Myspace.

23 Comments

Shannon, February 22nd 2010 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #3: So Cool

Synopsis:

Alice and Ned take the twins to First and Ten, a sports bar and grill where Maria works, to have dinner and catch up. Conner comes in to see Maria and Liz gets all antsy and weird when her parents insist on an introduction.

When Jessica and her parents get back to Fowler Crest after dinner, Jessica runs upstairs to find Lila. Even though they live in the same house, Jessica hasn’t seen Lila since Friday night when she chose to stay at Riot with Melissa instead of leave with Jessica. She asks Lila what the hell is going on, and Lila says she can’t believe Jessica would try to steal Melissa’s boyfriend and then rub her face in it. She’s apparently forgotten that Jessica didn’t do either of those things.

Jessica stays home from school on Monday because she just can’t face seeing anyone. This unfortunately means she’s going to miss the first cheerleading practice, which won’t look good since she and Melissa are both up for captain. Oh, well. At lunch, Melissa and her minions talk about Jessica and spread more gossip. Will can’t stand it. He really cares about Jessica (really?) and feels bad for her, but he doesn’t want to defend her and make Melissa angry. Wuss.

Liz goes to Fowler Crest after school to convince Jessica that giving up is just admitting defeat. She says Jessica needs to get her act together in time for the upcoming pep rally, where she can show everyone what she’s made of. But at cheerleading practice, Lila and Amy purposely drop her during a stunt. Jessica leaves practice, and Tia yells at Melissa, accusing her of putting Lila and Amy up to it. The next day, Jessica decides she just can’t stand the thought of going to practice, so she asks Tia to tell the coach she couldn’t make it. She goes to the parking lot to get in the Jeep and go home, and Will comes running up to her. He kind of tries to apologize, and Jessica gets pissed and almost runs him over. Anger is just what Jessica needed, and now she’s decided she’s not going to let Melissa walk all over her.

In an attempt to get over Conner, Liz goes through her diaries from last year and old notes from Todd to remind herself that she was really in love with Todd and the way she feels about Conner is just a passing phase. That doesn’t work because all the diary entries and notes are from times when she’d cheated on Todd or he was mad at her about something. She decides to go to Conner’s bedroom because she knows he’s a slob and his messy room will turn her off. It works at first, but then she sees his bookshelf, which is full of pretty leather-bound books. Desperate to get over the guy, Liz actually picks up a dirty t-shirt from the floor…and smells it. I’m so grossed out. But it doesn’t smell bad, it just smells like Conner, and now Liz is hopelessly in love with him.

Conner is getting annoyed with Maria already because he apparently can’t stay in a relationship for more than two days. She’s meek and timid and lets him decide everything, and he wishes she would stand up for herself and show some backbone. Meanwhile, Maria is falling in love with him. She calls him and wants to know where she stands, so Conner tells her he was just having a little fun and he’s not having fun anymore. Maria meets Liz at the coffeehouse and tells her the whole sad story, and even though Liz is overjoyed that Conner is now single, she’s really upset that he hurt Maria so badly. When she gets home, she yells at him for being such a jackass. Then she runs upstairs and slams her door. Conner is totally turned on.

The cheerleaders decide to meet at Melissa’s house and caravan to the pep rally, but the night before the rally, Melissa and Cherie plan to call everyone except Jessica to say they’re going to just meet at the gym. Will overhears their plans and leaves a note in Jessica’s locker telling her what’s really going on, but I guess he doesn’t know it’s Friday afternoon and she’s not going to be coming back to her locker before the rally. He’s real smart.

Conner has been taking guitar lessons for years, and his instructor has landed him a gig at House of Java, where Liz works. He’s all closemouthed about it, so Tia takes it upon herself to make sure everyone shows up to cheer him on. Friday night comes and the House of Java is packed. Conner plays like a rock star and impresses everyone, especially Liz when he plays the song he wrote about her. After his set, he breaks away from everyone congratulating him and offers to give Liz a ride home. When they get to the house, Conner leans over and Liz thinks he’s going to kiss her, but he just opens her door. She gets out and Conner is glad he stopped himself from kissing her because it just would have ended the same way it ended with Maria and he likes Liz too much to let that happen.

Saturday night rolls around and Jessica drives all the way out to Melissa’s house in El Carro to meet the cheerleading squad, who is, of course, at the gym already. Since Tia is the one who told her to go to Melissa’s, she now thinks Tia is just as bad as everyone else. Meanwhile, Tia is at the gym, totally disgusted that Melissa and Cherie would make Jessica miss the pep rally. Jessica gets to the gym just in time to see the squad run out onto the court. She goes outside to go back home, but Will sees her and follows her. Again, he apologizes, and again, Jessica tells him to leave her alone.

Liz goes to Fowler Crest after the rally to cheer Jessica up and invite her to hang out with her and her friends the next day. So Jessica goes to meet her at the Riot and gets totally upset when she sees her with Tia. She yells at Tia for trying to get her kicked off the squad and then at Liz for hanging out with the enemy.

The Cover: Is that supposed to be Conner? I’m so not impressed.

21 Comments

Shannon, February 19th 2010 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature

Sweet Valley High Senior Year #2: Say it to My Face

Synopsis:

The rumors Will and Melissa have been spreading about Jessica are getting out of hand. Half the school is laughing at her behind her back, and “Jessica is a slut” is written across blackboards throughout the school. Lila’s playing both sides. She knows the El Carro kids are going to end up being important so she wants to get on their good side to remain popular, but she does feel kind of bad about hanging out with the girl who’s making Jessica’s life miserable.

Liz and Conner still have big crushes on each other, but for some reason they both feel like they need to keep pretending they hate each other. It’s annoying. Liz starts getting cozy with Conner’s friends and she hangs out with them one night while Conner picks up his alcoholic mother from the country club where she’s making a scene.  Liz has been neglecting Maria and Enid while she hangs out with Andy, Tia and Tia’s boyfriend, Angel, and Maria is getting sick of it. Liz finally invites her to join them at Riot, some crappy club the El Carro kids go to, and Maria gets all emo when Liz doesn’t devote her undivided attention to her. Maria goes to the second floor to get something to drink, and she runs into Conner. They start talking and hit it off. When Maria meets Liz outside the club later, she’s all starry eyed over Conner. When she says she and Conner kissed, Liz feels like throwing up.

Liz tells Tia about Maria and Conner, and Tia says Conner kind of sucks at relationships. Instead of wiping her brow because she dodged a bullet or feeling bad for her friend, Liz hopes this means Conner and Maria will break up soon. The next day at school, Liz tells Maria what Tia said and tells her Conner doesn’t really care about her. Maria thinks Liz is being a bitch because she doesn’t like Conner.

Cheerleading tryouts are coming up and Melissa Fox wants to be captain of the squad. The day of the tryouts, all the hopefuls practice their moves in the courtyard at lunch. This is apparently some kind of tradition. Melissa and her friends make sure to practice near Jessica and try to intimidate her. During tryouts, Jessica does great on the cheering part, but when she starts to do the dance sequence, she finds Melissa has switched her tape with another, and she has to try to do the routine to some unfamiliar song she hasn’t practiced with. She does a horrible job, but the coach takes pity on her and lets her on the squad.

The new cheerleaders go to the Riot to celebrate. Jessica decides she should just go and apologize to Melissa, explain she didn’t know Will had a girlfriend. But when she gets there, Melissa just glares at her, and her friend, Cherie, calls Jessica a slut. Jessica says she’s leaving and asks Lila, Amy and Annie to come with her, but they just look down at the table. Jessica leaves by herself and runs into Todd in the parking lot. Happy to see a familiar face, Jessica asks Todd why everyone is being so mean to her. He asks her what she expected would happen when she slept with another girl’s boyfriend.

Liz gets home from her job at the coffeehouse one day and sees Conner and Maria making out on the couch. She calls Enid and asks if she can move in with her. Enid’s wearing camouflage shirts with peasant skirts these days and hanging out with some pale girl who carries a lunchbox, and she doesn’t sound all that jazzed about the idea of Liz staying with her. She says she’ll ask her mom, though. That night, Liz wakes up when Conner comes into her bedroom. He’s about to kiss her, but Liz realizes he’s drunk and snaps him out of it.  He goes back to his room, and the next day Liz tells Enid not to worry about it, she’ll just stay at the Sandborns’ house. Enid looks relieved.

There’s some stuff I don’t care about going on with Tia and her boyfriend, Angel. He’s leaving for Stanford in January, so Tia’s feeling sad. She decides to break up with him because she just won’t be able to handle the heartache of seeing him leave. But then she makes the cheerleading squad and Angel comes over to take her out to celebrate and Tia realizes she can’t just dump him because he’s the sweetest guy ever.

Mr. Collins is the Oracle’s adviser again. I guess he just missed the first day of school or something.

Quotes:

“I had the best night. Ileana and I went over to Judith’s house and had a Xena marathon. Judith has, like, every episode on tape. Then we went on-line and hung out in this chat room with these really cute guys. I mean, they sounded like really cute guys.” Enid giggled.

It seems the ghostwriters have given up and are just going to let Enid embrace her inner nerd.

The Cover: I’m guessing crooked-head-girl must be Melissa. She just looks like a bitch. And if that’s Will back there, I’m totally not getting the appeal. These covers suck.

29 Comments

Shannon, February 17th 2010 | Tags: ,
Posted in 2. 12th Grade Literature
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